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  1. #1
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Default The knack for sabotaging life

    I just watched that Dr.House episode. I really dont like Dr.House because everytime I watch too much episodes, I start imitating him.

    In the episode he called his best friends girlfriend to pick him up at a bar, because he was so drunk that the barkeeper got his keys to the motorcycle away from him. The woman shows up and he makes her drunk, too. So in the end they both have to take the bus.

    Then the bus is part of a bad traffic crash, as a result of his best friends girlfriend dies.

    ----

    Well that was a story from a fictional movie.

    I was out one evening in the past with a group of friends, things were pretty nicely, we were talking and had some drinks. There were two new girls awell, we got to know and came into a discussion with.

    Then it happened, sometime in the evening. I interpreted something, saw something that was actual not tangible. Anyone did something that made a series of interpretation going on in my head. The best description for it is "mood swing".

    I did not recognize it, those things come not to the concious mind. Firstly they happen, later I realize why.

    I spoiled the whole evening, started to pick on people, behaving out of the ordinary and I've gotten heavily drunk. The list goes on, I caried my crusade onto any people I was about to meet this evening. This was not anger or rage or bold emotion, this was a change of heart, a change of mind.

    Imagine you have that nice, likely guy, who is a bit shy and loves to talk about science, suddenly turn into a confronting sports guy, who talks about his life with open arms and therefore changes from shy and reserved to open-armed and a good host. Then in an blink of an eye that guy changes again and born is the handsome literative speaker, who seems to have read all the worlds poetry and can talk it out of his heart. And then the thing collapses again and you meet a volantile and depressed egomaniac, who bears the weight of the world on his shoulders.

    ---

    I have come to know one good thing about house, he is a constant asshole. His list about people he owns an apology to, is probably as long as mine. While my list is less about people, I have insulted, but people who needed to take care of my "switchiness".

    What to do about this ? I tried consulting sessions but they didnt help. I have the fear that someday I am about to do something really bad for the people around me. What happens to me is irrelevant but I do not want to take someone innocent down.
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  2. #2
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    I have to add, this is no threatening medical condition or cry for professional help. I only hurt myself with those things, I sabotage my own life and my relationships.

    I just want to find the root of this illness. To better get the projections of Extroverted Intuition under my grip. Maybe someone has similiar experiences
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  3. #3
    Senior Member Kora's Avatar
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    I could write books about mood switchings. It's not nice, and I'd really like to help you but I haven't found the solution yet... I'd suggest you fluoxetyne (somehow it helps me, specially with the deppressive moods), but since you drink it could be dangerous.
    I'll look forward to read more. Good luck, anyway.
    5w4 - Idiosyncratic/Leisurely/Dramatic
    It's the devil's way now.

  4. #4
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    switchiness
    I looked this up especially for you:

    "The Lord Byron I find there [in Thomas Moore's edition of his Letters and Journals] is our Lord Byron - the fascinating - faulty - childish - philosophical being - daring the world - docile to a private circle - impetuous and indolent - gloomy and yet more happy than any other... I become reconciled, as I used to in his lifetime, to those waywardnesses which annoyed me when he was away, through the delightful and buoyant tone of his conversation and manners." - Mary Shelley


    I have frequent surges of emotion going in several different directions at once. It's something I've learned to contain or if I can't, direct away from others if I can help myself. Sometimes I can't, and I become very abrasive.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
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    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  5. #5
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    I recently found out about that Eneagram 5w4 thing. I always thought "switchiness" or waywardness to be a crucial illness to Ne-ness, but and you said something important here, Ne-ness is merely the initiator, what makes it run are Emotions.

    I am no aggressive guy, I always get depressed. If you think about that goddamn 4 in the Eneagram that is compelled to have deep emotions, within one special circle of a personalized fantasy world, combined with the 5, who reacts Avoiding and generally surpresses its feeling that's a hazardous combination. Ne on top, is the fuel for the bomb.

    There is something like a constant drummer within your belly, who never hits a single tone. When I was younger this was worse. I nowadays probably would be an emo kid. Or no I wont, I was gothic, I had style .

