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  1. #51
    actinomycetes raindancing's Avatar
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    I've learned to be direct with my INTP husband. If I want acknowledgment or appreciation for something I make sure to tell him (cause I've learned that hints do not work ).

    Normally though, I can tell if he appreciates something, little differences in body language and vocal tone I guess. Occasionally he'll say something, probably more likely to be physically affectionate though.

    I really like the physical affection, but only from him.
    A hug from anyone else is weird weird weird.
    (online hugs are good though! I wish real life hugs were more like that.)
    “Can a man of perception respect himself at all?”
    ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky

  2. #52
    Senior Member Fiver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    You have been headhunted!
    That's awesome. Sub, if you were here I'd give you a giant hug.

    I'm frequently hesitant to reach out to people; but if I think of it as showing them how much I appreciate them, then it would make going out on that limb easier.

  3. #53
    brat Mitzy's Avatar
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    im just myself and my friends & family know how i am and how i act
    so i dont ever have to show my appreciation cuz they already know anyway

    when it comes to strangers, i do the same as spirilis and just say thanks.

  4. #54
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    I'm not the best with words though that's more out of introversion than anything. I could handle a girl that didn't express verbally all the time though, my love language is more physical and action oriented.
    Quote Originally Posted by Fiver View Post
    If you think of your relationships as systems (which can come naturally to an NT), then showing appreciation is a way to make the system work better and with less effort.

    However, if you truly appreciate someone and want them to know it, it must be in a form that means something to them. Otherwise, it will not be effective. And why go through the effort if it's not going to be effective?

    If I'm focusing on my own personality, gifts, limitations, etc to package my appreciation, it's really just about me. Isn't it? For example, if I show my appreciation by giving you a big, fat comfy hug and you hate to be touched? Errrrr...you are not going to feel appreciated.
    Love language is definitely an important factor in the question posed by the OP.
    A person tends to use the love language they prefer themselves, to express their love and/or appreciation for other people.

    I'm bi-lingual. My love languages are quality time and encouraging words. My husband's is acts of service. If he wants to show his love for me, he'll do the dishes. If only that felt like love to me, I'd be all set. I have one son who if I want to express my love for him, I should buy him a present. It can even be a candy bar. That reminds me. I don't know the love languages of my two other kids! I must find out!

    Generally, I try to use physical touch and words of encouragement on all my kids because the psychologists say that's what they need.

    For non-family members, I tend to use encouraging words, and if I sense that it would not make the person feel uncomfortable, my words are sometimes accompanied by a pat on the shoulder or a gentle squeeze on the arm.

    When I was a teen and I wanted to express my feelings for someone, I would buy them a trinket that showed them that I had been thinking of them, or give them a card that expressed my feelings.

  5. #55
    Junior Member PurpleCloud's Avatar
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    I used to think a mere thanks was enough. But as it turns out, lots of people don't seem to take it into account all that well, thus requiring of me to show my appreciation in some other form. I was introduced to what is usually called "the hug". Hugging friends, relatives is most effective. Since I've mastered this "hugging" thing, I've been considered a "warmer" person, whereas before people always viewed me as distant and cold.
    And, based on the fact that I live in a latin area people usually enjoy a kiss on the cheek. But, as a form of appreciation, it is only used with people I'm close to. Needless to say, latin people are physical people =).
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  6. #56
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    Cool test INTJmom. I got:

    Score Love Language
    2 Words of Affirmation
    6 Quality Time
    1 Receiving of Gifts
    11 Acts of Service
    10 Physical Touch

  7. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uytuun View Post
    Cool test INTJmom. I got:

    Score Love Language
    2 Words of Affirmation
    6 Quality Time
    1 Receiving of Gifts
    11 Acts of Service
    10 Physical Touch
    Really? Acts of Service? Seems pretty SJ-ish.

    I'm Physical Touch and Quality Time.

  8. #58
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    Really? Acts of Service? Seems pretty SJ-ish.
    ...
    I know, right? Or at least S. My husband is an ISTP.
    Maybe the questions are not framed well enough.
    I haven't known enough people's love language to know if there was a correlation or not.

  9. #59
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    You call it SJ, I call it lazy. :p

    They kept contrasting presents with acts of service, and yes, it means more to me when you do chores I hate to do than whack me with roses.

    I thought I'd be physical touch based on the answers I chose and I'd say that is my primary love language.

  10. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uytuun View Post
    You call it SJ, I call it lazy. :p

    They kept contrasting presents with acts of service, and yes, it means more to me when you do chores I hate to do than whack me with roses.

    I thought I'd be physical touch based on the answers I chose and I'd say that is my primary love language.
    Yeah, but that's how you feel loved? What about chores you don't even care about? "I fixed the ceiling fan you never use!"

    What about quality time? Just being together, even if you're not doing anything other than reading in bed.

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