• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[MBTI General] Why do INTJs spare INFPs their wrath?

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
Staff member
Joined
Apr 18, 2010
Messages
27,230
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
haha maybe to you. the main takeaways from INTJ NFP compatibility discussions seem to be ENFP=very very good + INFP=very very bad. i have definitely come across some positive INFP-INTJ from the INTJ side but they aren't that common. i suppose it makes sense... INFPs and INTJs are both pretty introverted introverts and i can see how for that reason and others, communication might break down.
But that just points back to the OP's question: if we dislike INFPs so much, why DO we spare them our wrath? They're just not worth the effort???
 

lulabelle

New member
Joined
Aug 24, 2014
Messages
255
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
But that just points back to the OP's question: if we dislike INFPs so much, why DO we spare them our wrath? They're just not worth the effort???

my point is that INTJs DON'T spare INFPs their wrath... i've seen plenty of INTJ wrath directed at INFPs. maybe not lots of 'wrath' exactly, but certainly many expressions of dislike/hate/endless frustration. i think most types are pretty 'meh' about INFPs or strongly dislike/are frustrated with us.
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
Staff member
Joined
Apr 18, 2010
Messages
27,230
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
my point is that INTJs DON'T spare INFPs their wrath... i've seen plenty of INTJ wrath directed at INFPs. maybe not lots of 'wrath' exactly, but certainly many expressions of dislike/hate/endless frustration. i think most types are pretty 'meh' about INFPs or strongly dislike/are frustrated with us.
I see. I have known only a few people that I can identify as INFP with any certainty, and have liked both of them. I do have the sense with both, however, that I was never able to convey that in a way that they could understand, or that made a difference to them. I had an interesting discussion early in my relationship with the first that did clear the air considerably. Somehow just my manner of expression was very off-putting to her, and she seemed quite reassured by my making the effort to explain why I said things the way I did and what I meant by things she didn't understand.
 

lulabelle

New member
Joined
Aug 24, 2014
Messages
255
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I see. I have known only a few people that I can identify as INFP with any certainty, and have liked both of them. I do have the sense with both, however, that I was never able to convey that in a way that they could understand, or that made a difference to them. I had an interesting discussion early in my relationship with the first that did clear the air considerably. Somehow just my manner of expression was very off-putting to her, and she seemed quite reassured by my making the effort to explain why I said things the way I did and what I meant by things she didn't understand.

//
 

lulabelle

New member
Joined
Aug 24, 2014
Messages
255
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I see. I have known only a few people that I can identify as INFP with any certainty, and have liked both of them. I do have the sense with both, however, that I was never able to convey that in a way that they could understand, or that made a difference to them. I had an interesting discussion early in my relationship with the first that did clear the air considerably. Somehow just my manner of expression was very off-putting to her, and she seemed quite reassured by my making the effort to explain why I said things the way I did and what I meant by things she didn't understand.

yeah, i think INFP-INTJ is a complicated relationship! you don't hear too many INTJs raving about us but there are definitely lots of INFPs in long term relationships with INTJs... i suppose the key is for the INFPs to communicate more frequently, develop a bit of a thicker skin + for the INTJ to be mindful of tone + listen to the ways in which the iNFP says they want to be supported
 

Himeko009

New member
Joined
Nov 10, 2014
Messages
24
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I don't have sure I'm INTJ or INTP (I always get INTJ in tests, but I'm starting to learn the functions. I identify very much with Te/Fi, but I'm not sure in Nx/Sx) and I like INFP. It's like a more sensible and naïve parte of me. :)
 

grey_beard

The Typing Tabby
Joined
Jan 28, 2014
Messages
1,478
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
haha maybe to you. the main takeaways from INTJ NFP compatibility discussions seem to be ENFP=very very good + INFP=very very bad. i have definitely come across some positive INFP-INTJ from the INTJ side but they aren't that common. i suppose it makes sense... INFPs and INTJs are both pretty introverted introverts and i can see how for that reason and others, communication might break down.

H'mmmph. I'm offended. (The key is that for INTJ - anything to work, the INTJ has to come out of their shell.)
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
my point is that INTJs DON'T spare INFPs their wrath... i've seen plenty of INTJ wrath directed at INFPs. maybe not lots of 'wrath' exactly, but certainly many expressions of dislike/hate/endless frustration. i think most types are pretty 'meh' about INFPs or strongly dislike/are frustrated with us.

I haven't seen nor experienced this, in person or online. :huh:

Most of the opinions expressed about INFPs are just very reductive. I think they are based more on what they imagine the profiles to look like rather than real experience with INFPs. I think the real experiences may frustrate them because we're not as simple as they imagined us to be. They want to insist really hard how we're simplistic, sentimental pushovers, and then when that's not what they get they are annoyed that they don't know what to make of us and thus, they don't know how to deal with us.

That's the big problem I encounter in life - people don't know how to categorize me, and that can result in a negative dismissal early on. People aren't comfortable with stuff they cannot easily categorize, because they need to order reality so they can navigate it, and they want to do that ASAP and as easily as possible. This is most common with J types, but it's a human thing in general. xxFPs are possibly the least likely to do it, but even we fall into the very trap we may despise and find limiting.
 

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
^ Not explicitly about INTJ wrath, but I experience this "surprise I am not what you thought" too, though I think it also has to do with me generally being warm and fuzzy and relaxed until I feel like they have crossed an ethical boundary. Then I can very suddenly show my icy and stubborn and calculating side. I don't think people tend to realize that side is there and I think it suddenly appearing sort of freaks them out. I used to have a lot of fun with it when I was a child and I wouldn't let on that I was paying wayyy more attention than adults would assume.

INTJs are probably actually better at dealing with all this than most, though. I think all the IxxJ types have a little extra insight in this realm, since they seem to get a good sense of "how things really are" internally. Curiously, I feel like in my life, ENFPs are the ones it has displeased the most.
 

grey_beard

The Typing Tabby
Joined
Jan 28, 2014
Messages
1,478
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp

chubber

failed poetry slam career
Joined
Oct 18, 2013
Messages
4,413
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Hi chubber,

I've seen you around the forum but I don't specifically recall that we've spoken before.
Hail and well met!

...would you be kind enough to tell me, please, the source of the most interesting quote in your post 43 this thread? --> http://www.typologycentral.com/foru...pare-infps-wrath-post2338582.html#post2338582
I'd like to read its description of INTJs with other types as well.

Thanks!

I got it from personalitypage.com : Type-to-Type Relationship Analysis

You can have a look at my blog, I've been posting other type-to-type analysis there. It's not sunshine with roses when it comes to ENFPs either. In fact it gets more brutal. Seems like ENFPs can stomach more.
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
Staff member
Joined
Apr 18, 2010
Messages
27,230
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I got it from personalitypage.com : Type-to-Type Relationship Analysis

You can have a look at my blog, I've been posting other type-to-type analysis there. It's not sunshine with roses when it comes to ENFPs either. In fact it gets more brutal. Seems like ENFPs can stomach more.
This link requires payment to view the pages. The specific one you quoted can be seen here for free:

INTJ/INFP

You can use the "previous post" and "next post" links at the very bottom of the page to find a few other combinations.
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
fyi this person made this one post (the op) and never posted again i thought this was a new thread and i was like someone already made this thread. ok carry on
 

chubber

failed poetry slam career
Joined
Oct 18, 2013
Messages
4,413
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
This link requires payment to view the pages. The specific one you quoted can be seen here for free:

INTJ/INFP

You can use the "previous post" and "next post" links at the very bottom of the page to find a few other combinations.

The problem with that reference is, that it leaves out the "Making it Work" with INTJ and INFP sections and "The Key" paragraphs. How would you know you're not missing something? :dry:

fyi this person made this one post (the op) and never posted again i thought this was a new thread and i was like someone already made this thread. ok carry on

It's one of those existing members making anonymous accounts :flame:
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
Staff member
Joined
Apr 18, 2010
Messages
27,230
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
The problem with that reference is, that it leaves out the "Making it Work" with INTJ and INFP sections and "The Key" paragraphs. How would you know you're not missing something? :dry:
I don't, but at least I get something. It is an alternative for those unwilling to pay for such documents. Unfortunately only a lfew type combinations are included at that link (so far).
 

Alomoes

New member
Joined
Nov 28, 2014
Messages
144
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Oh man, all my friends are INTJs. Its great. They are described as horrible people, but I love them anyways. Horrible = interesting in my book. I like interesting people. I describe our relations as :girlfight:. It is funny when two 18 year old men are throwing food at each other at lunch, and otherwise being weird.

Otherwise, I don't avoid him, but I don't stalk him.
 

lulabelle

New member
Joined
Aug 24, 2014
Messages
255
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I haven't seen nor experienced this, in person or online. :huh:

Most of the opinions expressed about INFPs are just very reductive. I think they are based more on what they imagine the profiles to look like rather than real experience with INFPs. I think the real experiences may frustrate them because we're not as simple as they imagined us to be. They want to insist really hard how we're simplistic, sentimental pushovers, and then when that's not what they get they are annoyed that they don't know what to make of us and thus, they don't know how to deal with us.

