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  1. #11
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    I would enjoy an assertive woman, because I'm not that assertive. Someone who is a doer, not a talker. But I'm very organized, so she doesn't have to be that...I'd prefer if she were a little spontaneous to balance me and get me to do some spontaneous things myself.
    Hey you. Did I tell you you could socialize with your friends? Or have your own opinions, for that matter?!

    Oh, I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of reorganizing your spice rack by tossing all of the bottles into the air and then putting them back into the cabinet. Just treat it like it's a treasure hunt.

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackOp View Post
    Extroverted, accountable and a sharp wit. No unwarranted disruptions to the flow.... INTJs dont really want/need to date themselves. They have to do what they say they are going to do....and find us amazing. Which we are.
    One of my close friends is an INTJ, and he really is one of the most brilliant people I know. Quite the mastermind. I ask him all sorts of crazy questions about how things work, and he always has an answer. Very educational.

  2. #12
    Member sophiedoph's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenix13 View Post
    Hahaha! Oh my... so what is this fear of assertiveness? An assertive woman knows what she wants and will tell you. She's honest. What's the problem?
    Two stubborn people = recipe for unfunness. I've learned to find my voice, and use it as necessary, but for my INTJ, it's one of those "you attract more flies by honey than vinegar" things. If he's being stubborn and obstinate, some sweetness wins him over pretty quickly.

    I find the more aggressive/blunt I am, the less well we get along. The more I am sweet and nurturing, the more likely he is to agree with me.

    So in a nutshell, I would say my INTJ values (in no particular order):
    1. Independence
    2. Intelligence/deep conversations
    3. Someone who gently challenges ideas (not argumentative)
    4. Introversion/someone who appreciates the need for space
    5. Companionship
    6. Loyalty
    7. Someone who can tolerate bluntness (although too much of it earns him a chewing out)
    8. Low maintenance
    9. A "feeler" gauge--to let him know when he's being too T to others, help him evaluate conversations/office politics, and keep him in touch with the gentler side of life

    Really, in a nutshell, he has often told me that he really values my loyalty, gentleness, and nurturing nature. He feels our home is his safe haven, and he'd rather be here than anywhere else in the world. (LOL--I agree!) Conflict wears him out and he appreciates coming home to a place where there's not too much of it (unless he's being too blunt--then it's dished right back).

    I'd be interested in hearing others' experiences as well.
    Hugs,

    Jen
    ~~~~~~~~
    "We must apply our humble efforts to build a more just and humane world. I want to affirm emphatically: such a world is possible. To create this new society we must reach out our hands, without hatred and rancour, for reconciliation and peace, with unfaltering determination in the defense of truth and justice. We know we cannot plant seeds with closed fists. To sow we must open our hands."

    ~Adolfo Esquivel

  3. #13
    Senior Member animenagai's Avatar
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    hmmm... more evidence of keirsey's method .

  4. #14
    Content. Content? DigitalMethod's Avatar
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    INFP or INFJ.
    "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful."
    - Albert Einstein

  5. #15
    Branded with Satan murkrow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jen View Post
    Do male I/ENTJ men like a woman who is assertive, confident, somewhat aggressive and organized? What "type" of women if given the choice would you choose to be involved in a romantic relationship with? What "type" would you prefer to marry?

    If you're an NTJ male I'd love to hear your thoughts.
    Assertiveness is great, confidence is absolutely necessary, aggressiveness is case dependent and organization I don't really care for.

    MBTI type I want is INTP, for relationship and marriage.

    INFP is another possibility, but second by a long shot.

    ENFJ maaaaaaaaaaaaybe.

    N is an absolute necessity, and being dominated by a judging function also seems to help communication a lot.

    INTP-INFP-ENFJ/ENTJ

    anything else would really surprise me.

    I want someone who can challenge, inspire and desire me.
    wails from the crypt.

  6. #16
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    My husband is ENTJ and we've been married for 17 years so I have some personal insight into this. I think my husband would have preferred an ESFJ or something close to it. He is not at all a chauvinist (in that he doesn't care if the male does this and the female does that), he feels that since he earns the money that I must be an extremely competant "EVERYTHING ELSE" - his secretary, driver of children, cook, head housekeeper, gardener, writer of the Christmas cards, event planner, banker, etc.

    I know that he likes intelligent women, but not agressive ones. He would definately have preferred someone who is an E-type because the E versus I issue is pretty big with us.

  7. #17
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    I am loving your responses. Keep em' coming!

    Alicia my husband is an INTJ but he sounds similar to your husband. Good thing I'm an ESFJ otherwise he'd probably boot me out the front door.
    Time is a delicate mistress.

  8. #18
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    Good thing I'm an ESFJ otherwise he'd probably boot me out the front door
    Or do you just play one on TV? LOL

  9. #19
    Member sophiedoph's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alicia91 View Post
    My husband is ENTJ and we've been married for 17 years so I have some personal insight into this. I think my husband would have preferred an ESFJ or something close to it. He is not at all a chauvinist (in that he doesn't care if the male does this and the female does that), he feels that since he earns the money that I must be an extremely competant "EVERYTHING ELSE" - his secretary, driver of children, cook, head housekeeper, gardener, writer of the Christmas cards, event planner, banker, etc.

