User Tag List

12 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 17

  1. #1
    Senior Member ZiL's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    567?
    Socionics
    ILE
    Posts
    511

    Default Me and the (Semi-)Creepy Dude Connection

    Okay man, I don't know what it is, but I am a magnet for creepy dudes. And I'm ready to revolt.

    It's partially my own fault I guess. I treat girls and guys the same when I first meet them - I blanket them with an even layer of friendliness (charm to disarm) - and then adapt according to their personalities as they unfold. Unfortnately, this blanket friendly approach manages to suck in those passive-aggressive, socially wonkered (nothing wrong with that in and of itself but imagine it in combination with the other traits), woman-pedestaling, covertly misogynistic types like the master vortex of hell. Like I said, I know it's partially my fault. If a person is nice to me when I first meet them, I'm more likely to try to get closer to them than I would be otherwise, so I shouldn't be surprised when my approach results in some reciprocation. But dude. Why is it that the only guys that reciprocate tend to fit this general profile?

    The latest suspect was introduced to me through a friend who apparently is trying to hook us up (why why why why). Now, I tried to be very casual, hoping this set-up situation wasn't what it appeared to be. I talked mostly to my friend, because the dude was really quiet anyway, and I asked him a couple questions but they were very generalized, just for the sake of establishing some sort of rapport since it's sort of wierd just leaving someone out like that. As the hang-out session continued on, we wandered up to the library because my friend needed to get some books. As I helped her find her stuff (the decimal system is nutz!), I observed as the dude proceeded to take her bag from her and hold some books. Now, I mean, that's a nice thing to do, right? Heck, if he hadn't done it for her, I probably would have. But let's do a background check. My friend is married. When I found out that her and this dude hang out regularly, I asked if he had a crush on her. "Yes," indeed he did. Mmmkay. I hope this isn't one of those doormat things. Well, anyhow...

    Walking towards our cars, we continued to talk (we being me and my friend). During brief periods of silence in between subjects, I saw my friend out of the corner of my eye nudging at this dude - surely provoking him to talk to me (or god forbid ask me out). Fortunately he didn't respond to her encouragement. She went her own way and me and the dude were left together.

    Not wanting to be an asshole, I asked him where he was parked and we began walking. I asked him a bunch of general get-to-know-you questions since he obviously wasn't going to say much. I found out that he was an electrical engineering major, and he left school in the 7th grade because he was rully smart. Right before parting he says, "You know your friend was trying to set us up, right?" I was like, "Yeah, I sort of suspected it, but I'm the kind of person who needs to get to know a guy a bit before I get set up." He then continues to stand around, and then asks me if I was going to go swimming with him and my friend sometime (they do that regularly on campus). I thought, "Oh, great, you'd get to see me in a bikini, wouldn't you....do I have any giant shirts...?" Trying to move on, I said, "Yeah, I'm sure we'll see each other soon," and we left to our respective parking places. I wish I could properly convey the awkwardness.

    ANYHOW, after past experiences I've had with other dudes, I'm extremely wary, as this kind of personality pattern is looking very familiar. Some might tell me, "give it a chance, don't judge." Last time I went against my gut feeling and took that advice, I almost got stuck with a suicidal emotional manipulator who, though he was a very intelligent guy, couldn't wait to get "intimate" with me after like two short meetups (/VOMIT). I mean he actually told me that. You might think it, but you never tell it.

    ...I have no problems simply getting to know the guy as I would anyone else, but I can't stand it when I think a guy may have "expectations." And if my friend's encouragement is the only reason he may be interested, I guess I need to go after my friend. Hopefully I'm just being paranoid. But after past instances, I think I have reason to be suspicious.


    Ahhh...just wanted to put that into words.
    ALL AROUND THE WORLD PEOPLE EATIN' GUMBO

  2. #2
    Magical Firelie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5
    Posts
    836

    Default

    Oh, that's funny stuff. Sounds like most of the guys that are attracted to me. I've always thought smiling at people too much might be what is causing it, but your description makes it seem more certain....it's so hard to be the perfect amount of friendly without either giving people the wrong impression or coming off as a cold-hearted bitch. Bleh.

  3. #3
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    ESFP
    Enneagram
    7w6 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    6,727

    Default

    I say y'all embrace your cold-hearted bitchiness and go with it!
    Jeffster Illustrates the Artisan Temperament <---- click here

    "I like the sigs with quotes in them from other forum members." -- Oberon

    The SP Spazz Youtube Channel

  4. #4
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    INFj None
    Posts
    9,827

    Default

    One of my friends once told me that guys like that are so used to women treating them like garbage that if you treat them like human beings they read stuff into it that you don't mean. I think she was right. Start out civil, but not warm and if they turn out to be okay, then be nice. Not that I've perfected this.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  5. #5
    Magical Firelie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5
    Posts
    836

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    One of my friends once told me that guys like that are so used to women treating them like garbage that if you treat them like human beings they read stuff into it that you don't mean. I think she was right.
    There could be something to that.

  6. #6
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    8,470

    Default

    The power of the female is the veto. You must lead with this until the men know the score. This is why I am so glad I am not a female. I would much rather deal with considering when to make the move than waiting for some creep to make a move. Luckily, when women like you they are pretty good at making you think it was your idea all along.

  7. #7
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    6,028

    Default

    I can very much relate, ZiL. I usually treat all strangers the same way, guy or girl, and it definitely gets me into trouble. If you figure it out, please let me know!

  8. #8
    Senior Member Bella's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    ISTJ
    Posts
    1,510

    Default

    I think your friend is the problem this time. I would be insulted.
    yesiknowimamiserablegrouchnowgoawayovmeleor

    It's Mizzz ST, thank you...

  9. #9
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    7,917

    Default

    Maybe you can search for a possible way to turn down your charm, at least until you can decipher if the type of guy you are interacting with is the kind that will misinterpret it?

  10. #10
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Enneagram
    9w8 so/sx
    Posts
    11,544

    Default

    Yup totally relate, I tend to treat everyone the same and that has been taken the wrong way on more than a few occasions. Trust your gut.

Similar Threads

  1. [NT] What's the difference betwen me and you?
    By Risen in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 10-14-2009, 08:35 AM
  2. Replies: 110
    Last Post: 05-03-2009, 12:49 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO