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  1. #1
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    Default help with an ENTP!

    I should be catching up on reading right now but recent events with a certain ENTP are killing me.

    Right. To cut a very long story short, I'd been noticing an acquaintance noticing me over 9 months, small things like staring at my profile then averting his eyes when I turn to meet his eyes, staring at my ankles (alright this makes me verry happy) with a very absorbed look on his face, staring at me - everywhere but my eyes - and smiling, turning red (but he turns red easily), actually hyperventilating/breathing very fast at innocuous things I say, getting teased by less than discreet friends whom he may have unwisely informed, asking my friends little details about me that he could ask me himself, sounding very happy when he says my name, things.

    And I thought he was totally my type too (begins to sound like someone from High School Musical), what with the crazy tangents our conversations can go off to, and the way he listens (seemingly appreciatively) when I show off (a little) with my witty repartee (koff. heh).

    Thing is, I kind of intimidate a few guys in our social circle, I'm not loud, but I think I may make some people a bit shy, which isn't very helpful, because I want to be LURVED BY ALL (galadriel pose and laughter with green lightning) but it doesn't seem to be an issue with him at all.

    I don't mean that he isn't intimidated, because I sense him holding back a little, and doing things like staring but not meeting my eyes, but he seems to appreciate my intelligence (alright i am not very comfortable praising myself but i'm trying to give as descriptive a description as possible), and I'm probably decent-looking, but certainly not smokin like the girls he naturally attracts (oh he's a looker though looks-wise, not my type at all, so maybe I was a bit of a challenge), which made it all the more confusing initially - went through a very protracted denial period- and very flattering.

    So I decided to be brave and all direct, and text him the way I felt, and made an offer for a no-commitment, no-expectations thing, to keep it light, and to help him out (was i really?), because over the last year, I've begun to really care.

    And I don't normally ask boys out, so when I did this time, I wasn't expecting the reply I got (this may be retribution for the times I've been callous with boys, which I entirely regret, because now I know it hurts like hell). Anyhow, he wasn't ready for a relationship because he was hung up on someone else, which isn't actually terrible news (because he didn't deny liking me, and he didn't rule out anything), and he was rather nice about it, telling me not to be sad, if only I kept my head, instead of going all AHHHHHHHH! I GOT REJECTED.

    To me, all I read was: 'not ready for relationship', and 'don't be sad', and I got overwhelmed with panic that he may think I'm entirely deluded (like a silly girl losing her wits around him. along the way it became important that he knew i was his intellectual equivalent, so actually i've become another fangirl, just well-disguised) and that I was that far gone on him..and I lost my mind temporarily after that drowning in my panic. (Ugh, where is extroverted thinking when i need it?)

    So I tried to put up a brave show of getting over him in front of him, and made a relatively big deal of being Friends-Only-friendly-and-comfortable-and-it's-no-big-deal-don't-worry-about-me-i'm-tough-we're-friends! with him, which didn't involve anything particularly over the top, just being even more absorbed in lectures than usual, speaking less to him, trying to be emotionally stable, and keeping up my aura of happiness, even when it seems i can't smile when he's around, it's humanly impossible, but smile my widest smile I did.

    I guess he may have also (nervously) asked me to go out with some of his friends for lunch, but I didn't think that it could actually have been him trying to make amends (because I was temporarily insane! ah!), so I made an excuse about being superbusy, which is actually true.

    But now, I realise that there wasn't more to his reply than exactly what he said..that he was interested but simply not ready. And that in my embarrassment and panic I may have only pushed him away and alienated him, and confused him.

    And, despite my telling myself I was all over him, I am not in the slightest bit over him. So, help please!

    Tell me:
    -what emotion to project? Should I project calm and security, after the drama (mostly internal) of the last week? Or just try to be as fun (haha) and impulsive and quietly funny as I was when he first took notice
    -should I act like it never happened? would that put him at ease? or make me a phony?
    -how do i go about asking him out again? or contrive to be asked out myself? is there any more potential? as ENTPs, would you think my behavior cold/insane/insecure?
    -am i trying too hard? i don't think it shows on the outside, but i find myself desperately hunting for clues, verbal or otherwise.

  2. #2
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    Oh, and he is very intelligent, witty, and a lot of fun to be around. I realise I left that bit out in my rush to emphasise the relevant social context of him being the resident hottie, and my not being an obvious choice.
    Oh, and he's terribly handsome, particularly when he's absorbed in something too. I guess there is chemistry and physical attraction on my part, but it wouldn't have mattered if I didn't even enjoy his company as much as I do.