    I know that he likes intelligent women, but not agressive ones. He would definately have preferred someone who is an E-type because the E versus I issue is pretty big with us.

    If he's like mine (and it sounds very similar) it's not that he's chauvinist, it's not even that he makes more money. It's that he doesn't want to do it and will find an excuse for you to have to do it.

    I moved in with my husband six years ago. He was in his last year of law school, I was finishing my BS in behavioral neuroscience. I had strong feelings about equality in all things, division of labor, etc. He thought I should do more because "OMG I'M IN LAW SCHOOL AND IT'S SO HARD AND YOU ARE ONLY GETTING YOUR UNDERGRAD DEGREE OMG!" So fine, I did more/all. I thought when we started working it would change.

    Then we both started working and it was OMG I WORK SO MUCH HARDER THAN YOU/I HAVE SO MUCH MORE STRESS THAN YOU YOU SHOULD DO EVERYTHING! And it was true. So I did, thinking someday if I were ever his equal (or went to law school) it would be different.

    For various reasons unrelated to equality (namely, I didn't think I had the patience for psychology but wanted to seek social good) I did wind up in law school. I commuted four hours/day to school because he didn't want to move/had a job. I usually got around 2-4 hours of sleep per night, working my ass off in school. I still had to do everything because OMG I MAKE MORE THAN YOU! The first year nothing got done--our house was probably a health hazard. The second and third years I had 2-3 days "off" / week to stay home, so that's why I had to do it all, even though I was taking 17 credit hours, working part time as a research assistant, and working 20 hours/week in a human rights legal clinic.

    Then I graduated and started working.

    And the reason I had to do it all? Because my area of law is "glorified social work" (poverty law) and he goes to trial more often. (Forget about hte fact that I WORK MANY MORE HOURS THAN HE DOES AND I MAKE MORE MONEY THAN HE DOES!!

    I put my foot down. :steam:

    All I wanted was a housekeeper to come 1x/week for four hours. That's it. he said no because OMG SHE MIGHT ROB US BLIND. So I went on strike--cooking, cleaning, anything--for six months. I worked more than he did. I brought in more money. He wasn't going to one-up me because he does 12 trials/year. I started a small business--which he hated--and worked all of my spare time getting it up and running because as public-interest lawyers with school loan payments of $2000/month, we will never afford a house. I was up until 1am working on my business, and then getting up again at 7 to go to work, daily, for months.

    During that time he learned to clean really well, and has become proficient in the art of the microwave meal. He's learned to grocery shop, he's started cleaning out the litter box (which is for HIS cats!), he's begun managing the finances.

    My rule now is that I will clean as much as he does. If he wants the bathroom clean but leaves all his shit out, I'm not lifting a finger. If he cleans it, I will do my part to maintain it (wipe it down, etc.) but as soon as he starts leaving his stuff out or making a mess, he's on his own. He often cooks for both of us now, etc.

    I don't think he would have necessarily preferred an ESFJ wife (I once told him he wanted a housekeeper wife, and if that was the case, he shouldn't have recommended law school! At the time I was pretty involved with the small business and didn't have much extra time for him, and he said, "I want a companion!")

    We both struggle with anxiety/depression. We both think outside the box, dream big, etc. We are the very best of friends, and prefer each other's company to anyone else in the whole world. He's the only person I've ever met who doesn't drain me, and he has said the same about me on many occasions.

    I think NTJs (or at least this INTJ) just doesn't like to have to do much S stuff--going outside of his head to have to clean, run errands, take care of basic stuff. I just don't give him much choice, and can be pretty loud about it.
    Hugs,

    Jen
    ~~~~~~~~
    "We must apply our humble efforts to build a more just and humane world. I want to affirm emphatically: such a world is possible. To create this new society we must reach out our hands, without hatred and rancour, for reconciliation and peace, with unfaltering determination in the defense of truth and justice. We know we cannot plant seeds with closed fists. To sow we must open our hands."

    ~Adolfo Esquivel

  10. #20
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    I like to run errands outside and plan events, and grocery shopping is something I really like to do. But yes, I don't like household chores. Who actually likes them? Anyway really, if I had a wife that made a lot more money that me - and that money was enough to support us both, I'd gladly stop working and take care of the house. All I really need during my day is one hour of working out - if I don't do that, I become rather nervous.

    I'm totally of the opinion that if two people are both very ambitious and want to reach high-paying careers that demand a lot of their time shouldn't get married at all. What's the use of being toghether if work is what matters the most? A better win-win solution would be living alone. Anything else would be too much of an hassle to me, I'm a rather accomodating person and I dislike having trouble in my life: sure as hell this type of situation would bring a lot of it. A life of going to bed at 12 after finishing working, and getting up at 7 at work? I need more freedom than that. I would become depressed after a month of that. I'd run straight to live in a small village in the mountains completely alone.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

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