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  1. #21
    noʎ ɟo ǝʇnɔ ʍoH Mademoiselle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rayna View Post
    It's too late... I already sent him the email last week. I'll post a snippet of what I've said:

    "And I deeply care for you. I want you and I want to connect with you physically, emotionally, sexually, mentally. I accept you for who you are—your quirks and all--in fact I like them. I like that you’re comfortable with me. I want you to be. I want you to be happy. I like when you tell me about your plans, about your ambitions, and your dreams. I worry about you at times too… I secretly want to know the things you like, the things you dislike. So that I can learn more about your hobbies. I respect what you say, and respect your opinion. I want to get to know the important people in your life. I want to be there for you if you need me to be… I want to be in your life… I want to be with you. Basically I want you to be my boyfriend. That’s the truth."

    "Because after getting to know you, I knew that you were what I wanted… Despite all the attempts I made to keep you at a distance, and to keep you thinking I didn’t like you--you still were there. Even when you grew distant with me, aloof, and all those times when I thought you didn’t like me, or felt that maybe I had finally succeeded in pushing you away and that you would never talk to me again. You would surprise me and do something to let me know that you still cared and even when I know that I might have hurt you, with all the pretending I did, and all the games I played--you still talked to me. That has always been special to me… The fact that as crazy as I’ve been, despite how emotional and how much of a liar you know I am, you still put up with me, and you still cared."


    There is obviously more texts in the email I wrote, but those two paragraphs pretty are some of what I said to emphasize how I felt.

    The truth is that, the only times I've ever revealed that I've liked him, have always been through texts. So he knows I know do. But he doesn't feel like I act like I do, when we're in person. He often will ask me questions in person to get a gauge on how I feel, and I always downplayed my feelings or would even do as much as tell him to date other girls. Obviously I was trying to push him away because I was scared, but he knows I like him. I don't think he knew how much.

    In the letter I did not say the word "love" because I don't know if it's love, and I think it would scare him off. In any case I sent that email out to him last Sunday, and no response from him at all. Though I know he got it. I feel stupid. I know that on some hand, he may find that as heartfelt as it is, it isn't backed up by actions that I've made thus far, but I feel silly to continue to text him or ask him to hang out, if he'll ignore me, and only respond once I confront him, or ask him repeatedly. It seems like I have to almost beg him(by being overly persistant) before he'll respond and I find it a bit degrading, because I've never had to chase after a guy before.

    You don't think the email is enough?

    This is what I wrote at the end of the email(and why I feel quite bad that he hasn't responded yet):


    "Now that you know how I actually feel and what I actually want from you, since I’ve been 100% honest with you about it all, I just would really appreciate it if your honest with me. I don’t want you to tell me what you think will hurt the least, or what you think I want to hear. I want you to tell me the truth. Either that: you’re open to dating me, or that you can’t date me. That way I can move on. You don’t have to respond right away. I know you have an interview coming up. I know that you’re busy with work. I know that you have other shit going on. I want you to get back to me only after you’ve thought about what I’ve said and had the time to think about it. I’ll give you your space and leave you be (if that’s what you need) so you can think about it… But if you still want to hang out, while your making your mind up, then I still would like to hang out as well. Since obviously I wouldn’t mind seeing you… I don’t want to rush you, or pressure you into anything though and that’s why I would prefer that you take your time, if you need it, before you answer me… Just don’t leave me hanging--don't let a month go by for instance without saying anything... I can wait a few weeks, but please get back to me..."

    I know the reasons I want him as a boyfriend, and that I want to date him. I don't know how he feels about me though, his actions lately indicate that he's overly distant... I don't know if he still even cares. I'd like to follow the steps you've indicated, and think about what you said, but in the email, I let him know I was going to give him space to consider what I said, so it wouldn't make it insignificant if I contact him next week, wanting to meet up, etc. I just want to be honest this time and actually give him the space, but as I said in my first post, I don't know if he's taken it seriously or if he'll contact me with his answer. A part of me, thinks he may not. :-(
    When I read that I thought it was his reply on an e-mail you sent, so I freaked out and remade my plans..
    Until I realised it was your e-mail, sorry *puts on glasses*
    Last edited by Mademoiselle; 10-04-2014 at 02:26 AM. Reason: Bad eyes.. e3e
    Imagine this is the best thing you've ever read.

