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Thread: INTJ Anger

  1. #51
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Looks like a controlled explosion while looking like he's about to cry. It's not cute, it's not pretty, and when you're not the target you get a pain in your stomach like you really want to help solve the problem yesterday.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

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    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

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  2. #52
    Senior Member Misty_Mountain_Rose's Avatar
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    I can't say for sure what it looks like to outsiders... but I sure have seen their reactions to it. The last person I unleashed on was a man twice my age and twice my size. When I was done he looked like he was ready to concede just about anything if only I'd stop lol It wasn't something I had control over though... it just sort of all comes out like a firecracker going off... or maybe more like a stick of dynamite. When its over the silence after the 'BOOM' seems deafeningly loud and everyone just sits there and watches the dust settle and tries to casually slip away unnoticed... like if I see movement I'll start all over again :P
    Embrace the possibilities.

  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by songofcalamity View Post
    For non-INTJs:
    Have you ever encountered an angry INTJ before? What was it like?

    Yes, an angry INTJ is probably one of the scariest thing I have ever seen. Using Shaula's experiences as basis, I saw a Level 6 INTJ, Level 4 and 5 is omitted from the process though.

    I think the scariest part was not the fighting, but the fact that everyone thinks he was just goofing around and that he was not angry. But I sat next to him after the incident and ... well, he was emanating a frightening sort of anger. The worst part was that the tears were about to fall any moment, but he was desperately trying to hold them back. Okay, he has this habit of tearing when he is frustrated/misunderstood. I just sat there and did nothing, don't ask me why, it was that traumatizing ... err... maybe I am being a little melodramatic, but yes, I fear angry INTJs.
    That is accurate for me, though an extremely rare occurence.

  4. #54
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    I always saw my (ENTJ) dad's lips get really thin and a tic go off in his left eye. I never stuck around to find out what would happen! ; D

    As an INTJ I don't get angry in public much. I am too busy trying to understand the viewpoint of the antagonist. When I go off it's usually the result of many unexpected/illogical things happening at the same time and/or people not bothering to listen to what I am saying (especially when I find myself having to repeat the same thing over and over.)

    I can only say that our anger scares us as much or possibly more than it does you because it is usually the result of a lot of built up frustration and we ourselves are not exactly sure what it is going to look like when it comes out. All I can say is that the icy detachment is probably safer than what he/she is holding back especially for the uninitiated feeler.

  5. #55
    Senior Member forzen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Windigo View Post
    I always saw my (ENTJ) dad's lips get really thin and a tic go off in his left eye. I never stuck around to find out what would happen! ; D

    As an INTJ I don't get angry in public much. I am too busy trying to understand the viewpoint of the antagonist. When I go off it's usually the result of many unexpected/illogical things happening at the same time and/or people not bothering to listen to what I am saying (especially when I find myself having to repeat the same thing over and over.)

    I can only say that our anger scares us as much or possibly more than it does you because it is usually the result of a lot of built up frustration and we ourselves are not exactly sure what it is going to look like when it comes out. All I can say is that the icy detachment is probably safer than what he/she is holding back especially for the uninitiated feeler.
    I would have to say that this hits the nail regarding what causes most of my frustrations in life.
    This post grammatical errors had been intentionally left uncorrected.

  6. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metanoia View Post
    I never felt anger and I do not know how I would be when under that state. People are also curious as to how will I deal with that kind of emotion.
    Please take note that anger and being irritated are two different things.

    For INTJs:
    Have you ever been angered before? Why? What was it like?
    How will INTJs show anger? How do you do it?
    How long did it lasted? Did you regret it?
    1. Yes. I get angry when several mystifying things happening at once. a) Someone accusing me of something and doesn't have good reasoning with which to buttress their case. b) I've had a day full of this kind of thing already. c) Attempts to make them clarify what their problem is constantly meeting dead ends. d) They need the issue resolved immediately. e) I'm afraid of hurting their feelings.

    What was it like? It sucked! Hindsight is always 20/20, but given the same circumstances again I don't know what I'd do differently other than smile and nod. I say mean things when I've lost my cool.