That's the big problem I encounter in life - people don't know how to categorize me, and that can result in a negative dismissal early on. People aren't comfortable with stuff they cannot easily categorize, because they need to order reality so they can navigate it, and they want to do that ASAP and as easily as possible. This is most common with J types, but it's a human thing in general. xxFPs are possibly the least likely to do it, but even we fall into the very trap we may despise and find limiting.

well, it's as close to 'wrath' as i've seen on these forums. perhaps i should have left it at 'negative' because i've rarely heard positive thoughts about romances with INFPs by INTJs. i think they get very frustrated at how extremely sensitive we can be and how we commonly withdraw from conflict. A lot of us are off in our own worlds a lot of the time + understandably this can frustrate partners.
 

blahblahbob

New member
Joined
Dec 16, 2014
Messages
127
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
5w4
This is more accurately titled "Three Questions About INTJs and INFPs," but if it's stylish, it's forgiven, amirite? (I know. "No.")

So. First. Why are the INFP's frequent lapses in logic and extreme over-tenderness given a pass (or even found endearing) when most other types aren't given that compliment (those poor ESFJs-oh, you're merciless to them!)? Is it the ease with which we change our minds while thinking out loud? Because your feuds with INTPs are legendary, and INFJs don't usually talk about deep subjects until they've already formed firm opinions.

Second, do you find our shameless sharing of shy-person-feelings to be tranquilizing when you're stressed? I know that an INTJ's calm, succinct stating of facts has calmed me immediately when I've been seriously worked up over stuff (you certainly calm things down over on the NF board).

And third, has it been your experience that INTJs and INFPs share an intelligent but offensive sense of humor?

Oh! Fourth and final. Has an INFP ever come to your defense? Usually it's you guys protecting us (and I know the INTJs in my life sometimes find it trying), but when my INTJ friends are off balance and attacked, I go into a Gohan rage that I'd otherwise be waaay too shy and inhibited to express.

One of my INTJ friends several years ago loved me because I always gave him big hugs. I never really thought about it because I hugged lots of people but one day he just says to me while laughing: "You're the only person I let hug me!"

Other INTJs I've met are dicks. I can think of one in particular - but he just didn't like me - for whatever reason. His girlfriend of like four years was so INFP that she made me look like a TJ - way way way out there in hippie lalaland. He went nuts when they broke up.

Te isn't a socially ordering function and INFPs and INTJs have Fi in common. Fi also isn't a socially ordering function and neither is Ne, so the INFP isn't likely to try to order around or correct the INTJ so confrontation doesn't really crop up. Ne is an observation function and Te is an explanatory function so the INFP can listen with a kind of intrigue.

By contrast, the INFJ will get under the skin of both the INTJ and the INFP for different reasons. Namely, INFJ will try to control the INTJ for reasons the INTJ sees as irrational, and the INFJ will be infuriated at the INFPs persistent tendency to be uninterested in superfluous propriety and the INFPs tendency to try to identify with anyone which is averse to the INFJ's Fe function.
 

IDreamtIWasABee

New member
Joined
Jan 9, 2014
Messages
12
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
The problem with that reference is, that it leaves out the "Making it Work" with INTJ and INFP sections and "The Key" paragraphs. How would you know you're not missing something? :dry:



It's one of those existing members making anonymous accounts :flame:

No, I'm a new "member" too timid to reply honestly to the replies that interest me, so I've just been enjoying the conversation. If I responded, I'd be an aggressive OrangeAppled, and since I can't stand the heat, I stay out of the kitchen (except, in this case, to place an order).
 

IDreamtIWasABee

New member
Joined
Jan 9, 2014
Messages
12
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
By contrast, the INFJ will get under the skin of both the INTJ and the INFP for different reasons. Namely, INFJ will try to control the INTJ for reasons the INTJ sees as irrational, and the INFJ will be infuriated at the INFPs persistent tendency to be uninterested in superfluous propriety and the INFPs tendency to try to identify with anyone which is averse to the INFJ's Fe function.

I identify with people precisely because they challenge my values, or society's; the idea that the wretch can't be beautiful is abhorrent to me (and most INFPs? Certainly most Russians). INFJs hate that shit; they've got enough problems morphing into the people around them, let alone the aberrant ones. That's why we're cooing over serial killers in the True Crime section of the bookstore ("I can change him/That could've been me/society doesn't understand the depths of one man") while the INFJs are thumbing through the New Age selection for books assaulting Western medicine (to those who doubt our mighty Te, please appreciate our faces as we groan under the weight of unspoken mockery).

INTJs, meanwhile, find my long-term identification with "awful people" to simply be interesting, even compelling. "Why would someone think this way? Must know!"
 
Last edited:
Top