INTJMom
Well-known member
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2007
- Messages
- 5,413
- MBTI Type
- INTJ
- Enneagram
- 5w4
As much as your post resonated with me, I doubt it is a specifically INTJ phenomenon. Feeling lonely is more like a human thing. It tells you that you are in touch with your emotions and that there is a divide between your inner self and outer environment. Sadly, I don't think it can be remedied unless one can fully integrate oneself into the outer world, where the inner and outer selves become one. It's hard to explain.
I feel the least lonely when I can be myself around other people. It's similar to that sensation of being so alive when I've surpassed my personal boundaries and fears and am just taking wild chances without knowing how they will turn out. When I feel completely true to who I am, even small talk loses its usual emptiness. I found out, surprisingly, that I actually really like people and enjoy getting to know them, the fact that I felt so alone in the midst of them was because I wouldn't allow myself to simply be me. I was trying to "fit a square into a circle," living by others' standards and trying to communicate their way. Never worked out.
As for finding someone to have an in depth conversation with, I don't think I've ever found such a person. How can I expect the other person to know what I'm interested in? There is no way they can know or figure out what engages me intellectually and emotionally. I honestly don't know the answer to that question, but I find my answer to emptiness in talking to strangers and letting people surprise me.
I'm beginning to think it's an NT thing.
I used to have a best friend who was my soul mate.
Her friendship to me was indescribable.
She was an ISFJ, but unfortunately an unhealthy one, and we parted ways after 3 years.
"letting people surprise me" is something I am only now learning to do.