    2. Well, I start by laying a firm foundation: "So let me get this straight... You think square pegs go in round holes?" Then, I say they're stupid. "How did you meet this conclusion?" Next, I insult them. Helps me blow off steam. "You know what? I don't want to know because you've proven that you're incapable of making any sense at all. I don't know why I'm talking to you. You are wasting my time, and I shouldn't consider any information that you give me in the future worthwhile." Then, my favorite part "You give me headaches. Don't talk to me. Ever. I don't want to see your dumb face anymore. Are you going to cry? Great. That means I've made a dent. I hope you tell everyone you know that I'm a giant ass who steps on people's feelings so everyone who can put up with your insanity will stay away from me. Have a nice day."

    3. It goes away pretty fast, but sometimes the fallout is bad. I only get angry when I don't release my feelings in small doses. If I stop asking the question why, I get stressed out. A lot of times, clarity is in my hands. The fallout is that the person doesn't talk to me anymore. Sometimes I'm fine with it, sometimes I'm not.

  7. #57
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metamorphosis View Post
    For INTJs:
    Have you ever been angered before? Why? What was it like?
    Yes. Many times when I was young. Whenever I'm just annoyed, I'll tend to withdraw in the brooding mode, lol. But whenever I'm genuinely angry, I feel like nothing I'm doing is working and I'm totally out of control (not stupid enough to say, kill someone, though). It's basically ESFP mode. The last time I recall actually getting this angry was a very long time ago, and resulted in me stabbing someone (no major damage done). Now I realize that very few things are worth getting that upset over.

    How long did it lasted? Did you regret it?

    It's like impossible for me to stay angry for more than one day, even if I try to.
    This is a fascinating thread. It is funny that all these INTJs never get angry.

    I do.

    For example, when I used to do my taxes and there were always things missing that I needed.

    I got angry, well, just a few weeks ago. I don't cry (save that for movies, incredible performances, and when something terrible happens - like the death of someone I know).

    Then what other people tell me is that I'm always so calm all the time and never get ruffled. What are they thinking???

    Irritation, frustration, anger, rage (never experienced that one) - they're on a spectrum I think. I don't bottle it up and try to funnel the emotions for productive, positive use. I was brought up by an NF mom who may have unconsciously taught me to be open with your emotions, so perhaps I'm not a normal INTJ. I think being open and letting others know how you feel does bring you closer to them usually.

    Then there are those situations which are not really anger per say, where the horrible obsessive ESFP monster takes over and you feel like a complete idiot afterwards. It usually happens - not sure - maybe when I'm under a lot of stress and doing something that I don't like to be doing for too long.

    Neither one of these things last long because I can't stand having those feelings bottled up - need to get through things and have them resolved so I can go on.

    Would I want to get another INTJ angry? Don't think so. But making other people angry or making them feel bad is generally something that only happens when I'm unintentionally being a thoughtless dumb ass or not thinking enough about the other person's feelings (which I can be prone to at times unfortunately).

  8. #58

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    Very interesting thread.

    I'm ENTJ as opposed to INTJ, most of the time, what I mean by that is I'm not strongly disposed towards being either E or I but fall just within the E range. I spend a great amount of my time irrated with people, particularly others who cant or wont behave with the same self-reflective tendencies or ability as I do, I think there's just way, way too many people who opt out of personal responsibility and choosing what's right.

    I've also met not a few sociopathic types or actors who feign this state of irration really well to get ahead or trump others in their own private power games, they take a genuine problem and turn into a game for their personal gain. That does anger me.

    Anger for me is like a real slow burn, most of the time indistinguishable from irritation. Even in pretty nasty situations, such as someone physically challenging me or brandishing a weapon I dont get what I'd call angry, my tipping point is pretty great (in this sense I conform most to the astrological star sign type of Taurus the Bull, which is my star sign, if you think there's any credience in tha system).

  9. #59
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    Angry INTJ.....

