When I read that I thought it was his reply on an e-mail you sent, so I freaked out and remade my plans..It's too late... I already sent him the email last week. I'll post a snippet of what I've said:
"And I deeply care for you. I want you and I want to connect with you physically, emotionally, sexually, mentally. I accept you for who you are—your quirks and all--in fact I like them. I like that you’re comfortable with me. I want you to be. I want you to be happy. I like when you tell me about your plans, about your ambitions, and your dreams. I worry about you at times too… I secretly want to know the things you like, the things you dislike. So that I can learn more about your hobbies. I respect what you say, and respect your opinion. I want to get to know the important people in your life. I want to be there for you if you need me to be… I want to be in your life… I want to be with you. Basically I want you to be my boyfriend. That’s the truth."
"Because after getting to know you, I knew that you were what I wanted… Despite all the attempts I made to keep you at a distance, and to keep you thinking I didn’t like you--you still were there. Even when you grew distant with me, aloof, and all those times when I thought you didn’t like me, or felt that maybe I had finally succeeded in pushing you away and that you would never talk to me again. You would surprise me and do something to let me know that you still cared and even when I know that I might have hurt you, with all the pretending I did, and all the games I played--you still talked to me. That has always been special to me… The fact that as crazy as I’ve been, despite how emotional and how much of a liar you know I am, you still put up with me, and you still cared."
There is obviously more texts in the email I wrote, but those two paragraphs pretty are some of what I said to emphasize how I felt.
The truth is that, the only times I've ever revealed that I've liked him, have always been through texts. So he knows I know do. But he doesn't feel like I act like I do, when we're in person. He often will ask me questions in person to get a gauge on how I feel, and I always downplayed my feelings or would even do as much as tell him to date other girls. Obviously I was trying to push him away because I was scared, but he knows I like him. I don't think he knew how much.
In the letter I did not say the word "love" because I don't know if it's love, and I think it would scare him off. In any case I sent that email out to him last Sunday, and no response from him at all. Though I know he got it. I feel stupid. I know that on some hand, he may find that as heartfelt as it is, it isn't backed up by actions that I've made thus far, but I feel silly to continue to text him or ask him to hang out, if he'll ignore me, and only respond once I confront him, or ask him repeatedly. It seems like I have to almost beg him(by being overly persistant) before he'll respond and I find it a bit degrading, because I've never had to chase after a guy before.
You don't think the email is enough?
This is what I wrote at the end of the email(and why I feel quite bad that he hasn't responded yet):
"Now that you know how I actually feel and what I actually want from you, since I’ve been 100% honest with you about it all, I just would really appreciate it if your honest with me. I don’t want you to tell me what you think will hurt the least, or what you think I want to hear. I want you to tell me the truth. Either that: you’re open to dating me, or that you can’t date me. That way I can move on. You don’t have to respond right away. I know you have an interview coming up. I know that you’re busy with work. I know that you have other shit going on. I want you to get back to me only after you’ve thought about what I’ve said and had the time to think about it. I’ll give you your space and leave you be (if that’s what you need) so you can think about it… But if you still want to hang out, while your making your mind up, then I still would like to hang out as well. Since obviously I wouldn’t mind seeing you… I don’t want to rush you, or pressure you into anything though and that’s why I would prefer that you take your time, if you need it, before you answer me… Just don’t leave me hanging--don't let a month go by for instance without saying anything... I can wait a few weeks, but please get back to me..."
I know the reasons I want him as a boyfriend, and that I want to date him. I don't know how he feels about me though, his actions lately indicate that he's overly distant... I don't know if he still even cares. I'd like to follow the steps you've indicated, and think about what you said, but in the email, I let him know I was going to give him space to consider what I said, so it wouldn't make it insignificant if I contact him next week, wanting to meet up, etc. I just want to be honest this time and actually give him the space, but as I said in my first post, I don't know if he's taken it seriously or if he'll contact me with his answer. A part of me, thinks he may not. :-(
Until I realised it was your e-mail, sorry *puts on glasses*