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[ENTP] Any ENTPs with traumatic childhoods?

AGameOfChance

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Apr 6, 2017
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My dad passed away at an early age and my mother never socialized my brother and I with other kids during our formative years, which made school a less than pleasant experience. Amongst a few other psychologically scarring aspects she was also neglectful and abused drugs which resulted in us going into the foster care system. My brother, being disabled, had to be in a different home that specialized in taking care of disabled children.

As an adult I've managed to work through a lot of my issues, but one thing just can't seem to shake is an inferiority complex that acts like a cognitive brick wall between me and the pursuit of my goals and interacting with others, the latter of which really sucks because I enjoy the company of others and don't consider myself a natural introvert. An interesting tidbit on this is that I've learned to be far more relaxed, gregarious and assertive at work (though this is a work in progress), and I'm well-liked by my coworkers, but work seems like the only safe environment where I can be that way and I can't seem to bring myself to relax and have fun anywhere else, it's as if I'm "not allowed," even though I know rationally how ridiculous that is.

As much of a role as my mother, being separated from my brother and the foster care system played in my psyche, I think my main issue had to do with school. During my first few years of elementary school I was extremely loud and hyperactive and got sent to detention a lot, less so for actual bad behavior and more so for being intolerable and annoying the shit out of everybody, and nobody liked my pranks or jokes. I also had some pretty bad anger issues since I really wanted to be everyone's friend, but every time I reached out I got a proverbial slap in the face from the other kids, so pretty soon I started lashing out. However, that only drove people away even more. I think this wore down my confidence over time since by fifth grade I'd become extremely quiet and never talked to anybody, and I've basically been that way ever since. I can count the number of true friends I've had on one hand, and I've had one SO, and our relationship was actually absolutely wonderful, but both of us were complete basketcases and the relationship in hindsight showed signs of codependency.

Have any other ENTPs had a similar life situation, and have you found a way to rise above it? I want to become the best version of myself that I possibly can, but I always end up back in the same spot whenever I try to make a change.

Sorry about this post being a run-on word salad clusterfuck, I'll reword it later.
 

Lord Lavender

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Hmmm not traumatic as such but I did have some tough times in my childhood with my peers not accepting me that much due to me being different in that I wasnt much of a athletic type and didn't like sports preferring to read and study various topics. Hmmm I had a pretty good childhood overall but I had issues in school as people saw me as a door mat and used me for things (God damn you 9w1 fix :D). To this day I am still kinda timid with confrontation and get very scared around alpha male types but other wise im a very charming and confident person.
 

Luigi

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Yeah, I've been through a lot of very difficult times with my family, schools, and churches. Please don't ask me to talk about it, because I've been running from that pain and I've been doing a pretty good job at staying happy by avoiding the pain. Still, I want you to know that I have indeed had some terrible experiences in my life.
 

Metis

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Have any other ENTPs had a similar life situation, and have you found a way to rise above it? I want to become the best version of myself that I possibly can, but I always end up back in the same spot whenever I try to make a change.

I've found some good results by returning to the scene of the crime voluntarily, rather than by force. It can give a different perspective when you're in control of the situation. Or not necessarily in control, but with more freedom of choice. For example, it might be useful to you to become a Big Brother to a foster kid, or to spend a year working in some kind of anti-substance abuse program with Social Services or something like that. If you think that would be re-traumatizing for you, don't force yourself to do it. But if something in your past relates to something that rings a bell with you to do in the near future, you could look into it. It can give you a different perspective just to be in a totally different role with regard to the issue, because you're not in a victim role this time; you're in a role that gives you responsibilities and the ability to act on behalf of yourself and others. It can help rewrite the situation mentally by changing your relationship to the thing (foster care / substance abuse / etc.). That's really the only thing that has been useful to me, because I'm not a runner; if the devil stalks me, I want to wrestle him.

To this day I am still kinda timid with confrontation and get very scared around alpha male types

:mrtoothy: ROARRR!!!!
 

entropie

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When does it qualify as traumatic?
 

Metis

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When does it qualify as traumatic?

That's an interestingly-worded question. If you're haunted by an event or events from the past that still cause you depression, anxiety, anger issues, including impotent rage that you mainly keep to yourself and eats you up inside, or a sense of helplessness or futility, then that's what I understand as having been traumatized. Especially if that eats up even more of your life after the situation itself is over.

Jordan Peterson has pretty good ways of explaining post-traumatic stress.

In another sense, though, you can experience acute traumas, including physical traumas like a concussion, or like stubbing your toe, and they don't necessarily lead to long-term physical or emotional trauma.
 

entropie

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That's an interestingly-worded question. If you're haunted by an event or events from the past that still cause you depression, anxiety, anger issues, including impotent rage that you mainly keep to yourself and eats you up inside, or a sense of helplessness or futility, then that's what I understand as having been traumatized. Especially if that eats up even more of your life after the situation itself is over.

