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  1. #51
    Pareo cattus Natrushka's Avatar
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    Unfortunately you can be woefully misunderstood online <voice of experience> It doesn't help when you dislike using smilies.

  2. #52
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mycroft View Post
    Short story short, I presently find myself in a job position where I am approached with small talk on a reasonably regular basis. I don't want these people to think that I dislike them or that I'm (here it comes) an arrogant prick, but I feel so ridiculously insincere when I try to participate in small talk. Does anybody have some Small Talk Coping Techniques they'd be willing to share?
    I'm a master at it, mate; I think of all NT's my type has the advantage here. You know what the real secret at being really good at it is? It's NOT faking it. If you don't like being insincere, then don't be. Say what you really think. Listen to what the person says and give an honest reply, but lace it well with tact. If possible, enjoy yourself with it by quickly searching your memory banks for anything in your knowledge or experience that tallies with what they've said, and make a humorous connection - one after another until they don't even know what they're talking about any more or how they got there, but they're laughing. Make the smalltalk not small any more when you're in the room, cos people actually enjoy it, because you do, and you refuse not to.

    Also, think of it as a way to sound out what people's general personas are like - what they think of this or that, what their sense of humour is like, to get a general sense of who they are and how they think, in an innocuous context. This way, if it happens that you do, one day, need to talk to them more seriously, you'll have an advantage.
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  3. #53
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Natrushka View Post
    Unfortunately you can be woefully misunderstood online <voice of experience> It doesn't help when you dislike using smilies.
    To be honest, that's why I use them -- sometimes to be silly, and other times to clarify the intention behind my comment for lack of body language. Necessary evil, I guess.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  4. #54
    Senior Member bluebell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mycroft View Post
    Short story short, I presently find myself in a job position where I am approached with small talk on a reasonably regular basis. I don't want these people to think that I dislike them or that I'm (here it comes) an arrogant prick, but I feel so ridiculously insincere when I try to participate in small talk. Does anybody have some Small Talk Coping Techniques they'd be willing to share?
    Yeah. I watched what other people did because it was a mystery to me how other people could start a conversation. I'm quite introverted so I prefer if the other person does most of the talking. So I ask lots of questions . It was very stilted to start with but now it's more automatic and natural because I've made myself do it many times per day at work over the past few years.

    On Mondays I ask 'How was your weekend? Did you do anything exciting?'

    On Fridays I ask 'What are your plans for the weekend?'

    Days in the middle of the week were a bit troublesome for a while until I came up with 'How's your week going?' or 'How's your day been going?'.

    Also, if I'm meeting someone for the first time at work, I like to ask which team they're working for, who's their boss, what their project is (I like these questions because the answers add to my mental model of the organisation where I work).

    I originally made myself do this to get over social anxiety. Now it's become quite natural. And an added bonus is it's turned me into an above-average networker, despite my natural tendencies to be introverted and socially inept.
    ...so much smoke pouring out of each chromosome.

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