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[INTP] In social situations do any other INTP's ever feel inept, naive, and too trusting?

Paris34

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Do other INTP's ever feel this way, or am I the only one? Other types can chime in too.

I feel like a child. I'm naive and maybe too trusting. At least around the topic of relationships.

If allowed, I will ramble on when giving advice, providing insight, or even when venting. I like to consider all angles and possibilities, often contradicting myself. I do this both in writing and speech. But I feel guilty for writing so much. It feels like the conversation is weighted my direction, even when I'm responding with questions or advice. Its either too much, barely anything, or nothing at all in conversation with me.

My INFJ best friend typically has much shorter responses, and it takes him a long time to open up. So naturally I feel like the conversations are unbalanced, and I feel like I'm hogging the spot light so to speak.

I think its more just that he's careful about what he says. He pays more attention to things like the strategy of revealing who you are and the dance or game involved in relationships.

But in comparison, I can feel like a simple minded baboon. If I want to be friends with someone, I'll just make an effort to talk to them. Mind games, emotional manipulation, ect. . . never cross my mind. I don't hide who I am if I like you, I like you, it almost feels childlike sometimes. I have social anxiety to a certain extent, but honestly I don't care who knows things about me. I care if they then talk badly about me behind my back because to me that shows the ultimate disrespect and greatest break of trust. But I trust that people won't do that if I open up to them. Even if disproven by one person, I don't use that as proof that someone else will do the same in the future.

I'm trusting and tend to believe that other's are trustworthy. But I'm always worried that I'm sharing too much . . .

Any other INTP's ever feel this way?
 

laterlazer

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I completely understand where you're coming from.

Especially with sharing too much, I've found that I'm always really honest with people when I don't even need to be. And like you said with some people who don't talk as much I tend to end up talking a lot, although I personally always probe people with questions to try to get them to talk more about themselves or certain things. Cos my school friends were all introverts, when in the group I often felt extroverted cos they used to say a looot less than me and I was always the silly one.

The thing is sometimes I would suddenly be conscious that maybe I should keep things to myself and stop sharing so much when I'm reflecting on my own, but once the situation comes where I'm talking to another person, I suddenly go back to being very honest and open. I guess I never thought of it as trusting people though cos I would usually say I don't trust people that much. I feel like it's just being really honest and not seeing a need to have a facade. Also I usually use my opening up and being honest to hopefully get other people to do the same, and so people feel comfortable around me like they can tell me anything since I usually open up about some stupid things. (e.g. I told my design project group, whom are all male, that I was wearing a wig at some point. I still don't know why I did that but my uni friends once I told them were shocked and found it funny, I didn't really understand why it's important to keep something trivial like that a secret though.) I also remember to cheer up a friend I told her that my shoes were 10% the price of hers, which was actually true. I think I have a problem with trying to make people laugh by humiliating myself, although I don't really ever feel humiliated. :p

But yeah I agree with you, I think it's a good thing personally, it means we're usually very straight-forward. And I'd rather be like this than some mind-game player with what I would call fake friends, if you can't open up and be honest in your close friendships about almost anything then imo you're not even real friends. We just have to be careful with who we trust, the good thing with me is once someone breaks my trust that's it, I have no use for you and I'll never tell you anything personal again.
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

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I am just exploring being an INTP girl, so bear with me please.


I have noticed that I prefer young people to older people to hang out with. I attribute this to my emotional immaturity. I guess 'emotional' immaturity would be the apt qualifier. Because I am not immature in any other way that I can think of. In fact, I tend to be wiser than my years, I think. I think I like it because younger folks haven't fallen into the game playing like older folks have. They also play by less societally dictated rules, which I find uber refreshing. It's not that older folks don't have valuable things to share, I know they do! In fact, I look to some of them as mentors and true help-mates. They also are more likely to take care of me (which I need, but I'll go more into that later). It's just that when I want to kick back and chill out, I find that younger folk (who aren't psycho manipulators) are my preferred crowd. I seem to especially get along well with FP types.

I do notice I either ramble on excessively about myself, or I get others to ramble on incessantly about themselves. It is really all or nothing with me in a LOT of ways. And I'm not necessarily pleased about this. Sometimes as I'm sitting or hanging out with someone, I get this thought that says, "Hey you should really try asking this person about themselves," but honestly, I mostly just want to sit and enjoy the quiet company next to someone much of the time. Unless they put forth the effort to query me, or we happen on to an intense discussion about something, in which case I will REALLY want to talk about it for hours; I usually just like to chill out and snuggle or something. I guess what I'm saying is I am all or nothing conversation-wise because I just don't like expending effort at stuff that isn't super meaningful. And I really like the statement that says, "Unless you can improve the silence don't talk." [of course that does not go for my online friends, because the only way you have to communicate via text or online is your words, unless you are skyping and then I can just chill out and not talk, because you can at least SEE each other. Does that make sense?]

So, yeah. I'm immature. I trust, perhaps to a fault. And now that I am trying to live like Christ (as much as possible), it also means I stick around even when someone isn't nice to me. My whole thrust is doing God's will; my whole purpose in life. So if that means enduring things others won't, then so be it. I am glad to do it for my Lord, and His lost ones.

I love simply and fully. I love better than ever now that I am with God. I could go on and on about Him, but I'll post this now.
 

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My only problem really about this is that if i dont know the other person, i have no idea what to say(except if the situation is something like on a date where the point is to get to know the other person). This is not saying that some other people might not have problem with me, but im their problem, not mine :D
 

Paris34

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My only problem really about this is that if i dont know the other person, i have no idea what to say(except if the situation is something like on a date where the point is to get to know the other person). This is not saying that some other people might not have problem with me, but im their problem, not mine :D

Yeah, same, I mean I'm like that primarily with my good friends, people I want to be good friends with, or if I'm on a date.

But strangers, classmates I hardly know, people who I'm not interested in knowing, I typically won't make an effort to talk to them or be overly friendly. Cordial and agreeable, yes of course, but it takes me a while to warm up to most people.

I guess I never try to hide or act in a manner that is incongruous to the how I actually feel, well I do to an extent, but like I said I'm not overly friendly with someone who I don't want to be friends with. I don't want to put on a false pretense and pretend to like someone when I don't. To me that seems dishonest and manipulative.

I think their is a big difference between being polite, agreeable, and cordial than being friendly. The two over lap, but there is a difference in the kind of information I share if I'm trying to express friendship. (My more goofy Ne, tends to crop up a lot here, and once i really know someone i'll politely tell them what i really think.)
 

Obsidius

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Yeah I have INTP friends, and to me they often come off as brutally honest. Which I fucking love! But about the ranting/venting for too long, I'm not sure about that... Most INTP's I know do tend to rant, which is really fun for INTJ to pick apart and think about, and really attractive in females (for some reason). It's a good thing to me though, to rant, but to also be honest... That being said, when meeting new people, I can see how this would cause problems to arise.
 

Paris34

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Yeah I have INTP friends, and to me they often come off as brutally honest. Which I fucking love! But about the ranting/venting for too long, I'm not sure about that... Most INTP's I know do tend to rant, which is really fun for INTJ to pick apart and think about, and really attractive in females (for some reason). It's a good thing to me though, to rant, but to also be honest... That being said, when meeting new people, I can see how this would cause problems to arise.

Haha, yeah if I deem someone trustworthy, it doesn't take long (at least in my mind) to open up to them. I might know them for a few months, live on the same floor, gradually warm up through small talk; but then one day. . . bam, i'm comfortable telling them things most people deem too personal. And its awkward as heck, when your friend tells you that you shouldn't go around telling people things like that. I still feel like a little kid without a filter sometimes.

lol I guess its an under developed Fe thing. . . I should try to work on that. . .
 

Obsidius

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Haha, yeah if I deem someone trustworthy, it doesn't take long (at least in my mind) to open up to them. I might know them for a few months, live on the same floor, gradually warm up through small talk; but then one day. . . bam, i'm comfortable telling them things most people deem too personal. And its awkward as heck, when your friend tells you that you shouldn't go around telling people things like that. I still feel like a little kid without a filter sometimes.

lol I guess its an under developed Fe thing. . . I should try to work on that. . .

