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[MBTI General] What type am I?

Obsidius

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I tend to be typed as either INTJ/INTP by tests, but my NT is progressively becoming an NF (I've been changing a lot due to recent events in my personal life). Thing is, I've always been an INTJ, but I'm different in a lot of ways. I get called a "softie" and a "cutie" or "sweetie" by most of the females I talk to, because I tend to enjoy talking about their problems/feelings and helping them through them, and I'm beginning to become more sensitive. I do think that criticism is more important than someone's feelings, but I have noticed that recently I'm beginning to become more aware of their emotional responses to things, and, kind of caring about that. However, I am often known as "the smart" guy by my friends, and whenever they see someone I've just met getting into a debate or disagreement with me, they jokingly warn them to; "stop before things get ugly". That being said, I think a lot of things attributed to INTJ's do not apply to me. I'm the exact opposite of narcissistic, but instead very insecure, though I can be an elitist when it comes to some things, for example; if someone says they listen to Lil' Wayne or something like that, I'll laugh at them. I tend to be very theoretical, and have a natural disrespect for most authority figures in my life, because I see them as incompetent. So, I don't really understand this, I do have some things in common with INTJ's, but what's the rest of this shit? INTJ's are often seen as being cold, and I've never been described as that before, I'm often known as the "sweet" person, which seems to contradict a lot of what an INTJ is... Anyway what's your opinion? Does this point to a different type? Or is this normal for an INTJ, and I've just been misinformed.
 

Paris34

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[MENTION=23832]Obsidius[/MENTION]: I wouldn't worry too much, its probably just your Fi developing.

And the stereotypes of MBTI are just that, stereotypes. I'd say just look into the functions.

So for INTJ's thats going to be Ni-Te-Fi-Se (INTP's are Ti-Ne-Si-Fe)

Your dominant mode of living will be relaying patterns on an internal framework. My INFJ friend (also would be Ni dom) generalizes a lot. A LOT. So if you catch yourself doing that, probably Ni dominant. IJ's in general tend to focus more on the big picture implications. As a Ni dom and Te aux, you likely are internally laid back (that is you don't take yourself too seriously), but because of Te - extraverted judging function would appear very driven and maybe even stressed, by those who know you.

It always makes me laugh, that in MBTI the IP's are dominant judgers, and IJ's dominant perceivers.

A good test to see if you are Ne vs. Ni (difference between INTJ/INTP) is this:

(I saw this online a few weeks back and I don't feel like being creative at the moment, so I'm just using the same example)

An association game. Take a phrase (or any phrase) like "Roses are Red" and see how is easy/ how many connections you can make. When you feel like you can't go on or get bored, look at the last phrase, is it obviously connected to Roses or Red?

When I did this, I ended up pulling up a word doc., getting carried away, typing a solid page of text, and ending with the phrase: a universophere. - took me about 10 min, until I realized I need to back away from the computer... lol (and just now looking at it and going back, it takes me 1 word in between - Rose nebula.)

Fi vs Fe, another good thing to pay attention to in your own behavior: do you need to vent your feelings? (I can get by without for a short while, but eventually I end up on internet forums, journalling, or talking to my best friend.)
 

TheBlondeBrat

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I agree with Paris.

Thinker types that develop their feeling functions can resemble Feeler types. My dad is without a doubt an ISTP but if you didn't observe his behavior enough you might think that he's an INFJ because of how much he has developed his Ni and Fe the last few years.
 

Obsidius

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[MENTION=23832]Obsidius[/MENTION]: I wouldn't worry too much, its probably just your Fi developing.

And the stereotypes of MBTI are just that, stereotypes. I'd say just look into the functions.

So for INTJ's thats going to be Ni-Te-Fi-Se (INTP's are Ti-Ne-Si-Fe)

Your dominant mode of living will be relaying patterns on an internal framework. My INFJ friend (also would be Ni dom) generalizes a lot. A LOT. So if you catch yourself doing that, probably Ni dominant. IJ's in general tend to focus more on the big picture implications. As a Ni dom and Te aux, you likely are internally laid back (that is you don't take yourself too seriously), but because of Te - extraverted judging function would appear very driven and maybe even stressed, by those who know you.

It always makes me laugh, that in MBTI the IP's are dominant judgers, and IJ's dominant perceivers.

A good test to see if you are Ne vs. Ni (difference between INTJ/INTP) is this:

(I saw this online a few weeks back and I don't feel like being creative at the moment, so I'm just using the same example)

An association game. Take a phrase (or any phrase) like "Roses are Red" and see how is easy/ how many connections you can make. When you feel like you can't go on or get bored, look at the last phrase, is it obviously connected to Roses or Red?

When I did this, I ended up pulling up a word doc., getting carried away, typing a solid page of text, and ending with the phrase: a universophere. - took me about 10 min, until I realized I need to back away from the computer... lol (and just now looking at it and going back, it takes me 1 word in between - Rose nebula.)

Fi vs Fe, another good thing to pay attention to in your own behavior: do you need to vent your feelings? (I can get by without for a short while, but eventually I end up on internet forums, journalling, or talking to my best friend.)
Thanks for replying! And yes I think it could be me developing my Fi, but some things seem different from that. I have a journal, I go on forums to vent and I speak to a good friend, otherwise I tend to get severely depressed, because I can't express myself.

Also with that association game, what do you mean by connections? Connections to what exactly? Different phrases? Objects? Ideas? And how should I make such connections? If it's a game, that is, I don't understand it is all. But that's funny XD

I think I might be Fe... But I'm not sure. This could be because I'm pretty sure I have depression, and my mother's side of the family has a long history of seperation anxiety...
 

Paris34

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Thanks for replying! And yes I think it could be me developing my Fi, but some things seem different from that. I have a journal, I go on forums to vent and I speak to a good friend, otherwise I tend to get severely depressed, because I can't express myself.

Also with that association game, what do you mean by connections? Connections to what exactly? Different phrases? Objects? Ideas? And how should I make such connections? If it's a game, that is, I don't understand it is all. But that's funny XD

I think I might be Fe... But I'm not sure. This could be because I'm pretty sure I have depression, and my mother's side of the family has a long history of seperation anxiety...

Well for the association game here's an example: Seashell -> spongebob -> underwear -> Captain Underpants -> Mr. Hanky the Christmas poo -> larry the cable guy -> plumbers crack -> wall putty ->silly putty.

And silly putty and seashell have nothing in common (well a first glance, I mean there could be a connection there somewhere... like making impressions of a seashell in silly putty... oh remember putting silly putty on news paper and lifting off the ink...)
Also for me things like this energize me. I go on Cleverbot to mess with people and have fun playing with Ne.

The functions that come most naturally to you (typically the first two), will also typically energize you.

But people in general do need to vent its not exclusively a Fe thing (I don't think)...

Fe is also about mirroring the emotional environment and following social graces, whereas Fi is more concerned with maintaining their own internal harmony, even if others are uncomfortable. (but then again their internal harmony might be only able to be reached if there is external harmony)

But if you still think you might use Fe, you could look into INFJ. My best guy friend is INFJ and he's extremely pessimistic, not at all an idealist. But he's very smiley. Frequently jokingly reminds me to be polite, he's cuddly, outwardly affectionate, talks about things in relation to humanity as a whole . . . For example, say I talk about LGBT things with him, he's able to take that and blow it up completely to a discussion about humanity in general. Its fascinating really. Deep discussions get very deep and broad Ni, and he relates it to people Fe, looks for meaning in the world.

maybe this definition I coined a few weeks back (instead of studying for finals) will help:

Fi - internal meaning - "what does this mean for me?"
Fe - external meaning - "what does this mean in general?"


And I'm sorry to hear about your depression, its not any fun, and it can be crippling. If you ever need to chat, I'm more than happy to listen. I've struggled on and off with what is likely depression too.
 

Obsidius

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Well for the association game here's an example: Seashell -> spongebob -> underwear -> Captain Underpants -> Mr. Hanky the Christmas poo -> larry the cable guy -> plumbers crack -> wall putty ->silly putty.

And silly putty and seashell have nothing in common (well a first glance, I mean there could be a connection there somewhere... like making impressions of a seashell in silly putty... oh remember putting silly putty on news paper and lifting off the ink...)
Also for me things like this energize me. I go on Cleverbot to mess with people and have fun playing with Ne.

The functions that come most naturally to you (typically the first two), will also typically energize you.

But people in general do need to vent its not exclusively a Fe thing (I don't think)...

Fe is also about mirroring the emotional environment and following social graces, whereas Fi is more concerned with maintaining their own internal harmony, even if others are uncomfortable. (but then again their internal harmony might be only able to be reached if there is external harmony)

But if you still think you might use Fe, you could look into INFJ. My best guy friend is INFJ and he's extremely pessimistic, not at all an idealist. But he's very smiley. Frequently jokingly reminds me to be polite, he's cuddly, outwardly affectionate, talks about things in relation to humanity as a whole . . . For example, say I talk about LGBT things with him, he's able to take that and blow it up completely to a discussion about humanity in general. Its fascinating really. Deep discussions get very deep and broad Ni, and he relates it to people Fe, looks for meaning in the world.

maybe this definition I coined a few weeks back (instead of studying for finals) will help:

Fi - internal meaning - "what does this mean for me?"
Fe - external meaning - "what does this mean in general?"


And I'm sorry to hear about your depression, its not any fun, and it can be crippling. If you ever need to chat, I'm more than happy to listen. I've struggled on and off with what is likely depression too.

Ohhh, I understand, I've done things like this before :) I'll give it a try and message it to you XD And I love silly putty! (Please no judge XD)

I think I'm an Fi by the sounds of things, seeing as I don't typically care how certain things affect other people very much, or the atmosphere (emotionally speaking), unless I care for them. And I don't mirror anything around me usually, I tend to go on this crazy and weirdly intricate internal monologue when things outside don't interest me, which is often.

I've known INFJ's, and I don't think I'm that... But it is an interesting suggestion, I guess I don't see myself that way because I understand things very well with pure rationality, and I don't get insulted easily, at all. But I do look for meaning/implications sometimes, just not very often, I tend to bring it back to its logical validity rather than anything else. It is really bad sometimes, someone will tell me about something very close to them (God, religious doctrine, superstitions etc) and I'll tear them apart, often getting lost in my own rant and forgetting about the other...

And nice definition, I'll keep it in mind :) And yeah it is, and crippling is the best word for it sometimes, it genuinely feels like that every once and a while XD But will do! I'm sorry for your struggle :(
 

Paris34

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Ohhh, I understand, I've done things like this before :) I'll give it a try and message it to you XD And I love silly putty! (Please no judge XD)

I think I'm an Fi by the sounds of things, seeing as I don't typically care how certain things affect other people very much, or the atmosphere (emotionally speaking), unless I care for them. And I don't mirror anything around me usually, I tend to go on this crazy and weirdly intricate internal monologue when things outside don't interest me, which is often.

I've known INFJ's, and I don't think I'm that... But it is an interesting suggestion, I guess I don't see myself that way because I understand things very well with pure rationality, and I don't get insulted easily, at all. But I do look for meaning/implications sometimes, just not very often, I tend to bring it back to its logical validity rather than anything else. It is really bad sometimes, someone will tell me about something very close to them (God, religious doctrine, superstitions etc) and I'll tear them apart, often getting lost in my own rant and forgetting about the other...

And nice definition, I'll keep it in mind :) And yeah it is, and crippling is the best word for it sometimes, it genuinely feels like that every once and a while XD But will do! I'm sorry for your struggle :(

You seem like an Fi user to me, and a well rounded INTJ :) Stereotypes of MBTI, or life in general never do anyone any good, they only cause confusion... and I know way to much about that from personal experience... lol

I suppose its my Si seeing the similarities between your Ni and my friend's Ni. You are correct that you are different though, although you both are logical, you seem more, well, rational than him.

Glad you liked it, I hope it helped :) Yeah, there really isn't another way to describe it in one word, that doesn't sound over dramatic or cheap. And I appreciate the support, and (hopefully) its gone for now. It was likely situational. Forums, journaling, help lines, and friends - a strong support system- and a desire to get better, can make the world of difference. I'm feeling better now, but I know I've still got things I need to sort through. . . half the battle is coming to realize things on your own, while simultaneously knowing that youre not alone, and that there are people who care about you.
 

Obsidius

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You seem like an Fi user to me, and a well rounded INTJ :) Stereotypes of MBTI, or life in general never do anyone any good, they only cause confusion... and I know way to much about that from personal experience... lol

I suppose its my Si seeing the similarities between your Ni and my friend's Ni. You are correct that you are different though, although you both are logical, you seem more, well, rational than him.