  2. #22
    noʎ ɟo ǝʇnɔ ʍoH Mademoiselle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rayna View Post
    I also want to add, that I know I've messed up a lot with him--in addition to not ever wanting to spend weekends with him, or communicating him on weekends, pushing him to date or talk to other girls, rejecting or declining his many attempts to hang out and only hanging out when I want to, I've also been very private about my life. In the beginning I was not as private, but I know that the last 6 months I have not revealed much of what goes on beyond the basics(work, school, etc). I know that he often will tell me about the problems some of his friends are experiencing, or give them advice, or tell me what he's told them to do to fix their problems, but he doesn't often get to "fix" anything for me, since I don't give him much to fix. I realize now that this might be a problem too. Overall, there's just so much distance that I put between me and him, and I'm not sure if the door has been slammed completely or not.

    As I said, I did try to confront him two weeks ago, and asked if he wants me to stop contacting him, and he responded with "no I don't want you to leave me alone" but then right after he said that, every text message I sent him, he did not respond to--though he did invite me over a few days later. It just seems like he is being less responsive than ever, the last month and half or so(since we've been intimate basically)...

    It's part of the reason why sometimes I distance myself, or keep that distance between us. Whenever he seems cold, or lukewarm, I figure he's not interested so I back off. But it was only recently(right before the first time we had sex) where he revealed that the entire time that I "thought" he was cold and did not like me, that he had liked me that whole time. It was then that I realized that I had been reading him wrong, and that his aloofness or coldness or "distance" doesn't always mean he doesn't want me, and that he could still have feelings. But it still feels hurtful, when you text someone messages and they don't respond a lot, or when you feel like your bothering someone when you don't want to be.

    I've never ever sent him an email before, or one that spoke as honestly as I did in the email he got last week, so I'm hoping that though it wasn't face to face, that he'll read it and at least get a glimpse into how I feel. I don't know what else to do. For instance, I could have texted him and asked if he wanted to meet up, but because he had been ignoring my messages, I wasn't sure he would have agreed. So I sent the email. It just feels like a catch twenty-two.

    Sometimes I think about just ending things completely or moving on when he gets distant like this but then I remember, that there have been times where he was very distant and then I would find that he actually felt for me during those times, in fact once this summer, for a week or two he was overly distant, and then I went to visit him at his job, and when he saw me, he sort of waved, and he came right over and hugged me--he had never done that before and it felt a bit awkward, and even he seemed awkward once he realized that he hugged me and we were at work, but still it indicated that he had missed me. It's those moments--the ones where he is distant, but then I see him again, and he shows me how he feels, that is partly why despite how unresponsive he is, I don't give up. But I'm feeling quite degraded and want to understand why with time, he is becoming more and more distant with me and why he can't tell me why... And why when I tried to end things, two weeks ago, did he tell me not to leave him alone, only to go back to ignoring me. I just am at a loss…

    Girl, you rushed.
    I could tell how how to have him surrender at your feet if you listened to me.
    Anyway, now that he knows -as he always did- But now that he knows that you let him know.
    Meaning that you admitted him.
    He might be thinking and making plans..
    Get in his way, with the bitch face on.
    INTJs live like they’re playing chess, ..
    It looks like he’s using force, for the time being, get heavy.
    Don’t allow him to move you, make him feel the force he uses by reversing it.

    You need to get smart and focus.
    His actions are the only things he shows, and you could see.
    Again, I tell you, focus on what’s exactly happening right know.
    Watch him, but make sure you have a lot of excuses.
    Appear in front of him without looking at him.
    Beat him so he can admire you.
    I admired my crush after he won against me in a dominos match, lol.
    Ignore him + smile at him = I love you but you can’t tell for sure.
    This way he’d think about you more.
    Never text him twice, if he didn’t answer, don’t.
    This could hurt you but behold, he’s testing you.
    Be the unexpected results.
    Also show him his insecurities (in a soft way = don’t tell him, just show him).
    -When he talks, no matter if you understand what he said, show as if you didn’t understand at first time.
    -Try to act as if the things he does is not normal, you’re unfamiliar with.
    -Always have that little smile, make it sarcastic when you look at him.
    -Beat him in all the things he can’t do, mini talks, parties, ..etc.
    As for his own feelings and how he thinks about you, don’t worry even him might not know yet.
    He’s thinking about it, ruin it, empower yourself by being insolvable problem, so he get’s attracted.
    Remember only use these tips for a short time until you hear more about him, this is too dangerous, take my warning.

    More importantly, don’t be hot and cold, instead apply these steps one by one.
    Imagine this is the best thing you've ever read.

  3. #23
    an abyss of Nothingness Arctic Hysteria's Avatar
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    Any kind of relationship that requires heavy mind games to succeed is not going to work out, ever. It's sports, no longer matter of the hearts. It's exhausting.

    I can see that you both played games, intentionally and unintentionally. You each came out sincere at one point or another, but you kept missing each other's rhythm. It has stopped. The film just simply slipped off the reel.

