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[MBTI General] NTs, the first word out of your mouth.

Natrushka

Pareo cattus
Joined
Jun 7, 2007
Messages
1,213
MBTI Type
INTJ
Is it usually "No!" when asked something?

My mate says I annoy the crap out of him, because he'll say "Hey, lets go to ____ for a day trip on Sunday" and w/o even thinking about Sunday and _____ I'll say, "No." Sometimes I say "maybe". Of course "maybe" is a compromise that developed due to my ISTJ's reaction to the word "no".

When he, or anyone, comes at me with something new or spontaenous my first instinct is to say "no" because typically they've interrupted something going on in my head. I've probably already thought about Sunday and what I'm going to do that day, and because I'm doing XYZ and Sunday I have to be sure that ABC is fixed and ready on Saturday. Going to _____ on Sunday for a day trip means things have to be rescheduled. It also means unwashed masses, most of whom are tourists <ick>, and b-a-d drivers.

I'm starting to think now there's a heavy J component to this.

Comments?
 

ptgatsby

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
Messages
4,476
MBTI Type
ISTP
I do it as well, however what I have noticed is that;

INTP(me) - The answer is no because we don't want to do... anything. In general, we have a reluctance to take on any sort of schedule or commitment... even when it may be something we want to do. I always tend to give soft answers. The only exception is that I make loose plans, but ignore some final detail (time, location...). And the last major exception is with my SF family.... because they are also Ps and dammit, if I don't see them they get upset... and if I don't pin them down, they just assume I don't want to see them... and get upset.

INTJ - My GF is perfectly fine saying "yes" to things she wants to do and "no" to everything else. That is, unless she had some other plan in her head... even if that plan was "do nothing and be lazy". She also does stuff more if she feels some sort of obligation - it's like a balancing act... if she really doesn't want to do it, she says no until the obligation is more important than her dislike of it. But woe to the one who disrupts her plans!

I think the dominant trait to saying "no" is I-T-. The S/N and J/P really depends on what you are being asked to do; Ns should be more open to things they have never done and Ps should be more open to adapting their schedules (ie: working things in, if they want to do them).

As a very strong I, it's certainly not my nature to go out... but my GF is only a mild I and is far more willing to just do stuff. Stronger Ts also seem to prefer doing things with less people/not strangers. They are more likely to go out to compete or something similar.
 

cafe

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Messages
9,827
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INFJ
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9w1
At our house, the INTP is the one who is default set to "no" and I am the one who is default set to "yes." This is why the kids always ask me for things and sigh when I tell them to ask their dad.
 

rivercrow

shoshaku jushaku
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Messages
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type
My first response to almost everything is, "Hm, let me think."

Then I go through an ROI analysis and score that against my Social, Fun, and Recent Ne Ops values at the moment. Somewhere at the end comes the To-Do list consideration.

I can indulge my Ti almost anywhere. I just zone out and I keep a notebook with me so I can keep my place. :D
 

Natrushka

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Jun 7, 2007
Messages
1,213
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INTJ
Do you have a SO, rivercrow? If yes, do you know their type?

I wonder if my Big Time Negative Stance is because I live with an SJ? He's always trying to get me to conform and to join in The Fun.
 

nightning

ish red no longer *sad*
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
3,741
MBTI Type
INfj
Interesting... I also think it has more to do with INTJ vs just NTs... Also comparing to ENTJ I know... I think they're more likely to say "I'll think about it", probably an I/E difference.
 

Natrushka

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Nightning, I think we posted at exactly the same time, I think now it's got something to do with the SJ who's likes to go "do things" all the time (all the time IMO!) And me being an INTJ :D
 

rivercrow

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type
Do you have a SO, rivercrow? If yes, do you know their type?

I wonder if my Big Time Negative Stance is because I live with an SJ? He's always trying to get me to conform and to join in The Fun.

I'm married to an ISFJ who is also a member on this board. ;)

I'm much more negative if I have people trying to wheedle or manipulate me. Or if the other person is Extraverting all over me. Unless I feel like playing along.
 

Natrushka

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1,213
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INTJ
Using rivercrow's example I'm incredibly negative at the moment. Two phone calls in 5 minutes. About a birdbath.

If I had my druthers I'd say "no", and sticking to it, 90% of the time.
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
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sx/sp
Is it usually "No!" when asked something? My mate says I annoy the crap out of him, because he'll say "Hey, lets go to ____ for a day trip on Sunday" and w/o even thinking about Sunday and _____ I'll say, "No." Sometimes I say "maybe". Of course "maybe" is a compromise that developed due to my ISTJ's reaction to the word "no".

:rofl1:

YES! I mean... NO!!!

Oh, I can't even recall the first time a "yes" came out of my mouth spontaneously when an intimate made a request. It's almost always "no" -- or at best a "maybe" or "I'll think about it" just to avoid sounding callous by always denying requests.

So I cannot say it is "J" for everyone. For me, I think it comes down to two things:

  1. I just hate being fixed to someone else's schedule. If I say "yes" to someone, now I've lost some flexibility in case something better comes along later.
  2. When I was younger, my parents were always overriding me, plans were changed at the last minute regardless of my feelings. (Or else people would lay guilt trips on me to try to get me to say yes.) So as soon as someone changes plans on me or tries to fill up my schedule, all those bad emotions come flooding back and I no longer feel in control of my life.
So I usually need a few minutes to mull through it, then I feel better and can give a good answer.

