User Tag List

First 51314151617 Last

Results 141 to 150 of 195

  1. #141
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Posts
    63

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by johnnyyukon View Post
    I mean, even if I have a girlfriend, I don't necessarily expect sex. Maybe she's not in the mood or something, or tired. I'd have to be some kind of royal asshole to expect it or demand it if that's the case. But I also know where we stand overall.

    A cocktease incident is pretty isolated (though one can be an overall cocktease). Like kissing and heavy petting. haha, then just going cold. No beuno.

    Again, poor communication, but you already know that by now.

    And for the record, "Let's just hang out and chill!" is usually "Let's just hang out and chill and bone!" especially if you've already been sleeping together.

    If a girl or boy isn't down for sexy time, and the other is, it's easy to just get upset and not say anything, or hide it. But verbally communicating that takes a bit of maturity. And if it doesn't lead to gettin' it ohhnn, then it may lead to a needed conversation about what's going on.

    I told a girl I had slept with, after making out for a while and it going no where, "What's the deal? I would like to have sexual intercourse" and she said "Well it's that time of the month" and it just so happened to be the "wouldn't you know it" worst timing and I was drunk and said something like "prove it." Wellllllll....that didn't go over well, and I had about 6 unwrapped tampons thrown at my face. It was pretty funny. But I believed her.
    Haha thanks! Well I know that now for the future. I typically don't do casual sex, and the only other guy I had sex with was very mature about it verbally.

    I know for sure now that the intj I was dealing with is immature.

    Lol, well when I hear the word "chill" I assume it means hang out and relax. And even if it was his way of letting me know he wanted to bone, then why get angry when I came out and asked directly if we could meet up to have sex, weeks earlier? Especially if we agreed to be fwbs.

    So the way I look at it, there still was no teasing, but just a matter of him not communicating effectively from the getgo... Funny thing is I know that if I hadn't asked him to come over and sit next to me and kissed him, that he would not have put my hands down his pants. He would have just not said anything, had blue balls, and then just stay mad while I left. In fact now that I think about when he's mad or something bothers him, he RARELY ever speaks up, I only get the truth if I confront him. And usually the way he verbalizes that he is unhappy with me is by ignoring me until I get the picture and confront him and then he responds.

    That particular night though I think it was also a set up. He was trying to show me exactly what it feels like to be used for sex. Even the way he invited me over-looking back on it-was clearly for that purpose. And I won't be graphic but other things he did during the activity and afterwards let me know that. Which I guess is another sign of immaturity. He played these type of "get back at you games" a lot early in our interactions when I would hurt him, instead of coming out and telling me what was wrong.

    Whereas the guy I dealt with before him--well there direct like you. There's no guessing involved ever lol. One thing I will say is that dealing with this particular intj has taught me how to be direct in ways I never saw myself(like asking a guy to meet up to have sex lol). Lol. And now I no longer feel afraid to just say certain things that I would have been afraid of doing before.

    Oan, Do guys get upset if the girl is on her period, makes out and does heavy petting and then as he's trying to go in for the kill, she tells him she's on her period? How should that be handled to avoid the tease-should she just be direct before she gets there, like hey just so you know I'm on my period. Or is it tmi and rather insulting for the guy, because she's acting as if he's expecting sex when he might not be?

  2. #142
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    STP
    Posts
    10,501

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by rayna View Post
    Haha thanks! Well I know that now for the future. I typically don't do casual sex, and the only other guy I had sex with was very mature about it verbally.

    I know for sure now that the intj I was dealing with is immature.

    Lol, well when I hear the word "chill" I assume it means hang out and relax. And even if it was his way of letting me know he wanted to bone, then why get angry when I came out and asked directly if we could meet up to have sex, weeks earlier? Especially if we agreed to be fwbs.

    So the way I look at it, there still was no teasing, but just a matter of him not communicating effectively from the getgo... Funny thing is I know that if I hadn't asked him to come over and sit next to me and kissed him, that he would not have put my hands down his pants. He would have just not said anything, had blue balls, and then just stay mad while I left.

    Whereas the guy I dealt with before him--well there direct like you. There's no guessing involved ever lol. One thing I will say is that dealing with this particular intj has taught me how to be direct in ways I never saw myself(like asking a guy to meet up to have sex lol). Lol.

    Do guys get upset if the girl is on her period, makes out and does heavy petting and then as he's trying to go in for the kill, she tells him she's on her period? How should that be handled to avoid the tease-should she just be direct before she gets there, like hey just so you know I'm on my period. Or is it tmi and rather insulting for the guy, because she's acting as if he's expecting sex when he might not be?
    Never stopped me
    Im out, its been fun

  3. #143
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Posts
    63

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Poki View Post
    Never stopped me
    Umm no. That's pretty gross honestly. But I admit there are a few times with my ex where I lied and said I was on my period because I didn't feel like it. So as crazy as it is, I understand why Johnny demanded proof. Lol.

  4. #144
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    STP
    Posts
    10,501

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by rayna View Post
    Umm no. That's pretty gross honestly. But I admit there are a few times with my ex where I lied and said I was on my period because I didn't feel like it. So as crazy as it is, I understand why Johnny demanded proof. Lol.
    To each there own, just stops me from eating out, sex is good though. Doesnt gross me out or even phase me.

    This whole communication verbally confuses me. If we are close friends just make a move, as long as I am not dating then I am good. Invite me over for some food, help fix something, etc. My last FWB I hung out with alot, sex just happened when we hung out.
    Im out, its been fun

  5. #145
    Male johnnyyukon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    7w8 sx/sp
    Posts
    2,839

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by rayna View Post

    Oan, Do guys get upset if the girl is on her period, makes out and does heavy petting and then as he's trying to go in for the kill, she tells him she's on her period? How should that be handled to avoid the tease-should she just be direct before she gets there, like hey just so you know I'm on my period. Or is it tmi and rather insulting for the guy, because she's acting as if he's expecting sex when he might not be?
    Weeelll, this was a unique situation in which I hadn't seen her in a year, and the weekend she visits (turned into a week, so sexy time, A OK) she was hesitant for other reasons, and then that happened. I was more upset with the universe.

    But yeah, I dunno, if I'm with a woman then I pretty much know her times. But yeah, usually I get a "just so you know...." I take ZERO insult from that. And it's definitely nice to know before I get all worked up. If she waits until I get all the way to the panties (sorry, I'm just a TMI kinda guy) then yeah, it'd be severely annoying, but that's never happened.

    And though I've parted the red seas, I don't make a habit of it. I can wait.

    Guys LOVE having their girl be direct about wanting sexy time, especially if it's an established routine. There's no reason to feel like a ho or anything. A first date, that's different.

    I don't know if it's immaturity to make someone feel like they made you feel, in fact, I think it's natural. Karma, or some shit.


    Quote Originally Posted by rayna View Post
    So the way I look at it, there still was no teasing, but just a matter of him not communicating effectively from the getgo
    And don't forget your own immaturity in all of this. Poor communication on both sides. And more game playing on yours. It's not a bad thing, just something we all have to learn.
    I've had this ice cream bar, since I was a child!

    Each thought's completely warped
    I'm like a walkin', talkin', ouija board.

  6. #146
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Posts
    63

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Poki View Post
    To each there own, just stops me from eating out, sex is good though. Doesnt gross me out or even phase me.

    This whole communication verbally confuses me. If we are close friends just make a move, as long as I am not dating then I am good. Invite me over for some food, help fix something, etc. My last FWB I hung out with alot, sex just happened when we hung out.
    True and maybe that was the issue. I never had an fwb but prior to even having sex with him, I had to be very direct and tell him point blank Or else it would have never been a case of us just hanging out and then having sex. Dude was too afraid to even kiss me. The first time we kissed, was the first time we had sex, and he just stared at my lips like he wanted to but something was holding him back--I had to reach out and kiss him to get anything going. So if you get my drift, with him, just trying to let it naturally happen was not a possibility. I had to make the first move in a very direct way.
    So only made sense to me, based on my experience with him, was that if I did want to have sex again I would need to verbalize it or else he would not try it or know I wanted it. So typically nah I wouldn't have needed verbal communication to make it known I wanted sex and I would have gone with the flow. Which is what I assume happens for most couples or fwb arrangements. Like I said I never had this issue before and never had to verbalize what seemed very obvious but with him I had to.
    Good to know that for you and other "thinkers" you are okay with just letting things happen, taking action, and that you will speak up when necessary.

  7. #147
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Posts
    63

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by johnnyyukon View Post
    Weeelll, this was a unique situation in which I hadn't seen her in a year, and the weekend she visits (turned into a week, so sexy time, A OK) she was hesitant for other reasons, and then that happened. I was more upset with the universe.

    But yeah, I dunno, if I'm with a woman then I pretty much know her times. But yeah, usually I get a "just so you know...." I take ZERO insult from that. And it's definitely nice to know before I get all worked up. If she waits until I get all the way to the panties (sorry, I'm just a TMI kinda guy) then yeah, it'd be severely annoying, but that's never happened.

    And though I've parted the red seas, I don't make a habit of it. I can wait.

    Guys LOVE having their girl be direct about wanting sexy time, especially if it's an established routine. There's no reason to feel like a ho or anything. A first date, that's different.

    I don't know if it's immaturity to make someone feel like they made you feel, in fact, I think it's natural. Karma, or some shit.




    And don't forget your own immaturity in all of this. Poor communication on both sides. And more game playing on yours. It's not a bad thing, just something we all have to learn.
    Good to know! (About the period thing).