    I'm sure you are not in highschool and you don't have time to waste. You have told him everything to be told and put yourself in a vulnerable position. That was all you really needed to do. Now you can wrap it all back up and move on. But be sincere and direct in your approach with anybody else this time, carefully but fearlessly, if I may leave a word of advice.
    If he really does want to be with you, and this has been said a million times, he WILL let you know. You did.
    .
    | | | If it is god who makes man, this is the devil finishing touches | | |
    .
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  4. #24
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    I scanned the opening post and immediately decided I would have no interest whatsoever in such a person. It's plain he liked you in the beginning and expected you, not to play games, but instead to consistently work to have a relationship with him, by showing your ability to develop a bond, plan for a relationship and move towards it. Instead you blew hot and cold, toyed around with the idea of fucking him with no strings attached then when that didn't pan out professed undying love via....text. Who does that? Coquettish bullshit will not work with an INTJ who already has a modicum of disdain for social games.

    My last partner displayed that kind of flakey shit behaviour just twice before I decided the relationship was over, called him up and said two words 'good bye' then deleted his phone number from my mobile phone. Hell I wanted to stick an ice pick into my own brain just reading the OP. Is he going to ignore you? If he is any kind of INTJ, yes he will.
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  5. #25
    an abyss of Nothingness Arctic Hysteria's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chthonic View Post
    I scanned the opening post and immediately decided I would have no interest whatsoever in such a person. It's plain he liked you in the beginning and expected you, not to play games, but instead to consistently work to have a relationship with him, by showing your ability to develop a bond, plan for a relationship and move towards it. Instead you blew hot and cold, toyed around with the idea of fucking him with no strings attached then when that didn't pan out professed undying love via....text. Who does that? Coquettish bullshit will not work with an INTJ who already has a modicum of disdain for social games.

    My last partner displayed that kind of flakey shit behaviour just twice before I decided the relationship was over, called him up and said two words 'good bye' then deleted his phone number from my mobile phone. Hell I wanted to stick an ice pick into my own brain just reading the OP. Is he going to ignore you? If he is any kind of INTJ, yes he will.
    Agree. I actually kind of wanted to say this.

    I don't know if it's INFP thing or not but I loathe mind games. I've seen people of all types who would react the same. Anybody who is sincere would.
    .
    | | | If it is god who makes man, this is the devil finishing touches | | |
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  6. #26
    noʎ ɟo ǝʇnɔ ʍoH Mademoiselle's Avatar
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    True, it’s gonna be tough.
    But what’d ya say? Love is blind.
    If she really needs it, this is a way heading into it.
    But of course it’s up to her.
    I don’t dare to affect her own feelings.
    It’s up to her.
    Imagine this is the best thing you've ever read.

  7. #27
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    Let's face it, people. She dumped us. Let's just move on and ignore her if she texts us again.
    ✻ღϠ₡ღ✻
    (¯`✻´¯)
    `*.¸.*'ღϠ₡ღஇڿڰۣ
    •.¸¸. Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒჱܓ. இڿڰۣ.¸¸.இڿڰۣ´¯`·.─♥


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  8. #28
    noʎ ɟo ǝʇnɔ ʍoH Mademoiselle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness View Post
    Let's face it, people. She dumped us. Let's just move on and ignore her if she texts us again.
    Correction:
    She uses us.
    Meaning:
    She asks our opinions but doesn’t follow.

    She got skills.
    But makes bad decisions.

    I personally respect* her opinions.
    _______
    *Respect, here, doesn’t mean admiration, it describes my direction here.
    Imagine this is the best thing you've ever read.

  9. #29
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mademoiselle View Post
    Correction:
    She uses us.
    Meaning:
    She asks our opinions but doesn’t follow.

    She got skills.
    But makes bad decisions.

    I personally respect* her opinions.
    _______
    *Respect, here, doesn’t mean admiration, it describes my direction here.
    Basically, exactly what I meant. She left once she was done with us. I do wish people would give updates more when they do this. I need closure.
    ✻ღϠ₡ღ✻
    (¯`✻´¯)
    `*.¸.*'ღϠ₡ღஇڿڰۣ
    •.¸¸. Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒჱܓ. இڿڰۣ.¸¸.இڿڰۣ´¯`·.─♥


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  10. #30
    noʎ ɟo ǝʇnɔ ʍoH Mademoiselle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness View Post
    Basically, exactly what I meant. She left once she was done with us. I do wish people would give updates more when they do this. I need closure.


    Plus, being slow makes me forget the problem.
    Imagine this is the best thing you've ever read.
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