Glad you liked it, I hope it helped :) Yeah, there really isn't another way to describe it in one word, that doesn't sound over dramatic or cheap. And I appreciate the support, and (hopefully) its gone for now. It was likely situational. Forums, journaling, help lines, and friends - a strong support system- and a desire to get better, can make the world of difference. I'm feeling better now, but I know I've still got things I need to sort through. . . half the battle is coming to realize things on your own, while simultaneously knowing that youre not alone, and that there are people who care about you.

Haha well good to know! Rather be well-rounded than a really stark one XD And yeah, I know a lot about stereotypes... I was a metal music lover and atheist at christian private school, so, yeah you can imagine some of the stuff I heard tossed around.

Yeah that Ni ;) I don't like having Fi though... I feel like Fe is so much more useful in day-to-day life, but I well :p

It certainly did! And yeah there isn't, crippling and crushing are good words for those periods of emotion, but yeah my depression has been situational I believe, and forums/journaling has helped a lot. I'm glad you got past it, well, most of it! I think all of us have stuff to sort out, but I understand what you mean. Thing is, I didn't get that part of what I needed at the time because of the situation I was in, which really sucked. Made things a lot worse :p
 

Paris34

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Haha well good to know! Rather be well-rounded than a really stark one XD And yeah, I know a lot about stereotypes... I was a metal music lover and atheist at christian private school, so, yeah you can imagine some of the stuff I heard tossed around.

Yeah that Ni ;) I don't like having Fi though... I feel like Fe is so much more useful in day-to-day life, but I well :p

It certainly did! And yeah there isn't, crippling and crushing are good words for those periods of emotion, but yeah my depression has been situational I believe, and forums/journaling has helped a lot. I'm glad you got past it, well, most of it! I think all of us have stuff to sort out, but I understand what you mean. Thing is, I didn't get that part of what I needed at the time because of the situation I was in, which really sucked. Made things a lot worse :p

Yes, the man who is wise has good balance he does...:vader1: (failed attempt at Yoda speak, and couldn't find Yoda emoji...lol) Oh those private christian, well catholic, schools, I know all about those... agnostic atheist over here who was never baptized, and never payed attention in church when little, and then went Catholic High school... great school, but the forced prayer and liturgy attendance . . . wasn't too fond of that.

:newwink: Yeah I can see where that can get frustrating sometimes, but with my inferior Fe, I'm always trying to pay attention to the emotional environment, trying not to hurt peoples feelings... and man is that exhausting at times... also gets me in trouble sometimes when I can't bring myself to give honest answers because I try too hard to remain polite, it frustrates my friends sometimes...

If you're interested here's an excerpt from tumblr, about how to develop Fe. (Fe would be one of your shadow functions...)

"Fe: talk about your interests with other people, and explore emotionality through entertainment, in a way to learn to connect to others, share their emotions, and figure out the appropriate way to behave in various situations. Compliment others on a job well done. Practice talking about how you feel with other, trusted people, so that you can deal with your emotions in a healthy way without resorting to passive-aggressive behavior or bottled up feelings." -funkymbtifiction.tumblr.com

She has a bullet for each function actually, its pretty interesting :)

I'm sorry to hear that, I hope you are feeling better these days though :hug:
 

Obsidius

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Yes, the man who is wise has good balance he does...:vader1: (failed attempt at Yoda speak, and couldn't find Yoda emoji...lol) Oh those private christian, well catholic, schools, I know all about those... agnostic atheist over here who was never baptized, and never payed attention in church when little, and then went Catholic High school... great school, but the forced prayer and liturgy attendance . . . wasn't too fond of that.

:newwink: Yeah I can see where that can get frustrating sometimes, but with my inferior Fe, I'm always trying to pay attention to the emotional environment, trying not to hurt peoples feelings... and man is that exhausting at times... also gets me in trouble sometimes when I can't bring myself to give honest answers because I try too hard to remain polite, it frustrates my friends sometimes...

If you're interested here's an excerpt from tumblr, about how to develop Fe. (Fe would be one of your shadow functions...)

"Fe: talk about your interests with other people, and explore emotionality through entertainment, in a way to learn to connect to others, share their emotions, and figure out the appropriate way to behave in various situations. Compliment others on a job well done. Practice talking about how you feel with other, trusted people, so that you can deal with your emotions in a healthy way without resorting to passive-aggressive behavior or bottled up feelings." -funkymbtifiction.tumblr.com

She has a bullet for each function actually, its pretty interesting :)

I'm sorry to hear that, I hope you are feeling better these days though :hug:

Haha yeah, those religious schools though ;) Haha Yoda speak is the best, but luckily my school happened to be one that is alright with debate and discussion, which is always fun >:)

Yeah see, I guess I barely notice the emotional climate, doesn't really concern me too much, unless, I really care about the person. But I can imagine that being exhausting! Every time I try do something like that at a party, I just end up rocking back and forth in a corner, assuming the fetal position.

Also, I just joined Tumblr recently! Could you recommend any specific pages follow? But that's interesting... I never really consider the emotionality of entertainment, I watched The Shining for the first time the other night, and (I'm not being macho or anything here) it didn't get the slightest emotional response out of me, same thing when I was made to watch The Notebook. With The Shining, I was more interested in what the apparent symbolism meant etc. But I will definitely try those things! I've already tried talking about my feelings with people, and my writing skill seems to compensate for my usually crappy emotional expression. I'll definitely check that page out!

And I'm feeling a bit better, still generally shitty but I'm slogging through it as best as I can... And thanks for the internet hugs ;) Not much better than a hug XD
 

Paris34

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Haha yeah, those religious schools though ;) Haha Yoda speak is the best, but luckily my school happened to be one that is alright with debate and discussion, which is always fun >:)

Yeah see, I guess I barely notice the emotional climate, doesn't really concern me too much, unless, I really care about the person. But I can imagine that being exhausting! Every time I try do something like that at a party, I just end up rocking back and forth in a corner, assuming the fetal position.

Also, I just joined Tumblr recently! Could you recommend any specific pages follow? But that's interesting... I never really consider the emotionality of entertainment, I watched The Shining for the first time the other night, and (I'm not being macho or anything here) it didn't get the slightest emotional response out of me, same thing when I was made to watch The Notebook. With The Shining, I was more interested in what the apparent symbolism meant etc. But I will definitely try those things! I've already tried talking about my feelings with people, and my writing skill seems to compensate for my usually crappy emotional expression. I'll definitely check that page out!