Jordan Peterson has pretty good ways of explaining post-traumatic stress.

In another sense, though, you can experience acute traumas, including physical traumas like a concussion, or like stubbing your toe, and they don't necessarily lead to long-term physical or emotional trauma.

So if my childhood was only traumatic for others, I am good.
Ok thats good to know :)
 

Agent Washington

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how old are you?? just do ur best, traumatic childhood is more common than u think.
 

SigmaEnigma

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Well I'm almost 19 now, and while I don't see my childhood as particularly tragic or traumatizing, it was pretty rough and I was alone most of the time. I didn't have any solid friends until High School, and got bullied quite a lot causing me to become a bit more quiet than my natural personality would entail. Even to this day I don't have a great number of true friends, and a good number of people simply don't care for me or make fun of me. (This is likely why I relate strongly to some parts of enneagram 4). As for family situation, I was lower middle class and my and my mom (ESFJ 3) kind of bullied my dad (ISTP 9) around a lot (still kinda does), but I got on ok with them even though they weren't the most supportive. A good amount of family (Grandparents, Aunts/Uncles) has died in my lifetime as well, but I was never that close to any of them, so I was never one to get as upset about death as I feel I probably should have. I know it sounds terrible, but I kind of just had an "at least it wasn't me" philosophy about the whole thing. As for relationships, I've only really had one and it was kind of distant, I think it was more just to have it under my wing than anything else.
 

StrawberryBoots

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My dad passed away at an early age and my mother never socialized my brother and I with other kids during our formative years, which made school a less than pleasant experience. Amongst a few other psychologically scarring aspects she was also neglectful and abused drugs which resulted in us going into the foster care system. My brother, being disabled, had to be in a different home that specialized in taking care of disabled children.

As an adult I've managed to work through a lot of my issues, but one thing just can't seem to shake is an inferiority complex that acts like a cognitive brick wall between me and the pursuit of my goals and interacting with others, the latter of which really sucks because I enjoy the company of others and don't consider myself a natural introvert. An interesting tidbit on this is that I've learned to be far more relaxed, gregarious and assertive at work (though this is a work in progress), and I'm well-liked by my coworkers, but work seems like the only safe environment where I can be that way and I can't seem to bring myself to relax and have fun anywhere else, it's as if I'm "not allowed," even though I know rationally how ridiculous that is.

As much of a role as my mother, being separated from my brother and the foster care system played in my psyche, I think my main issue had to do with school. During my first few years of elementary school I was extremely loud and hyperactive and got sent to detention a lot, less so for actual bad behavior and more so for being intolerable and annoying the shit out of everybody, and nobody liked my pranks or jokes. I also had some pretty bad anger issues since I really wanted to be everyone's friend, but every time I reached out I got a proverbial slap in the face from the other kids, so pretty soon I started lashing out. However, that only drove people away even more. I think this wore down my confidence over time since by fifth grade I'd become extremely quiet and never talked to anybody, and I've basically been that way ever since. I can count the number of true friends I've had on one hand, and I've had one SO, and our relationship was actually absolutely wonderful, but both of us were complete basketcases and the relationship in hindsight showed signs of codependency.

Have any other ENTPs had a similar life situation, and have you found a way to rise above it? I want to become the best version of myself that I possibly can, but I always end up back in the same spot whenever I try to make a change.

Sorry about this post being a run-on word salad clusterfuck, I'll reword it later.

It seems like you're preoccupied too much on your past, which isn't propelling you forward. You can't take action in the past, so why keep going back there? All you're doing is burning tons of emotional energy without getting any returns on your investment.

Find your internal focus of control, and start thinking more present-minded about things that are within your control. Refuse to go backwards. This is mind over matter without excuses.

It might help you to write positive affirmations down on 3x5s, and tape them to your bathroom mirror. Repeat them out loud.
 

JuubiPower

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Sep 27, 2018
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After reading all of it my fellow ENTP's I believe I got a strong shocker story but you will very likely not believe it. Note on that tomorrow. Sleeping nie. Cya :D
 

pmg_entp

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As an ENTP, I always felt misunderstood from adolescent to early adulthood. I learned to let it go and understand that my dramatic/extroverted delivery conflicts with my tendency to close off emotionally. Don't beat yourself up over your elementary years, it's not your fault and you shouldn't hold on to a guilt related to your natural personality. Your parents were your parents and that is what you need to focus on overcoming. You can't change them, but you can change your perception of them.

My best advice? When in doubt, laugh at the absurdity of life. I always joke that my SO and I are "codependent relationship goals". Everyone has faults, you might as well embrace yours. All we can do is try to be the best version of ourselves, but that will never mean a perfect version of ourselves. Such is life.
 
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