User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 26

  1. #1
    Member sophiedoph's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    94

    Default INTJs (or NTs) and decision-making

    Let me first start out by saying that when I come to a decision/opinion, it is after a long period of time--thinking, researching, pondering, observing. The decisions I come to are well thought out, and reasoned. I am open to new information, and will adjust my opinion as it seems merited by me, but I do not speak as though I've concluded anything until I have.

    My husband is an INTJ and spews opinions and decisions like a box of varied fruit fruit popsicles. One day he decides we should retake the Bar exams and move to NC. We look at houses online and rebudget to save for taking the exams. The next day, no, we'll stay here. Then he's decided to move to Montana (???). Oh wait--gotta take the Bar there too... nah.

    He decides Obama will initiate Armegeddon. He will probably be elected, but it will be the end of the world. He will vote for McCain. Then he hears about McCain divorcing his wife after she becomes disabled in a car accident (and after she waited six years while he was in a POW camp) and feels he is disloyal, but still the best choice. Fast forward a few months... Now he loves Obama and hates McCain...

    Do INTJs just think outloud in declarative phrases? How do can one tell when they are serious??
    Hugs,

    Jen
    ~~~~~~~~
    "We must apply our humble efforts to build a more just and humane world. I want to affirm emphatically: such a world is possible. To create this new society we must reach out our hands, without hatred and rancour, for reconciliation and peace, with unfaltering determination in the defense of truth and justice. We know we cannot plant seeds with closed fists. To sow we must open our hands."

    ~Adolfo Esquivel

  2. #2
    Content. Content? DigitalMethod's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    970

    Default

    He must feel very comfortable with you.
    I say this because I think that is just his way of thinking things through. Sharing every thought he has with you, it's Te.
    He must be comfortable with you though because INTJs usually only are that open to that type of people in their lives (or so I am).
    I hate to look stupid, which I know some of the thoughts I have will be stupid, but if I am comfortable with the person I wouldn't care.

    Yes they think out loud, Te.
    You can tell when they are serious when they are done talking about it. How can you tell when they are done? I don't know... I guess they might tell you.

    I would suggest asking your husband if that is how he makes decisions. By a series of outward statements and thoughts. If he acknowledges that it's true. Then ask him when he makes his final decision to make sure to tell you.

    Just remember, if any new stuff is presented the decision might change.

    I also wanted to say that INTJs (again, at least me) approach problems in this general way:
    1) Understand the problem
    2) Automatically apply anything Ni tells you as truth (okay truth might be harsh, maybe the words "bias assumption")
    3) Realize that you might be Ni-ing to much, apply more of a scientific method sort of approach while still remembering original assumption.
    4) Once you get a good solution, maybe share it with someone close. Or not, but it just feels better to share it if that option is availble.
    5) If the person you share it with agrees, think about it a little more, analyze every possible outcome. Weigh the outcomes.
    6) If the person you share it with disagrees, either weigh their opinion with the scientific scale against your solution, and if your solution wins, analyze every possible outcome, weigh the outcomes. If their opinion weighs more on the sci-scale then restart at number 3 above.

    This is all sort of rough though I understand, and I might not have explained it perfectly...

    You've given good examples of what Ni and Te are.
    I think "spews opinions and decisions like a box of varied fruit fruit popsicles" is a great analogy of both.
    "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful."
    - Albert Einstein

  3. #3
    Senior Member Enyo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    xNTJ
    Posts
    443

    Default

    Think of it this way...

    At least he isn't set in his ways. He considers new information and restructures his decisions from there.

    I do it, too, but really and truly, the biggest indicator of a decision that I will make that can effect my family is this: How does my husband feel about it?
    "If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning." Catherine Aird

  4. #4
    Member sophiedoph's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    94

    Default

    Awww. OK, this has been really helpful!

    So when I offer an alternative viewpoint, it challenges his Ni process? And when he's thinking things out (a lot of it politics, today we discussed world politics for two hours) it sounds argumentative but it's really just that he's debating viewpoints within himself, as he internalizes/thinks through my feedback?

    I guess I should see it as a sign of enormous trust that he comes home from work each day and tells me about what happened, and asks for my feedback to help him gauge it?

    Thanks again! That's really cool. Your "thinking process order" was very awesome!
    Hugs,

    Jen
    ~~~~~~~~
    "We must apply our humble efforts to build a more just and humane world. I want to affirm emphatically: such a world is possible. To create this new society we must reach out our hands, without hatred and rancour, for reconciliation and peace, with unfaltering determination in the defense of truth and justice. We know we cannot plant seeds with closed fists. To sow we must open our hands."

    ~Adolfo Esquivel

  5. #5
    Member sophiedoph's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    94

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Enyo View Post
    Think of it this way...

    At least he isn't set in his ways. He considers new information and restructures his decisions from there.

    I do it, too, but really and truly, the biggest indicator of a decision that I will make that can effect my family is this: How does my husband feel about it?
    In some ways yes and in others no. We both hate where we live. It's too expensive, etc. We've been talking FOR YEARS about moving. We talk about it virtually EVERY WEEKEND. LOL

    But he never, ever acts on it. Then again, we haven't been in a position to act on it (hopefully we will be next year), so I feel like he's not actually even debating it, but he's "decided" we will stay here, yet he talks about it more like talking about winning the lottery--a nice dream, but not something he actually plans on.

    Does that make sense?

    Is this something where he would come to a decision when he has the means to act on it? (Rather than planning and saving for it?)
    Hugs,

    Jen
    ~~~~~~~~
    "We must apply our humble efforts to build a more just and humane world. I want to affirm emphatically: such a world is possible. To create this new society we must reach out our hands, without hatred and rancour, for reconciliation and peace, with unfaltering determination in the defense of truth and justice. We know we cannot plant seeds with closed fists. To sow we must open our hands."

    ~Adolfo Esquivel

  6. #6
    Content. Content? DigitalMethod's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    970

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by sophiedoph View Post
    Awww. OK, this has been really helpful!

    So when I offer an alternative viewpoint, it challenges his Ni process? And when he's thinking things out (a lot of it politics, today we discussed world politics for two hours) it sounds argumentative but it's really just that he's debating viewpoints within himself, as he internalizes/thinks through my feedback?

    I guess I should see it as a sign of enormous trust that he comes home from work each day and tells me about what happened, and asks for my feedback to help him gauge it?

    Thanks again! That's really cool. Your "thinking process order" was very awesome!
    Hm when you offer an alternative viewpoint he will probably weigh it scientifically/logically, more Te-ish. Ni is more like that initial "hunch" that you can get when addressing anything. But as scientific thinkers we (I) usually realize that hunches are bias and we try to eliminate them from important problem solving.

    "It sounds argumentative but it's really just that he's debating viewpoints within himself, as he internalizes/thinks through my feedback?"
    Yes, unless he gets angry.

    Yes, it's a sign of trust, and affection. Basically though, he is comfortable around you. And-- he thinks your input is helpful and respects it (if he is asking for advice that is, or feedback).

    INTJs main function is Ni, secondary Te.

    INFJs main fuction is Ni, secondary Fe.

    Ni - introverted intuition
    Te - extroverted thinking
    Fe - extroverted feeling
    "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful."
    - Albert Einstein

  7. #7
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    xNFP
    Posts
    6,885

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by sophiedoph View Post
    Let me first start out by saying that when I come to a decision/opinion, it is after a long period of time--thinking, researching, pondering, observing. The decisions I come to are well thought out, and reasoned. I am open to new information, and will adjust my opinion as it seems merited by me, but I do not speak as though I've concluded anything until I have.

    My husband is an INTJ and spews opinions and decisions like a box of varied fruit fruit popsicles. One day he decides we should retake the Bar exams and move to NC. We look at houses online and rebudget to save for taking the exams. The next day, no, we'll stay here. Then he's decided to move to Montana (???). Oh wait--gotta take the Bar there too... nah.

    He decides Obama will initiate Armegeddon. He will probably be elected, but it will be the end of the world. He will vote for McCain. Then he hears about McCain divorcing his wife after she becomes disabled in a car accident (and after she waited six years while he was in a POW camp) and feels he is disloyal, but still the best choice. Fast forward a few months... Now he loves Obama and hates McCain...

    Do INTJs just think outloud in declarative phrases? How do can one tell when they are serious??
    Dude, sweet! I'm not the only one who does this!!!!
    If you are interested in language, words, linguistics, or foreign languages, check out my blog and read, post, and/or share.

  8. #8
    Member sophiedoph's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    94

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by DigitalMethod View Post
    Hm when you offer an alternative viewpoint he will probably weigh it scientifically/logically, more Te-ish. Ni is more like that initial "hunch" that you can get when addressing anything. But as scientific thinkers we (I) usually realize that hunches are bias and we try to eliminate them from important problem solving.

    "It sounds argumentative but it's really just that he's debating viewpoints within himself, as he internalizes/thinks through my feedback?"
    Yes, unless he gets angry.

    Yes, it's a sign of trust, and affection. Basically though, he is comfortable around you. And-- he thinks your input is helpful and respects it (if he is asking for advice that is, or feedback).

    INTJs main function is Ni, secondary Te.

    INFJs main fuction is Ni, secondary Fe.

