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Thread: Why do INTJs spare INFPs their wrath?

  1. #71
    The Typing Tabby Array grey_beard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lulabelle View Post
    i should clarify: not exactly criticism. more like proclamations of hatred. contrastingly, you only really hear good things about ENFPs by INTJs

    i'm at least partially aware that you were being partially facetious. at least.

    Hatred? Bah! INFPs are catnip.
    "Love never needs time. But friendship always needs time. More and more and more time, up to long past midnight." -- The Crime of Captain Gahagan

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    Senior Member Array Raffaella's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by grey_beard View Post
    You don't find INTJs in your experience to be stubborn as a donkey on steroids?
    I have more of an issue with the rest of your ideas, the notion that INFPs need thinkers to do everything for them. Too condescending and typist.


    Perhaps they can, internally -- I know a couple of INFPs, and have gotten a rare glimpse under the hood at their minds working. Ye cats.
    But to the external world, they don't give *any* indication of it.
    As far as the relentless, I find the INFP resembles an INTP in their, well, *depth* of sounding things out, for something which is an INFP value. INTPs do this for logical definitions of systems, but again, only for particular topics of interest.
    The INTJ doesn't dive as deep, formally, but tends to suck in everything like a Hoover. It was in the sense of *NEVER* stopping, that I meant relentless.
    I'm glad you clarified. It's true, we rarely share it with people, I'm not sure why to be honest; everyone is always surprised when I give indications that I'm not as banal as I appear.


    I re-read it. It was written, as it were, for other INTJs who *wrongly adjudge* INFPs to have no Te, no capability for rational thought.
    And, since INTJs have the reputation of "masterminds" and pride themselves on such -- for an INTJ to give blanket praise to another MBTI type, for that type's intellectual capability,
    that *is* high praise.
    So arrogant (you are forgiven, though).

  3. #73
    Paragon Gone Wrong Array OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kullervo View Post
    I think an INFP or ISFP 6w7 sx/sp would be my ideal girlfriend.

    I suspect i'm drawn to them because we can relate to each other well (Fi) and they aren't very confrontational...
    sx 6s are confrontational people. That's the counter-phobic type, and it's more likely an ISFP than any other IxFx type. The obsequious variety you may seek is likely the sp/so 6, who acts like a harmless, non-threatening puppy to get people on their side. Maybe some are sp/sx with weaker sx. The sp instinctual type is the phobic 6 who is less rigid than the so type. Odds of being ISFJ if an IxFx type is high. INFP 6s are not that common, IMO, and I think the mistyping is more often the MBTI type than the enneagram type.

    Quote Originally Posted by grey_beard View Post
    Paging @OrangeAppled -- we have a report of someone praising INFJs on aisle #51 .
    Nah...I know a backhanded "compliment" when I see one

    It's hard to praise an INFP, because you must find the "right" reason for praise or it will not be interpreted as a compliment. It's pretty bad how we devalue other's valuations of ourselves unless it meets our criteria for "meaningful"...

    Both IxFP types will also note what is NOT said as much as what is said, and it's this reading in-between the lines that partly accounts for our infamous sensitivity. Example: You praise an IxFP. Nowhere do you mention, say, intellect. IxFP may think, "Oh, they like despite thinking I'm stupid; how patronizing is that!". Then you praise the IxFP and say nothing of appearance, then they may think, "So, what then? I'm a toad?!". Okay, it's not really that bad, and it mostly only applies when someone is giving a reason that is meant to encompass our entire person, so if it sounds too one-dimensional then it tends to feel dismissive almost.
    "Charlotte sometimes dreams a wall around herself. But it's always with love - So much love it looks like everything else. Charlotte Sometimes - So far away, glass sealed and pretty." - The Cure

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  4. #74
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    Archetypal male/female energy, where the INTJ doesn't feel threatened.
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  5. #75
    Alchemist of life Array Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lulabelle View Post
    i should clarify: not exactly criticism. more like proclamations of hatred. contrastingly, you only really hear good things about ENFPs by INTJs

    i'm at least partially aware that you were being partially facetious. at least.
    You are correct that I was only partially facetious. If we don't care about someone we won't bother to criticise them (unless they are getting in our way somehow), because we have no interest in their self-improvement and don't care if they shoot themselves in the foot making bad choices, etc.

    Quote Originally Posted by Deceptive View Post
    I noticed with my friend that he was diligent with messages even though he knew how inconsistent and flaky I was. Is that how you express it, though commitment?
    Commitment is a big part of it. I try to follow through on every single commitment I make, but if I don't respect someone, I won't make that commitment to begin with. Another part is the criticism lulabelle was referencing above. When I respect someone, I take what they say and think seriously. I will consider it equally seriously and give it my best response. Often this takes the form of analysis or criticism, if I see something they may have overlooked or feel I can offer additional insights/information. As part of that respect, I assume they are open-minded enough to take in this information, and evaluate it for usefulness to them. Again, if I don't respect or care about someone, I won't bother.
    A cry of defiance, and not of fear,
    A voice in the darkness, a knock at the door, and a word that shall echo for evermore!
    For, borne on the night-wind of the Past, through all our history, to the last,
    In the hour of darkness and peril and need, the people will waken and listen to hear

    -- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
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  6. #76
    The Typing Tabby Array grey_beard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    sx 6s are confrontational people. That's the counter-phobic type, and it's more likely an ISFP than any other IxFx type. The obsequious variety you may seek is likely the sp/so 6, who acts like a harmless, non-threatening puppy to get people on their side. Maybe some are sp/sx with weaker sx. The sp instinctual type is the phobic 6 who is less rigid than the so type. Odds of being ISFJ if an IxFx type is high. INFP 6s are not that common, IMO, and I think the mistyping is more often the MBTI type than the enneagram type.



