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  1. #1
    Member Paris34's Avatar
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    Default In social situations do any other INTP's ever feel inept, naive, and too trusting?

    Do other INTP's ever feel this way, or am I the only one? Other types can chime in too.

    I feel like a child. I'm naive and maybe too trusting. At least around the topic of relationships.

    If allowed, I will ramble on when giving advice, providing insight, or even when venting. I like to consider all angles and possibilities, often contradicting myself. I do this both in writing and speech. But I feel guilty for writing so much. It feels like the conversation is weighted my direction, even when I'm responding with questions or advice. Its either too much, barely anything, or nothing at all in conversation with me.

    My INFJ best friend typically has much shorter responses, and it takes him a long time to open up. So naturally I feel like the conversations are unbalanced, and I feel like I'm hogging the spot light so to speak.

    I think its more just that he's careful about what he says. He pays more attention to things like the strategy of revealing who you are and the dance or game involved in relationships.

    But in comparison, I can feel like a simple minded baboon. If I want to be friends with someone, I'll just make an effort to talk to them. Mind games, emotional manipulation, ect. . . never cross my mind. I don't hide who I am if I like you, I like you, it almost feels childlike sometimes. I have social anxiety to a certain extent, but honestly I don't care who knows things about me. I care if they then talk badly about me behind my back because to me that shows the ultimate disrespect and greatest break of trust. But I trust that people won't do that if I open up to them. Even if disproven by one person, I don't use that as proof that someone else will do the same in the future.

    I'm trusting and tend to believe that other's are trustworthy. But I'm always worried that I'm sharing too much . . .

    Any other INTP's ever feel this way?

  2. #2
    good, hot, fresh, fly ~ laterlazer's Avatar
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    I completely understand where you're coming from.

    Especially with sharing too much, I've found that I'm always really honest with people when I don't even need to be. And like you said with some people who don't talk as much I tend to end up talking a lot, although I personally always probe people with questions to try to get them to talk more about themselves or certain things. Cos my school friends were all introverts, when in the group I often felt extroverted cos they used to say a looot less than me and I was always the silly one.

    The thing is sometimes I would suddenly be conscious that maybe I should keep things to myself and stop sharing so much when I'm reflecting on my own, but once the situation comes where I'm talking to another person, I suddenly go back to being very honest and open. I guess I never thought of it as trusting people though cos I would usually say I don't trust people that much. I feel like it's just being really honest and not seeing a need to have a facade. Also I usually use my opening up and being honest to hopefully get other people to do the same, and so people feel comfortable around me like they can tell me anything since I usually open up about some stupid things. (e.g. I told my design project group, whom are all male, that I was wearing a wig at some point. I still don't know why I did that but my uni friends once I told them were shocked and found it funny, I didn't really understand why it's important to keep something trivial like that a secret though.) I also remember to cheer up a friend I told her that my shoes were 10% the price of hers, which was actually true. I think I have a problem with trying to make people laugh by humiliating myself, although I don't really ever feel humiliated. :P

    But yeah I agree with you, I think it's a good thing personally, it means we're usually very straight-forward. And I'd rather be like this than some mind-game player with what I would call fake friends, if you can't open up and be honest in your close friendships about almost anything then imo you're not even real friends. We just have to be careful with who we trust, the good thing with me is once someone breaks my trust that's it, I have no use for you and I'll never tell you anything personal again.

  3. #3
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    I am just exploring being an INTP girl, so bear with me please.


    I have noticed that I prefer young people to older people to hang out with. I attribute this to my emotional immaturity. I guess 'emotional' immaturity would be the apt qualifier. Because I am not immature in any other way that I can think of. In fact, I tend to be wiser than my years, I think. I think I like it because younger folks haven't fallen into the game playing like older folks have. They also play by less societally dictated rules, which I find uber refreshing. It's not that older folks don't have valuable things to share, I know they do! In fact, I look to some of them as mentors and true help-mates. They also are more likely to take care of me (which I need, but I'll go more into that later). It's just that when I want to kick back and chill out, I find that younger folk (who aren't psycho manipulators) are my preferred crowd. I seem to especially get along well with FP types.

    I do notice I either ramble on excessively about myself, or I get others to ramble on incessantly about themselves. It is really all or nothing with me in a LOT of ways. And I'm not necessarily pleased about this. Sometimes as I'm sitting or hanging out with someone, I get this thought that says, "Hey you should really try asking this person about themselves," but honestly, I mostly just want to sit and enjoy the quiet company next to someone much of the time. Unless they put forth the effort to query me, or we happen on to an intense discussion about something, in which case I will REALLY want to talk about it for hours; I usually just like to chill out and snuggle or something. I guess what I'm saying is I am all or nothing conversation-wise because I just don't like expending effort at stuff that isn't super meaningful. And I really like the statement that says, "Unless you can improve the silence don't talk." [of course that does not go for my online friends, because the only way you have to communicate via text or online is your words, unless you are skyping and then I can just chill out and not talk, because you can at least SEE each other. Does that make sense?]

    So, yeah. I'm immature. I trust, perhaps to a fault. And now that I am trying to live like Christ (as much as possible), it also means I stick around even when someone isn't nice to me. My whole thrust is doing God's will; my whole purpose in life. So if that means enduring things others won't, then so be it. I am glad to do it for my Lord, and His lost ones.

    I love simply and fully. I love better than ever now that I am with God. I could go on and on about Him, but I'll post this now.
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    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

    songofmary.wordpress.com


  4. #4
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    My only problem really about this is that if i dont know the other person, i have no idea what to say(except if the situation is something like on a date where the point is to get to know the other person). This is not saying that some other people might not have problem with me, but im their problem, not mine
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  5. #5
    Member Paris34's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    My only problem really about this is that if i dont know the other person, i have no idea what to say(except if the situation is something like on a date where the point is to get to know the other person). This is not saying that some other people might not have problem with me, but im their problem, not mine
    Yeah, same, I mean I'm like that primarily with my good friends, people I want to be good friends with, or if I'm on a date.

    But strangers, classmates I hardly know, people who I'm not interested in knowing, I typically won't make an effort to talk to them or be overly friendly. Cordial and agreeable, yes of course, but it takes me a while to warm up to most people.

    I guess I never try to hide or act in a manner that is incongruous to the how I actually feel, well I do to an extent, but like I said I'm not overly friendly with someone who I don't want to be friends with. I don't want to put on a false pretense and pretend to like someone when I don't. To me that seems dishonest and manipulative.

    I think their is a big difference between being polite, agreeable, and cordial than being friendly. The two over lap, but there is a difference in the kind of information I share if I'm trying to express friendship. (My more goofy Ne, tends to crop up a lot here, and once i really know someone i'll politely tell them what i really think.)

  6. #6
    Chumped. Obsidius's Avatar
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    Yeah I have INTP friends, and to me they often come off as brutally honest. Which I fucking love! But about the ranting/venting for too long, I'm not sure about that... Most INTP's I know do tend to rant, which is really fun for INTJ to pick apart and think about, and really attractive in females (for some reason). It's a good thing to me though, to rant, but to also be honest... That being said, when meeting new people, I can see how this would cause problems to arise.

  7. #7
    Member Paris34's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Obsidius View Post
    Yeah I have INTP friends, and to me they often come off as brutally honest. Which I fucking love! But about the ranting/venting for too long, I'm not sure about that... Most INTP's I know do tend to rant, which is really fun for INTJ to pick apart and think about, and really attractive in females (for some reason). It's a good thing to me though, to rant, but to also be honest... That being said, when meeting new people, I can see how this would cause problems to arise.
    Haha, yeah if I deem someone trustworthy, it doesn't take long (at least in my mind) to open up to them. I might know them for a few months, live on the same floor, gradually warm up through small talk; but then one day. . . bam, i'm comfortable telling them things most people deem too personal. And its awkward as heck, when your friend tells you that you shouldn't go around telling people things like that. I still feel like a little kid without a filter sometimes.

    lol I guess its an under developed Fe thing. . . I should try to work on that. . .

  8. #8
    Chumped. Obsidius's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paris34 View Post
    Haha, yeah if I deem someone trustworthy, it doesn't take long (at least in my mind) to open up to them. I might know them for a few months, live on the same floor, gradually warm up through small talk; but then one day. . . bam, i'm comfortable telling them things most people deem too personal. And its awkward as heck, when your friend tells you that you shouldn't go around telling people things like that. I still feel like a little kid without a filter sometimes.

    lol I guess its an under developed Fe thing. . . I should try to work on that. . .
    Well, that's exactly why I love hanging out with INTP's! I love how honest and open they are, not sure if this is a common thing between INTJ's and INTP's, but every INTP I've met has opened up to me, and I love talking to them about their experiences/issues and trying to help them where possible XD Enjoyable, probably easiest type for me to become friends with!
    Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion man.

  9. #9
    Member Paris34's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Obsidius View Post
    Well, that's exactly why I love hanging out with INTP's! I love how honest and open they are, not sure if this is a common thing between INTJ's and INTP's, but every INTP I've met has opened up to me, and I love talking to them about their experiences/issues and trying to help them where possible XD Enjoyable, probably easiest type for me to become friends with!
    Glad to hear that people don't find it annoying. lol :P And there does seem to be something about Ni dom's that attracts me to them/ them to me. . . my best friend he's an INFJ, then another close friend she is an INFJ, and yet another either INTJ or INFJ . . .

    I wonder why that is . . .? haha look at me asking "why" . . . such a typical Ti dom... lol

  10. #10
    Chumped. Obsidius's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paris34 View Post
    Glad to hear that people don't find it annoying. lol :P And there does seem to be something about Ni dom's that attracts me to them/ them to me. . . my best friend he's an INFJ, then another close friend she is an INFJ, and yet another either INTJ or INFJ . . .

    I wonder why that is . . .? haha look at me asking "why" . . . such a typical Ti dom... lol
    Haha yes always the why Yeah two of my friends are INTJ, one is INTP and my ex was INFJ... Tends to be a big draw I think, be interesting to find out why XD
    Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion man.

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