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[INTJ] INTJ Stress and Manipulation

skippingstone

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If you were stressed at your job and a particular co-worker was causing quite a bit of that stress by basically being lazy, inefficient and unreliable - would you talk to that co-worker about it? Probably not, or perhaps in a passive aggressive way - but knowing that any conversation would not change that co-worker's work habits, it would be pointless. If your spouse were somehow associated with that co-worker, would you expect your spouse to show loyalty to you somehow - such as expecting them to not associate with co worker anymore?
 

Mole

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If you were stressed at your job and a particular co-worker was causing quite a bit of that stress by basically being lazy, inefficient and unreliable - would you talk to that co-worker about it? Probably not, or perhaps in a passive aggressive way - but knowing that any conversation would not change that co-worker's work habits, it would be pointless. If your spouse were somehow associated with that co-worker, would you expect your spouse to show loyalty to you somehow - such as expecting them to not associate with co worker anymore?

Getting your spouse to show loyalty to you somehow, such as expecting them to not associate with the co-worker anymore, is a big ask.
 

1487610420

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It's tricky. It would seem external issues, would be clear and exempt from personal bias, but different people will often assess things differently, and as such the clarity fades. Issues within are...issues within, and expecting SO loyalty can be tricky and/or unfair, in particular if it would be a form of enabling/coddling.

OTOH, there is such a thing as shared values, so having your SO be that far off from your pov would likely be undesirable/potentially problematic.
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
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It's kind of difficult to respond when the situation described is so vague.

If someone is a problem for my SO, I automatically withdraw from that person. If the conflict is of a personal nature, then for me to be chummy with the problem person is equivalent to dismissing the problem they are causing. It feels like saying, "oh, yeah, my SO is just crazy and has no right to their feelings, so we can go on like before. It doesn't matter what you do to him. I still like you." If someone is a source of trouble to someone I love, then I really don't have much use for them unless the person I love actually is off base about it and actually being unfair, but even then I don't think I'd have a social point to make by remaining chummy friends. I save all my loyalty for a very few people, the rest I can drop without much provocation, so this might be harder for more traditionally social types of people.
 

five sounds

MyPeeSmellsLikeCoffee247
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If it's the nature of the coworker that's causing you stress, rather than any malicious actions, I would probably ask him to do things he wasn't doing, kinda hold him accountable in a professional friendly way. If that keeps not working, usually more people around you will see that they're dropping the ball and hopefully a superior will do something about it or you'll at least have the support of your team. - Assuming your work environment is similar to that model.

Again if the person isn't being malicious, I think asking your wife to side with you is unfair. I do think commiseration and validation of your experience would be nice from her though.

If they're actually fucking with you then I'd feel it out with other co-workers and if others notice the pattern, report it. Also, in this case I think your wife might be more inclined to "side with you".
 

ChocolateMoose123

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If you were stressed at your job and a particular co-worker was causing quite a bit of that stress by basically being lazy, inefficient and unreliable - would you talk to that co-worker about it? Probably not, or perhaps in a passive aggressive way - but knowing that any conversation would not change that co-worker's work habits, it would be pointless. If your spouse were somehow associated with that co-worker, would you expect your spouse to show loyalty to you somehow - such as expecting them to not associate with co worker anymore?

I don't know where INTJ comes in or what job this is.

I wouldn't expect my SO to not associate with the person anymore. I don't think it's fair to ask as it is your, or whoever it is in this scenario, issue with the co-worker. It needs to be handled via you/them.
 

anticlimatic

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INTP
If you were stressed at your job and a particular co-worker was causing quite a bit of that stress by basically being lazy, inefficient and unreliable - would you talk to that co-worker about it? Probably not, or perhaps in a passive aggressive way - but knowing that any conversation would not change that co-worker's work habits, it would be pointless. If your spouse were somehow associated with that co-worker, would you expect your spouse to show loyalty to you somehow - such as expecting them to not associate with co worker anymore?

When people I work with (who are not my superiors) get upset with me for failing to fulfill 'their' visions on the job, I usually laugh at them until I can get them fired. Though I'm not lazy or inefficient...
 

Peter Deadpan

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Dec 14, 2016
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8,883
It's tricky. It would seem external issues, would be clear and exempt from personal bias, but different people will often assess things differently, and as such the clarity fades. Issues within are...issues within, and expecting SO loyalty can be tricky and/or unfair, in particular if it would be a form of enabling/coddling.

OTOH, there is such a thing as shared values, so having your SO be that far off from your pov would likely be undesirable/potentially problematic.

Who are you and what did you do with Phobik?
 

Norrsken

self murderer
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Nov 27, 2015
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sx/so
I would take this up to someone who can look at this fairly and objectively, ie your manager(s) and anyone else who is otherwise in charge of your division. You don't know what this other person might be going through and it would be quite a big jump to assume that this person is lazy and inefficient because of some character flaw, instead of maybe something deeper underneath the surface.

I would never ask my spouse to stop associating themselves with anyone. He is free to do as he pleases, so long as it doesn't cause active harm or cause legal disrupts.
 
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