    Nah...I know a backhanded "compliment" when I see one

    It's hard to praise an INFP, because you must find the "right" reason for praise or it will not be interpreted as a compliment. It's pretty bad how we devalue other's valuations of ourselves unless it meets our criteria for "meaningful"...

    Both IxFP types will also note what is NOT said as much as what is said, and it's this reading in-between the lines that partly accounts for our infamous sensitivity. Example: You praise an IxFP. Nowhere do you mention, say, intellect. IxFP may think, "Oh, they like despite thinking I'm stupid; how patronizing is that!". Then you praise the IxFP and say nothing of appearance, then they may think, "So, what then? I'm a toad?!". Okay, it's not really that bad, and it mostly only applies when someone is giving a reason that is meant to encompass our entire person, so if it sounds too one-dimensional then it tends to feel dismissive almost.
    Duly noted, as you have described of yourself elsewhere -- NO personal affront intended there; rather, praise for both your consistency, self-knowledge and self-disclosure.
    The only drawback is that the INTJ laser fires at one target at a time: implying that either the INTJ should "save up" compliments and unleash a blizzard of them all at once, overwhelming the INFP defenses ("well, they left out .. drat! OK, they forgot...darn! Oh, *I* know, they didn't mention...heck! (pause) ...hmm, and the compliments are all sincere, too, is there a chance they really *mean* it?")...or perhaps, reveal marshmallow fluff more quickly than normal. (Fortunately, INFPs are good at evaporating armor, so this might be a good bet.)

    Not that INTJs are typically very good at giving more than one compliment per person per century...
    "Love never needs time. But friendship always needs time. More and more and more time, up to long past midnight." -- The Crime of Captain Gahagan

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  7. #77
    Alchemist of life Array Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by grey_beard View Post
    The only drawback is that the INTJ laser fires at one target at a time: implying that either the INTJ should "save up" compliments and unleash a blizzard of them all at once, overwhelming the INFP defenses ("well, they left out .. drat! OK, they forgot...darn! Oh, *I* know, they didn't mention...heck! (pause) ...hmm, and the compliments are all sincere, too, is there a chance they really *mean* it?")...or perhaps, reveal marshmallow fluff more quickly than normal. (Fortunately, INFPs are good at evaporating armor, so this might be a good bet.)

    Not that INTJs are typically very good at giving more than one compliment per person per century...
    But you haven't defined a target size. Plus, you are not taking into account repetition rates or beam expanding techniques (or multiplexing or . . . )

    More seriously, though, I prefer a strategy of making the compliment so singular and specific, that it touches on only one small aspect of the person's qualities. It's unlikely that even an INTJ thinks all the others are bad, so in the end it means I've simply chosen to single out one thing, perhaps prompted by the circumstances (e.g. compliment the artwork of someone who gave me a hand-drawn card.)
    A cry of defiance, and not of fear,
    A voice in the darkness, a knock at the door, and a word that shall echo for evermore!
    For, borne on the night-wind of the Past, through all our history, to the last,
    In the hour of darkness and peril and need, the people will waken and listen to hear

    -- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

  8. #78
    The Typing Tabby Array grey_beard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deceptive View Post
    I find with ISFPs and INTPs, the conversation is more two-sided and essentially we can talk for longer periods with no goal in mind. With INTJs, they'll only start a conversation with something in mind and therefore appear less friendly and receptive. My INTJ friend is mostly a listener, would listen to the those around him and respond accordingly (similar to ENTJs) so I did a lot more talking. Not that it bothered me, just that being e9, I'm accustomed to avoiding the spotlight and absorbing feelings and thoughts.

    I also find with INTJs, which contrasts sharply to ISTJs, is that we tend to have similar social and political views however it manifests differently. They tend to challenge systems, I tend to bring attention to the injustices through supporting the underdog.



    I noticed with my friend that he was diligent with messages even though he knew how inconsistent and flaky I was. Is that how you express it, though commitment?
    Yes. If you in an INTJ's good graces (even though all you see is the infamous 'death stare'), then yes, look for steadfast loyalty. Unlike the ENFP, we are not flighty: we have already adjudged the odds before deciding to give of our time and effort.
    "Love never needs time. But friendship always needs time. More and more and more time, up to long past midnight." -- The Crime of Captain Gahagan

    Please comment on my johari / nohari pages.

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    Senior Member Array lulabelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by grey_beard View Post
    Hatred? Bah! INFPs are catnip.
    haha maybe to you. the main takeaways from INTJ NFP compatibility discussions seem to be ENFP=very very good + INFP=very very bad. i have definitely come across some positive INFP-INTJ from the INTJ side but they aren't that common. i suppose it makes sense... INFPs and INTJs are both pretty introverted introverts and i can see how for that reason and others, communication might break down.

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    Senior Member Array lulabelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by grey_beard View Post
    Hatred? Bah! INFPs are catnip.
    oop double post

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