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  1. #11
    Pareo cattus Natrushka's Avatar
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    Jennifer, do you need to 'get used to the idea'? To "live with it and try it on"?

    Sometimes, rarely, I know I'm likely going to say "yes" (!) but I'll still say "no" or more aptly I will say "maybe"; I need to get used to the idea and weigh all of my options.

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  2. #12
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Natrushka View Post
    Jennifer, do you need to 'get used to the idea'? To "live with it and try it on"? Sometimes, rarely, I know I'm likely going to say "yes" (!) but I'll still say "no" or more aptly I will say "maybe"; I need to get used to the idea and weigh all of my options.
    Yes, I will sometimes know I plan to say yes but I just hate actually saying it... (that's so bad, isn't it?!) ... so I try to buy some time to think more about it by saying "no" or "I'll get back to you in a few minutes."

    It's almost like I just need a few minutes for my emotions to catch up with my head.

    [I will also buy time when I plan to say no, but just don't feel like I have the energy I need to deny someone at the moment. I need a few minutes to make sure I have everything prepared in my head and summon up the courage/energy to get through saying "no."]
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  3. #13
    Senior Member Nighthawk's Avatar
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    I'm a lot like Rivercrow. If I feel like I am being manipulated or ordered to do something ... my initial response is in the negative. Makes for some interesting situations at work. If that is not the case, I tend to evaluate the situation and then make a decision.

    My SO is also ISFJ ... and she can be a bit bossy ... particularly if the household chores are not done on time. She hears the word "no" from me a lot then if I have things that I need or want to do instead. I will eventually do what she want's, but on my own schedule.

  4. #14
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    I almost never say "no" immediately when asked something. The bluntness just sounds rude to me. I'm just as unlikely to say "yes" though. My answer is almost always "hmm, maybe" or "sure, sometime" depending on whether I actually want to (latter) or not (former). The only exception is if I know they aren't serious, or are deliberately trying to antagonize me.

    It might be an INTJ thing, because my dad (XNTJ) and best friend (INTJ) both do this often--saying no initially, automatically, regardless of what they actually think.

  5. #15
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    My brother the intj can be a lot like that. New things must be introduced bits at a time, very carefully, giving him plenty of space to adjust before a response is required. Most of the time I share an idea and say something like, "Don't answer now. Just live with the idea for a while and tell me what you think later." Then I leave him alone so he doesn't feel invaded and can get back to whatever he's doing.

    It's nice when someone is so predictable because I can use that to my advantage. When I really want him to say no to something, it's pretty easy to present the question in such a way that he'll disagree.

  6. #16
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    As much as I want to say no, I'm afraid to. Not because I care about the other person's feelings, but I just don't want to get into an argument and have the other person make subtle expressions to make me feel guilty.

    I'm also afraid to ask others a "Can I?" question for fear of hearing the response of "No." "No," my own little "N" word.

    I am quite afraid of rejection, so I try to keep my mouth shut about things like that as much as possible.

    I don't really have the guts to stand up to people directly -- maybe I'm slightly paranoid...

  7. #17
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    THEM: Do you wanna come skating with us on Saturday?
    ME: Maybe. Probably yes, not sure though, I'll let you know.

    That's my way of saying "yes I do want to go, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to, I have to check my calendar to see if I'm booked that day, and also check that I can get someone to look after the kids and transport to the skate park, as I have no car. But pending all those things, the answer's yes."

    THEM: Do you wanna come and see the new Tarantino film with us tomorrow?
    ME: Maybe. I might not be able to, I'll let you know after I've been home and checked my calendar.

    That's my way of saying "I'd rather be burried up to the neck in concrete next to a termite hill, and left for days with my face smeared with strawberry jelly, but I'm too polite to say so and also too lazy to explain and defend why I hate Tarantino, which I know you'll force me to do, so give me time to think of an excuse and I'll give you a good'un, and an alibi to boot."

    THEM: Will you help us out at the kids' fun day on Sunday?
    ME: Probably. Just let me know what you want me to do when I get there.

    That's my way of saying "I will probably go of my own accord, and if I do, I'll be glad to help out while I'm there, but I don't want you to rely on it in case I end up not coming, which is a distinct possibility given the location and time, unless I can negotiate said issues".

    So in summary, the first words will invariably either be 'maybe' or 'I dunno', 'it depends' or 'probably'.

    I'm almost always willing to help people out if they want me to, but since logistics are a significant limiting factor on what I can do, I tend not to commit until I know I've got them sorted. And since car-owning people tend to be unable to comprehend that people who don't own cars can't just go where and when they want at the drop of a hat for next to no money, but instead have to mobilize their family at great expense on public transport, limited to the bus routes etc; and since non-parents tend to not understand that kids can't just be put in stasis while you go out drinking at night, in order not to come across as whiny I tend to plead 'other engagements' more often and quickly find a willing alibi.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

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  8. #18
    Wait, what? Varelse's Avatar
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    Maybe. Ask me later.
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    We have no right to make amendments

  9. #19
    Senior Member nottaprettygal's Avatar
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    My first response is usually, "Hrm. Why should I?"

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by nottaprettygal View Post
    My first response is usually, "Hrm. Why should I?"
    What are you looking for: what's in it for me? or what's the point? or what will it achieve? something else?
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

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