    Ni - introverted intuition
    Te - extroverted thinking
    Fe - extroverted feeling
    Right--he seems to operate on Ni. Te is a far second in the order. "How do you know we will all die in 2012?"

    "I just do."

    "How do you know my business is a terrible idea?"

    "I just do."

    "How do you know this person is evil?"

    "I just do. Don't question me!" LOL!

    Is that normal INTJ behavior? Really, the hunches seem to rule it, the thinking is definitely next, but it's a few steps away.
    Hugs,

    Jen
    ~~~~~~~~
    "We must apply our humble efforts to build a more just and humane world. I want to affirm emphatically: such a world is possible. To create this new society we must reach out our hands, without hatred and rancour, for reconciliation and peace, with unfaltering determination in the defense of truth and justice. We know we cannot plant seeds with closed fists. To sow we must open our hands."

    ~Adolfo Esquivel

  9. #9
    Content. Content? DigitalMethod's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    970

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by sophiedoph View Post
    In some ways yes and in others no. We both hate where we live. It's too expensive, etc. We've been talking FOR YEARS about moving. We talk about it virtually EVERY WEEKEND. LOL

    But he never, ever acts on it. Then again, we haven't been in a position to act on it (hopefully we will be next year), so I feel like he's not actually even debating it, but he's "decided" we will stay here, yet he talks about it more like talking about winning the lottery--a nice dream, but not something he actually plans on.

    Does that make sense?

    Is this something where he would come to a decision when he has the means to act on it? (Rather than planning and saving for it?)
    He's probably forming a plan, for the future. But he isn't saving for it? That's odd, you should bring that up.

    You should just state "Look, you and I both know it's inevitable that we are going to move, so what's the plan?"

    INTJs are usually future thinkers, he probably already has a plan of some degree.

    Of course maybe he doesn't want to move as much as you think? That may be one reason.

    I want to stress though that just because something I say sounds right doesn't mean it's right. I'm wrong a lot of times. And I'm not an expert on functions (Ni, Te, Fe, etc).
    "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful."
    - Albert Einstein

  10. #10
    Senior Member Enyo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    xNTJ
    Posts
    443

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by sophiedoph View Post
    In some ways yes and in others no. We both hate where we live. It's too expensive, etc. We've been talking FOR YEARS about moving. We talk about it virtually EVERY WEEKEND. LOL

    But he never, ever acts on it. Then again, we haven't been in a position to act on it (hopefully we will be next year), so I feel like he's not actually even debating it, but he's "decided" we will stay here, yet he talks about it more like talking about winning the lottery--a nice dream, but not something he actually plans on.

    Does that make sense?

    Is this something where he would come to a decision when he has the means to act on it? (Rather than planning and saving for it?)
    You know, my husband (who is not an INTJ) doesn't like change. At all. As much as I defer to him over most things, sometimes I have to put my foot down and insist on something. If I'd left it entirely up to him, we'd still be living in an apartment instead of our house. We wouldn't have our dogs (which are the babies). We wouldn't have a new car. We wouldn't be trying for a baby now. He also spent years talking about getting a Cisco cert.

    Funny thing is, the only big change that he's ever experienced that he *didn't* panic, procrastinate, or hem-and-haw over was marrying me.

    If I want something to happen and I feel that I've given him sufficient time to waffle over it (like he waffled over my car), I give him a deadline to make a decision or do something that he wants to do.

    I gave him until close of business that day to make a decision about a car after months of talking about it.

    I gave him six months to complete the certification that he'd been thinking about getting for years.

    And you know what? He did it. He made the decision and completed the certification without any push back.

    If you really want to move, tell him you want to move. But don't leave it there. Tell him that you need a decision from him regarding where you actually want to go. Just make sure that you make it clear where *you'd* like to go at the same time, so it's not such an open-ended question. Give him a deadline.

    And if he doesn't meet that deadline, then be prepared to unilaterally make a decision. Just make sure that he knows that this is the penalty for indecision.

    *Caveat: This works for us. I'm not an expert on Fe, Fi, or feet, for that matter. YMMV.
    "If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning." Catherine Aird

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 9
    Last Post: 01-06-2011, 08:30 AM
  2. [MBTItm] NFPs and decision-making
    By skylights in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 10-08-2010, 03:31 PM
  3. Personality Inventory: Studies in Judgment and Decision Making
    By Sparrow in forum Online Personality Tests
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 09-12-2010, 05:28 PM
  4. type and decision-making
    By maerzhase in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 03-03-2009, 11:51 AM
  5. [MBTItm] NFs and Decision Making
    By PinkIceTD in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 12-08-2008, 06:06 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO