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  1. #11
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chubber View Post
    How was your life experience?

    What I have read was this:
    Girls definitely don’t have it easy, but we have one distinct advantage. The female gender role encourages nurturing behavior, and an emotional openness that is actively discouraged in little boys. A friendly girl may see a socially awkward lonely girl and go over and say hi. This mother hen will befriend the lonely girl who can’t take the active role, and even introduce her to others, eventually building relationships for the person who couldn’t have done it alone. It’s not that boys don’t want to do this, or are somehow less kind than girls, it’s that the way they are raised discourages this type of behavior, which is usually considered motherly. In girls, this is actively encouraged.
    So, I was wondering if what I have read, relates to why you say, that you don't need help and that it relates to your gender and the gender roles in society that helped you get that edge. Not implying that your life got it good and mine got it bad. Just wondering if there is a link.
    Where did you read this quote? I have seen similar theories. They are reasonable to a point, namely that different types will respond differently to social expectations like gender roles, with INTJs (and often other NTs) more likely to reject or rebel against them than to embrace and follow them. I do disagree, though, that a socially awkward girl is more likely than her male counterpart to be included by some kindly peer. Boys' interactions tend to be more activity-based (playing a game, building with legos), girls' interactions are more relationship based (chatting, gossip). This makes it much easier for a boy to reach out to a newcomer - as simple as proffering the bat, or a handful of legos. He can get away without any real show of emotion, and doesn't even need to say anything.

    I hesitate to focus on my own experience since it necessarily anecdotal, but since you asked: I never experienced the "mother hen" behavior you describe, whether on the giving or receiving end. I don't remember being encouraged to be nurturing or emotionally open (nor was I discouraged from it), but neither quality is in my nature, and perhaps my parents simply realized this early on and decided not to force the issue. They did expect and encourage me to be polite, honest, responsible, and to have a good work ethic - good qualities for anyone, and well attuned to my own expectations for myself. Much of what they considered politeness did seem stupid to me as a child, but even there I have always had a natural tendency toward basic courtesy, perhaps because it can be an effective tool in maintaining interpersonal distance.

    I'm not sure what you mean by gender roles in society helping me get an edge. First, I don't know that I have an edge; second, I have never paid gender roles much heed, at least consciously. Any edge I do have comes from a combination of analysis, detachment, and simple choice of personal priorities. When you really don't care what anyone thinks or expects, the social landscape simplifies considerably.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ene View Post
    Well, all right. I'm sure you really are just fine.
    Yes, I don't need an empath around; but they certainly can bring additional positive dimensions to life. (I was partially just yanking your chain.)
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  2. #12
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    Where did you read this quote? I have seen similar theories. They are reasonable to a point, namely that different types will respond differently to social expectations like gender roles, with INTJs (and often other NTs) more likely to reject or rebel against them than to embrace and follow them. I do disagree, though, that a socially awkward girl is more likely than her male counterpart to be included by some kindly peer. Boys' interactions tend to be more activity-based (playing a game, building with legos), girls' interactions are more relationship based (chatting, gossip). This makes it much easier for a boy to reach out to a newcomer - as simple as proffering the bat, or a handful of legos. He can get away without any real show of emotion, and doesn't even need to say anything.
    I can relate to the reject and rebelling of social expectations. I however didn't experience it the way you described boys. I was simply the social outcast in every instance and only made friends with the other outcasts. That would go for both genders, boys preferred sports and girls preferred to be katty/snobs. I always ended up talking to adults because they were the ones that were bored too and seek conversation and I loved to ask questions.

    I read it from an article about the discrepancies of the diagnoses between boys and girls for Aspergers. Why the diagnoses for girls are much lower than for boys. Although this article doesn't seem to be related at all. I was simply speculating.

    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    I hesitate to focus on my own experience since it necessarily anecdotal, but since you asked: I never experienced the "mother hen" behavior you describe, whether on the giving or receiving end. I don't remember being encouraged to be nurturing or emotionally open (nor was I discouraged from it), but neither quality is in my nature, and perhaps my parents simply realized this early on and decided not to force the issue. They did expect and encourage me to be polite, honest, responsible, and to have a good work ethic - good qualities for anyone, and well attuned to my own expectations for myself. Much of what they considered politeness did seem stupid to me as a child, but even there I have always had a natural tendency toward basic courtesy, perhaps because it can be an effective tool in maintaining interpersonal distance.
    Supportive parents, good for self confidence/esteem and for your individuality.

    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    I'm not sure what you mean by gender roles in society helping me get an edge. First, I don't know that I have an edge; second, I have never paid gender roles much heed, at least consciously. Any edge I do have comes from a combination of analysis, detachment, and simple choice of personal priorities. When you really don't care what anyone thinks or expects, the social landscape simplifies considerably.
    Your logical approach seems to work for you.

  3. #13
    Senior Member Ene's Avatar
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    @Coriolis
    Yes, I don't need an empath around; but they certainly can bring additional positive dimensions to life. (I was partially just yanking your chain.)
    Could you use a telepath? I hear they are a great asset as well, so long as their ability doesn't go to their heads. (Do not be concerned. I have been known to rattle a chain or two myself from time to time.)
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14

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