[NT] INTJ's with affection? (Or NT's in general)

[Obsidius]

Everywhere I go, every profile I read, it is said that INTJ's don't like affection, and that we have a bubble of "personal space"... If this is true for every INTJ but me, maybe I'm not one... I love affection, it dominates my Love Languages test scores every time, seconded by Words of Affirmation. Do any other NT's feel like they are unfairly stereotyped as being robotic and cold in terms of physical affection? Because I sure do...

 

[INTP]

Type profiles are nothing more than stereotypes, all they can do is to say what people of certain type usually are. It is true that usually INTJs(or INTPs) are more robotic than average(hence the stereotype on many profiles), but exceptions like us do exist. Not to mention that quite often those of us that are exceptions to most profiles and are more affectionate tend to hide it from most people.

 

[ceecee]

Everywhere I go, every profile I read, it is said that INTJ's don't like affection, and that we have a bubble of "personal space"... If this is true for every INTJ but me, maybe I'm not one... I love affection, it dominates my Love Languages test scores every time, seconded by Words of Affirmation. Do any other NT's feel like they are unfairly stereotyped as being robotic and cold in terms of physical affection? Because I sure do...

I'm at the point in my life where I don't care about bring unfairly stereotyped, people will have opinions good and bad. Yes I have that personal space bubble I don't like anyone but a select few intruding on. Yes people and social settings exhaust me. None of that means I'm not affectionate. Love language, it's probably quality time but I like touch, words of affirmation, gifts and acts of service too. I'm not cold or robotic, not in general and not to the people closest to me. Maybe you aren't an INTJ but maybe you are and you're just developing your other functions.

 

[Passacaglia]

Like INTP says, it's just a generalization. I'm an INTJ and I like affection, though I usually have to make a conscious decision to express it.

Doesn't make me uncomfortable in the least, though. (It helps that my mother's side of the family is very huggy and generally expressive.)

 

[laterlazer]

Unfortunately I think the stereotype occasionally fits me, but I think I just have random spurts of showing affection usually through doing things for people. I'm by no means touchy feely or expressive of my emotions though. I wouldn't consider myself cold or robotic but I've been told that I seem that way by a few people so I guess to an extent I am. The worst is when I have to comfort someone, it just doesn't happen, and recently I've been in more situations where I've had to comfort someone (idk I feel like it's death season, within the last five months three of my close friends lost a family member :/ and I was around every time they found out), luckily there were always people better at handling comforting than me so I didn't have to really do anything, but I felt really awkward not knowing how to simply comfort a person

 

[Evastover]

Hmmmm...

My mother, who is likely an INTJ, is usually very "no touchy". When I try to hug her, I tend to get a "don't touch me" or "get off me" despite the fact that we usually have a positive relationship. She isn't very verbally affectionate either unless it's to comment on an achievement I may have made. She'll often be very blunt, which I used to take personally when I was younger, but that I've come to appreciate later.

Another INTJ friend I had would spontaneously hug me on occasion, buy food for me, and listen to me complain about things or ask me what was on my mind/did I want to talk/etc. and if I was in a bad mood, he would try to comfort me in his own way (slightly monotone, but the words were right... if that makes sense).

Now, all the INTP's I've been close to have been absolute cuddlebears I've found that FeTi's in general tend to perceive themselves as cold but are actually very expressive. To be fair, I've only been really close to three INTP's so that's not a very large sample size- but the ones I did know would compliment me on anything from my behavior to appearance to accomplishments to... anything, really. I know one INTP that's talked to me practically every single day for the past nine months, with the exception of when he's traveling. The INTP I dated used to get me cards for no particular occasion and bought me chocolate about once a week on average (I dated him for a year).

I don't have as much experience with ENTP's, but the ones I've known have been very receptive to hugs and talking to me about anything and everything- I wouldn't say they're extra affectionate per se, but they certainly come off as warm.

I haven't really been close to any ENTJ's that I know of, so I can't speak there :/

If anything, affection tends to feel extra warm and fuzzy coming from NT's for some reason.

I'd also like to point out that the most "affectionate" moments I've shared are things like being helped with a computer, falling asleep on someone after you've spent hours playing video games, talking about afterlives and religion, having someone sit and listen to you go on about something you're obsessed with, that sort of thing.

All shows of affection aside, they're just... a really awesome bunch of people. I can't think of a single one I haven't liked or respected in some way. Maybe I've just been extraordinarily lucky? I can only speak from personal experience, so this obviously doesn't apply to every NT, perhaps not even most NT's. Sorry if I turned this into a fluff post

 

[BadOctopus]

I'm not a naturally affectionate person, but I try to make an effort for people I care about.

However, dating is another story. There has to be a real, solid, established bond of trust between me and the guy I'm dating for me to be comfortable with physical forms of affection. Which is why I don't date much. A lot of guys just want to get straight to the physical stuff, and that's not an option for me.

 

[Obsidius]

Hmmmm...

My mother, who is likely an INTJ, is usually very "no touchy". When I try to hug her, I tend to get a "don't touch me" or "get off me" despite the fact that we usually have a positive relationship. She isn't very verbally affectionate either unless it's to comment on an achievement I may have made. She'll often be very blunt, which I used to take personally when I was younger, but that I've come to appreciate later.

Another INTJ friend I had would spontaneously hug me on occasion, buy food for me, and listen to me complain about things or ask me what was on my mind/did I want to talk/etc. and if I was in a bad mood, he would try to comfort me in his own way (slightly monotone, but the words were right... if that makes sense).

Now, all the INTP's I've been close to have been absolute cuddlebears I've found that FeTi's in general tend to perceive themselves as cold but are actually very expressive. To be fair, I've only been really close to three INTP's so that's not a very large sample size- but the ones I did know would compliment me on anything from my behavior to appearance to accomplishments to... anything, really. I know one INTP that's talked to me practically every single day for the past nine months, with the exception of when he's traveling. The INTP I dated used to get me cards for no particular occasion and bought me chocolate about once a week on average (I dated him for a year).

I don't have as much experience with ENTP's, but the ones I've known have been very receptive to hugs and talking to me about anything and everything- I wouldn't say they're extra affectionate per se, but they certainly come off as warm.

I haven't really been close to any ENTJ's that I know of, so I can't speak there :/

If anything, affection tends to feel extra warm and fuzzy coming from NT's for some reason.

I'd also like to point out that the most "affectionate" moments I've shared are things like being helped with a computer, falling asleep on someone after you've spent hours playing video games, talking about afterlives and religion, having someone sit and listen to you go on about something you're obsessed with, that sort of thing.

All shows of affection aside, they're just... a really awesome bunch of people. I can't think of a single one I haven't liked or respected in some way. Maybe I've just been extraordinarily lucky? I can only speak from personal experience, so this obviously doesn't apply to every NT, perhaps not even most NT's. Sorry if I turned this into a fluff post

Haha don't be sorry! Those were some good insights Also even if it was a fluff post, they're cute XD Regardless, that's really cool that you know so many that are like that Gives us a better wrap I guess. And as an INTJ I have to say that one of my favourite things is having someone falling asleep on me, my ex would do that all the time, good memories :3 But yeah, good to know, thanks for the post

 

[Obsidius]

Unfortunately I think the stereotype occasionally fits me, but I think I just have random spurts of showing affection usually through doing things for people. I'm by no means touchy feely or expressive of my emotions though. I wouldn't consider myself cold or robotic but I've been told that I seem that way by a few people so I guess to an extent I am. The worst is when I have to comfort someone, it just doesn't happen, and recently I've been in more situations where I've had to comfort someone (idk I feel like it's death season, within the last five months three of my close friends lost a family member :/ and I was around every time they found out), luckily there were always people better at handling comforting than me so I didn't have to really do anything, but I felt really awkward not knowing how to simply comfort a person

I know the feel too don't worry! I've been around people the moment they broke up with someone, or lost someone close, or even found out about their parents' divorce, and it takes a lot of effort me to comfort them normally However, I've been practicing a lot recently, some of my female friends say that I give the best hugs they've ever had XD I think that's all it takes for a lot of NF/SF's, is a good hug, and a bit of a talk, they value our ability to talk reasonably and defuse situations I think XD Thanks for the insight

 

[Obsidius]

I'm not a naturally affectionate person, but I try to make an effort for people I care about.

However, dating is another story. There has to be a real, solid, established bond of trust between me and the guy I'm dating for me to be comfortable with physical forms of affection. Which is why I don't date much. A lot of guys just want to get straight to the physical stuff, and that's not an option for me.

Haha trust me, I know a lot of INTP guys that wished their dates were more like you, they have no idea how to initiate or maintain affection appropriately, and they are also uncomfortable with it when they first meet somebody, but it's good that you make an effort Thanks for the insight, I think many INTJ's would agree with you

 

[Obsidius]

Like INTP says, it's just a generalization. I'm an INTJ and I like affection, though I usually have to make a conscious decision to express it.

