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  1. #1
    Pareo cattus Natrushka's Avatar
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    Default NTs, the first word out of your mouth.

    Is it usually "No!" when asked something?

    My mate says I annoy the crap out of him, because he'll say "Hey, lets go to ____ for a day trip on Sunday" and w/o even thinking about Sunday and _____ I'll say, "No." Sometimes I say "maybe". Of course "maybe" is a compromise that developed due to my ISTJ's reaction to the word "no".

    When he, or anyone, comes at me with something new or spontaenous my first instinct is to say "no" because typically they've interrupted something going on in my head. I've probably already thought about Sunday and what I'm going to do that day, and because I'm doing XYZ and Sunday I have to be sure that ABC is fixed and ready on Saturday. Going to _____ on Sunday for a day trip means things have to be rescheduled. It also means unwashed masses, most of whom are tourists <ick>, and b-a-d drivers.

    I'm starting to think now there's a heavy J component to this.

    Comments?

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  2. #2
    Senior Member ptgatsby's Avatar
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    I do it as well, however what I have noticed is that;

    INTP(me) - The answer is no because we don't want to do... anything. In general, we have a reluctance to take on any sort of schedule or commitment... even when it may be something we want to do. I always tend to give soft answers. The only exception is that I make loose plans, but ignore some final detail (time, location...). And the last major exception is with my SF family.... because they are also Ps and dammit, if I don't see them they get upset... and if I don't pin them down, they just assume I don't want to see them... and get upset.

    INTJ - My GF is perfectly fine saying "yes" to things she wants to do and "no" to everything else. That is, unless she had some other plan in her head... even if that plan was "do nothing and be lazy". She also does stuff more if she feels some sort of obligation - it's like a balancing act... if she really doesn't want to do it, she says no until the obligation is more important than her dislike of it. But woe to the one who disrupts her plans!

    I think the dominant trait to saying "no" is I-T-. The S/N and J/P really depends on what you are being asked to do; Ns should be more open to things they have never done and Ps should be more open to adapting their schedules (ie: working things in, if they want to do them).

    As a very strong I, it's certainly not my nature to go out... but my GF is only a mild I and is far more willing to just do stuff. Stronger Ts also seem to prefer doing things with less people/not strangers. They are more likely to go out to compete or something similar.

  3. #3
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    At our house, the INTP is the one who is default set to "no" and I am the one who is default set to "yes." This is why the kids always ask me for things and sigh when I tell them to ask their dad.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  4. #4
    shoshaku jushaku rivercrow's Avatar
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    My first response to almost everything is, "Hm, let me think."

    Then I go through an ROI analysis and score that against my Social, Fun, and Recent Ne Ops values at the moment. Somewhere at the end comes the To-Do list consideration.

    I can indulge my Ti almost anywhere. I just zone out and I keep a notebook with me so I can keep my place.
    Who rises in the morning, looks in the mirror and says, "I think I will do something stupid today?" -- James Hollis
    If people never did silly things nothing intelligent would ever get done. -- Ludwig Wittgenstein
    Whaling is illegal in Oklahoma.

  5. #5
    Pareo cattus Natrushka's Avatar
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    Do you have a SO, rivercrow? If yes, do you know their type?

    I wonder if my Big Time Negative Stance is because I live with an SJ? He's always trying to get me to conform and to join in The Fun.

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  6. #6
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    Interesting... I also think it has more to do with INTJ vs just NTs... Also comparing to ENTJ I know... I think they're more likely to say "I'll think about it", probably an I/E difference.

  7. #7
    Pareo cattus Natrushka's Avatar
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    Nightning, I think we posted at exactly the same time, I think now it's got something to do with the SJ who's likes to go "do things" all the time (all the time IMO!) And me being an INTJ

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  8. #8
    shoshaku jushaku rivercrow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Natrushka View Post
    Do you have a SO, rivercrow? If yes, do you know their type?

    I wonder if my Big Time Negative Stance is because I live with an SJ? He's always trying to get me to conform and to join in The Fun.
    I'm married to an ISFJ who is also a member on this board.

    I'm much more negative if I have people trying to wheedle or manipulate me. Or if the other person is Extraverting all over me. Unless I feel like playing along.
    Who rises in the morning, looks in the mirror and says, "I think I will do something stupid today?" -- James Hollis
    If people never did silly things nothing intelligent would ever get done. -- Ludwig Wittgenstein
    Whaling is illegal in Oklahoma.

  9. #9
    Pareo cattus Natrushka's Avatar
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    Using rivercrow's example I'm incredibly negative at the moment. Two phone calls in 5 minutes. About a birdbath.

    If I had my druthers I'd say "no", and sticking to it, 90&#37; of the time.

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  10. #10
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Natrushka View Post
    Is it usually "No!" when asked something? My mate says I annoy the crap out of him, because he'll say "Hey, lets go to ____ for a day trip on Sunday" and w/o even thinking about Sunday and _____ I'll say, "No." Sometimes I say "maybe". Of course "maybe" is a compromise that developed due to my ISTJ's reaction to the word "no".


    YES! I mean... NO!!!

    Oh, I can't even recall the first time a "yes" came out of my mouth spontaneously when an intimate made a request. It's almost always "no" -- or at best a "maybe" or "I'll think about it" just to avoid sounding callous by always denying requests.

    So I cannot say it is "J" for everyone. For me, I think it comes down to two things:

    1. I just hate being fixed to someone else's schedule. If I say "yes" to someone, now I've lost some flexibility in case something better comes along later.
    2. When I was younger, my parents were always overriding me, plans were changed at the last minute regardless of my feelings. (Or else people would lay guilt trips on me to try to get me to say yes.) So as soon as someone changes plans on me or tries to fill up my schedule, all those bad emotions come flooding back and I no longer feel in control of my life.

    So I usually need a few minutes to mull through it, then I feel better and can give a good answer.

    There's also that lousy dynamic where I do have trouble saying "no" to strangers who might think poorly of me (lack of solid boundaries on my part), so I immediately resent being asked to make a decision by their asking me to do something. That's silly on my part, but the emotions are still there.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

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