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  1. #1
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Default How do NTs experience crushes?

    When you have a crush, does it last for a long or short unit of time?

    Do you view your crush as an idealized version of her/himself, oblivious to the real person? Or is it just that you're so forgiving that you don't care about the faults that you see existing?

    How much does this crush influence your decisions? (As an NT, I think it influences my feelings but not my final decision. It just makes the decision-making-process take longer b/c of all the feeling getting in the way.)
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  2. #2
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    My crushes are unhealthily and hopelessly obsessive.

    They usually manifest themselves through networking sites, for I have never actually been asked out by a girl.

    Luckily, I have a fabulous computer and Xbox 360 to filter unnatural and idiotic feelings of loneliness.

  3. #3
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    It has been a long time since I've had a real "crush" on anyone, but basically I analyze it just like I would anything else.

    I am aware of what I am feeling and what it is, but just because I feel it would not mean I should act on it; it needs to be examined and the best course of action taken.

    Still, I can get very giddy and silly when I have a crush on someone, and the emotions are obsessive and intense.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

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    It is rare, intense, and does not fade quickly (if at all).

    I think, hope, I see the flaws of the other person and do not idealize.

  5. #5
    Senior Member htb's Avatar
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    My four crushes have all been long-term, either ending when I found an opportunity to ask the girl out or, if no chance to act on my feelings passed, naturally over time.

    The two girls I approached, an ISTP and an INTP, were both interested as it turns out -- though neither relationship became serious, somewhat difficult circumstances magnifying the poor match between myself and perceiving types. Idealization didn't necessarily occur, but in the course of limerence I assigned far too much value to mutual interest and took each failure much too seriously. It wasn't until another (for whom no crush was had) rejected me with malice that I realized I could be rejected, even painfully, and not lose my stride.

    As Park wrote on INTPc some time ago, I have found that I am most serene when a girl is neither in my life or my mind.

  6. #6
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    When I have a crush it may last for a long period of time , but it ebbs and flows. I hate rejection so when I'm crushing on someone and I think they like me, I'll be preoccupied with them until i get a sense that they are ignoring me more than usual, then I try to detach myself -"oh well, that might be it"...until they send another signal. That way I never spend any wasted effort on unrequited crushes. If I get a lot of mixed signals then I just try to forget about them.

    Of course this is all dependent on my own intuitive interpretation of signals. I rarely discuss romance or crushes with friends, so i only have my own experience to draw from. My people-reading skills could be way off.
    I don't wanna!

  7. #7
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uberfuhrer View Post
    My crushes are unhealthily and hopelessly obsessive.

    They usually manifest themselves through networking sites, for I have never actually been asked out by a girl.

    Luckily, I have a fabulous computer and Xbox 360 to filter unnatural and idiotic feelings of loneliness.
    lol.

    i'm pretty sure that your "unnatural and idiotic feelings of loneliness" are actually a) normal and b) made worse by the fact that you probably don't socialize enough (frequency or depth) to make them less intense. at least, that's been my experience.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  8. #8
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Ever since I've been old enough to have realistic crushes (i.e. not just the hottie older guys in high school, but actually people I've met and who know me a little bit) I find that a) I'm pretty accurate at figuring out whether or not they like me and b) I overthink things.

    That has been my experience. I am crushing pretty hard right now.


    There's a part of my brain that is the irrational completely feeling-driven part; this part makes up mundane fantasies of the two of us together. Very earthly, realistic "we could play catch" kinda fantasies.

    The other 1/2 of my brain is inquisitively curious, and analyzes the irrational part of me that is crushing on this guy.


    I would say I'm very aware of his shortcomings (those which I would know from our limited interaction).

    I think the crush started in my brain toward his brain (he's very intelligent and funny), and radiated down into my "feelingly insides". I am quite certain that although he is physically attractive, that was only noticed once I noticed his brain.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  9. #9
    Senior Member Dansker's Avatar
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    I'll come back and reply to this topic in more detail later.

    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    I am quite certain that although he is physically attractive, that was only noticed once I noticed his brain.
    I'm the same. First the brain, everything else comes later.

  10. #10
    Senior Member htb's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Userhername View Post
    I am quite certain that although he is physically attractive, that was only noticed once I noticed his brain.
    That's as it was with the INTP. She had actually once won a national beauty contest -- but when I first came across her, I would not have given her a second thought if I hadn't have read her writing.

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