Well, that's exactly why I love hanging out with INTP's! I love how honest and open they are, not sure if this is a common thing between INTJ's and INTP's, but every INTP I've met has opened up to me, and I love talking to them about their experiences/issues and trying to help them where possible XD Enjoyable, probably easiest type for me to become friends with!
 

Paris34

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Well, that's exactly why I love hanging out with INTP's! I love how honest and open they are, not sure if this is a common thing between INTJ's and INTP's, but every INTP I've met has opened up to me, and I love talking to them about their experiences/issues and trying to help them where possible XD Enjoyable, probably easiest type for me to become friends with!

Glad to hear that people don't find it annoying. lol :p And there does seem to be something about Ni dom's that attracts me to them/ them to me. . . my best friend he's an INFJ, then another close friend she is an INFJ, and yet another either INTJ or INFJ . . .

I wonder why that is . . .? haha look at me asking "why" . . . such a typical Ti dom... lol
 

Obsidius

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Glad to hear that people don't find it annoying. lol :p And there does seem to be something about Ni dom's that attracts me to them/ them to me. . . my best friend he's an INFJ, then another close friend she is an INFJ, and yet another either INTJ or INFJ . . .

I wonder why that is . . .? haha look at me asking "why" . . . such a typical Ti dom... lol
Haha yes always the why :) Yeah two of my friends are INTJ, one is INTP and my ex was INFJ... Tends to be a big draw I think, be interesting to find out why XD
 

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Haha yes always the why :) Yeah two of my friends are INTJ, one is INTP and my ex was INFJ... Tends to be a big draw I think, be interesting to find out why XD

My hypothesis (haha, oh my, could I be more INTP... lol), which could be completely wrong, is a mix of things:

-Intuition, even though Ne and Ni are different, I think N types find solace in other N types, especially in world where these traits are viewed as strange or bizarre. And even though my INFJ bestie will joke that I'm high when I jump from point A to Da Vinci Code*, I know he doesn't think of my mind jumps are a mental defect. But to some people I know, my Ne can really confuse them, especially my ESTJ mom. I love her to bits, but being around someone who thinks you're from a different planet is only fun for a little while before it just gets sad and lonely. . .

and moving on from that . . .

- The introversion :). Both types understand the other's need for solitude and also the craving for meaningful social interaction. And combined with Ni or Ne, this equals unprecedented love for deep conversations. (with INFJ/INTP the Ti, Fe, and juxtaposition of Ni/Ne can take conversation to strange and wonderful places... *happy sigh*)

- INTJ's and INTP's even though they have all different cognitive functions, share commonalties as rational types and can be energized by deep intellectual conversations. And each offers a unique perspective, not just because individuals, but also because of function differences.

-And lastly the Flip-Side. With my INFJ friends (maybe its similar for INFP's for INTJ's) we are technically the introverted version of the flip side of our personalities. (me ENFJ at heart & INFJ -> ENTP at heart via A Little Bit of Personality) They understand and respect my introversion, but at the same time challenge me to develop the more caring side of my personality, Fe. And I offer up Ti, new perspectives with Ne possibilities. I notice I really push my INFJ best friend to consider different perspectives & be more openminded to other people's opinions, and he pushes me to think of other's emotions.


Your thoughts?

*Spoiler* if you are curious about that mind jump:
 

Obsidius

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My hypothesis (haha, oh my, could I be more INTP... lol), which could be completely wrong, is a mix of things:

-Intuition, even though Ne and Ni are different, I think N types find solace in other N types, especially in world where these traits are viewed as strange or bizarre. And even though my INFJ bestie will joke that I'm high when I jump from point A to Da Vinci Code*, I know he doesn't think of my mind jumps are a mental defect. But to some people I know, my Ne can really confuse them, especially my ESTJ mom. I love her to bits, but being around someone who thinks you're from a different planet is only fun for a little while before it just gets sad and lonely. . .

and moving on from that . . .