And I'm feeling a bit better, still generally shitty but I'm slogging through it as best as I can... And thanks for the internet hugs ;) Not much better than a hug XD

Thats good :) Yeah I had a great high school experience for the most part, but the religion department . . . it was a nightmare... One teacher insisted on being called Dr., admitted to using Wikipedia as a source for class information, and got frustrated when any one tried to imply that Christianity wasn't the only good option for religion.... and this was the woman who taught World Religions.... haha oh the irony... haha but the debates were always fantastic... if you ever want to hear a funny story... let know ;)

Yeah, I tend to either be completely unaffected by the emotional environment, say if other people are arguing around me. But I'm hyper aware of how I'll impact others, and its really annoying sometimes. I'm always floored by how effortlessly XXFX types do it. Haha, oh my goodness. I've never been to college party, but when one came to our flat this year (friend's 21st) I briefly ended up in deep discussion with a fellow introvert about introversion... and then got too overwhelmed, couldn't escape the noise in my room, so left and went to the art building for 30 min. Before returning recharged and ready to face the people madness.

I'd venture a guess that IXTX's have an advantage here over the introverts who are feeling types (specifically Fe), as we feel less guilty about leaving a party because we need down time.

Tumblr you say, you are in for a fun ride ;) Some good MBTI blogs:
http://funkymbtifiction.tumblr.com/
INTP Musings
FUN WITH MBTI
THE ANOMALIE

Also just searching the MBTI tag or (INTJ) tag can be a lot of fun.

My guess for the emotionality of entertainment, I think there might even be some psych articles on the topic, would be that it helps in developing empathy, which is part of Fe. My guess would be reading fiction stories like Harry Potter, Gone Girl, ect... would be good ways, because you can read and understand emotions of others (even if the technically aren't real... I chose believe otherwise...lol ). And via TV you can see and understand reactions. I don't always cry in sad movies, well normally I'm trying to hide my tears, but I unashamedly cry every time i watch Lion King... "Dad, you gotta get up." *tears up while typing* Stabs me in the heart every time... but I do love Scar. Apparently his real name is Taka, he changed it Scar after a run in with a wildebeest. But apparently Taka means "trash" and Mufasa means "king" . . . real nice parents those two had... Oh the things you will learn on tumblr... :)


And yeah, sometimes thats all you can do, but its all about baby steps, and one day you'll look back and see just how far you've come. :hug: For me my turning point was calling my schools counseling center, and talking to my best friend. If you ever need to talk, don't hesitate to message me or talk to friends in real life (if you are able).
 

Obsidius

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Thats good :) Yeah I had a great high school experience for the most part, but the religion department . . . it was a nightmare... One teacher insisted on being called Dr., admitted to using Wikipedia as a source for class information, and got frustrated when any one tried to imply that Christianity wasn't the only good option for religion.... and this was the woman who taught World Religions.... haha oh the irony... haha but the debates were always fantastic... if you ever want to hear a funny story... let know ;)

Yeah, I tend to either be completely unaffected by the emotional environment, say if other people are arguing around me. But I'm hyper aware of how I'll impact others, and its really annoying sometimes. I'm always floored by how effortlessly XXFX types do it. Haha, oh my goodness. I've never been to college party, but when one came to our flat this year (friend's 21st) I briefly ended up in deep discussion with a fellow introvert about introversion... and then got too overwhelmed, couldn't escape the noise in my room, so left and went to the art building for 30 min. Before returning recharged and ready to face the people madness.

I'd venture a guess that IXTX's have an advantage here over the introverts who are feeling types (specifically Fe), as we feel less guilty about leaving a party because we need down time.

Tumblr you say, you are in for a fun ride ;) Some good MBTI blogs:
http://funkymbtifiction.tumblr.com/
INTP Musings
FUN WITH MBTI
THE ANOMALIE

Also just searching the MBTI tag or (INTJ) tag can be a lot of fun.

My guess for the emotionality of entertainment, I think there might even be some psych articles on the topic, would be that it helps in developing empathy, which is part of Fe. My guess would be reading fiction stories like Harry Potter, Gone Girl, ect... would be good ways, because you can read and understand emotions of others (even if the technically aren't real... I chose believe otherwise...lol ). And via TV you can see and understand reactions. I don't always cry in sad movies, well normally I'm trying to hide my tears, but I unashamedly cry every time i watch Lion King... "Dad, you gotta get up." *tears up while typing* Stabs me in the heart every time... but I do love Scar. Apparently his real name is Taka, he changed it Scar after a run in with a wildebeest. But apparently Taka means "trash" and Mufasa means "king" . . . real nice parents those two had... Oh the things you will learn on tumblr... :)


And yeah, sometimes thats all you can do, but its all about baby steps, and one day you'll look back and see just how far you've come. :hug: For me my turning point was calling my schools counseling center, and talking to my best friend. If you ever need to talk, don't hesitate to message me or talk to friends in real life (if you are able).

Haha wow, sounds fun! I've had my fair share of incompetent teachers, believe me! I find that World Religions seems to be always leaning towards one religion, funny that ;) And I shall!

Ohh, yeah I can't do that either XD Well, I'm very bad at it. I remember a psychologist once gave me a test on empathy (where the average score was somewhere around 30/60), and I got 8... Fun. And everytime I got to a party that happens! I lock myself in the toilet or some secluded room for 15 minutes, and prep myself mentally, otherwise I just completely zone out in some corner... But sounds like you had a fun time ;)

I followed all of those blogs! Love a lot of the content that I just browsed :)

Yeah I do need to develop it, as much as humanly possible, at the moment I have a very bad capacity for it, I can't go much further than sympathy :p I tried reading Harry Potter but found it too simplistic in its descriptions, I'll try again though, and try focus on the characters rather than the setting/ideas/motifs. Lion King is awesome, but gotta say, although my cousin and sister were crying at that bit, it didn't affect me at all... It's kind of sad really, I feel like I'm missing out on a massive part of the experience :3 Holy crap, those parents didn't exactly have much faith in poor ol' Scar, no wonder he hangs around hyenas all the time XD

Yeah I've thought about doing that from time to time, I might end up giving it a shot, I don't know, counsellors tend to irritate me, they try to analyse me, while I'm trying to analyse them, it's strange... I do talk to a friend, but the situation is very complicated, the friend I talk to had a massive part to play in my depression in the first place, so it's an unstable situation :p :hug: I won't hesitate ;) I find talking to someone can help when I let everything build up to an internal scream XD
 

Paris34

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Haha wow, sounds fun! I've had my fair share of incompetent teachers, believe me! I find that World Religions seems to be always leaning towards one religion, funny that ;) And I shall!

Ohh, yeah I can't do that either XD Well, I'm very bad at it. I remember a psychologist once gave me a test on empathy (where the average score was somewhere around 30/60), and I got 8... Fun. And everytime I got to a party that happens! I lock myself in the toilet or some secluded room for 15 minutes, and prep myself mentally, otherwise I just completely zone out in some corner... But sounds like you had a fun time ;)

I followed all of those blogs! Love a lot of the content that I just browsed :)

Yeah I do need to develop it, as much as humanly possible, at the moment I have a very bad capacity for it, I can't go much further than sympathy :p I tried reading Harry Potter but found it too simplistic in its descriptions, I'll try again though, and try focus on the characters rather than the setting/ideas/motifs. Lion King is awesome, but gotta say, although my cousin and sister were crying at that bit, it didn't affect me at all... It's kind of sad really, I feel like I'm missing out on a massive part of the experience :3 Holy crap, those parents didn't exactly have much faith in poor ol' Scar, no wonder he hangs around hyenas all the time XD

Yeah I've thought about doing that from time to time, I might end up giving it a shot, I don't know, counsellors tend to irritate me, they try to analyse me, while I'm trying to analyse them, it's strange... I do talk to a friend, but the situation is very complicated, the friend I talk to had a massive part to play in my depression in the first place, so it's an unstable situation :p :hug: I won't hesitate ;) I find talking to someone can help when I let everything build up to an internal scream XD

Yeah, ironically (I think thats the right word) the best religion classes I've had have been my Art History courses .

I've taken similar tests (psych major friends), I normally score around 45 out of 80, which is about average. But I think scores are typically higher in females anyways . . . and I doubt it correlates to MBTI type, my INFJ friend scored around 30 (if he took it seriously probably would have been more like 40.) The zoning out, how could I forget. Thats exactly like me! I just reach a point where all the chatter around me is too much and I can't even hear my own thoughts... and i just have to escape. (unfortunately I can reach this point in a little as 5 min of social interaction, depending on the people and number of people present.) Yeah it was... fun.... no ... no.... Fun was Halloween after everyone left drunk. Then my best friend and I stayed in the flat, enjoyed the quiet, worked on hwk/tumblr in my bed, then observed the behaviors of the drunken people upon their return XD

Empathy is probably like developing intelligence. Some people are naturally gifted, others have to work a bit harder. From my own experience with empathy (and research I've done on the subject *laughs at self...so INTP*), I think there is a high correlation between empathy and imagination. What I find myself doing a lot is imagining myself as the other person, and living their life and trying to understand their perspective. Its taking on other's feeling as your own. I find that imagining yourself living their life and imagining the emotions they might be feeling really helps. And then I respond to what they are telling me in a way that I would want to be treated if were in their 'shoes'. The more complicated version of the golden rule (as opposed to the golden ratio ;) ). Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. *but be aware of what they deem nice/ polite and alter your behavior accordingly. Its a lot at first, but with time it gets easier.

Need to develop your Fe you say. *thinks* Fe challenge! or Fi or maybe this is just general empathy ... but next time you watch a sad movie, imagine all the bad things that are happening to the character are actually happening to you. Try to experience feel those emotions along side the character. So theoretically, even if you haven't say witnessed your father being murdered by his brother you can imagine the if that were you, how would you feel? See the world through the eyes of the lion cub, or the clown fish, or the old man flying his house with balloons, or the boy who lived, or the girl who waited, or the girl on fire. . . haha sorry for all the disney/other fandom references... I was in a mood... and then try to feel their emotions with them as the scenes change or the pages turn.

Haha, yeah I know what you mean, I've done that too with counselors. I think its an NT thing to "over-think/ over analyze everything" - told to me by almost everyone who knows me. But also keep in mind its their job to listen and give constructive advice, I've only gone 3 times. And honestly, I waited longer than I should have this past semester to get help. Its a hard thing to admit sometimes that we need help, but there are people out there who will listen and who won't try to analyze you. :hug: And that really sucks that its your good friend who played a major role in contributing to your depression. The people closest to us, too often are the ones who can hurt us the most. :hug:
 

Obsidius

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Haha yes that is somewhat ironic XD

Woah, I generally value high empathy, it's a skill I lack so I like to keep people near that have it, good to know how others see things, especially when it comes to empathy. Yeah chatter is really quite invasive after a while, almost creates a cloud of nothingness in my head, nothingness that doesn't conduct thought very well XD But luckily I'm a typical male when it comes to being able to focus out everything except for one task, but, that doesn't come off to well at a party XD And that does sound like fun! I only have one friend that has the same love as me when it comes to observing people's behaviour, he doesn't see the motives though, which confuses me because they're often so obvious!

Yeah I've always looked at it like one of those things, a certain natural talent that can be expanded upon through dedicated work. Hmmm empathy and imagination? I'm almost exclusively imaginary (in my thoughts that is haha), I tend to often see reality as irrelevant sometimes! It can get quite bad, I focus on future possibilities than what is actually happening, or even not, just random things I've created in my head. And hmmmm, okay this going to sound really bad but I have never done that. As in, imagining myself as them, I will definitely try it though, see how things go XD It probably will help a lot :) And haha golden ratio, I've heard a lot about that, if it's the same thing you're talking about, the pattern found in different aspects of nature? People use it as an argument for God quite frequently, I vaguely remember the number as being 1.3... 8? Idk, probably could of just googled it just then instead of going off my memory... Put that on my immediate to-do list XD I'll try follow the rule, it'll be hard... I haven't had practice at this XD

And see, people have told me to do this before, but it seems like such a negative experience when it comes to that... I don't know if I want to try, but I will just to test it out, see how things go ;) haha yeah, see, I don't know how to convey this, but when I see that kind of thing now, I just kind of.. Idk, I think of what the purpose is of writing this, or why it happened, how, in detail. The emotional aspect isn't even considered. So I probably will try it, because new modes of thought tend to excite me, especially one as practical as this :)

