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  1. #1
    Junior Member Poetica's Avatar
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    Default Relationship/Attraction/Advice?

    This is a question for anyone who has an opinion about this, not just INTJs, although I think INTJs would probably understand the nature of this better.
    I'm well aware that this might not be the best fitting forum for this thread, but anyway...

    Alright, so here's the deal (cookies for you if you read through the end of this). Something unexpected happened to me recently. I met this guy who is in more than one of my classes in University, and I developed a fondness/interest towards him. Every time he'd say something sarcastically in response to someone else, I'd think "that's exactly what I'd say if I was in his situation!" So naturally, I began to observe him more and learned that he was an INTJ as well. No surprise there. Over time, I had a strong feeling that he was beginning to get interested in me, from the types of questions he asked when we were talking. I was a bit surprised that anyone could find me interesting.

    Later on at a social event, I glimpsed him holding hands with his girlfriend. Of course, I had taken the fact that he might have a significant other into consideration already, but the more I observed (and judged) him, I found that to be highly unlikely. After that moment, I just sort of laughed it off in my mind. It seemed funny and stupid to me that I had fallen for this guy and I just thought "what did you expect?"

    So my question is, why wasn't I upset in the least after this came to my attention? Has this happened to anyone else? Please help me understand myself.
    “I write to give myself strength. I write to be the characters that I am not. I write to explore all the things I’m afraid of. ” -Joss Whedon

  2. #2
    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
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    While entertaining a faint hope of success, you had already expected it would not work out for you. When hunch became fact, you felt your sad prognosis vindicated. Thus, the feeling of having predicted the outcome correctly modified the feeling of disappointment, the severity of which you had already kept to a minimum by expecting little, providing you with a cynic's smile at defeat.
    Likes Poetica, Obsidius, hecait liked this post

  3. #3
    my floof is luxury Wind Up Rex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nicodemus View Post
    While entertaining a faint hope of success, you had already expected it would not work out for you. When hunch became fact, you felt your sad prognosis vindicated. Thus, the feeling of having predicted the outcome correctly modified the feeling of disappointment, the severity of which you had already kept to a minimum by expecting little, providing you with a cynic's smile at defeat.
    And so long as you haven’t experienced this: to die and so to grow,
    you are only a troubled guest on the dark earth
    Likes Poetica liked this post

  4. #4
    Junior Member Poetica's Avatar
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    Yeah, I guess that would make sense.
    “I write to give myself strength. I write to be the characters that I am not. I write to explore all the things I’m afraid of. ” -Joss Whedon

  5. #5
    The Typing Tabby grey_beard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Poetica View Post
    This is a question for anyone who has an opinion about this, not just INTJs, although I think INTJs would probably understand the nature of this better.
    I'm well aware that this might not be the best fitting forum for this thread, but anyway...

    Alright, so here's the deal (cookies for you if you read through the end of this). Something unexpected happened to me recently. I met this guy who is in more than one of my classes in University, and I developed a fondness/interest towards him. Every time he'd say something sarcastically in response to someone else, I'd think "that's exactly what I'd say if I was in his situation!" So naturally, I began to observe him more and learned that he was an INTJ as well. No surprise there. Over time, I had a strong feeling that he was beginning to get interested in me, from the types of questions he asked when we were talking. I was a bit surprised that anyone could find me interesting.

    Later on at a social event, I glimpsed him holding hands with his girlfriend. Of course, I had taken the fact that he might have a significant other into consideration already, but the more I observed (and judged) him, I found that to be highly unlikely. After that moment, I just sort of laughed it off in my mind. It seemed funny and stupid to me that I had fallen for this guy and I just thought "what did you expect?"

    So my question is, why wasn't I upset in the least after this came to my attention? Has this happened to anyone else? Please help me understand myself.
    He was only assigned to the "eligible" category, not yet assigned to the "actively pursue" category, and you hadn't let him into your shell.
    Therefore, no psychical / emotional energy committed other than that expended in ordinary thinking...which is a fixed cost anyway.

    Good luck on finding another...or any well-suited significant other.
    "Love never needs time. But friendship always needs time. More and more and more time, up to long past midnight." -- The Crime of Captain Gahagan

    Please comment on my johari / nohari pages.

  6. #6
    Member Tippo's Avatar
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    I think you're awesome

  7. #7
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nicodemus View Post
    While entertaining a faint hope of success, you had already expected it would not work out for you. When hunch became fact, you felt your sad prognosis vindicated. Thus, the feeling of having predicted the outcome correctly modified the feeling of disappointment, the severity of which you had already kept to a minimum by expecting little, providing you with a cynic's smile at defeat.
    That's about it. The way to avoid disappointment is to limit one's expectations.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

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