    Hmmm....This thread should be called "how to turn a lurker into a poster"

    I see that some in this thread have dabbled with anger, but true rage is a dark deep place, that few have experienced. Many will go their whole lives and never experience it. Some will feel it more than others...Some may even get addicted to it..

    I have also lead a very sad, and what some would call "unfair" life.

    I don't normally discuss my past, but it is germane to this conversation, so let me tell you about it, so you understand why. I will give the cliff's notes version...

    I was born in 1974, to a very loving mother and father, I was the "son", I had two much older sisters, and I was the son my father never had. My father was a very good man, he cared deeply about his family, and looked after us very carefully. He was also very active in the church, and extremely well thought of in the community.

    My father, was larger than life, and at about six and a half feet tall, he was. He was a very peaceful man, but he never put up with any malfeasance. Once our car got egged, on Halloween, and my father took to the woods, and ran down the kids that did it, made them walk to the car, and made them use their shirts, and jackets to clean the mess up. Another time, while at church, he and another church member overheard a man, berating his wife, and family, in the church, and when he threatened violence, my father stood up, and grabbed this man by the collar, and "frog marched" him out to the sidewalk for a "prayer meeting".

    My father was rare, a strong man of true action...But he acted only for good, he left an indelible mark on my life, and who I became. I never saw my father, mistreat my mother, I never saw my father mistreat ANYONE, with the exception to those that had it coming.

    Anyway... Might I digress...

    I had an ideal life, until I turned 13. That summer, after school closed, my father, my nephews, and I, went camping along the river...In short, my young nephew, fell in the river, my father dived in to save him, in the process broke his neck on a rock, killing himself, and my nephew drowned before I and another person that was with me could react... This was the worst day of my life....

    My mother, never recovered from the loss of her husband.....And 3 years later, she died on pneumonia at 49 years old....The same age my father was when he died...

    When my mother died, I had just turned 17.... From the time, that my father died, until the time, that I was 17 I lost ALL, of my grandparents, and my parents. My sisters, had their own lives and families to worry about...

    The loneliest day of my life, was when I drove myself home from my mother's graveside, and realized that when I shut the door behind me at MY house, that, I, was home, and that their was no need to leave the porch light on....no one else was coming...

    I kept trying to go to church, but I found myself asking these questions....If god, is so merciful, why is he picking on me?? If god is so just, what did I do??? If god loves us like he says, why did he destroy my life??

    I met this beautiful young woman when I was 16, who Actually, had it harder than I did, she, and her mother, lived in a hovel...yes, a hovel, with dirt floor. Her mother was insane, she had no other family, and her and her baby sister, lived in complete, and absolute poverty.

    Anyway, me and this girl, I will call her Becky here, lived about 40 miles from me, it was shear chance that I met her. She was incredibly smart, and was beautiful, in so many ways, I cannot describe them here. We had dated some, before my mother got sick, but her mother, being insane, just up, and moved her and her sister one day, and we lost touch. We reconnected after my mother passed away, they had actually moved to my hometown, and I saw her walking on the sidewalk so pure luck. We started hanging out again...

    In the meantime, I had stopped going to church, I more or less became an agnostic about this time. All I could see around me, was death, destruction, hurt, pain, and anguish.

    Than the worst thing happened... I stopped caring about everything. I did not become suicidal...I just stopped caring about living, I had nothing to live for. (I thought at the time) I slowly became more and more grim, and angry at everything. I started driving really fast, and really crazy...I did not care if I crashed and killed myself, worst still, I did not care if I killed innocent people...

    Me and Becky, started spending more and more time with each other, I became quite fond of her, she quite literally was the only thing I had at the time. At this time, her and her mother was living in a rundown apartment in a back alley of the town... Becky at 15, could come and go as she pleased, because as I said, her mother was insane...She stayed with me as much as possible, because her mother, about this time, started having all these trashy druggies, hanging around...

    Than one night stormy night, literally, it happened..

    About midnight, my phone rang, it was Becky, she was calling from a phone booth down town, she was upset... One of her mother's boyfriends had tried to have his way with her. As she cried into the phone, she told me that her mother had thrown her out over her trying to whore her man away from her and that she need to take her slut @$$ away...

