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[MBTI General] Why do INTJs spare INFPs their wrath?

grey_beard

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Oh this thread is so old! Wish I had been around at the time. I like your metaphorical language very much.

(*Thank* you. And nobody *ever* compliments me, either. ...and +1 on style for the feline avatar and name. From just another cat in the wall...)
 

grey_beard

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I think we feel more respect for others than they often credit us with, largely because we express it in ways they are not used to, and perhaps find unpleasant.

Concur. 'High praise' from an INTJ, is expressed in forms which would be the prelude to an Old-West-gunfight, in others.
 

chubber

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I don't know, it gets pretty brutal between me and an INFPs. At first oh, yay wow someone that is open minded and then I start questioning their logic for consistency and then I hammer them until they fight back with their huge vocabulary trying to deflect the issue until they give up and block/ignore me. :D

 

Feline

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(*Thank* you. And nobody *ever* compliments me, either. ...and +1 on style for the feline avatar and name. From just another cat in the wall...)

Hi kittie kittie:)
Hope the view is good on the other side of that brick wall.
 

Rambling

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He'll become loud and belligerent, piss off every waiter we get, and want to do the craziest things without a plan - so not used to that from him. They often turn into long dragged out physical activities with no end in sight and no goal which makes it...well, torturous for me and I have no way of knowing when it'll end. Suddenly he just *has* to see the city park. NO, it does not matter that it is cold and windy outside and that we've been wandering around forever, or lived here for 10 years and never have shown interest in the park before. Or, let's go explore the ugliest part of the city- the back alleys, and get completely lost. Yeah! And I'm like...so where is the fun in that? It's ugly, it is cold and raining, it is basically ugly houses on more ugly houses with shady looking characters and we have no clue where we're going or how long it'll take us to get back to my happy little nook in the wall where i'm safe from the world. Yeah - count me in. :dry:

More restrained forms of it are when he has had a loooong day and goes on a idiotic youtube vids bender, or sings meme songs over and over again. It's sooooo not my type of humour and I cannot help but roll my eyes at it, which makes him go even nuttier.

Yes, after or during stressful times, I do this...try and find a new route from A to B, or random wandering somewhere or random YouTube music wanderings, or random google searches...anything as long as it's something I've never seen before.

It's like, when I'm tired and grumpy, exactly then does often seem to me to be a great time for getting out and making new friends or going to new places....
 

chubber

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Yes, after or during stressful times, I do this...try and find a new route from A to B, or random wandering somewhere or random YouTube music wanderings, or random google searches...anything as long as it's something I've never seen before.

It's like, when I'm tired and grumpy, exactly then does often seem to me to be a great time for getting out and making new friends or going to new places....

Or decide 10min before the movie starts at 22:30 at night, because I haven't seen it.
 

Rambling

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Or decide 10min before the movie starts at 22:30 at night, because I haven't seen it.

And after the film a spontaneous coffee somewhere...?
 

chubber

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And after the film a spontaneous coffee somewhere...?

that's enough socialising for me. bailing and go back home is good.
 

olias

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Cringing at this behavior. I've had some episodes like that and well.... I wish my inferior episodes somehow only flew inward so that the utter misery were private and people were not affected. The embarrassment after the fact is often as bad as the misery during. The unconscious element is very uncomfortable. Not sure what INFPs do to improve, but I've had to make this crap more conscious by making an effort not to identify with nice so much. It's really bad when you are so self-unaware that you blow up and are blindsided by your own projections. Even if I got this under control, you can never fully see yourself as others see you. There is that sliver of blindness that I guess is always there.



It's kind of interesting that some types have inferior episodes that don't involve others as obviously (although they still do).

I think INTP is another type whose inferior episodes really affect others and are highly obvious.

Human minds are really messed up in a way. I've seen one inferior episode in one person trigger several inferior episodes in others all at once. Everyone gets derailed and afterwards everyone feels vulnerable.

You have my sympathy and empathy. I purposefully worded my earlier post without any softer edges in order to demonstrate the kind of sharp mindset histrionics provoke in me. But I grew up with an INFP for a mother, and I saw just how much she suffered during her tantrums. I was angry at her for a long time when I was younger, and then I just felt pity for her without any real insight into her internal state.

Then I made the connection between my memories of watching her melt down daily for years when I was small, how bewildering it can be for me to deal with being an INTJ, and then realizing she had none of the toolset or self-moderating tendencies that come with xxTJ. And then I sat at the kitchen table and had a good cry when the loneliness, powerlessness, and enormity of her internal suffering sank in.

