[INTP] INTP Highschooler in need of romantic assistance

[dbmorpher]

Hello dbmorpher here,
I have recently got into the type game and found that I was an intp.
This description matches me very well and being that it is easier on the internet I wanted to ask for some help.
Lately I have become attracted to a girl who when the test was taken, scored an isfp.
Over the past year or two we have had small interactions through SMS but this year is different because now she goes to my school.
In opposition to many other posts on this forum, I am more of the clingy one or at least that is what I assume.
Just today after a club I had joined specifically so I could be with her, she stated that she does not want to have an official relationship because she claims she is not ready for it.
I took this rather personally and became quite saddened for the remainder of the day.
After some time and physical labor, (football practice) I resolved to write her a document describing my concerns about her dictation and explained how a lack of communication most likely caused the issue.
I am torn however on if I should send it to her.
I have very deep feelings of affection for her that are not paralleled to anyone else I have ever met. And she's pretty...

Help?

 

[dbmorpher]

Sorry for posting in the wrong forum if a mod could move me that would be appreciated

 

[Arctic Hysteria]

That document will freak her out and give her more reasons to not be in an official relationship. Honest with you.

 

[LonestarCowgirl]

Hello dbmorpher here,
I have recently got into the type game and found that I was an intp.
This description matches me very well and being that it is easier on the internet I wanted to ask for some help.
Lately I have become attracted to a girl who when the test was taken, scored an isfp.
Over the past year or two we have had small interactions through SMS but this year is different because now she goes to my school.
In opposition to many other posts on this forum, I am more of the clingy one or at least that is what I assume.
Just today after a club I had joined specifically so I could be with her, she stated that she does not want to have an official relationship because she claims she is not ready for it.
I took this rather personally and became quite saddened for the remainder of the day.
After some time and physical labor, (football practice) I resolved to write her a document describing my concerns about her dictation and explained how a lack of communication most likely caused the issue.
I am torn however on if I should send it to her.
I have very deep feelings of affection for her that are not paralleled to anyone else I have ever met. And she's pretty...

Help?

I understand your feelings. Normally, I would encourage someone with anxiety to be brave and talk to their friend. That's the mature way to handle most relationship troubles; to head off anxiety before it escalates into anger or depression. However, in your case, I think it will be counter-productive in taking you where you want to be, which is in a dating relationship, correct?

What I'm trying to say is, take a step back. Don't send 'the letter'. Don't have 'the awkward' talk. Instead, practice being a true friend to her and giving her good feelings around you. In order to facilitate that, you'll have to relax, take it slow, and be playful. That's how true love grows. No expectations, no pressures, no worries. If it's meant to be, someday it will be.

 

[Arctic Hysteria]

I agree with [MENTION=20075]Skinny-Love[/MENTION]

Be her friend before anything else. You're still in highschool! People around your age are still trying to figure millions of things out.
You can't confront her for anything as I could see that she didn't lead you on (only small interactions for the period of a year or two). Why do you want to complain to her about her dictation and lack of communication (with you?) ??? Did she ever show any more interest in you than just being friends? Did she ever promise you anything? What if she has her problems and that leads to her decision of not being in an official relationship?

Write a letter to a person you've gone out with and then let you down is understandable. But in this case, if you send it to her, you're gonna lose her even as a friend.

ISFP are the realist and artist in one. They need to do the things and be around people that make them feel relaxed, free and inspired. They are Fi-dom folks. You won't hear a word from them about feelings unless you earn that privilege by being reliable, creative and having a calming effect on them. They usually act like ISTPs. Their emotions are intense and deep, but they don't have an ocean of them. They for certain don't cling or like clingy people. They're unpredictable and extremely independent after all.

 

[dbmorpher]

Thank you guys, I won't send it.

 

[skylights]

I agree with the others. I think it's really sweet that you feel that way about her, but she said that she feels not ready, and trying to persuade her otherwise will probably make her feel uncomfortable, pressured, and will probably cause her to push away if anything. I think the best course of action you can take is to focus on your life and your goals, and being kind and supportive of her if she seeks you out.

 

[anticlimatic]

Forget her. I know the Fi-doms look like little angels, but they're cold fish. They seem appropriate because they're quiet too, but they're not your type. Unfortunately you won't have much of a chance to get at your type in high school (Fe doms), because your girl is likely outspoken, popular, and energetic-- with a massive crowd of friends between you and her. Once you get to grownup land, though, she's going to fall head over heels for your calm disposition and intellect alone.