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  1. #1
    Suave y Fuerte BadOctopus's Avatar
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    Default Rational females - do you struggle with this?

    I am a female INTJ. It's been my personal experience that almost every man I've ever known has been more emotional than me. Or maybe I should say, they've all been more demonstrative in their emotions. It's not that I don't have emotions; they just don't show on the surface. I try not to make decisions based on emotion, and when trying to help others, I always appeal to their logical faculties and their common sense. (If they have any.)

    It baffles and frustrates me, because society on a whole tends to believe the stereotype that men are rational creatures, and women are emotional. But to me, it's always seemed the opposite. Do any other rational females have this problem? How do you cope in a world that expects women to be emotional?

  2. #2
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BadOctopus View Post
    I am a female INTJ. It's been my personal experience that almost every man I've ever known has been more emotional than me. Or maybe I should say, they've all been more demonstrative in their emotions. It's not that I don't have emotions; they just don't show on the surface. I try not to make decisions based on emotion, and when trying to help others, I always appeal to their logical faculties and their common sense. (If they have any.)

    It baffles and frustrates me, because society on a whole tends to believe the stereotype that men are rational creatures, and women are emotional. But to me, it's always seemed the opposite. Do any other rational females have this problem? How do you cope in a world that expects women to be emotional?
    I agree that the usual run of men can be just as emotional, and as expressive of that emotion, as women, though often regarding different topics. (Consider men watching a sporting event.) Most of my interactions are professional, though, and between that and the likely type distribution within my profession, I don't see too much emotionalism. So no, this is not much of a problem for me on a daily basis.

    As for coping in a world that expects women to be emotional, I have rarely had to give it a second thought. If or when people have that expectation of me, it has gone right over my head. I have more trouble learning (or remembering) to be conventionally polite in situations where I don't want to call attention to myself. Again, though, I probably am just lucky due to my work environment.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by BadOctopus View Post
    Do any other rational females have this problem? How do you cope in a world that expects women to be emotional?
    Ha! My boyfriends are famous for stamping their feet, pouting while exclaiming how moody I am... It's a highly amusing situation. On the whole this bullshit that people (of any gender) are rational is what I find funniest of all. I would like to take that label and call it 'rationalising' then I think the shoe would fit.

    Whether or not somehow outwardly displays their emotions is neither here nor there. It says little about the way they operate in terms of decision making. As you know, having the emotions on the inside does not at all guarantee that an emotionally driven decision won't be forthcoming.

    My 2 cents.
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  4. #4
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Im a feeler and have dated lots of really emotional/moody men... bummer... also a couple total robots.

    Would love to date someone reasonably touchy-feely, yet healthy.
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  5. #5
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    So many experiences here with, ha, pouty men. Odd. Like crying a lot? Tantrums? Manchildren? Is it possible to spot a less emotional man, go with him?

    Sorry to interrupt.
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  6. #6
    literally your mother PocketFullOf's Avatar
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    Yeah, I've had that problem. People tell me that there is something wrong with me and that I'm cold. People tell me I am rational to a fault (even though I am a P not a J so I guess I am technically not "rational" in that sense) to the point that I lose sight (which isn't true). I just try to find other people who have similarities to me in other ways and bond over what we have in common, not what we don't.

    I would add that my most successful relationships have been with F guys, because we bring different things to the table and actually help each other have a more complete view/experience of the world. I've also noticed that F vs T really doesn't correlate all that strongly with overly emotional men in my experience. The guy who was the most hard to deal with was an ESTP who got very moody whenever he didn't get his way (might have been a personality disorder of some sort).


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  7. #7
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by johnnyyukon View Post
    So many experiences here with, ha, pouty men. Odd. Like crying a lot? Tantrums? Manchildren? Is it possible to spot a less emotional man, go with him?
    It is quite possible, and I am sure I am not the only one who has done exactly that. I make a distinction between being outwardly emotional or having poor control over one's emotional expression; and simply having/feeling deep emotions. I think I have most appreciation for guys who are in the second category, while managing to keep out of the first. Those in the first can be fun/interesting in the moment, but I doubt I could sustain much of a relationship with one.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...
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  8. #8
    Senior Member RenaiReborn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BadOctopus View Post
    I am a female INTJ. It's been my personal experience that almost every man I've ever known has been more emotional than me. Or maybe I should say, they've all been more demonstrative in their emotions. It's not that I don't have emotions; they just don't show on the surface. I try not to make decisions based on emotion, and when trying to help others, I always appeal to their logical faculties and their common sense. (If they have any.)

    It baffles and frustrates me, because society on a whole tends to believe the stereotype that men are rational creatures, and women are emotional. But to me, it's always seemed the opposite. Do any other rational females have this problem? How do you cope in a world that expects women to be emotional?
    For a rational female, of course most men would seem like they are insufferably emotional. Short answer, yes, I personally have had this problem. My coping solution- after my time had been spent dealing with emotional infantile men, found myself a lovely rational fellow. Before that, I simply morphed into whatever image of femininity that was required when dealing with people. *shrug* Adapt and overcome, love.

  9. #9
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PocketFullOf View Post

    I would add that my most successful relationships have been with F guys, because we bring different things to the table and actually help each other have a more complete view/experience of the world. I've also noticed that F vs T really doesn't correlate all that strongly with overly emotional men in my experience. The guy who was the most hard to deal with was an ESTP who got very moody whenever he didn't get his way (might have been a personality disorder of some sort).
    This is my experience as well. I've known more than one non-F guy that had just shy of a temper tantrum when he didn't get his way. They also played the passive aggressive/pouty card often. Do I feel that my ENFJ has the capacity to get more emotional about things than I do? Yes occasionally. But the way he expresses his emotions aren't childish, I think that makes an enormous difference.
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  10. #10
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    That's an interesting observation. I find that my ISTP brother is more emotional than my ISFJ boyfriend. I think it may correlate somewhat with their instincts - they're both 9s, but my brother is sx-high and my boyfriend is sx-low.

    I even find as a fairly emotional female that I don't tend to make important decisions when I am emotional, while I see a plenty of men, both T and F, doing so. So it is baffling to me sometimes even as an F-dominant to hear of blanket male rationality.

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