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[NT] I/ENTJ Men and Intimate Relationships

DiscoBiscuit

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Why is it a waste of time? Because I don't end up agreeing with you too often? I engage with you not because we are going to agree, but because I want to understand your perspective better, partly because it is often so different from mine. Of course if your primary goal is winning arguments or converting the infidels rather than promoting understanding, it will indeed seem a waste of time.

My primary goal is to not waste the short amount of time I have on this planet dealing with people that piss me the fuck off.
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
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My primary goal is to not waste the short amount of time I have on this planet dealing with people that piss me the fuck off.
Then I wish you luck in always being able to avoid dealing with people who bring out this reaction in you.
 

Agnes

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I engage with you not because we are going to agree, but because I want to understand your perspective better, partly because it is often so different from mine.

I just wanted to say that I have a lot of problems with this in my private life so I really relate to it.
In my experience the other person is not happy to talk about it cause you may touch something really intimate in them and mostly emotional so they don't wanna go there maybe even with themselves. Also they even don't understand themselves about it to explain, they just know that is right for them and they cannot reason it out. It is just something that makes a person tick the way they do, all connected. I have the same problem with trying to understand and reason out my own emotions. When I ignore my strong emotions and do sometimes what I think is resonable I hurt myself extremely and I don't feel right, so it's no no in whatever reasoning. I reason it now in a way that I say to myself that inside of me there are good reasons for that feelings based on information I'm not aware of. And person is not just rational but also emotional, intuitive etc; I see it as too complex to deal with it only with rationality.

On topic: I prefer a partner that I would feel like it's equal to me. Definitely an E, I have low patience with I. I'm a female and in my experience men weren't very happy with me being dominant. But in reality I don't wanna dominate, I just want someone head on with me. At least as brave as me. Not an arrogant prick and not a soppy submassive person. I also know I don't want someone too similar to me, I want someone who would bring something new to the table. But by MBTI type I really don't know except that I prefer E.
 

freeeekyyy

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I tend to like women who are confident and intelligent, but aggressive/assertive are a no. What's most important to me is character. Critical values must be shared, she must be kind and compassionate, etc...
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
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I tend to like women who are confident and intelligent, but aggressive/assertive are a no. What's most important to me is character. Critical values must be shared, she must be kind and compassionate, etc...
What is wrong with assertiveness, and what opposite/alternative quality would you prefer?
 

freeeekyyy

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What is wrong with assertiveness, and what opposite/alternative quality would you prefer?
I guess I associate it a bit with arrogance. And no, that isn't a gender thing. I don't like when men get too much that way, either. "My way or the highway" type attitudes are the quickest way imaginable to piss me off...
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
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I guess I associate it a bit with arrogance. And no, that isn't a gender thing. I don't like when men get too much that way, either. "My way or the highway" type attitudes are the quickest way imaginable to piss me off...
What you describe is aggression or bossiness. Assertiveness is simply sticking up for yourself and going after what you want, not necessarily at others' expense.
 

Kullervo

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Do male I/ENTJ men like a woman who is assertive, confident, somewhat aggressive and organized? What "type" of women if given the choice would you choose to be involved in a romantic relationship with? What "type" would you prefer to marry?

If you're an NTJ male I'd love to hear your thoughts. :yes:

This is a great thread idea so thanks for starting it.

Confidence is absolutely essential. Having a positive view of yourself and others really helps people around you open up and become more confident, and it is essential to attraction. Organization is likewise indispensable. A woman who can't plan and get things done will be very frustrating to live with. Therefore, these things are a given for any man, not just an NTJ.

I do not find assertive or aggressive behaviour attractive; a self-respecting man does not want to be ordered around by his girlfriend. If a woman starts trying to challenge my authority, she is history as I have no tolerance for disharmony in a relationship. Arguments with people I have an emotional connection to are extremely distressing.
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
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I do not find asysertive or aggressive behaviour attractive; a self-respecting man does not want to be ordered around by his girlfriend. [BIf a woman starts trying to challenge my authority,[/B] she is history as I have no tolerance for disharmony in a relationship. Arguments with people I have an emotional connection to are extremely distressing.
How do you define your authority, and how far do you think it extends? What do you do to respect or acknowledge the woman's authority?
 

Kullervo

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How do you define your authority, and how far do you think it extends? What do you do to respect or acknowledge the woman's authority?

I enjoy having responsibilities and making decisions for other people, so long as I care about them. It is difficult for me to be motivated to assume responsibility for anyone I dislike (or a cause that I don't believe in) as my feelings tend to get in the way.

Generally I don't like setting too many rules and boundaries in a relationship, as that can be a bit stifling for me. What I really enjoy is a relaxed, cheerful woman who is happy for me to make decisions without much argument and questioning, and helps me out with the things that I struggle with (like socialising, understanding people emotionally, and many domestic duties). I don't doubt that there are women out there who would I would be able to function with very well, and think that I have been more than a bit unlucky in my love life to date.

I don't intend to use this forum as a dating site. It is pretty obvious that the women here are not compatible with me.
 

Arctic Hysteria

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Do male I/ENTJ men like a woman who is assertive, confident, somewhat aggressive and organized? What "type" of women if given the choice would you choose to be involved in a romantic relationship with? What "type" would you prefer to marry?

Assertive, confident, organized - the adjectives most guys would use to describe their ideal marriage material... until some of them meet somebody who's quite the opposite of the ideal and fall in love. That's how it works. Every ENTJ man or every man has kind of a similar checklist, yet a very different, particular, specific heart of his own that chooses who he'd fall in love with in a discrete, mysterious way.
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
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I enjoy having responsibilities and making decisions for other people, so long as I care about them. It is difficult for me to be motivated to assume responsibility for anyone I dislike (or a cause that I don't believe in) as my feelings tend to get in the way.
This sounds alot like how a parent sees a child. Is this how you see women?

Generally I don't like setting too many rules and boundaries in a relationship, as that can be a bit stifling for me. What I really enjoy is a relaxed, cheerful woman who is happy for me to make decisions without much argument and questioning, and helps me out with the things that I struggle with (like socialising, understanding people emotionally, and many domestic duties). I don't doubt that there are women out there who would I would be able to function with very well, and think that I have been more than a bit unlucky in my love life to date.
Might your poor luck have anything to do with women not liking to be viewed as children, and to have a more active role in making their own decisions, and even making decisions for those they love, when within their areas of expertise?

By the way, you didn't answer about what you do to respect or acknowledge the woman's authority. Is this because you do not respect their authority, even over themselves?
 
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