[NT] INTJ's with affection? (Or NT's in general)

[velveteen]

Everywhere I go, every profile I read, it is said that INTJ's don't like affection, and that we have a bubble of "personal space"... If this is true for every INTJ but me, maybe I'm not one... I love affection, it dominates my Love Languages test scores every time, seconded by Words of Affirmation. Do any other NT's feel like they are unfairly stereotyped as being robotic and cold in terms of physical affection? Because I sure do...

All of my INTJ exes and former love interests are probably the most affectionate (and devoted) touchy-feely romantics that I've ever met. The heart-of-stone-INTJ is an unfortunate stereotype and I don't agree with it. You guys are the best!

 

[Obsidius]

All of my INTJ exes and former love interests are probably the most affectionate (and devoted) touchy-feely romantics that I've ever met. The heart-of-stone-INTJ is an unfortunate stereotype and I don't agree with it. You guys are the best!

That's very interesting! The fact that you've had experience with INTJ's like that, and yeah I think there's some link to be made between INTJ's and loyalty, I don't know how that fits into the MBTI though... Anywho thanks! My ex is an INFJ, and she was one of the most caring people I've ever met, most INFJ's give of that vibe, so right back at you

 

[JClassic]

Everywhere I go, every profile I read, it is said that INTJ's don't like affection, and that we have a bubble of "personal space"... If this is true for every INTJ but me, maybe I'm not one... I love affection, it dominates my Love Languages test scores every time, seconded by Words of Affirmation. Do any other NT's feel like they are unfairly stereotyped as being robotic and cold in terms of physical affection? Because I sure do...

Affection isn't necessarily "Physical Touch". If you cuddle with your partner your appealing to her "quality time" love language since its uninterrupted time. So if an INTJ's love language is "quality time" she will enjoy cuddling which would be mutually beneficial to you if you enjoy physical touch. If the INTJ's love language is neither quality time or physical touch than she will appear not to like affection.

My ex fiance was an INTJ, and she made it mandatory that we cuddled everyday. Her love language was mostly quality time, than acts of service.

 

[Felix5]

Personally I love hugs, I find that sort of thing more intimate than sex sometimes (not to be graphic or anything). I don't really feel as if I know someone until they let me hug them.

Of course, I think I have been taught to express affection in a healthy manner. My mother is an ISFJ and was all about hugs, kisses, physical affection (sometimes for no reason whatsoever, just because she wanted my brother and I to know how much she loved us). I found that it felt really good to be appreciated like this as a child and if I ever had a child I would make sure that child knew how much I cared through physical and verbal affection.

I also had a friend like this in high school, an ENFP. She always hugged friends when she greeted them or said goodbye. I found the action baffling, but it made me realize how stiff and disconnected I was from everyone. It made me want to aspire to be more affectionate.

I also make sure I show this in my romantic relationships as well. Sometimes I miss a text or forget to call, but when I do I will apologize and let your know how much I appreciate you.

Unhealthy INTJs need to learn this and likely never have.

 

[Coriolis]

also make sure I show this in my romantic relationships as well. Sometimes I miss a text or forget to call, but when I do I will apologize and let your know how much I appreciate you.

I agree with this. It is important to make the effort to maintain relationships, and to apologize when we fall short or miss something important. As for hugs, though, no thanks. Unless you are my SO or my mother, keep your distance.

 

[Felix5]

I agree with this. It is important to make the effort to maintain relationships, and to apologize when we fall short or miss something important. As for hugs, though, no thanks. Unless you are my SO or my mother, keep your distance.

I certainly don't want hugs from strangers, but I definitely expect them from my best friends.

 

[Kendrix]

We are a very cuddly family and the NTs among us have been no exeption. I never noted my INTJ sister to be particularly un-affectionate though some family members are a bit cuddlier.

Nor do I have complaints about my SO in that regard though obvsly my standards are not everyone else's standards. He actually seems to be even more into "cuddling under a blanked while falling asleep" than I am in the sense that he'd like to do it slightly more often than we presently do but I absolutely enjoy it as well.

Although I do suppose I wouldn't necessarily know when the appropiate time to hug a friend in conversation is nor would I probably be thinking of that when I'm reacting to whatever the conversation topic is, but, hugs are welcome?


In the end many of those descriptions are misunderstandings, oversimplifications or in the case of many tumblr posts comically exagerated.

 

[Felix5]

In the end many of those descriptions are misunderstandings, oversimplifications or in the case of many tumblr posts comically exagerated.

I'm kind of tired of this sort of thing, it gives NTs a bad name. Especially INTJs.

 

[dark unicorn]

I have an INTJ husband. He generally thinks of himself as not super affectionate. However, in our relationship he is the one who definitely needs and craves more affection and attention. He's the touchy feely one, lol.

 

[Coriolis]

I have an INTJ husband. He generally thinks of himself as not super affectionate. However, in our relationship he is the one who definitely needs and craves more affection and attention. He's the touchy feely one, lol.

FWIW my INTP is much more interested in physical affection than I am. I think it's his first love language, while quality time is mine. We also do alot of cuddling.

 

[JClassic]

This does NOT have to do with MBTI type, but rather their "Love language". Google search; 5 love languages.

 

[Dyslexxie]

All humans need a degree of affection, and while personality has an impact on that, a lot of it has to do with what they're used to. Some cultures and some families are much more 'touchy' than others, so depending on what you grown up around, you learn to give and expect certain degrees of affection.
I have a personal space bubble like anyone else (as in don't touch me inappropriately please), but I'm also from a 'Romance' culture, and I'm pretty touchy when I interact. If I don't hug another person at least a few times a week I will get sad.

 

[Evo]

Depends on the person I think. In general I'm pretty guarded though.

 

[Forever]

I just believe NT's respond in a different way of affection the other three temperaments do. (SP SJ NF) I would only think their closest ones would see it the most.