  3. #3
    wholly charmed Spartacuss's Avatar
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    Perhaps you don't really like the player, but like the game.
    my 2 cents.
    Ti (43); Ne (41.8); Te (33.7); Fi (30.5); Ni (27.5); Se (24.7); Si (21.5); Fe (17.3)
    The More You Know the Less You Need. - Aboriginal Saying

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spartacuss View Post
    Perhaps you don't really like the player, but like the game.
    my 2 cents.
    mm. you really think so? i didn't quite enjoy the suspense and tension while it lasted. and i think we are compatible, if only we could sort out the way we communicate, but i'd think about that, you may be right (thanks!), though right now it feels utterly important to be with him.

    edit: plus possibly my previous emphasis on how I concluded he was attracted reflects my recent mulling on whether or not I was as deluded as I thought I may have been.

  5. #5
    Senior Member LostInNerSpace's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by handsopen View Post
    Tell me:
    -what emotion to project? Should I project calm and security, after the drama (mostly internal) of the last week? Or just try to be as fun (haha) and impulsive and quietly funny as I was when he first took notice
    -should I act like it never happened? would that put him at ease? or make me a phony?
    -how do i go about asking him out again? or contrive to be asked out myself? is there any more potential? as ENTPs, would you think my behavior cold/insane/insecure?
    -am i trying too hard? i don't think it shows on the outside, but i find myself desperately hunting for clues, verbal or otherwise.
    I think you should let rip. My understanding is that ENFPs and ENTPs get on extremely well.

    Right now he is probably tourchering himself on the nearest drying rack or maybe he is waterboarding himself. Either way, from your description it seems he is infatuated with you. It maybe that he thinks you are out of his league. I have this problem a lot. You described an ENTP, but you could easily have been describing me. The girls I consider in my league I'm not attracted to. When I think about going after a girl I want, I start to see my "imperfections", and use them as an excuse to hold back. Even when one of these girls occasionally makes the first move, I make an excuse and back away--then go tourcher myself later.

  6. #6
    desert pelican Owl's Avatar
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    I dunno...

    I act in similar ways around a girl I like as a person, but to whom I'm not particularly attracted.

  7. #7
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    by "tourchering" do you mean "torturing"? ;p how very Darcy! haha.

    darn. i do so want to let rip. but i think i should let him cool off for a while before launching a second direct attack. while keeping up with that non-verbal staring thing he's so attached to, but which i find very confusing + unsettling + distracting.

    ah, i do regret bringing in the whole dating by leagues thing in the OP, because it's very adolescent, and it shouldn't matter, but it happens to permeate the (school) environment i see him in..so it shouldn't matter. it doesn't matter to me, and i don't want it to matter to him, but it may.

    in any case, it's kind of inconceivable that he should think i'm out of his league..but it may explain his behavior, which is driving me nuts (because i want this to begin! i want to see what else he has up that sleeve of his)

  8. #8
    Senior Member SillyGoose's Avatar
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    I'm currently doing something (and don't ask me what because I don't have a name for it) with an eNTP right now and he does some of the very things you described you entp doing too. Which is odd because he is usually calm under fire and all that. Kinda frustrating to me, but I've just been relaxed and letting him come to me on his own time, bwahahaha. That kind of sounds weird but that's the best I've been able to figure out how to deal with him.

    I think you should just relax and be yourself. Try to not project anything but how you would normally be around him.
    "My mom told me there was a weirdo on every bus, but I never could find him." Emo Phillips

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by SillyGoose View Post
    I'm currently doing something (and don't ask me what because I don't have a name for it) with an eNTP right now and he does some of the very things you described you entp doing too. Which is odd because he is usually calm under fire and all that. Kinda frustrating to me, but I've just been relaxed and letting him come to me on his own time, bwahahaha. That kind of sounds weird but that's the best I've been able to figure out how to deal with him.

    I think you should just relax and be yourself. Try to not project anything but how you would normally be around him.
    Thanks that's really helpful! And it's not weird at all, it's just what I'm going through..at least now I know ENTPs can actually do that. Subconsciously I expect everyone to be like myself.

    Yes, he is normally very calm, and his being uncharacteristically jittery when I talk to him is v. frustrating! Sometimes I am more calm than I usually am, because he's probably so preoccupied i think he wouldn't notice much of what I do, but now I realise that's not too true, he still retains most of his wits to josh around, when I'm not expecting it. Other times it makes me really nervous though, receiving all that nervous energy.

    Yeah, I will relax and be myself!

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Owl View Post
    I dunno...

    I act in similar ways around a girl I like as a person, but to whom I'm not particularly attracted.
    I guess there's that too.

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