    And yes I know it was karma but doing it deliberately and in such a way that he did instead of verbalizing it is not karma as much as it is passive aggressiveness and immaturity.
    Oan , yes I played games(not always intentionally) at times throughout the course of our relationship. But with what happened that particular night? No way. I disagree. I did nothing wrong beyond not asking him what was up with us? (Which I had already tried to ask the week prior and he did not answer beyond letting me know that he did not want me to leave him alone.)

  8. #148
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    STP
    Posts
    10,501

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by rayna View Post
    True and maybe that was the issue. I never had an fwb but prior to even having sex with him, I had to be very direct and tell him point blank Or else it would have never been a case of us just hanging out and then having sex. Dude was too afraid to even kiss me. The first time we kissed, was the first time we had sex, and he just stared at my lips like he wanted to but something was holding him back--I had to reach out and kiss him to get anything going. So if you get my drift, with him, just trying to let it naturally happen was not a possibility. I had to make the first move in a very direct way.
    So only made sense to me, based on my experience with him, was that if I did want to have sex again I would need to verbalize it or else he would not try it or know I wanted it. So typically nah I wouldn't have needed verbal communication to make it known I wanted sex and I would have gone with the flow. Which is what I assume happens for most couples or fwb arrangements. Like I said I never had this issue before and never had to verbalize what seemed very obvious but with him I had to.
    Good to know that for you and other "thinkers" you are okay with just letting things happen, taking action, and that you will speak up when necessary.
    I am pretty open about the way I feel and how I am. I actually really confuse people because a FWB will come across like a Girlfriend and people will swear we are dating. Its just someone I get along really well with, we have chemistry, but one of us doesnt want to marry that person. I dont see a point in staying in a relationship if I cant see myself marrying, but all other things end up like we are dating, just no commitment to going down the path of marriage. I am very quiet though, so other then people on here its only a small handful of people that know I am like this, usually people I talk to alot.
    Im out, its been fun

  9. #149
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Posts
    1

    Default

    What's working in your favor for the moment is he can't tell the difference between your disdain and his sense of failure. He's imagining maybe I could have been more charming, said something in a better, been more active. What he perhaps doesn't know yet is while you probably do like aspects of this man's personality, you are in particular intolerant of his way of moving forward. He may work it out eventually. It's obscured, but when you write it all out as you have done here, then it's there to see. When he tries straightforward action, you suggest he could do it as something else. You don't like his straightforward actions. No matter how interested in the novel you are, you're looking for a man less ugly of spirit than he, someone who's beliefs are more familiar. The letter in particular is telling. He's supposed to read it, and since you gave him a month rather than an afternoon, you're also imagining he'll internalize all that information and it'll become part of the bedrock of your relationship. He will become more familiar to you because now he has all that basic information inside him, and then you can let him know how there's another way to view your history and how the relationship can be real and deep and dynamic. Unfortunately, if he's any kind of INTJ, he won't be interested in reverencing the letter as an important historical document. He's likely as intolerant of your way of moving forward as you are of his.

    I hate this thread so much.

  10. #150
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Posts
    63

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Poki View Post
    I am pretty open about the way I feel and how I am. I actually really confuse people because a FWB will come across like a Girlfriend and people will swear we are dating. Its just someone I get along really well with, we have chemistry, but one of us doesnt want to marry that person. I dont see a point in staying in a relationship if I cant see myself marrying, but all other things end up like we are dating, just no commitment to going down the path of marriage. I am very quiet though, so other then people on here its only a small handful of people that know I am like this, usually people I talk to alot.
    Just saw your an ESTP. My sister is too. She's able to have FWBS the way you are as well. I feel like in order for me to have an FWB the way you described one, I would have to do way too much compartmentalizing and really act outside of myself and it would result in me eventually getting hurt. For me an FWB, is someone that you see and have sex with whenever one of you has the "need", but it's not all you do, you hang out as well. The difference however, is that there is no real obligation to anything outside of the sex--so that means no commitment, no sacrifices, etc. You don't hang out as often as you would if you were in a relationship, and no sleepovers, meeting the parents, or other things that can blur the lines. Otherwise, I could see that your type of arrangement would easily transform(for me) into a situation where despite the fact that I'm not compatible I now want to be with him. There has to be clear parameters or things that define the FWB in a way that makes it very different from a relationship. Even then, just based on my one experience(which failed after the first time might I add lol) I think a lot of FWBS don't work. My sister is able to do them very well though. So perhaps it takes two very mature individuals to be handle it.

Similar Threads

  1. Not speaking my mind is going to kill me
    By CzeCze in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 08-21-2010, 01:06 PM
  2. [INFP] Is anyone going to write a Common Issues INFP thread? Anyone?
    By Rebe in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 07-28-2010, 08:30 AM
  3. Socialism is never going to be as trendy as capitalism
    By Survive & Stay Free in forum Politics, History, and Current Events
    Replies: 80
    Last Post: 01-12-2010, 02:54 AM
  4. Is it going to kick off in London?
    By Kangirl in forum Politics, History, and Current Events
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 04-02-2009, 12:01 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO