User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 54

  1. #1
    The elder Holmes Mycroft's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w6 so/sp
    Posts
    1,080

    Default Soliciting small talk advice from other NTs

    Short story short, I presently find myself in a job position where I am approached with small talk on a reasonably regular basis. I don't want these people to think that I dislike them or that I'm (here it comes) an arrogant prick, but I feel so ridiculously insincere when I try to participate in small talk. Does anybody have some Small Talk Coping Techniques they'd be willing to share?

  2. #2
    Doesn't Read Your Posts Haight's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INTj
    Posts
    6,243

    Default

    Yeah: Fake it to make it.
    "The only time I'm wrong is when I'm questioning myself."
    Haight

  3. #3
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    FREE
    Enneagram
    594 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    42,333

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Haight View Post
    Yeah: Fake it to make it.
    That is probably the main thing.

    You're going to be uncomfortable for quite awhile. But it's like riding a bike: You can't figure it out by reading about how to ride the bike, you only really learn it by doing it and falling off and skinning up your knees a number of times.

    Another thing is, even when you are uncomfortable, keep giving "open" cues. I.e., keep your body position "open" and not closed, face the speaker, don't be doing a bunch of other tasks while trying to talk with them, ask them questions based on what they've said, try to stick on open-ended topics rather than changing things into an intellectual argument dependent on your own specialized knowledge(s), all of those things.

    Whatever comes across as "He's open to conversation" is good, even if your actual content feels clumsy to you. People forgive verbal clumsiness if they sense you're open; if they sense you're closed or anxious or that you want them to leave, it will usually shut things down.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  4. #4
    Reigning Bologna Princess Rajah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    7
    Posts
    1,774

    Default

    Yeah. Listen to the people with whom you're talking. Then come up with a suitable question based on what they're saying. And if you can't think of anything, nod and say "That's interesting."


    I... suppose. Yeah!

  5. #5
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    9w8
    Socionics
    INTj
    Posts
    4,463

    Default

    Small talk isn't a mystery. It's just trying to keep the subject from diving into brain wracking realms. You probably do it all the time with friends and family but just don't class it as such.

    Basically all your doing is treating someone as a friend without having to go into the whole loyalty thing too much. So just open up and be nice. The rest is like walking backwards.. you put one line after the other.

    Oh and most forum topics are small talk. It doesn't have to be
    "Do you know what her at number 44 is doing?"
    "No what?"
    "Well...."

    That's something I avoid at all costs.

    Oh and steer the conversation towards your interests. NTs are always easier to talk to when it concerns their own interests. Something to do with being more comfortable after having established proficiency.
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

  6. #6
    Pareo cattus Natrushka's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    1,213

    Default

    The weather. It's saved my ass numerous times. I'm interested in the weather so that helps, as much as I loathe to make small talk. Maybe brush up on some local sports team ? And have your cell phone handy, so you can inconspicuously call your own work number giving yourself an out.

    This signature left intentionally blank.

    Really.

  7. #7
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    FREE
    Enneagram
    594 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    42,333

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Rajah View Post
    Yeah. Listen to the people with whom you're talking. Then come up with a suitable question based on what they're saying. And if you can't think of anything, nod and say "That's interesting."
    god, it sounds so banal when you say it like that...

    ...but I guess it is. *sigh* That's exactly what I do.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  8. #8
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    3,698

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Natrushka View Post
    The weather. It's saved my ass numerous times. I'm interested in the weather so that helps, as much as I loathe to make small talk. Maybe brush up on some local sports team ? And have your cell phone handy, so you can inconspicuously call your own work number giving yourself an out.
    Just don't discuss the weather with farmers if it's small talk you're after. They get meteorological on you. Barometer readings etc. In this country at least.

  9. #9
    Pareo cattus Natrushka's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    1,213

    Default

    Around my house "that's interesting' has become code word for " *&&#37;$ off". </tangent>

    This signature left intentionally blank.

    Really.

  10. #10
    Pareo cattus Natrushka's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    1,213

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    Just don't discuss the weather with farmers if it's small talk you're after. They get meteorological on you. Barometer readings etc. In this country at least.
    I'm an INTJ. I can explain dew point to you

    This signature left intentionally blank.

    Really.

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 4
    Last Post: 07-20-2008, 05:45 PM
  2. Soliciting advice from other Ns
    By Mycroft in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 02-25-2008, 10:14 PM
  3. Advice needed from other married/LTR women!
    By Lookin4theBestNU in forum The Fluff Zone
    Replies: 41
    Last Post: 11-17-2007, 01:58 AM
  4. [NT] Any other NTs have a Genius-Crush on Richard Feynman?
    By Usehername in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 09-14-2007, 02:16 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO