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Thread: NT's and Love?

  1. #31
    now! in shell form INA's Avatar
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    I think this guy said all there is to say re the NT views on love
    YouTube - Haddaway-What is Love?

  2. #32
    Senior Member htb's Avatar
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    For an activity so predominantly subjective, I would prefer to be talking music, film, sports or art.

  3. #33
    Senior Member Ilah's Avatar
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    I have long since realized that my experience of being in love does not match with what being in love is "supposed to" be like. Although I knew nothing of MBTI at the time I feel in love, I think it is actually the most accurate way to decribe the difference.

    The typical descirption of love focuses on emotion (F) and physcial attraction/physcial realationship (S).

    For me the primary things was a strong intellectional connection (T) and a strong indescribably sense that we were ment to be life partners (N). The emotion and physcial part came after that. While I don't discount them, they are not as important as the intellectional connection and the strong N sense.

    Ilah

  4. #34
    Senior Member edel weiss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ada View Post
    I would say you probably have not been properly "inspired" as of yet... enthusiasm will be there once you have met and gotten to know, and trust, someone.
    I guess so. I'm not like the rest of my single friends, though. I don't really desire love as of now or actively seek it out. I have plenty of things to do in my life to keep me busy. And my over active imagination fills the voids.


    Quote Originally Posted by Jughead View Post
    Yay, it's someone else from India!

    Anyway, I'm an INTP and if I like someone, I am pretty infatuated. If I don't have anyone in mind, I don't give a flip about romance. I've definitely never fallen in love, and I agree with the quote above (except I didn't think it was perfectly normal.)
    Another Indian, then?

    I've been infatuated before, too. Not too much. Not too often, either. Boys my age seem to be rather wary of me. Shrug.

  5. #35
    Member Jughead's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by edel weiss View Post
    Another Indian, then?

    I've been infatuated before, too. Not too much. Not too often, either. Boys my age seem to be rather wary of me. Shrug.
    Where in India are you?

    I've been infatuated once (if you don't count grade school infatuations, I don't.) Boys my age tend to not look at me like I'm female at all. Yay gender reversed friend zones.
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  6. #36
    Senior Member Misty_Mountain_Rose's Avatar
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    I can say that of all the people I've dated, I've only ever been truly in love once... and it changed my life. It was as if a lightbulb came on in my head that said 'Ohhhh THIS is what everyone gets so excited about...' and suddenly I felt more 'human' and less like a 'robot'.

    It made me eternally happy to know that I was even CAPABLE of such deep emotions, having been so unused to feeling at all for most of my life. It was like a person blind from birth suddenly being given the gift of sight.

    Even though things did not work out with him and he broke my heart into a million pieces, I look back and go 'Wow... I didn't even know my heart could break...' and I thank the universe over and over for giving me the chance to know what love is. Like someone earlier posted... even if I never find it again, I'm happy that I've seen it and felt it even once.

    It changed me in ways that I'd never have expected, making me more open to feelings in general and more understanding to more feeling types. Life-altering would be maybe the best way to describe it.

  7. #37
    Junior Member Ada's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by edel weiss View Post
    I guess so. I'm not like the rest of my single friends, though. I don't really desire love as of now or actively seek it out. I have plenty of things to do in my life to keep me busy. And my over active imagination fills the voids.
    You sound much like myself at your age. I didn't have a boyfriend to speak of until I was 19, almost 20.

    A couple fleeting/flirting encounters in my high school years resulted in my first kiss and a few make-out sessions, but nothing more - actually, these experiences taught me to keep guys at arm's length. Since I was/am "generously endowed" I tended to attract guys he just wanted to grope at my chest... as a result, I learned to be discerning/distrustful. If I didn't have a "mind attraction", I didn't give the guy the time of day....

    I was very pragmatic when I was younger. I didn't see the point of "going together" when I was in junior high... it just seemed to be a stupid exercise in my mind.

    When I was 20/21 I worked in a nursing home for 18 months. This experience got me thinking about what's important when one's life is drawing to a close - family. Education, career... and virtually every materialistic achievement pales when someone is reflecting on their life in their last days. Family is what's important, and not much more.