    As she spoke into the phone, in town 15 miles away, I snapped. And snapped hard. All but ONE red switch I had, got tripped. I told her, to wait for me, where she was at, and I would be their as soon as I could. As I hung up the phone...I remembered my father...Pounding into my head, about honor, needing to look after the weak, and being a man. I watched my father die, I watched my mother die a long slow painful death in the hospital....so much death and pain in my life, I had never been able to help anyone....and tonight I was being counted on to stop, the pain for SOMEONE..

    That night, I went to my mother's bedroom, a place I copiously avoided since my mother's death, and I took my father's .45 pistol out of the chest of drawers, I will never forget how I felt as I loaded the magazine in it, put it in my father's shoulder holster, and pulled my jacket over it. I did not even know WHY I did that, but, something told me too, and I did.

    I got into my car, and in the driving rain, made record time to get to that pay phone. As I was driving, I got madder, and madder....and this rage kept building....All the pain I had endured over the past few years started to well up. I was shaking, and crying.. I did not even cry at my mother's funeral...But the tears where streaming as I drove that night.

    I picked Becky up at the phone, she got in. I was barely able to contain myself, I asked her what she wanted to do. She said she wanted to go back to the apartment to pick up a few things. I complied...

    As I waited in the car, I was parked at the foot of the stairs going up to a small landing, where her mother's apartment was, she climbed the stairs, and went inside. I heard men's voices.... I got out of the car, and stood in the rain.... I heard more yelling, and swearing....

    The cold rain started dripping off my hair, and streaming down my face (funny how the memory works this is the most vivid memory of the night for me)....Than I heard Becky scream....

    That pulled last red switch,

    I grabbed a mag-light flashlight I kept beside the seat, and charged up the stairs to the apartment, I threw the door open and their she stood. With this drunk old man trying to paw all over her as she is trying to leave.... This is an mental image I will carry to my grave...A 15 year old girl, trying to fight off a 40 year old man..... It was pure gasoline to my rage..

    I don't exactly remember what happened next.. The man looked at me, and let go, Becky ran by me, and down the stairs to the car. And I became very VERY violent, and filled with rage, their was no talk, no threats, just rage..

    I took it ALL out on them...ALL OF MY PAIN...ALL OF MY HATE, ALL OF MY ANGER...

    Their where two men, in that apartment, the mother's boyfriend, and his friend...they where both drunk, and high. One was in the bed with momma and the other was attacking Becky, when I got done with him, the boyfriend came out....Than it was his turn...When I left, they where both laying on the ground with teeth laying around, whimpering, and bleeding.. What little furniture they had, got smashed in the tussle, I don't even remember getting hit...But I had a black eye the next day.

    My father's pistol, stayed in it's holster during this whole encounter, I don't even want to talk about what would have happened if one of those men would have pulled a weapon on me.

    I was barely able to drive away, not from physical pain...I was still in a rage, but I felt elation at what I had done, but on the other hand, I was shaking, and crying, When we got to my house, I could not go inside, I sat in the car for hours, too spent to move, Becky finally helped me inside. And those terrible feelings of rage left. She ended up living with me for a while...

    I still have scars on my knuckles from that night.

    This was almost 20 years ago, Becky and I, drifted apart as young people do, but she never went back home, I am married now, with two kids. And have never again even come close to feeling the way I did that night. At that moment so long ago, I did not care, if I, or they, lived or died...I just wanted their blood on my hands..I wanted them to feel fear and pain...Literally...I wanted to see them hurt, and bleed.. I did not stop hitting them, and stomping them, until they stopped talking, and actively defending themselves.

    And yes, the feelings of rage where intoxicating to a degree, so strong, and powerful. Yet so uncontrolled

    I had been in fights before, in school, but nothing like this, I had hated those other kids I fought with, but never like that... Heck, in school I did not even fight much, ONLY to defend myself. I would rather be your friend, that to fight.

    I have only recently told my wife of 13 years, about this encounter.

  10. #60
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Wow! What a story.

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