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  1. #11
    Content. Content? DigitalMethod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sophiedoph View Post
    Right--he seems to operate on Ni. Te is a far second in the order. "How do you know we will all die in 2012?"

    "I just do."

    "How do you know my business is a terrible idea?"

    "I just do."

    "How do you know this person is evil?"

    "I just do. Don't question me!" LOL!

    Is that normal INTJ behavior? Really, the hunches seem to rule it, the thinking is definitely next, but it's a few steps away.
    INTJs come in all types of percentages.
    Look at my signature.
    What's his percentages?

    If he told you your business is a terrible idea (something you care for) then that is a little mean... he must really see something logically wrong with it.
    "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful."
    - Albert Einstein

  2. #12
    Member sophiedoph's Avatar
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    Without going into the wellbeing of the business (which MY N says is doing very well!), he won't acknowledge the numbers. He won't look at them. He won't look at the products or the quality, the stores that sell, or anything. He just has decided it won't work and is stupid.

    I think it's because he doesn't want me to leave law? (Maybe misery loves company? LOL)

    It seems to me an emotional response--a knee-jerk reaction.

    And yet at the same time he now is trying to buy for my birthday a $$$ piece of equipment that would benefit the business. ???? Yesterday he said he would get it for me but I had to agree not to use it professionally. Today he said he wanted to get it for me since I wanted to sell the products...

    He seems to vacillate so much on it. This makes no sense to me?
    Hugs,

    Jen
    ~~~~~~~~
    "We must apply our humble efforts to build a more just and humane world. I want to affirm emphatically: such a world is possible. To create this new society we must reach out our hands, without hatred and rancour, for reconciliation and peace, with unfaltering determination in the defense of truth and justice. We know we cannot plant seeds with closed fists. To sow we must open our hands."

    ~Adolfo Esquivel

  3. #13
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    I don't know, he doesn't sound like any INTJ I've ever known... but very much like most P's
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  4. #14
    Member sophiedoph's Avatar
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    LOL! I'm about to make him take that test DM has on his sig. He's veeeerrrry J IIRC. He's more organized than I am.
    Hugs,

    Jen
    ~~~~~~~~
    "We must apply our humble efforts to build a more just and humane world. I want to affirm emphatically: such a world is possible. To create this new society we must reach out our hands, without hatred and rancour, for reconciliation and peace, with unfaltering determination in the defense of truth and justice. We know we cannot plant seeds with closed fists. To sow we must open our hands."

    ~Adolfo Esquivel

  5. #15
    Content. Content? DigitalMethod's Avatar
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    INTJ that can't make decisions. Definitely possible. I'm this way with very important things, and when I'm stressed.

    If he is being hypocritical point it out to him in a... soft manner. Personally, I would want to know if I was being hypocritical, but if someone approached me in an accusatory nature I might take it offensively.

    Maybe something like,
    "So, you think the business will fail?"
    "Yes."
    "And you want to get me equipment to support the business?"
    "Ye... erm."

    Let him figure it out, just guide him there.

    Of course he might just say "Well I want to make you happy because I love you."
    "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful."
    - Albert Einstein

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by sophiedoph View Post
    LOL! I'm about to make him take that test DM has on his sig. He's veeeerrrry J IIRC. He's more organized than I am.
    I'm very organized. But I'm also very P.
    My parents are J's and they INFURIATE me on a regular basis with their lack of efficiency and organization. But they're definitely J's.

    So, that's no proof really
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  7. #17
    Member sophiedoph's Avatar
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    Heh! OK--here are his results--you are right! INTP! So funny--two other times he tested INTJ but he hadn't taken this one.

    Hugs,

    Jen
    ~~~~~~~~
    "We must apply our humble efforts to build a more just and humane world. I want to affirm emphatically: such a world is possible. To create this new society we must reach out our hands, without hatred and rancour, for reconciliation and peace, with unfaltering determination in the defense of truth and justice. We know we cannot plant seeds with closed fists. To sow we must open our hands."

    ~Adolfo Esquivel

  8. #18
    Member sophiedoph's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Enyo View Post
    You know, my husband (who is not an INTJ) doesn't like change. At all. As much as I defer to him over most things, sometimes I have to put my foot down and insist on something. If I'd left it entirely up to him, we'd still be living in an apartment instead of our house. We wouldn't have our dogs (which are the babies). We wouldn't have a new car. We wouldn't be trying for a baby now. He also spent years talking about getting a Cisco cert.

    Funny thing is, the only big change that he's ever experienced that he *didn't* panic, procrastinate, or hem-and-haw over was marrying me.

    If I want something to happen and I feel that I've given him sufficient time to waffle over it (like he waffled over my car), I give him a deadline to make a decision or do something that he wants to do.

    I gave him until close of business that day to make a decision about a car after months of talking about it.

    I gave him six months to complete the certification that he'd been thinking about getting for years.

    And you know what? He did it. He made the decision and completed the certification without any push back.

    If you really want to move, tell him you want to move. But don't leave it there. Tell him that you need a decision from him regarding where you actually want to go. Just make sure that you make it clear where *you'd* like to go at the same time, so it's not such an open-ended question. Give him a deadline.

    And if he doesn't meet that deadline, then be prepared to unilaterally make a decision. Just make sure that he knows that this is the penalty for indecision.

    *Caveat: This works for us. I'm not an expert on Fe, Fi, or feet, for that matter. YMMV.
    Thank you for this! It really is what I needed to hear. My childhood family was/is very independent--make your own choices, we'll support you. And we do make our own decisions, we are all Js. It's so outside of my nature to force someone to come to a conclusion, I just automatically think they will.

    The only decision he came to, also, that didn't require hem-hawing was marrying me. Actually he said he knew within 2 weeks of meeting me that he wanted to marry me. Other than that, he won't change a job he has hated for five years. He won't move from a location he hates. I think you are right, they just hate change. (Although he is spontaneous with how he spends his days.)

    The deadline idea is great. I shall give it a try! Thanks again!
    Hugs,

    Jen
    ~~~~~~~~
    "We must apply our humble efforts to build a more just and humane world. I want to affirm emphatically: such a world is possible. To create this new society we must reach out our hands, without hatred and rancour, for reconciliation and peace, with unfaltering determination in the defense of truth and justice. We know we cannot plant seeds with closed fists. To sow we must open our hands."

    ~Adolfo Esquivel

  9. #19
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    I was raised, or rather not raised, by criminally negligent parents so I also had to become very independent and make my own decisions.

    But that's just the point. I want to make MY OWN decision, which means making it in my own time, when I'm ready and when *I* feel that I have all the info I need. Just because there's a J with a desperate need for closure snapping at my heels doesn't help me make the decision, it just puts my back up and in fact prolongs the process, cos whilst I was ruminating on the facts in order to make the decision, now I'm stressed and feeling hassled by them and having to play emotional tennis, all very tiring. If they just left me alone to do my research and bounce ideas off people, they'd find when the time comes, I'd make just as snappy a decision as any J.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  10. #20
    Member sophiedoph's Avatar
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    But does it take you years and years and years? When you REALLY REALLY hate the way things are?
    Hugs,

    Jen
    ~~~~~~~~
    "We must apply our humble efforts to build a more just and humane world. I want to affirm emphatically: such a world is possible. To create this new society we must reach out our hands, without hatred and rancour, for reconciliation and peace, with unfaltering determination in the defense of truth and justice. We know we cannot plant seeds with closed fists. To sow we must open our hands."

    ~Adolfo Esquivel

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