I just watched that Dr.House episode. I really dont like Dr.House because everytime I watch too much episodes, I start imitating him.
In the episode he called his best friends girlfriend to pick him up at a bar, because he was so drunk that the barkeeper got his keys to the motorcycle away from him. The woman shows up and he makes her drunk, too. So in the end they both have to take the bus.
Then the bus is part of a bad traffic crash, as a result of his best friends girlfriend dies.
Well that was a story from a fictional movie.
I was out one evening in the past with a group of friends, things were pretty nicely, we were talking and had some drinks. There were two new girls awell, we got to know and came into a discussion with.
Then it happened, sometime in the evening. I interpreted something, saw something that was actual not tangible. Anyone did something that made a series of interpretation going on in my head. The best description for it is "mood swing".
I did not recognize it, those things come not to the concious mind. Firstly they happen, later I realize why.
I spoiled the whole evening, started to pick on people, behaving out of the ordinary and I've gotten heavily drunk. The list goes on, I caried my crusade onto any people I was about to meet this evening. This was not anger or rage or bold emotion, this was a change of heart, a change of mind.
Imagine you have that nice, likely guy, who is a bit shy and loves to talk about science, suddenly turn into a confronting sports guy, who talks about his life with open arms and therefore changes from shy and reserved to open-armed and a good host. Then in an blink of an eye that guy changes again and born is the handsome literative speaker, who seems to have read all the worlds poetry and can talk it out of his heart. And then the thing collapses again and you meet a volantile and depressed egomaniac, who bears the weight of the world on his shoulders.
I have come to know one good thing about house, he is a constant asshole. His list about people he owns an apology to, is probably as long as mine. While my list is less about people, I have insulted, but people who needed to take care of my "switchiness".
What to do about this ? I tried consulting sessions but they didnt help. I have the fear that someday I am about to do something really bad for the people around me. What happens to me is irrelevant but I do not want to take someone innocent down.