"How dreadful!" cried Lord Henry. "I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect." ~ Oscar Wilde - The picture of Dorian Gray
I feel for you.
I'm a 4w5 and I used to sabotage all my relationships when I was younger.
My self esteem was terribly low, and I was afraid that people were going to reject me.
In order to be in control of the rejection, I sabotaged myself.
I knew I was doing it at the time, and I couldn't stop myself.
It gradually went away as I matured, and also as I healed from some of the childhood pain that caused the fear of rejection.
I've had a tentative theory for a while that one possible motive for the 'Joker' type of character being the way they are, perhaps ENTP as the archetypal shit-stirrer, could be that there aren't many outlets really in life for Ne primaries to really feel useful and fulfilled longterm.
What I mean is that the question an employer or careers advisor asks is "what can you do?" And the Ne primary's response is "whatever you give me to do". That's just not good enough, that's not what they want - they want you to tell them what you want to do, and they help you find a way to do it in a way that's mutually beneficial to you both. ENxP can't do this... it's stifling and whichever of your skills and abilities you're using in any one life situation, you're conscious that you've many others, real and potential, that are being neglected and not given expression.
This goes for both work and interpersonal situations... however happy and accepted you feel in any group of friends, you're conscious that you could get along just as well with another group of totally different people with a whole different vibe, interests, activities and stuff... lots of ENxP's have different groups or scenes that they hang out in, and it can become a balancing act and one can become overextended in keeping up with them all.
What we do best is handle chaos and newness; adapt and thrive. In order to do which, we need constant new challenges and changes of scene, because most things become old and easy in a fairly short space of time.
So it's kinda inevitable, according to my theory, that, if not given any opportunity to do this in a constructive milieu, we tend to go around kicking over tables randomly... to create the chaos we need in order to be useful...
ENTPs value their ability to use imagination and innovation to deal with problems. Trusting in their ingenuity to get them out of trouble, they often neglect to prepare sufficiently for any given situation. This characteristic, combined with their tendency to underestimate the time needed to complete a project, may cause the ENTP to become over-extended, and to work frequently beyond expected time limits. Complicating this situation is their predisposition to experiment with new solutions. This makes them eager to move on to the next challenge when things get boring. ENTPs become stressed when their improvisational abilities are ineffective and they will avoid circumstances where they might fail.
If stress continues, ENTPs become distracted and their "can do" attitude is threatened. Feelings of incompetence, ineptness, and inadequacy take over. They need to escape situations that are associated with anxiety is more prominent for the ENTP than for any other personality type. Doubtful of whether they will have what it takes to accomplish a task, they displace their fears onto situations they can elude. Panic, fear, and anxiety then block the expression of their creativity. Defensive phobic reactions cause the ENTP to circumvent achievement in other areas and prevent the success they strive on.
If you bear in mind that the work-focused vocabulary, especially in the first paragraph, can be replaced with interpersonal vocabulary to make the same point...
Actually the way I've begun to conquer this is to realise that in fact, staying put produces as many challenges and new situations as changing scene...
Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!
"When it all comes down to dust
I will kill you if I must
I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen
Until my 30's I felt very much similar to you. I was convinced that I was doomed to go in cycles of success followed by a dismantling of it. Seemed like say every four years. Figured I just had very bad luck and timing. Sabotaging personal relationships, police run ins, alienating my parents, interwoven with wonderful achievements and wonderful friendships.
While I think that this trend will always have a minor role in my life. I recently had a two very interesting changes in my life. I thought hard about my approach on life, and went down a path of trying to change first how I see myself. I realized I hate the thought of failure, and rejection. I realized that they had too much control over my life for my liking, and set out to correct it. It became a odd hobby to be honest, It was something so difficult it was right up my alley lol. There had to be a way to fix this problem I thought. It was a great but hard experience, I would put myself in positions I absolutely hated, and realized failure and rejection still arent my cup of tea, but in all honesty its out there, and the fear of it, limits what I actually look to achieve and the fear of it goes against logic, which most likely is why I feared it to begin with. Its odd, now that im over that I can use my intuition and thinking to easily identify and communicate with my new ISFJ partner without feeling, well stupid? So after that point I decided non-suprisingly to pack up from home with what fit in a truck and move to virginia. I stayed at a weekly and was very by myself, away from my kids and friends and people that would normally bail me out. I soon thought that I would run out of money and have to come home with nothing. Eventually I found a job, had to get organized, task myself to lists and found myself I suppose growing. My partner called and asked if she could come stay. In short things are well again, and I have a position that I am very happy. My kids stay with me, and my partner is wonderful to them. I am back in college, and enjoying odd things, volunteering at work, budgeting, reading and lotsa of little things. When I do get depressed its very obvious what and why and think its normal, and immediately seek out stimulation, either go play hold em somewhere with some new people, daydream about a car I would like to work on and the possibilities, or even go to the bookstore, or something of that nature. Over time things will pan out, It took me a long time in life to feel in place with things so to speak, but once worked out, is a great state of mind to be in with work. Also alot of good statements and such on life in here as well. Anyways, sorry if I rambled or ran on, at work.
This is a tough one. I think we ENTP's get so much from the external world of people and ideas that we depend on it. I think it helps to #1 slow down #2 Try to not think in such absolute terms #3 Work on regaining your confidence. Not a compensatory shallow confidence but a confidence that comes from sorting things out. Stay connected with people. When you start to feel bad, try working those empathy muscles for others. It can help maintain perspective.