- The introversion :). Both types understand the other's need for solitude and also the craving for meaningful social interaction. And combined with Ni or Ne, this equals unprecedented love for deep conversations. (with INFJ/INTP the Ti, Fe, and juxtaposition of Ni/Ne can take conversation to strange and wonderful places... *happy sigh*)

- INTJ's and INTP's even though they have all different cognitive functions, share commonalties as rational types and can be energized by deep intellectual conversations. And each offers a unique perspective, not just because individuals, but also because of function differences.

-And lastly the Flip-Side. With my INFJ friends (maybe its similar for INFP's for INTJ's) we are technically the introverted version of the flip side of our personalities. (me ENFJ at heart & INFJ -> ENTP at heart via A Little Bit of Personality) They understand and respect my introversion, but at the same time challenge me to develop the more caring side of my personality, Fe. And I offer up Ti, new perspectives with Ne possibilities. I notice I really push my INFJ best friend to consider different perspectives & be more openminded to other people's opinions, and he pushes me to think of other's emotions.


Your thoughts?

*Spoiler* if you are curious about that mind jump:

Holy shit, you really are an INTP ;) I think the hypothesis is very much valid though! Considering it reasonably, I think it makes sense. That being said, I'd probably have some criticisms if I were more knowledgeable in concern with the MBTI (I've never heard an idea that I haven't criticised when it comes to a topic that I know a lot about), but, from my current perspective, that makes a lot of sense :) Thanks for temporarily satisfying my curiosity :)
 

Paris34

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Holy shit, you really are an INTP ;) I think the hypothesis is very much valid though! Considering it reasonably, I think it makes sense. That being said, I'd probably have some criticisms if I were more knowledgeable in concern with the MBTI (I've never heard an idea that I haven't criticised when it comes to a topic that I know a lot about), but, from my current perspective, that makes a lot of sense :) Thanks for temporarily satisfying my curiosity :)

Haha thanks ;) And I'm glad I could satisfy your curiosity. As a 5 on the enneagram and an NT, I definitely understand that intense desire to learn and know things, and its so satisfying to fill that curiosity. Its like eating a 5 star quality good meal at an inexpensive hole in the wall café on a quiet street in Paris. . .

And yes, please don't hesitate to debate me once you feel you have more info. I lurk around the mbti section on tumblr a lot and there are some incredibly knowledgeable people on there who I've learned a lot from. (and there are also a lot of funny MBTI stereotypes. I recommend checking it out if you haven't already.)
 

Obsidius

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Haha thanks ;) And I'm glad I could satisfy your curiosity. As a 5 on the enneagram and an NT, I definitely understand that intense desire to learn and know things, and its so satisfying to fill that curiosity. Its like eating a 5 star quality good meal at an inexpensive hole in the wall café on a quiet street in Paris. . .

And yes, please don't hesitate to debate me once you feel you have more info. I lurk around the mbti section on tumblr a lot and there are some incredibly knowledgeable people on there who I've learned a lot from. (and there are also a lot of funny MBTI stereotypes. I recommend checking it out if you haven't already.)

Haha that was a hilariously specific simile! But yes, it's definitely like that ;)

And don't worry! I'm an INTJ ;) You don't need to tell us when to debate! Haha, apparently debates between INTJ's and INTP's can be considered "legendary", in my experience, they are pretty epic, and enjoyable :) But yeah, I'll check that out! Haven't been on Tumblr since the SJW types took over, so, a year ago :p I'll take a look though, thanks for the recommendation :)
 

Paris34

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Haha that was a hilariously specific simile! But yes, it's definitely like that ;)

And don't worry! I'm an INTJ ;) You don't need to tell us when to debate! Haha, apparently debates between INTJ's and INTP's can be considered "legendary", in my experience, they are pretty epic, and enjoyable :) But yeah, I'll check that out! Haven't been on Tumblr since the SJW types took over, so, a year ago :p I'll take a look though, thanks for the recommendation though :)

Haha thanks, glad you enjoyed it ;)

And I look forward to the legendary debates ;)

I have an ENTJ friend in real life who I once talked with about social issues when another girl, aka my date, was there and the two started debating. (It was a weird night...Never agree to a blind dates set up an ENTJ guy... just no...) I think it was deemed a heated argument by her, likely NF of SF female, he considered it a heated debate, and I just thought it was a friendly discussion, whoops . . . lol . . . then again I was just watching . . . mostly...

And I'm a bit biased, tumblr is a magical place for me as lesbian/queer girl where I can frolic through the mystical land of imagined and real lesbian 'ships . . . and listen to the chanting whispers of Swan Queen echo through the binary code. . .

But yeah the SJW types can get a bit too much sometimes. I just saw post today, I mean it made good points, and make me think, which I like, but a page about a giving a hamster a bath in the sink ... I mean I get it its not okay, they don't like water... but can we go back to pictures of cute lesbian ships now please.
 

Obsidius

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Haha thanks, glad you enjoyed it ;)

And I look forward to the legendary debates ;)

I have an ENTJ friend in real life who I once talked with about social issues when another girl, aka my date, was there and the two started debating. (It was a weird night...Never agree to a blind dates set up an ENTJ guy... just no...) I think it was deemed a heated argument by her, likely NF of SF female, he considered it a heated debate, and I just thought it was a friendly discussion, whoops . . . lol . . . then again I was just watching . . . mostly...

And I'm a bit biased, tumblr is a magical place for me as lesbian/queer girl where I can frolic through the mystical land of imagined and real lesbian 'ships . . . and listen to the chanting whispers of Swan Queen echo through the binary code. . .

But yeah the SJW types can get a bit too much sometimes. I just saw post today, I mean it made good points, and make me think, which I like, but a page about a giving a hamster a bath in the sink ... I mean I get it its not okay, they don't like water... but can we go back to pictures of cute lesbian ships now please.
Haha awesome :)

Yeah that happens to me a lot! I'll get into a discussion with another NT, or other NT's have one with each other, all the SF and NF's get all huffy-and-puffy, they feel like it's some angry conflict XD Yeah, I really don't like most ENTJ's I've come across, it's weird, I'd think that INTJ's and ENTJ's would go together alright?

Yeah I understand that, I mean, I'm all for people doing whatever the hell they want in terms of their sexuality, and I think that all forms of sexuality should be considered equal, but I still see some "equality" blogs heading towards the bigotry that they set out to destroy. I guess it's difficult for me to relate though, I'm a 0 on that Kinsey Scale thing, completely heterosexual. Meaning I'm obviously speaking from a privileged point of view in this culture, so I can understand that finding that much to relate to can be a euphoric experience, like the first time I stepped into a record store that specialised in Metal :)
 

Paris34

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Haha awesome :)

Yeah that happens to me a lot! I'll get into a discussion with another NT, or other NT's have one with each other, all the SF and NF's get all huffy-and-puffy, they feel like it's some angry conflict XD Yeah, I really don't like most ENTJ's I've come across, it's weird, I'd think that INTJ's and ENTJ's would go together alright?

Yeah I understand that, I mean, I'm all for people doing whatever the hell they want in terms of their sexuality, and I think that all forms of sexuality should be considered equal, but I still see some "equality" blogs heading towards the bigotry that they set out to destroy. I guess it's difficult for me to relate though, I'm a 0 on that Kinsey Scale thing, completely heterosexual. Meaning I'm obviously speaking from a privileged point of view in this culture, so I can understand that finding that much to relate to can be a euphoric experience, like the first time I stepped into a record store that specialised in Metal :)

Yeah, its refreshing chatting with you, and even on the NT forum in general, typically I feel like I have to filter every word I say. Its nice to be able to simply be who you are, with worrying you might insult someone or forget a social grace.

And yeah, I try not to get too wrapped up in the politics of it all, but its hard when the politics directly involve you. But on the same note, don't feel bad, I have no clue what it would be like to be 0 on the Kinsey scale, I'm about a 5.

