What if your wife didn't make enough to support you both--you both had to work? Do you create a chore chart and share?
Re: two ambitious individuals being married--I have heard it said "You can't both be super-stars, someone needs to take care of the house..." I haven't decided if I agree with that or not, but I believe that the companionship and friendship is very much worth it.
I have sacrificed a lot for our relationship. Coming from a top university with a stellar GPA and exceptional research experience, I really could have gone to some exceptinal graduate schools. I was accepted into top law schools, but chose the local one. Why? Because being apart from my husband makes me depressed I really love him a lot, and the times we have been separated (I lived on-campus for 4 months when I first started law school) he has felt the same.
I would love to work in the international human rights arena. I always tell him if he leaves me I'm joining the Peace Corps (haha!) I would love to move to the capitol of our state and be a lobbyist, or go work for Amnesty Int'l or some other NGO. But I have made a commitment, and my commitment to our relationship comes before all of that. The occasional business trip I have to take is as much away as I am willing to be. I also have two birds that are high maintenance and am a pretty devoted parrot mommy.
Addressing the small business + full time job aspect... I hate law. I hate everything about law except my clients. I never had a migraine in my life until I started working--the conflict, the office politics... it's more than I can bear. I get migraines daily now.
I realized that if I wanted to get out of law I had to find an alternative that would pay at least as well. I developed a very popular product that is in its own little niche, but spent so much time working on it because frankly? Since I have chosen the path of being married and putting that first, I want to work from home in something other than law. I want to clean the house and cook dinner, have time to garden, and still make money.
And I need that other something to be able to contribute to our income and still pay my $1400/mth student loans (not including my husband's). (Law school is $$$$.)
I did the business because *for us* I think we are happiest when I am able to stay home and take care of "everything else." I don't mind doing that, I really love it actually. But we can't afford for me to stay at home, and anyway I'd go crazy without some other something to do. Hence, I poured myself into that business out of grit, out of knowing that I hate law, and we'd both be happiest if I were home, and that was the only way to accomplish it.
At the moment the business is growing phenomenally well. I didn't think I had a business bone in my body. (An INFJ in business? Do fish ride bikes?) But I really, really love it. Since July it has been largely a maintenance activity since I put so much time into it before. My dream would be to work from home on the business, having time to clean, to cook, to see the seasons pass, to watch my parrots play on the patio as I work (much as life was while I was in law school on my days off)... and do immigration law pro bono on the side, as my connection to "international human rights." I do these on the side right now as well, and just love them. Unfortunately the clients usually can't afford a lawyer, so it's not an area of law I could pursue to pay my bills...
I hope all of this makes sense. I'm working on said pro bono appellate brief and am a bit, erm, scatterbrained.