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Thread: meeting an INTJ you intensely like

  1. #1
    Senior Member Array ColonelGadaafi's Avatar
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    Oct 2008

    Default meeting an INTJ you intensely like

    So. Let me start. Im not the type to easily fall for girls. I rarely meet a girl I like. Much less someone where the chemistry is right. Im very much a rationalistic and logic orientated guy. To the point where my feeling ability, outside of causes that really move me is stunted. I just suck with empathy and social relationships in general. Even though stuff that is personal can have a great affect on me privately. My ability to socialize is generally superficial at best. I have a tendency to be on the asocial side.

    I meet this chick online. We talked for a little. But we instantly connected. The chemistry was perfect. She wasnt super attractive physically. But her personality, her interests, her giftedness in intelligence just sweept me away. Her blunt, cynical, goofy, wild, humourous, emotionally detached and assertive personality was totally exciting. I dont normally get stuck on people. And my interest rapidly fades if they're boring(99% of those i meet, irl or online). But this chick just lit me on fire. We stayed up talking all nights. We really meshed together.

    But to get to the meat of the problem. She is an INTJ and by her own admission she is asocial and quite independent and socially awkward(like myself but perhaps more extreme). She has a history of dating bulldog type guys. And while im not a wuss, im also not the type of guy who goes around looking for fights. I think the fact that I do give the impression of being aggresive and tough is what attracted her in the first place. I think I made the mistake of fawning and being a bit mushy over her too much. And i was a bit straight forward. Giving her lots of compliments. Which made me seem a bit off. To me this comes from my general social awkwardness and not entirely having a social habit and just generally ADD and sleep deprivation. And rather to show my liking her alot rather than a place of dishonesty or intented weirdness. Im just painfully blunt and im just bad at dealing with emotions when it comes to other humans. And i dont know how to express liking someone in a swift and tactful manner.

    She hasnt responded for almost a week now. She said it was because of phone issues. I took it for granted. But im beginning to think she might have just been messing with my head to ne entertained or lost interest, or is she just taking space? Bear in mind. I really am terrible with this type of stuff.

    For you misanthrophic INTJs who have those traits. Did i really blow it?
    "Where can you flee? What road will you use to escape us? Our horses are swift, our arrows sharp, our swords like thunderbolts, our hearts as hard as the mountains, our soldiers as numerous as the sand. Fortresses will not detain us, nor arms stop us. Your prayers to God will not avail against us. We are not moved by tears nor touched by lamentations."

  2. #2
    Senior Member Array Ursa's Avatar
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    Sep 2015


    Take it from an ESTJ who once fell for an INTJ - it has only been a week. Don't panic. INTJs need their space.

    Maybe she is thinking about what to say, maybe she is busy with other personal and professional obligations and hasn't found the time, maybe she is still sorting out her feelings, maybe it is phone issues, maybe she is lying to get away from you because she lacks social skills and respect for others. You don't know. The only thing you should do now is let her have her space. If it's been three weeks and she fails to call you, then you'll know that this was a rude and cruel way to convey her disinterest, but right now, it has only been a week, and that seems within normal bounds for INTJ behavior.
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  3. #3


    I'm not totally sold on the idea that all INTJs will behave the same way in the same situations but for what it's worth if I were this woman, a week of distance would mean I was not interested in you but it would not mean I was trying to be cruel about it. It doesn't mean that she was playing games with you either. You may never know the answer but for some reason which may or may not have anything to do with you, she seems to have decided to back off. I have attempted to hurt guys less by just disappearing or cutting things off abruptly. I have also attempted to assist them to hate me thinking this would make the break easier.

    It is possible that she is not romantically interested and was oblivious to your flirting, sees you only as a platonic friend and may show up again thus giving you another shot at wooing her. I'm doubtful though.

    I may take long breaks from people and anyone who is an established friend might easily not hear from me in over a week but not a guy I am interested in. I would make myself available.

    Best of luck, however this turns out.
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