Edit: I also thought I'd add that, even though the level of crazy emotional energy I had to marinate in as a kid was hard, she was never mean or cruel to me. She never took it out on me, she just raged against the universe, then went and hid in a dark corner and wept.

I don't know if you have kids, or if other people are close to you, but I just thought I'd share that even after all those years of her being emotionally unavailable while being explosively neurotic, I never doubted she loved me. I didn't much like her, but I did love her and I never doubted she loved me too, and for that I'm very grateful.
 

lulabelle

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Whelp, this thread sure got depressing! Ahh it would be so nice to be an INFJ--- always spared the scathing anecdotes and criticism
 

Ghost

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Ahh it would be so nice to be an INFJ--- always spared the scathing anecdotes and criticism

Eh? Doesn't seem to me like that's what's happening on this forum.
 

Arctic Hysteria

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Except Walter White, I don't think I know any INTJs in my life :rly???:
 

Kullervo

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Except Walter White, I don't think I know any INTJs in my life :rly???:

I think an INFP or ISFP 6w7 sx/sp would be my ideal girlfriend.

I suspect i'm drawn to them because we can relate to each other well (Fi) and they aren't very confrontational...
 

lulabelle

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I think an INFP or ISFP 6w7 sx/sp would be my ideal girlfriend.

I suspect i'm drawn to them because we can relate to each other well (Fi) and they aren't very confrontational...

isn't INFP 6w7 quite uncommon? i don't think i've ever come into contact with one (online or IRL)
 

Kullervo

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isn't INFP 6w7 quite uncommon? i don't think i've ever come into contact with one (online or IRL)

Any MBTI type can be a 6, in fact the only Enneatype that has a significant correlation to MBTI is 5.

As 6s are more common than, say, 4s and 9s, I would expect there to be quite a few INFP 6s floating around. They have probably just mistyped.
 

highlander

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This is more accurately titled "Three Questions About INTJs and INFPs," but if it's stylish, it's forgiven, amirite? (I know. "No.")

So. First. Why are the INFP's frequent lapses in logic and extreme over-tenderness given a pass (or even found endearing) when most other types aren't given that compliment (those poor ESFJs-oh, you're merciless to them!)? Is it the ease with which we change our minds while thinking out loud? Because your feuds with INTPs are legendary, and INFJs don't usually talk about deep subjects until they've already formed firm opinions.

Second, do you find our shameless sharing of shy-person-feelings to be tranquilizing when you're stressed? I know that an INTJ's calm, succinct stating of facts has calmed me immediately when I've been seriously worked up over stuff (you certainly calm things down over on the NF board).

And third, has it been your experience that INTJs and INFPs share an intelligent but offensive sense of humor?

Oh! Fourth and final. Has an INFP ever come to your defense? Usually it's you guys protecting us (and I know the INTJs in my life sometimes find it trying), but when my INTJ friends are off balance and attacked, I go into a Gohan rage that I'd otherwise be waaay too shy and inhibited to express.

I think that INTJs have some kind of intuitive understanding for and appreciation of INFPs. There is the Fi connection - the INTJ appreciates the Fi which in their case is relatively weaker. There is also the Ni appreciating Ne. Ne+Fi provides fuel/information for the INTJ's Ni to consider. We like their out of the box thinking and the fact that they have strong feeling values. I don't know the answer to the second question. I haven't observed the intelligent/offensive sense of humor thing either. We probably appreciate them better than they appreciate us. I think we can be guilty of offending them unknowingly.
 

Chthonic

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So. First. Why are the INFP's frequent lapses in logic and extreme over-tenderness given a pass (or even found endearing) when most other types aren't given that compliment (those poor ESFJs-oh, you're merciless to them!)? Is it the ease with which we change our minds while thinking out loud? Because your feuds with INTPs are legendary, and INFJs don't usually talk about deep subjects until they've already formed firm opinions.

Second, do you find our shameless sharing of shy-person-feelings to be tranquilizing when you're stressed? I know that an INTJ's calm, succinct stating of facts has calmed me immediately when I've been seriously worked up over stuff (you certainly calm things down over on the NF board).

And third, has it been your experience that INTJs and INFPs share an intelligent but offensive sense of humor?

Oh! Fourth and final. Has an INFP ever come to your defense? Usually it's you guys protecting us (and I know the INTJs in my life sometimes find it trying), but when my INTJ friends are off balance and attacked, I go into a Gohan rage that I'd otherwise be waaay too shy and inhibited to express.

1. Because you are cute, like kittens are cute.
2. No. I find it embarrassing because I know I should say something but also know that anything I say will cause problems for the sheer absence of empathy its going to contain.
3. No.
4. No.
 
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