Yeah it definitely as, well, that's what I've observed so far. I do realise it's their job and all, but I also don't see them as higher or anything... I know you don't either, but what I mean is I try to figure out what I think about them, how much I respect them, and most of all, how intelligent they are. If I find out that a counsellor is not very smart, I'm likely to ignore all their advice, which is really narrow minded of me, but it's this one fatal flaw I have with people... But yeah I'm not going to wait too long before getting help, believe me, last time I waited WAY to long, it was terrible. But I often know I need help, I just think that I only want help from a certain type of person. I'm not wanting help from some bubbly and ditzy girl that I met, or a counsellor who doesn't know the difference between the logical and the illogical, it's just this arbitrary standard that I have. And yeah they can! I did overreact I think though in the circumstance, but at the same time, I think I didn't... Which is why I can't solve it, I don't know what is validated, what is petty, and what to do, at the moment I'm dealing with it through escapism, which is not in my nature. Anywho, that's complicated fluffy business, I'd rather watch Sherlock and forget about it for a bit haha XD
 

Paris34

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Haha yes that is somewhat ironic XD

Woah, I generally value high empathy, it's a skill I lack so I like to keep people near that have it, good to know how others see things, especially when it comes to empathy. Yeah chatter is really quite invasive after a while, almost creates a cloud of nothingness in my head, nothingness that doesn't conduct thought very well XD But luckily I'm a typical male when it comes to being able to focus out everything except for one task, but, that doesn't come off to well at a party XD And that does sound like fun! I only have one friend that has the same love as me when it comes to observing people's behaviour, he doesn't see the motives though, which confuses me because they're often so obvious!

Yeah I've always looked at it like one of those things, a certain natural talent that can be expanded upon through dedicated work. Hmmm empathy and imagination? I'm almost exclusively imaginary (in my thoughts that is haha), I tend to often see reality as irrelevant sometimes! It can get quite bad, I focus on future possibilities than what is actually happening, or even not, just random things I've created in my head. And hmmmm, okay this going to sound really bad but I have never done that. As in, imagining myself as them, I will definitely try it though, see how things go XD It probably will help a lot :) And haha golden ratio, I've heard a lot about that, if it's the same thing you're talking about, the pattern found in different aspects of nature? People use it as an argument for God quite frequently, I vaguely remember the number as being 1.3... 8? Idk, probably could of just googled it just then instead of going off my memory... Put that on my immediate to-do list XD I'll try follow the rule, it'll be hard... I haven't had practice at this XD

And see, people have told me to do this before, but it seems like such a negative experience when it comes to that... I don't know if I want to try, but I will just to test it out, see how things go ;) haha yeah, see, I don't know how to convey this, but when I see that kind of thing now, I just kind of.. Idk, I think of what the purpose is of writing this, or why it happened, how, in detail. The emotional aspect isn't even considered. So I probably will try it, because new modes of thought tend to excite me, especially one as practical as this :)

Yeah it definitely as, well, that's what I've observed so far. I do realise it's their job and all, but I also don't see them as higher or anything... I know you don't either, but what I mean is I try to figure out what I think about them, how much I respect them, and most of all, how intelligent they are. If I find out that a counsellor is not very smart, I'm likely to ignore all their advice, which is really narrow minded of me, but it's this one fatal flaw I have with people... But yeah I'm not going to wait too long before getting help, believe me, last time I waited WAY to long, it was terrible. But I often know I need help, I just think that I only want help from a certain type of person. I'm not wanting help from some bubbly and ditzy girl that I met, or a counsellor who doesn't know the difference between the logical and the illogical, it's just this arbitrary standard that I have. And yeah they can! I did overreact I think though in the circumstance, but at the same time, I think I didn't... Which is why I can't solve it, I don't know what is validated, what is petty, and what to do, at the moment I'm dealing with it through escapism, which is not in my nature. Anywho, that's complicated fluffy business, I'd rather watch Sherlock and forget about it for a bit haha XD

Yeah, interestingly enough I too tend to be very drawn to people who have higher level feeling functions, but I'm also very intrigued by the intellectual types... so who knows... "the cloud of nothingness ..." I couldn't have worded it better myself. Haha, yeah that might make for a bit of a challenge, but then again, I'm really bad in large social gatherings. My limit (even if I know the people well) is 5 others, but too many more and I start shutting down... and well the observing people just sort of happened, we ended staying up late studying and were up when they came back, and the drunk people just sort of flocked into my room ... lol.. it was pretty funny... xD

Yep. I've always tried to follow/ keep in mind the idea of "putting yourself in someone else's shoes." It takes a bit of effort, but once you get the hang of its a useful skill set to have to turn on or off when you need. The golden ratio I know of refers to the most aesthetically pleasing rectangle that is derived from the Fibonacci spiral, its a good thing to know as an artist ;) If you want more, I'd recommend ViHart videos on youtube... she doodles and talks about math and nature... its a good time ;) I think there's some theory about the number 42 and the meaning of life... in japanese 42, is pronounced separately. "shi" and "ni" - which if put together, "shini" means to die . . . a bit dark, but....hey

Haha, yeah let me know how the experiment goes ;) perhaps try imagining your John Watson in the Reichenbach fall... that closing scene... i hate watching it around others, I don't want them to see me getting all teary eyed... lol

No, its not narrow minded, its important to have a counsellor who you feel comfortable with so that you can talk with them openly and honestly about your struggles and get the help and advice you need. If what makes you comfortable is intelligence there's no shame in that, but just be sure that you aren't judging too quickly, because they could just being trying to 'dumb' themselves down to seem more approachable (I know I do this at times...), but often with our intuition dom/aux functions often we'll just know if we've found someone (a therapist) who we click with. And maybe keep in mind, there are different forms of intelligence; some people have incredible minds like Steven Hawking or Nietzsche, while others are equally influential, but have a higher emotional intelligence like Gandhi or Mother Teresa. So while I'd second your desire not to see counselor who you aren't comfortable with, don't completely write off their opinion. I know that can be hard sometimes, but often some of the most insightful feedback can come from those who'd we'd least expect to hear it from.

This past semester I was with my art class in the older part of downtown painting an old abandoned building. At one point when I was painting, I heard some arguing down on the steps below, then this hippie (for lack of better description) in a suit walked by me shook his head and said, "anger is such a pointless emotion." And normally I'd have laughed off the comment, but it was so strange. And at the time I was really struggling with forgiving Mom, she had sent me an apology letter about her response to my coming, but I was angry with her... a letter wasn't going to solve everything... But then that guy with messy long black hair and a goatee walked by in a suit... and made me reevaluate my life. Yeah it was time and her actions that showed me more that she was growing more accepting... but the turning point for me was really listening to what people had to say... even people who might be deemed "crazy" strangers on the street.

