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Thread: How does an ESFJ impress an INTJ?

  1. #1
    Junior Member Array
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    Dec 2014

    Default How does an ESFJ impress an INTJ?

    Hi, I am an ESFJ girl and I would like to impress an INTJ guy...
    When I was in high school, I was all about the cute and obnoxious jocks, but now that I'm older I see myself settling down with someone more reserved and intelligent..

    So theres an INTJ guy whom I really really like.. but I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm really shallow. Being an ESFJ, I'm afraid that we don't have much in common but he still asks me to hangout a lot and we have some nice moments.

    Idk, I think i'm just blabbering now. Basically, being an annoying and shallow ESFJ, how do I impress and win the heart of a sexy engineering INTJ stud?

    Thanks in advance.

  2. #2
    Alchemist of life Array Coriolis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    5w6 sp/sx


    First, you must accept the possibility that you never will win this person's heart, in the sense of having a lasting relationship. If in the end you don't, you must be prepared to move on and find someone who can reciprocate your affections more fully. That being said, your best if not your only chance lies in showing him your best self. Do not seek to change yourself or to become like some other type in the hopes of becoming more appealing to him. You will not be able to sustain it, and in any case, he will sense that it is inauthentic, and likely sooner rather than later.

    Understand that you and this INTJ will have very different ways of evaluating life, and people, especially if circumstances haven't forced you to develop less-preferred functions to any significant extent. The only specific advice I can offer for impressing this fellow is first to listen. If he says or does something that strikes you as odd or even wrong, give him the chance to explain what he is doing and why. Try to imagine how it might make sense given what he is trying to achieve in the circumstances. Second, be prepared to return the favor. If you do or say something that he seems to react negatively to, explain as clearly and objectively as you can why you are doing it, even if the reasons don't sound very objective. Reserving judgment and explaining yourselves to each other should go far in a relationship between types that can often be at odds in many ways.
    Hope is the denial of reality. It is the carrot dangled before the draft horse to keep him plodding along in a vain attempt to reach it. We should remove the carrot and walk forward with our eyes open. -- Raistlin Majere
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