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  1. #1
    Junior Member helbert's Avatar
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    Default Anyone an INTJ parent or have an INTJ parent (particularly INTJ mothers)?

    As a female INTJ being an eventual parent terrifies me. I'm only 20 and am not planning on settling down anytime soon, but I think about the future a lot and wonder about people's experiences with INTJ parents. I'm not even sure if I want kids, I'll probably only want one and only for the purpose of seeing if I can create an awesome child or just leaving my DNA behind on Earth.

    My grandpa is an INTJ and from what I've heard about my mom's upbringing, he was notorious for being absolutely terrifying. No warmth or affection, impossible to get to know, had a wrath that no one dared incur. It's actually quite amusing imagining him and my ENFP dad interacting when him and my mom were dating - my dad was a telecommunications major and wrote a script for a class about my grandpa trying to kill him and him being completely naive about it.

    Anyway, being pregnant with a human growing inside of me completely disgusts me in the first place, but imagining having a small child that can't be reasoned with or a teenager that is a moody punk just makes me scared for my parenting capabilities. Wondering if anyone can share their experiences with INTJ parents.
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  2. #2
    Awake Starry's Avatar
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    My Dad can be a total bastard...sure. But I would choose him a million times over and above an affectionate, high EQ, not inclined to suddenly become paranoid in an insane seeming way...not-a-bastard-of-a-father any day.
    Walk first through the fire.


    *Currently participating in the "No Likes" experiment.

  3. #3
    Bummer geedoenfj's Avatar
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    Default Anyone an INTJ parent or have an INTJ parent (particularly INTJ mothers)?

    I am a daughter of unhealthy INTJ 1w9 mother but I must say it depends.
    For me, there's a huge lack of love and warmth and understanding from her side that has been so painful that I sometimes wish that she never gave birth to me, I never felt that she's my mom, inside my head she's "This person" that I try to make my interaction with them as much trouble-free as possible, and growing up I was the most underrated daughter because I am stiff and cannot be convinced with whatever is thrown at me.. She said many offensive things to me, she even tells me all the time that she wish she never got married and have kids, and she wanted abortion when she was pregnant with me and stuff like that..

    On the other hand, I know an INTJ 5w4 who have very nice relationship with her children and her grandchildren, she's very intellectual with so heavy Ni Te, but when she talks about her relationship with them and how open and understanding she is of them, gosh she's someone else! and I would definitely wish I had a mother like that..
    Work for a cause not for Applause
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  4. #4
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    I am a mother and INTJ and any of my kids will tell you that they never suffered from a lack of affection or love from me. I did work to make them sufficient people but I took the time to teach - not just expect my kids to figure it out or learn via osmosis which I see in a shocking number of parents. I tried to look objectively at who my kids were as individuals and go from there. Having an ENFJ dad helped but he is the stricter parent. I don't mean that he is terrifying or authoritarian, he's very kind. We parent differently, nothing wrong with that. But we agree in most places, have standards for our kids and make sure they know we have their backs too. Raising kids takes serious teamwork and if the parents aren't committed to that, it's going to be a problem so if you're unsure about having them, err on that side instead of making a mistake of that magnitude.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  5. #5
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by helbert View Post
    As a female INTJ being an eventual parent terrifies me. I'm only 20 and am not planning on settling down anytime soon, but I think about the future a lot and wonder about people's experiences with INTJ parents. I'm not even sure if I want kids, I'll probably only want one and only for the purpose of seeing if I can create an awesome child or just leaving my DNA behind on Earth. ...

    Anyway, being pregnant with a human growing inside of me completely disgusts me in the first place, but imagining having a small child that can't be reasoned with or a teenager that is a moody punk just makes me scared for my parenting capabilities. Wondering if anyone can share their experiences with INTJ parents.
    I am an INTJ mom, so let me offer you some encouragement.
    I used to hate kids when I was your age. I used to tell people that I was NEVER having kids.
    But I found the man of my dreams and we got married and I started warming up to the idea.

    I was afraid too. I was afraid I would be vicious and mean, that I wouldn't be able to control myself.
    At the age of 27, I had my first child. I ended up having 3 kids, 1 daughter and 2 sons. The youngest is 23.
    They actually love me, thank me for being there for them and we get along great.

    I happen to think that INTJ moms who learn to respect other people's boundaries make great moms.
    To tell you the truth, it was motherhood that drove me to MBTI!
    I realized I didn't understand my 3 year old ISTP son and I needed help badly!
    I think an INTJ mom will really work hard at being a great mom once she is a mom... because INTJs like to be competent at what they do.
    I admit I still don't like other people's kids all that much, but I liked my own kids, and that's all they needed.

    I have read that INTJ moms respect their children and encourage them to become their authentic self instead of trying them mold them into their own image.
    I will admit I'm not a typical INTJ.
    I have worked through a lot of my issues and am socially healthier than most profiles make us sound.
    I DID that FOR my children.
    I wanted them to have a healthy mom.
    I didn't want them to be stunted like I was.

    I used to think having children would ruin my life when in fact, they made my life worth living.
    I raised 3 children to become functioning members of society who are helpful and kind.
    It was exhausting at times, but I'm proud of what I've done.

    I think INTJ moms make great moms because they encourage their kids to become who they were meant to be and they respect them for who they are.
    If you become a mom, I think you'll do great!

    THIS sounds real familiar:
    Being an INTJ Mother | Amanda Evans
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  6. #6
    Mind Wanderer Zeego's Avatar
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    My dad is IxTJ, not sure whether S or N. He used to seem more ISTJ and 1w9, but now he seems more INTJ and 5w6. Might have something to do with resolving his mid-life crisis, I'm not sure. In any case, while he can sometimes have a "tough love" approach, he's never excessively mean or anything.
    We will meet again in Etruria.

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  7. #7
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
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    My father (self-declared INTJ) was

    1. More a family man than I will ever be
    2. Devoted to the few friends he had.
    3. Honor that would not be trifled with for anyone
    4. Self-employed
    5. A Christian
    6. Had a huge sense of duty.
    7. Graduated High School Early
    8. Good with Math and Philosophy
    I N V I C T U S

  8. #8
    Nerd King Usurper Edgar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by helbert View Post
    My grandpa is an INTJ and from what I've heard about my mom's upbringing, he was notorious for being absolutely terrifying. No warmth or affection, impossible to get to know, had a wrath that no one dared incur.
    That doesn't sound like INTJ parenting, that just sounds like shit parenting.

  9. #9
    Awake Starry's Avatar
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    @Edgar

    Which Father's Day card catches your eye the most/do you think is the most appealing/do you find yourself most drawn to?














    Walk first through the fire.


    *Currently participating in the "No Likes" experiment.

  10. #10
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    As parents, INTJ people will be stern and not overly affectionate with their children. Although they may love their children deeply, they may not express this in an overtly obvious way. The INTJ’s devotion may show in the strength and grit with which they protect their kids or the sacrifices they make to ensure their security and best interests. They will try to instill the values they prize most such as self-determination, and self-reliance and will encourage children to think critically and not simply take what they are told at face value. INTJs will likely allow their children ample room to grow and discover on their own because this is the primary way by which INTJs grow and learn.

    INTJs may not make the most emotionally available parents and might fall short in their ability to provide for the emotional needs of most children. They want their children to be effective individuals who can deal with whatever life throws at them. For this reason they may be reluctant to coddle or shelter them from going through tough experiences that can serve as an important point of growth in the development of their character.
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