There's also that lousy dynamic where I do have trouble saying "no" to strangers who might think poorly of me (lack of solid boundaries on my part), so I immediately resent being asked to make a decision by their asking me to do something. That's silly on my part, but the emotions are still there.
 

Natrushka

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Jennifer, do you need to 'get used to the idea'? To "live with it and try it on"?

Sometimes, rarely, I know I'm likely going to say "yes" (!) but I'll still say "no" or more aptly I will say "maybe"; I need to get used to the idea and weigh all of my options.
 

Totenkindly

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Jennifer, do you need to 'get used to the idea'? To "live with it and try it on"? Sometimes, rarely, I know I'm likely going to say "yes" (!) but I'll still say "no" or more aptly I will say "maybe"; I need to get used to the idea and weigh all of my options.

Yes, I will sometimes know I plan to say yes but I just hate actually saying it... (that's so bad, isn't it?!) ... so I try to buy some time to think more about it by saying "no" or "I'll get back to you in a few minutes."

It's almost like I just need a few minutes for my emotions to catch up with my head.

[I will also buy time when I plan to say no, but just don't feel like I have the energy I need to deny someone at the moment. I need a few minutes to make sure I have everything prepared in my head and summon up the courage/energy to get through saying "no."]
 

Nighthawk

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May 23, 2007
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INTP
I'm a lot like Rivercrow. If I feel like I am being manipulated or ordered to do something ... my initial response is in the negative. Makes for some interesting situations at work. If that is not the case, I tend to evaluate the situation and then make a decision.

My SO is also ISFJ ... and she can be a bit bossy ... particularly if the household chores are not done on time. She hears the word "no" from me a lot then if I have things that I need or want to do instead. I will eventually do what she want's, but on my own schedule.
 

Randomnity

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I almost never say "no" immediately when asked something. The bluntness just sounds rude to me. I'm just as unlikely to say "yes" though. My answer is almost always "hmm, maybe" or "sure, sometime" depending on whether I actually want to (latter) or not (former). The only exception is if I know they aren't serious, or are deliberately trying to antagonize me.

It might be an INTJ thing, because my dad (XNTJ) and best friend (INTJ) both do this often--saying no initially, automatically, regardless of what they actually think.
 

faith

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My brother the intj can be a lot like that. New things must be introduced bits at a time, very carefully, giving him plenty of space to adjust before a response is required. Most of the time I share an idea and say something like, "Don't answer now. Just live with the idea for a while and tell me what you think later." Then I leave him alone so he doesn't feel invaded and can get back to whatever he's doing.

It's nice when someone is so predictable because I can use that to my advantage. When I really want him to say no to something, it's pretty easy to present the question in such a way that he'll disagree. :devil:
 

The Ü™

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As much as I want to say no, I'm afraid to. Not because I care about the other person's feelings, but I just don't want to get into an argument and have the other person make subtle expressions to make me feel guilty.

I'm also afraid to ask others a "Can I?" question for fear of hearing the response of "No." "No," my own little "N" word.

I am quite afraid of rejection, so I try to keep my mouth shut about things like that as much as possible.

I don't really have the guts to stand up to people directly -- maybe I'm slightly paranoid...
 

substitute

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ENTP
THEM: Do you wanna come skating with us on Saturday?
ME: Maybe. Probably yes, not sure though, I'll let you know.

That's my way of saying "yes I do want to go, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to, I have to check my calendar to see if I'm booked that day, and also check that I can get someone to look after the kids and transport to the skate park, as I have no car. But pending all those things, the answer's yes."

THEM: Do you wanna come and see the new Tarantino film with us tomorrow?
ME: Maybe. I might not be able to, I'll let you know after I've been home and checked my calendar.

That's my way of saying "I'd rather be burried up to the neck in concrete next to a termite hill, and left for days with my face smeared with strawberry jelly, but I'm too polite to say so and also too lazy to explain and defend why I hate Tarantino, which I know you'll force me to do, so give me time to think of an excuse and I'll give you a good'un, and an alibi to boot."

THEM: Will you help us out at the kids' fun day on Sunday?
ME: Probably. Just let me know what you want me to do when I get there.

That's my way of saying "I will probably go of my own accord, and if I do, I'll be glad to help out while I'm there, but I don't want you to rely on it in case I end up not coming, which is a distinct possibility given the location and time, unless I can negotiate said issues".

So in summary, the first words will invariably either be 'maybe' or 'I dunno', 'it depends' or 'probably'.

I'm almost always willing to help people out if they want me to, but since logistics are a significant limiting factor on what I can do, I tend not to commit until I know I've got them sorted. And since car-owning people tend to be unable to comprehend that people who don't own cars can't just go where and when they want at the drop of a hat for next to no money, but instead have to mobilize their family at great expense on public transport, limited to the bus routes etc; and since non-parents tend to not understand that kids can't just be put in stasis while you go out drinking at night, in order not to come across as whiny I tend to plead 'other engagements' more often and quickly find a willing alibi.
 
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