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  1. #1
    Chumped. Obsidius's Avatar
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    Default INTJ's with affection? (Or NT's in general)

    Everywhere I go, every profile I read, it is said that INTJ's don't like affection, and that we have a bubble of "personal space"... If this is true for every INTJ but me, maybe I'm not one... I love affection, it dominates my Love Languages test scores every time, seconded by Words of Affirmation. Do any other NT's feel like they are unfairly stereotyped as being robotic and cold in terms of physical affection? Because I sure do...
    Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion man.
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    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Type profiles are nothing more than stereotypes, all they can do is to say what people of certain type usually are. It is true that usually INTJs(or INTPs) are more robotic than average(hence the stereotype on many profiles), but exceptions like us do exist. Not to mention that quite often those of us that are exceptions to most profiles and are more affectionate tend to hide it from most people.
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Obsidius View Post
    Everywhere I go, every profile I read, it is said that INTJ's don't like affection, and that we have a bubble of "personal space"... If this is true for every INTJ but me, maybe I'm not one... I love affection, it dominates my Love Languages test scores every time, seconded by Words of Affirmation. Do any other NT's feel like they are unfairly stereotyped as being robotic and cold in terms of physical affection? Because I sure do...
    I'm at the point in my life where I don't care about bring unfairly stereotyped, people will have opinions good and bad. Yes I have that personal space bubble I don't like anyone but a select few intruding on. Yes people and social settings exhaust me. None of that means I'm not affectionate. Love language, it's probably quality time but I like touch, words of affirmation, gifts and acts of service too. I'm not cold or robotic, not in general and not to the people closest to me. Maybe you aren't an INTJ but maybe you are and you're just developing your other functions.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Passacaglia's Avatar
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    Like INTP says, it's just a generalization. I'm an INTJ and I like affection, though I usually have to make a conscious decision to express it.

    Doesn't make me uncomfortable in the least, though. (It helps that my mother's side of the family is very huggy and generally expressive.)
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  5. #5
    good, hot, fresh, fly ~ laterlazer's Avatar
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    Unfortunately I think the stereotype occasionally fits me, but I think I just have random spurts of showing affection usually through doing things for people. I'm by no means touchy feely or expressive of my emotions though. I wouldn't consider myself cold or robotic but I've been told that I seem that way by a few people so I guess to an extent I am. The worst is when I have to comfort someone, it just doesn't happen, and recently I've been in more situations where I've had to comfort someone (idk I feel like it's death season, within the last five months three of my close friends lost a family member :/ and I was around every time they found out), luckily there were always people better at handling comforting than me so I didn't have to really do anything, but I felt really awkward not knowing how to simply comfort a person
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  6. #6
    Member Evastover's Avatar
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    Hmmmm...

    My mother, who is likely an INTJ, is usually very "no touchy". When I try to hug her, I tend to get a "don't touch me" or "get off me" despite the fact that we usually have a positive relationship. She isn't very verbally affectionate either unless it's to comment on an achievement I may have made. She'll often be very blunt, which I used to take personally when I was younger, but that I've come to appreciate later.

    Another INTJ friend I had would spontaneously hug me on occasion, buy food for me, and listen to me complain about things or ask me what was on my mind/did I want to talk/etc. and if I was in a bad mood, he would try to comfort me in his own way (slightly monotone, but the words were right... if that makes sense).

    Now, all the INTP's I've been close to have been absolute cuddlebears I've found that FeTi's in general tend to perceive themselves as cold but are actually very expressive. To be fair, I've only been really close to three INTP's so that's not a very large sample size- but the ones I did know would compliment me on anything from my behavior to appearance to accomplishments to... anything, really. I know one INTP that's talked to me practically every single day for the past nine months, with the exception of when he's traveling. The INTP I dated used to get me cards for no particular occasion and bought me chocolate about once a week on average (I dated him for a year).

    I don't have as much experience with ENTP's, but the ones I've known have been very receptive to hugs and talking to me about anything and everything- I wouldn't say they're extra affectionate per se, but they certainly come off as warm.

    I haven't really been close to any ENTJ's that I know of, so I can't speak there :/

    If anything, affection tends to feel extra warm and fuzzy coming from NT's for some reason.

    I'd also like to point out that the most "affectionate" moments I've shared are things like being helped with a computer, falling asleep on someone after you've spent hours playing video games, talking about afterlives and religion, having someone sit and listen to you go on about something you're obsessed with, that sort of thing.

    All shows of affection aside, they're just... a really awesome bunch of people. I can't think of a single one I haven't liked or respected in some way. Maybe I've just been extraordinarily lucky? I can only speak from personal experience, so this obviously doesn't apply to every NT, perhaps not even most NT's. Sorry if I turned this into a fluff post
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  7. #7
    Suave y Fuerte BadOctopus's Avatar
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    I'm not a naturally affectionate person, but I try to make an effort for people I care about.

    However, dating is another story. There has to be a real, solid, established bond of trust between me and the guy I'm dating for me to be comfortable with physical forms of affection. Which is why I don't date much. A lot of guys just want to get straight to the physical stuff, and that's not an option for me.
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  8. #8
    Chumped. Obsidius's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Evastover View Post
    Hmmmm...

    My mother, who is likely an INTJ, is usually very "no touchy". When I try to hug her, I tend to get a "don't touch me" or "get off me" despite the fact that we usually have a positive relationship. She isn't very verbally affectionate either unless it's to comment on an achievement I may have made. She'll often be very blunt, which I used to take personally when I was younger, but that I've come to appreciate later.

    Another INTJ friend I had would spontaneously hug me on occasion, buy food for me, and listen to me complain about things or ask me what was on my mind/did I want to talk/etc. and if I was in a bad mood, he would try to comfort me in his own way (slightly monotone, but the words were right... if that makes sense).

    Now, all the INTP's I've been close to have been absolute cuddlebears I've found that FeTi's in general tend to perceive themselves as cold but are actually very expressive. To be fair, I've only been really close to three INTP's so that's not a very large sample size- but the ones I did know would compliment me on anything from my behavior to appearance to accomplishments to... anything, really. I know one INTP that's talked to me practically every single day for the past nine months, with the exception of when he's traveling. The INTP I dated used to get me cards for no particular occasion and bought me chocolate about once a week on average (I dated him for a year).

    I don't have as much experience with ENTP's, but the ones I've known have been very receptive to hugs and talking to me about anything and everything- I wouldn't say they're extra affectionate per se, but they certainly come off as warm.

    I haven't really been close to any ENTJ's that I know of, so I can't speak there :/

    If anything, affection tends to feel extra warm and fuzzy coming from NT's for some reason.

    I'd also like to point out that the most "affectionate" moments I've shared are things like being helped with a computer, falling asleep on someone after you've spent hours playing video games, talking about afterlives and religion, having someone sit and listen to you go on about something you're obsessed with, that sort of thing.

    All shows of affection aside, they're just... a really awesome bunch of people. I can't think of a single one I haven't liked or respected in some way. Maybe I've just been extraordinarily lucky? I can only speak from personal experience, so this obviously doesn't apply to every NT, perhaps not even most NT's. Sorry if I turned this into a fluff post
    Haha don't be sorry! Those were some good insights Also even if it was a fluff post, they're cute XD Regardless, that's really cool that you know so many that are like that Gives us a better wrap I guess. And as an INTJ I have to say that one of my favourite things is having someone falling asleep on me, my ex would do that all the time, good memories :3 But yeah, good to know, thanks for the post
    Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion man.

  9. #9
    Chumped. Obsidius's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by laterlazer View Post
    Unfortunately I think the stereotype occasionally fits me, but I think I just have random spurts of showing affection usually through doing things for people. I'm by no means touchy feely or expressive of my emotions though. I wouldn't consider myself cold or robotic but I've been told that I seem that way by a few people so I guess to an extent I am. The worst is when I have to comfort someone, it just doesn't happen, and recently I've been in more situations where I've had to comfort someone (idk I feel like it's death season, within the last five months three of my close friends lost a family member :/ and I was around every time they found out), luckily there were always people better at handling comforting than me so I didn't have to really do anything, but I felt really awkward not knowing how to simply comfort a person

    I know the feel too don't worry! I've been around people the moment they broke up with someone, or lost someone close, or even found out about their parents' divorce, and it takes a lot of effort me to comfort them normally :P However, I've been practicing a lot recently, some of my female friends say that I give the best hugs they've ever had XD I think that's all it takes for a lot of NF/SF's, is a good hug, and a bit of a talk, they value our ability to talk reasonably and defuse situations I think XD Thanks for the insight
    Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion man.
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  10. #10
    Chumped. Obsidius's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BadOctopus View Post
    I'm not a naturally affectionate person, but I try to make an effort for people I care about.

    However, dating is another story. There has to be a real, solid, established bond of trust between me and the guy I'm dating for me to be comfortable with physical forms of affection. Which is why I don't date much. A lot of guys just want to get straight to the physical stuff, and that's not an option for me.
    Haha trust me, I know a lot of INTP guys that wished their dates were more like you, they have no idea how to initiate or maintain affection appropriately, and they are also uncomfortable with it when they first meet somebody, but it's good that you make an effort Thanks for the insight, I think many INTJ's would agree with you
    Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion man.

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