Now I'm not saying go listen to hippies on the street, but maybe in the pile of crap or fluff that some of the counselors you didn't like said theirs a little hidden gem, or a piece of decent advice. You can normally find it if you look hard enough. :hug: But for the time being enjoy your Sherlock ;)
 

Obsidius

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Yeah, interestingly enough I too tend to be very drawn to people who have higher level feeling functions, but I'm also very intrigued by the intellectual types... so who knows... "the cloud of nothingness ..." I couldn't have worded it better myself. Haha, yeah that might make for a bit of a challenge, but then again, I'm really bad in large social gatherings. My limit (even if I know the people well) is 5 others, but too many more and I start shutting down... and well the observing people just sort of happened, we ended staying up late studying and were up when they came back, and the drunk people just sort of flocked into my room ... lol.. it was pretty funny... xD

Yep. I've always tried to follow/ keep in mind the idea of "putting yourself in someone else's shoes." It takes a bit of effort, but once you get the hang of its a useful skill set to have to turn on or off when you need. The golden ratio I know of refers to the most aesthetically pleasing rectangle that is derived from the Fibonacci spiral, its a good thing to know as an artist ;) If you want more, I'd recommend ViHart videos on youtube... she doodles and talks about math and nature... its a good time ;) I think there's some theory about the number 42 and the meaning of life... in japanese 42, is pronounced separately. "shi" and "ni" - which if put together, "shini" means to die . . . a bit dark, but....hey

Haha, yeah let me know how the experiment goes ;) perhaps try imagining your John Watson in the Reichenbach fall... that closing scene... i hate watching it around others, I don't want them to see me getting all teary eyed... lol

No, its not narrow minded, its important to have a counsellor who you feel comfortable with so that you can talk with them openly and honestly about your struggles and get the help and advice you need. If what makes you comfortable is intelligence there's no shame in that, but just be sure that you aren't judging too quickly, because they could just being trying to 'dumb' themselves down to seem more approachable (I know I do this at times...), but often with our intuition dom/aux functions often we'll just know if we've found someone (a therapist) who we click with. And maybe keep in mind, there are different forms of intelligence; some people have incredible minds like Steven Hawking or Nietzsche, while others are equally influential, but have a higher emotional intelligence like Gandhi or Mother Teresa. So while I'd second your desire not to see counselor who you aren't comfortable with, don't completely write off their opinion. I know that can be hard sometimes, but often some of the most insightful feedback can come from those who'd we'd least expect to hear it from.

This past semester I was with my art class in the older part of downtown painting an old abandoned building. At one point when I was painting, I heard some arguing down on the steps below, then this hippie (for lack of better description) in a suit walked by me shook his head and said, "anger is such a pointless emotion." And normally I'd have laughed off the comment, but it was so strange. And at the time I was really struggling with forgiving Mom, she had sent me an apology letter about her response to my coming, but I was angry with her... a letter wasn't going to solve everything... But then that guy with messy long black hair and a goatee walked by in a suit... and made me reevaluate my life. Yeah it was time and her actions that showed me more that she was growing more accepting... but the turning point for me was really listening to what people had to say... even people who might be deemed "crazy" strangers on the street.

Now I'm not saying go listen to hippies on the street, but maybe in the pile of crap or fluff that some of the counselors you didn't like said theirs a little hidden gem, or a piece of decent advice. You can normally find it if you look hard enough. :hug: But for the time being enjoy your Sherlock ;)

Yeah I tend to be attracted to feeling types that are also intellectual, this tends to be ISFP's, INFJ's, sometimes ENFJ's etc, but yeah, I respect intellectuals more than anything though. Haha yeah, and after a while it becomes white-noise, which is when we need to get away XD Yeah my limit seems to be 4 others, otherwise I have to go to a room in a bigger situation with a more desirable number. But haha I well, sounds like you had a fun time of it! Observation can be very rewarding :)

Haha yay, I need to build this empathy switch you speak of! I shall begin construction tomorrow XD And yeah I've seen some of videos actually! They're really cool, and yeah I've heard about the Fibonacci spiral, but I believe you can transfer it into the fibonacci sequence, which can be found all over the human body? Idk, been so long since I heard of it XD And yeah, that's in the Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, though not in that detail ;) And hey, dark meanings are kind of my thing.

Haha okay, I'll try find an online version and see how that goes. And nawh, most people just end up hugging if they cry during a movie, nothing to be embarrassed about :)

Oh okay, I see what you mean, yeah intelligence in a counsellor definitely makes me more comfortable :p Yeah when people dumb themselves down I tend to dismiss them, it's a bad habbit, I like seeing people's rough edges and what they are purely, that attracts me to people more than anything. I do know about different intelligences (Gardner's theory and all), but I tend to find that some counsellors aren't even adept in the emotional sense, but some definitely are, I judge people relative to their respective intelligences usually. And yeah I'll remember to be more open! I'll wait more sessions before I make future convictions.

And that's an interesting anecdote! I'll keep it in mind, I too have had encounters like that, which have also made me rethink my life... They're always a good wake up call.

And I will be looking for that gem, it's in my nature to be a tad pessimistic though, mostly realistic, but it's become tainted, so it'll be hard, but I'm going to work at it :) :hug: Thanks for all the advice! And you enjoy your meetups and packing ;)

(Sorry if this reply was lacklustre, AGAIN my iPad glitched out and deleted my original reply... I'm getting pissed off at it now)
 

Paris34

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Yeah I tend to be attracted to feeling types that are also intellectual, this tends to be ISFP's, INFJ's, sometimes ENFJ's etc, but yeah, I respect intellectuals more than anything though. Haha yeah, and after a while it becomes white-noise, which is when we need to get away XD Yeah my limit seems to be 4 others, otherwise I have to go to a room in a bigger situation with a more desirable number. But haha I well, sounds like you had a fun time of it! Observation can be very rewarding :)

Haha yay, I need to build this empathy switch you speak of! I shall begin construction tomorrow XD And yeah I've seen some of videos actually! They're really cool, and yeah I've heard about the Fibonacci spiral, but I believe you can transfer it into the fibonacci sequence, which can be found all over the human body? Idk, been so long since I heard of it XD And yeah, that's in the Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, though not in that detail ;) And hey, dark meanings are kind of my thing.

