@rayna --I mean, yeah, pretty much you let this guy go through all these hoops, get to the end of the race and say "Oh no, you have to go back and do it again. I don't like the way you jumped through the fire without burning yourself." He's got a different language than you, but you were pretty much like, "This is Murica, speak American or gtfo." He was telling you everything from the beginning.
He was giving you literally every signal ever that he wanted you. Like, seriously, it cannot be more painfully obvious even from the first paragraph. He liked you bad--and you knew it from the start, because back in the first couple paragraphs you say, "Hey, I realized I was hot for him too." As soon as you knew you liked him, your attitude should have changed from 'I want to protect my precious unique feelings until I'm satisifed' to 'How do I make this happen so that I don't hurt him nor do I feel vulnerable?'
At the end of the day, you were SO pre-occupied with looking for excuses for why he invalidated you that you entirely invalidated ALL of the almost desperate moves he was making on you in the attempt to prove to you how assertive and genuine (in his own way) he was trying to be about this. I definitely would not have handled it as well, or as long, as this guy has.. And I don't blame him at all for giving you a dose of your own medicine. You definitely didn't give him ANY reason to believe you cared about him.. so why should he be in such a rush, now that you've been vulnerable, to say, "Oh, hey, let me assure you so much that you mean a lot to me."
... And that's just the NON-Boyfriend step. The levels of communication escalate when you get in a relationship. You need to be more assertive about how you feel, say things that are hard to say, and TAKE things that are difficult to hear from him. I'd be hesitating too, like you or not, to pick you up seeing these obvious attempts to lie and cover up feelings that were obviously reciprocated. You pretty much told him this whole time, "oh you're instincts are lying to you" then said, "Jk, you were right all along I like you and since I know you think I'm cool, can we date now plz?" like NONE of those games ever happened. It can EASILY be taken like "Oh, hey, turns out I was flirting with you all this time but I wasn't sure if I wanted you.. but then I realized I was lonely and you were the only one that actually cared/put up with my shit so I'm settling for you now. Oh, So, take it or leave it, and decide soon because I'm moving the fuck on and getting over this shit if you don't. I don't have time to play games." Ultimatums NEVER end well. Ever. Particularly since you really gave him the run for his money. A caring response enthusiastic about a potential relationship would be, "I know you might need to take time. But I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. and I'd like you to be here with me. So, when you're ready, contact me and we can talk about it."
Your actions mean something. And those ones you mentioned in your OP put a damper on a potential relationship.
Complete kudos on you for finally speaking up and realizing he is important to you. Some people never even get the courage to do that much. Sorry if I'm sounding harsh about this, but I've had a similar thing happen--a dude was hot/cold to me, and when I finally decided I needed to move on before I went insane, he confessed his feelings for me truly, and it was too late by then. I couldn't handle it. I spent a lot of time and money and effort trying to make something there, and he was too busy being scared of what-ifs to see reality. It's a messy, self-fulfilling prophecy made out of illogical nonsense.
I dunno the guy, I can't speak at all about whether he will respond or not--But I'd graciously accept a decline/rejection if he doesn't. ... and if you really like him then I hope he's more forgiving and understanding than you are.. because you've got a long road ahead of you if he decides yes. This is just the tip of the iceberg. You say you've only been with one guy before... a lack of experience in relationships can really contribute heavily to this sort of stuff. Open communication is the key to solving a lot of needless drama. And You've got to be the one to initiate it. If it's on your mind, you have the responsibility to say it. Because what you don't say holds just as many consequences as what you do.
In the mean time, I'd look for ways to read other people's languages more.. and understand that people doing things not just like you would like them to does not mean they don't care about you. It's a struggle for several ENFPs, including myself. I have a guy that super cares for me, and even then I feel rejected over the stupidest things that aren't meant to even be the slightest bit rejecting. You just have to grow up, suck it up, and put on your thick skin and just have to trust that people are being genuine--even at the expense that sometimes they aren't and you'll get hurt.
Listen to the above. It's *gold*.
The fact that he DIDN'T say "Go away" immediately when you asked him, speaks volumes. He hasn't necessarily autocauterized over you: and an emotion-laden 4-page letter,
telling him that you truly feel for him, (written letters take time and effort, and are generally felt to be more significant than a mere verbal reassurance) -- well, he now has to process
that, decide if he trusts it, re-evaluate your past actions in light of what the letter says, decide what to do, what type of response to give, and how to phrase it...as well as decide
if he can risk opening up one more time...
I'm an INTJ male, btw.