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  1. #11
    Senior Member Eluded_One's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nicodemus View Post
    They can be. My best friend is an INTJ as well, and although we rarely talk about feelings, we do share a great deal of thoughts and ideas, which creates a feeling of closeness.
    Did this all happen at a moment's notice, when you suddenly turned NT overnight?
    “If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” -anonymous

  2. #12
    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eluded_One View Post
    Did this all happen at a moment's notice, when you suddenly turned NT overnight?
    No?

  3. #13
    The Typing Tabby grey_beard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brinni View Post
    I don't know how close I am to anyone really. It makes me wonder what being close to others means. Laughing, joking and sharing thoughts? Then yes.

    I'm most comfortable with my NT friends I think. I don't see the need to share very personal details with anyone, but the rare occasion that I've trusted another with something of that nature, they were NT. The good thing about that is that it's then as if I never even said it, and I don't have to drag over it or discuss my feelings around it. It was more a comfortable trust exercise.
    INTJs can be *very* good as safe deposit boxes, but almost nobody knows it. INFPs get all the credit there, "fluffy bunny" reputation has its good points, e'en though many have said they hate said reputation.
    "Love never needs time. But friendship always needs time. More and more and more time, up to long past midnight." -- The Crime of Captain Gahagan

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  4. #14
    Member ~ReggieRebel~'s Avatar
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    My best friend is intp. I've known her all her life and all but two of mine. Although as kids our parents repeatedly gave timeouts bc of logic wars, our relationship has surthrived. These days she is very open with me about her feelings, and if theres one person I will turn to when processing my own, its her. There are bits of her journey that seriously weird me out, ie. my brain struggles and fails to know how to compute or respond. Nevertheless im honored she trusts me enough to share. I love her to death...warts and all. Even when wanting to hold certian revelations at arms lenght.
    Active, successful natures shun the dictum 'Know Thyself' and follow the commamdment 'Will Thyself' ~nietzsche

    "Willing is the intj's evolutionary consequence of Knowing present and future as the everpresent livestream of yesterminute." ~reg~

  5. #15
    alchemist Legion's Avatar
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    I don't think a Thinker will form as close bonds as a Feeler, as Thinkers are self-centred. The relationship will be all about themself.

  6. #16
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Legion View Post
    I don't think a Thinker will form as close bonds as a Feeler, as Thinkers are self-centred. The relationship will be all about themself.
    Not necessarily. Thinkers will bond over ideas instead of feelings or experiences. This can be just as close, and is often a necessary precursor to closeness on other levels. Both thinkers and feelers can be self-centered.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...
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  7. #17
    alchemist Legion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    Not necessarily. Thinkers will bond over ideas instead of feelings or experiences. This can be just as close, and is often a necessary precursor to closeness on other levels. Both thinkers and feelers can be self-centered.
    Thinkers are no more concerned with ideas than Feelers are. Intuitives are more concerned with ideas I would think, though they are no less concerned with feelings or experiences. Maybe introverts are too, I'm not sure.

    Self-centred... selfish... ego-centric... whatever, Thinkers are less likely to help others or compromise their own position for another. This is going to lessen the quality of your relationships. This lack of interest in others is essentially the defining feature of a Thinker.

    Also, don't take me wrong. I am not saying that someone has all Thinking or all Feeling traits, or even a significant majority either way, or that you can't develop your skills in compassion and consideration towards others, or your skills in discriminating between a worthy cause or frivolous cause, or their ability to not harm themselves in the process.

  8. #18
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Legion View Post
    Thinkers are no more concerned with ideas than Feelers are. Intuitives are more concerned with ideas I would think, though they are no less concerned with feelings or experiences. Maybe introverts are too, I'm not sure.
    You are right, and my comment applies more to NT vs NF, though a parallel comment might be made about ST vs SF. See below for more on the distinction.

    Quote Originally Posted by Legion View Post
    Self-centred... selfish... ego-centric... whatever, Thinkers are less likely to help others or compromise their own position for another. This is going to lessen the quality of your relationships. This lack of interest in others is essentially the defining feature of a Thinker.
    No, it isn't. The defining criterion is objective vs. subjective judgment. A feeler can be very self-centered, refusing to compromise his/her own subjective values in favor of another person. A thinker, on the other hand, can see the logic in someone else's position or realize that it really does make more sense for him/her to do something that helps another. Self-centeredness is separate from T/F, except that how and when it manifests will be different for each case.

    To get back to NT vs NF, this distinction applies to the shared ideas. When I share with NFs, their ideas are filled with values and emotional considerations. NT ideas are filled with logical connections, cause/effect, and more objective considerations. I think of the second as "ideas" and the first as "feeling", partly because that's how some of my NF friends describe our interactions, but "idea" could include all of it, with the distinctions mentioned.

    An example:

    An ESFJ values good relationships and wants people to like her. When she interacts with others, she essentially "tells them what they want to hear" so they will see her in a positive light. She compliments them, even if it isn't sincere. She makes promises, but later does not keep them if it is inconvenient, always having a "good excuse", of course, even if it isn't true.

    An ISTJ is quiet, not too sociable, and occasionally just blurts out "the wrong thing" because it is true. He recognizes all this and has learned to hold his tongue at times. He always considers how his actions will impact others (cause/effect analysis). When he makes a promise, he has thought it through enough to know he can keep it, and he does.

    Which of these will have "better quality" relationships?

    (BTW, these are real people I have known.)
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  9. #19

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    Two well developed persons of any type can have a healthy relationship.
    "A negative mind will never give you a positive life." http://bosniannames.com/

  10. #20
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Legion View Post
    Self-centred... selfish... ego-centric... whatever, Thinkers are less likely to help others or compromise their own position for another. This is going to lessen the quality of your relationships. This lack of interest in others is essentially the defining feature of a Thinker.
    This is so wrong it's funny.

    Also, don't take me wrong. I am not saying that someone has all Thinking or all Feeling traits, or even a significant majority either way, or that you can't develop your skills in compassion and consideration towards others, or your skills in discriminating between a worthy cause or frivolous cause, or their ability to not harm themselves in the process.
    Um, you did just say that up above.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.
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