Haha okay, I'll try find an online version and see how that goes. And nawh, most people just end up hugging if they cry during a movie, nothing to be embarrassed about :)

Oh okay, I see what you mean, yeah intelligence in a counsellor definitely makes me more comfortable :p Yeah when people dumb themselves down I tend to dismiss them, it's a bad habbit, I like seeing people's rough edges and what they are purely, that attracts me to people more than anything. I do know about different intelligences (Gardner's theory and all), but I tend to find that some counsellors aren't even adept in the emotional sense, but some definitely are, I judge people relative to their respective intelligences usually. And yeah I'll remember to be more open! I'll wait more sessions before I make future convictions.

And that's an interesting anecdote! I'll keep it in mind, I too have had encounters like that, which have also made me rethink my life... They're always a good wake up call.

And I will be looking for that gem, it's in my nature to be a tad pessimistic though, mostly realistic, but it's become tainted, so it'll be hard, but I'm going to work at it :) :hug: Thanks for all the advice! And you enjoy your meetups and packing ;)

(Sorry if this reply was lacklustre, AGAIN my iPad glitched out and deleted my original reply... I'm getting pissed off at it now)

Yeah, intellectual feeling types are fun to be around. And yeah it really can be interesting to just sit back and observe the world through an attempt at an unbiased lens ( I was just going to say unbiased, but the best we can really achieve is an attempt... human error or something like that ;) )

Haha sounds like a plan, let me know how it goes ;) And the Fibonacci sequence I can see how that'd play into the proportions of anatomy, even internal. Fractals in general is every where in nature.... *thinks about veins and heart arties, and arms to hands to fingers... and trees*... And i still need to read that book, its on my list though. And I had an inkling that they might be ;)

Yeah thats totally understandable, yeah and Gardner's theory really is interesting, I try to keep it in mind myself when at times i get too hung up on book smarts... And thats good, I hope you're able to find the right fit :)

It takes time but you can get through it :hug: Yeah, I guess I tend to have a rather optimistic/ idealistic outlook, maybe I'm actually an NF in disguise ... haha xD And thanks, I will!

No worries :) I hate it when that happens, I've started copying them onto the clip board before I respond, my laptop has been timing me out sometimes too.
 

Obsidius

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Yeah, intellectual feeling types are fun to be around. And yeah it really can be interesting to just sit back and observe the world through an attempt at an unbiased lens ( I was just going to say unbiased, but the best we can really achieve is an attempt... human error or something like that ;) )

Haha sounds like a plan, let me know how it goes ;) And the Fibonacci sequence I can see how that'd play into the proportions of anatomy, even internal. Fractals in general is every where in nature.... *thinks about veins and heart arties, and arms to hands to fingers... and trees*... And i still need to read that book, its on my list though. And I had an inkling that they might be ;)

Yeah thats totally understandable, yeah and Gardner's theory really is interesting, I try to keep it in mind myself when at times i get too hung up on book smarts... And thats good, I hope you're able to find the right fit :)

It takes time but you can get through it :hug: Yeah, I guess I tend to have a rather optimistic/ idealistic outlook, maybe I'm actually an NF in disguise ... haha xD And thanks, I will!

No worries :) I hate it when that happens, I've started copying them onto the clip board before I respond, my laptop has been timing me out sometimes too.

Haha they sure are! And yeah, my philosophical position is that everything is subjective, so being unbias is impossible XD But you can be more reasonable and less prejudiced, which is often described as unbias. Yeah human error is a massive issue XD

I will! And yeah it does :) Apparently it has a lot to do with our chest, fingers and hands (in proportions). Haha it's cool that you think of things like that, I fail to see things that way, it'd be so interesting XD And yeah okay forget what I said then, good book though ;)

Yeah book smarts is good, but I really do appreciate those around me that have emotional intelligences, it's very helpful XD

Haha hope so! And yeah that's actually really helpful at times, being a realist can be really harsh... It's tempting to go the other ways XD
 

Paris34

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Haha they sure are! And yeah, my philosophical position is that everything is subjective, so being unbias is impossible XD But you can be more reasonable and less prejudiced, which is often described as unbias. Yeah human error is a massive issue XD

I will! And yeah it does :) Apparently it has a lot to do with our chest, fingers and hands (in proportions). Haha it's cool that you think of things like that, I fail to see things that way, it'd be so interesting XD And yeah okay forget what I said then, good book though ;)

Yeah book smarts is good, but I really do appreciate those around me that have emotional intelligences, it's very helpful XD

Haha hope so! And yeah that's actually really helpful at times, being a realist can be really harsh... It's tempting to go the other ways XD

That's a good position to take, I wish more people would realize that haha xD Oh human error, humans who think we've figured out everything and think they know everything ... haha oh my ...

Awesome! Yeah I can totally see that, I'll keep that in mind too, it might come in handy (haha sorry no pun intended) when I do more figure drawing :)

Yeah, its really fascinating how all the different people with differing strengths of intelligence impact the world. Or even how individuals can have a their own unique mix of the intelligences :)

Haha, yeah, but realism can be different from pessimism. To me the world seems to be a mix of good, bad, and a lot of area in between, so everything will probably work out okay, its just a matter of fighting against our own self critic. . . :hug:
 

Obsidius

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That's a good position to take, I wish more people would realize that haha xD Oh human error, humans who think we've figured out everything and think they know everything ... haha oh my ...

Awesome! Yeah I can totally see that, I'll keep that in mind too, it might come in handy (haha sorry no pun intended) when I do more figure drawing :)

Yeah, its really fascinating how all the different people with differing strengths of intelligence impact the world. Or even how individuals can have a their own unique mix of the intelligences :)

Haha, yeah, but realism can be different from pessimism. To me the world seems to be a mix of good, bad, and a lot of area in between, so everything will probably work out okay, its just a matter of fighting against our own self critic. . . :hug:

Yeah, fallibility is a good position, it's also the most reasonable one XD Haha yeah apparently a lot of artists use it when they want to paint accurate hands and whatnot XD Yeah, I think it's good to specialise in one, then we're like lego bricks in a massive building :) Yeah there's a difference, I only get pessimistic when I get in those moods XD But yeah, there are mixes of those, but I think whether or not things are "okay" is my own choice, I just need to work towards it :)
 
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