Doesn't make me uncomfortable in the least, though. (It helps that my mother's side of the family is very huggy and generally expressive.)

Yeah I think that's a big thing with NT's, affection is usually a manual task rather than an automatic one, it requires us to consider the propriety of the situation a lot more than the more spontaneous types :3 Yeah I think that's what helped me too! My mother's side is one of the most affectionate groups of people I've ever met! Good to know that there's another one out there

 

[Obsidius]

I'm at the point in my life where I don't care about bring unfairly stereotyped, people will have opinions good and bad. Yes I have that personal space bubble I don't like anyone but a select few intruding on. Yes people and social settings exhaust me. None of that means I'm not affectionate. Love language, it's probably quality time but I like touch, words of affirmation, gifts and acts of service too. I'm not cold or robotic, not in general and not to the people closest to me. Maybe you aren't an INTJ but maybe you are and you're just developing your other functions.

Yeah that is a good point, I don't really care very much either to be honest with you, not many people in my real life have any idea about the MBTI, and the ones that do don't seem to really care about it, so it's unlikely that it'd affect much either way. I guess I don't agree with the stereotype in general, because I see so many Reddit or Tumblr posts detailing how INTJ's are robots, and that females and males alike find it hard to date us... But yeah, good points, I'll have to get myself re-assessed.

 

[Obsidius]

Type profiles are nothing more than stereotypes, all they can do is to say what people of certain type usually are. It is true that usually INTJs(or INTPs) are more robotic than average(hence the stereotype on many profiles), but exceptions like us do exist. Not to mention that quite often those of us that are exceptions to most profiles and are more affectionate tend to hide it from most people.

Yeah that is true, I guess they try to state things that are true for MOST INTJ's, or INTP's, but I do tend to hide it because a lot of people just think I am that way regardless, which makes it hard... I well, not that big of a problem I don't think, the people I am close that probably wouldn't care either way.

 

[htb]

Depends on factors of subtype, I'd say; if the Enneagram is being cross-referenced Fives will definitely express differently from Ones.

As far as physical affection, I want to give/receive it but I'm pretty reticent — which has resulted in my being out of practice on things as simple as sensual hugs. Fortunately, the ISTP I took on a date Sunday granted my request for a mulligan.

 

[INTP]

Unfortunately I think the stereotype occasionally fits me, but I think I just have random spurts of showing affection usually through doing things for people. I'm by no means touchy feely or expressive of my emotions though. I wouldn't consider myself cold or robotic but I've been told that I seem that way by a few people so I guess to an extent I am. The worst is when I have to comfort someone, it just doesn't happen, and recently I've been in more situations where I've had to comfort someone (idk I feel like it's death season, within the last five months three of my close friends lost a family member :/ and I was around every time they found out), luckily there were always people better at handling comforting than me so I didn't have to really do anything, but I felt really awkward not knowing how to simply comfort a person

First look them deep in the eyes so that it shows you care and then give them a big hug

 

[highlander]

Everywhere I go, every profile I read, it is said that INTJ's don't like affection, and that we have a bubble of "personal space"... If this is true for every INTJ but me, maybe I'm not one... I love affection, it dominates my Love Languages test scores every time, seconded by Words of Affirmation. Do any other NT's feel like they are unfairly stereotyped as being robotic and cold in terms of physical affection? Because I sure do...

It's highest for me as well - or neck and neck with words anyway.

 

[Obsidius]

It's highest for me as well - or neck and neck with words anyway.

Interesting, we're pretty rare

 

[laterlazer]

First look them deep in the eyes so that it shows you care and then give them a big hug

Easier said than done for me. I find something like that really awkward (I usually end up saying useless things and patting on the back), but thanks for the advice, I'll attempt this next time

 

[Obsidius]

Easier said than done for me. I find something like that really awkward (I usually end up saying useless things and patting on the back), but thanks for the advice, I'll attempt this next time

It isn't easy at all.. The first time I did something like that, I had a legitimate panic attack XD But it's worth it

 

[INTP]

Easier said than done for me. I find something like that really awkward (I usually end up saying useless things and patting on the back), but thanks for the advice, I'll attempt this next time

I didnt say its easy However if you find someone who you can be more free in this regard easier, you might be able to do it and then notice that its not that bad after all. Now be a good little intp and realize that its just some irrational fear and nothing real to be afraid of