And hey you recognize your privilege, thats a hell of a lot more than a lot of people. :) For me, relating to other minorities, I tend to use my imagination to my advantage and try to picture what my life would be like if I were them. Its actually pretty useful tool and I guess its technically the foundation of empathy, putting yourself in other's shoes and feeling what they would feel and all . . .

And yeah . . . haha, its bit like finding a record store that specializes in Metal, (but with cute girls) lol :)

But if you ever are curious or have questions I'm happy to chat with you on the subject. I promise I'll try my best not to get all social justice'y ;) I'm new with coming out (I think I was almost exactly a year ago that it hit me like a ton of bricks. . . ), so I tend to still get a bit flustered/nervous talking about it, damn those things we call emotions, but with each person it gets easier . . .

And I completely agree about some of the "equality" blogs. The minority movements aren't perfect either, and there is even judgment and sub groups with in the community . . . but that tends to be a minority (lol, no pun intended.)


But seriously I'd be happy to talk with you about [coming out, how I realized, people's reactions, how it is internally coming to terms, ect...]. Feel free to send me a message if you have questions. :) I'm one of those who believe that in order for minorities (specifically LGBT) to be understood we have to understand that the cornerstone of acceptance is understanding, and in order for the majority to understand there's probably going to be some awkward questions, but hopefully they'll be worded respectfully. And we'll have to be more open about who we are, yes, but education is the only (ethical) cure to bigotry and ignorance that I can think of. How else will someone who is privileged know their statement was ignorant if no one politely corrects them?
 

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..share commonalties as rational types

INTJ isnt a rational type, they are Ni dom which means that its irrational type. But yes, i have a INTJ friend an intellectual conversations are fun, just as long as he agrees with me, because if he doesent, there is no way to change his mind(trust me i have tried to argue for several hours of clear logic that should be obvious to any rational person, but Ni ego and Fi prevents that and makes him the most stubborn person i ever met). But to be honest im almost as stubborn, but my stubborness is trying to make him see logic and his stubbornness is to defend his Ni/Fi view that has been backed up by some loose Te logic and Se evidence. This is why arguing about some scientific theory or what ever can take hours and few times even like two weeks of few hours here and there.. Its nice brain gymnastics and helps me to review stuff i know(when trying to explain them to him), but it also gets frustrating. Not to mention that sometimes he does that thing where he knows he is wrong, but still continues to argue because he doesent want me to see that he was wrong..
 

Paris34

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INTJ isnt a rational type, they are Ni dom which means that its irrational type. But yes, i have a INTJ friend an intellectual conversations are fun, just as long as he agrees with me, because if he doesent, there is no way to change his mind(trust me i have tried to argue for several hours of clear logic that should be obvious to any rational person, but Ni ego and Fi prevents that and makes him the most stubborn person i ever met). But to be honest im almost as stubborn, but my stubborness is trying to make him see logic and his stubbornness is to defend his Ni/Fi view that has been backed up by some loose Te logic and Se evidence. This is why arguing about some scientific theory or what ever can take hours and few times even like two weeks of few hours here and there.. Its nice brain gymnastics and helps me to review stuff i know(when trying to explain them to him), but it also gets frustrating. Not to mention that sometimes he does that thing where he knows he is wrong, but still continues to argue because he doesent want me to see that he was wrong..

Yeah Ni dom's can be a tad challenging if they won't consider other possibilities. I mean there's no doubt that I can be stubborn, but I like to think that I'm open to considering other possibilities.

My INFJ friend though, oh my god, sometimes its like talking to a brick wall, but if I keep chipping away I can eventually get him to consider other perspectives. It just takes sometime and some convincing . . . haha, but hey it can make for a fun challenge ;)
 

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I have the opposite problem: I'm way too distrusting. I cannot meet someone without wondering if they are going to try to use me and my friends, and it therefore takes a long time to earn my trust or genuine respect.
I think something might have happened socially in early elementary school that caused this... Or maybe it was sixth grade. ;)
 
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