    But that drummin machine in your belly is no threat or something that makes you go off, due to the simplest things.

    It is something that makes you never feel right with a situation. It brings you to the point that you constantly seek for weak spots or mistakes within your wordly system.

    It is nothing that makes me dumb things that work or sabotage relationships. My feelings are to low developed and therefore true when they emerge. I would end a relationship only, when the love is gone. But that is healthy.

    --

    I do not believe really in all that MBTI and Eneagram BS. But while digging deeper into it, it really gives one ideas to set your mind in new directions you have never been to before. And sometimes you meet those persons, who give you the idea, you never thought about (5w4 rofl, I always thought to be a cool 8w7 )

    ---

    @Pink , Thanks for the lovely quote. May I use it as a forum signature ?
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    I am no aggressive guy, I always get depressed. If you think about that goddamn 4 in the Eneagram that is compelled to have deep emotions, within one special circle of a personalized fantasy world, combined with the 5, who reacts Avoiding and generally surpresses its feeling that's a hazardous combination. Ne on top, is the fuel for the bomb.
    Interesting. It is "the bomb," I'll give you that much. *Ti-Ne; 5w4 sx*

  7. #7
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Flak View Post
    Interesting. It is "the bomb," I'll give you that much. *Ti-Ne; 5w4 sx*
    haha, wait for it in the end we find out you are entp and I am intp
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  8. #8
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Stating the obvious here. They don't call ETOH a mood-altering chemical for no reason.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  9. #9
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    LOL. Next person calls me ENTP is getting shit-listed for life.

  10. #10
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anja View Post
    Stating the obvious here. They don't call ETOH a mood-altering chemical for no reason.
    You didnt get it, if it just were a mood thing, I really had the explanation by now.

    When drunk, I am more likely to give up control that is normal.

    But on a longer period of life, there is a constant change in progress. It is not as one could say anything for sure about me.

    When I meet old friends from the past, I alienate some of them. I have been through, I estimate, 4 great changes of personality within my life by now.

    And with great I mean great.

    For Example: when I was young, I absorbed medical books. It all started with a comic series that explained internal medicine detailed in a form for kids. It went on with three huge professional books about internal medicine that were way out of my league by this days. I still know how an immune response works. When there are firstly B-lymphocytes that remember of past infections and then activate T-Killer-lymphocyte or Antigenes according to the infection.
    Everyone in my family was convinced I became a doctor, I learned a lot this time and started to make simple diagnosis within my family, which sometimes beared validity according to professional doctors. I still have a buddy relationship with my house doctor, from past times.

    When I was in puberty I was somewhat not in the world. I choosed german and english literature in school. And I graduated in those. I also choosed biology and religion, keeping in my mind that doctor thing, but I really wasnt into it anymore. I read alot of good books by this time. My favourites are still Franz Kafka and Hermann Hesse, german writers, who were a bit off. That probably initiated my third phase.

    After school I went for like 2 years on a professional drug abuser + dealer career. I never did anything except pot. We tried mushrooms once and it was great but I am nowadays to afraid of loosing my mind to repeat it. I made no money by this time, it was all on a personal friendship base. But I got deeply involved in the business and before it was too late I pulled the strick. I needed the first 2 semester of my university career to recover from that time. Mentally and souly aswell.

    I choosed to become an engineer in university. I needed like 4 semester to brush up on anything I missed in mathematics and physics and my knowledge is highly fragmented still, but I am getting there. I got deep into it and I love the profession, I can spent hours at my work bench nowadays developing all sorts of mechanical and electrical gadgets. When I was younger, there was a time I experimented with electrical equipment and really dug deep into the matter. So I had a little bit of experience. I eventually ended it back then, because I electrocuted myself .

    I finally choosed to become an engineer, because physics was the only thing I really could claim as a constant interest in all my life. So I thought this one to be the logical decision.

    ---

    You see, this waywardness is a thing that is emphazised by alcohol that is true. You can experience that sometimes first hand in the forums, when I am post when I drunk . I pay no proud in that.

    But it is not the only issue. The problem waywardness is a issue I had all my life
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

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