    At the same time I had a girlfriend/acquaintance who had just turned 35. She had a master's degree, a career... but no prospects whatsoever for marriage and family. She told me she'd dated a guy in college who was crazy about her, and her about him, but she broke up with him because she wanted to experience life prior to settling down and getting married... at the age of 35 she was now wondering if she had turned her back on the opportunity to get married to someone who would have been a good husband and (potentially) father to her children.

    I was in my early 20s and the thought of having a family one day was something which I thought MIGHT happen in my 30s, but it wasn't a big motivating factor in my life - - until I met someone in her 30s, with no real prospects who was regretting turning her back on a really special relationship relationship in her youth because she thought she was "too young to settle down."

    This perspective guided me when I met my husband when I was just 21. We had a meeting of the minds, a soulmate-like connection. It was powerful, totally blew me away. But at 21, I had NEVER imagined one day getting married. I wasn't the type of girl who dreamed of her wedding day or someday being a mother... those thoughts were SO far from my mind.

    But what I did recognize was the value of a deep friendship with a guy I couldn't imagine not having in my life. I ended up getting married at the age of 22... he was just 25. Prior to meeting my husband, if someone would have told me I'd end up getting married in my early 20s, I would have said "you are crazy, I've never even thought about getting married, if I ever do it won't be until I'm in my 30s.)

    The night I met my husband I told him I was thinking my next relationship might be with a woman... I wasn't messing with him - I simply was disgusted with guys who only wanted sex and weren't into building a meeting-of-the-minds relationship.

    I was not looking for a relationship when I met my husband... I think falling in love is most likely to happen when you are not looking for it.

    When you do find it, don't treat it like it's not something very rare and special... I think we tend to think it is because, as we get older, just about everyone is coupled up. But the true mindmate relationships are still rare... if and when you find that - don't think of it as something other than the miracle it is.


    Quote Originally Posted by Misty_Mountain_Rose View Post
    I can say that of all the people I've dated, I've only ever been truly in love once... and it changed my life. It was as if a lightbulb came on in my head that said 'Ohhhh THIS is what everyone gets so excited about...' and suddenly I felt more 'human' and less like a 'robot'.

    It made me eternally happy to know that I was even CAPABLE of such deep emotions, having been so unused to feeling at all for most of my life. It was like a person blind from birth suddenly being given the gift of sight.

    Even though things did not work out with him and he broke my heart into a million pieces, I look back and go 'Wow... I didn't even know my heart could break...' and I thank the universe over and over for giving me the chance to know what love is. Like someone earlier posted... even if I never find it again, I'm happy that I've seen it and felt it even once.

    It changed me in ways that I'd never have expected, making me more open to feelings in general and more understanding to more feeling types. Life-altering would be maybe the best way to describe it.

    I totally understand this.... it is completely life-changing to fall in love. And it's totally worth it...

  8. #38
    almost half a doctor phoenix13's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ada View Post

    When we were dating he picked me up from work one day with a dozen roses in the passenger's seat and the Depeche Mode Song "Somebody" playing on the stereo.

    I guess a typical woman's response would be to get all teary-eyed ...

    I was like "Huh? What's up with the roses? How much did they cost?"

    DH (boyfriend at the time): "Just listen to the song."

    I was like "Did you get a new tape?"

    DH: Just listen to the song! :steam:

    ***Listening***

    Finally I "got it" , he was trying to be romantic.
    No freaking way!!! Ahahahaha! Oh, you win. That's ... wow.

  9. #39
    Junior Member BetaSwimmer's Avatar
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    Honestly at this point in my life, the way I view the whole 'love' and 'family' relationship is kind of as NT's would probably put it, into an actual somewhat logic like format...least for myself.

    During High school I basically was such an idiot about even the basic concepts of relationships that I bastardized the few that I got into...though I managed to meet someone, (sad as it sounds it was online) and we had a very very close bond for a good 3 years. Unfortunately one of the constantly recurring issues in our relationship was the fact that I, being an NT, never expressed my 'affection' the way she wanted. She of course was really into the physical nature, and despite being an Entp I'm not exactly one for doing stuff in bed almost every night...so since our departure, though still being friends with her, I've reformed my ideals for the kind of person I'd be willing to get into a real relationship with...

    Ultimately I think being such a heavy NT type I'd honestly need another NT type...some one else who understand the same mind set, and isn't focused in the relationship about all the physical aspects of the relationship ALL the time. And is instead more into the bonding through the mind. Honestly...If i could, I'd want a wife who would enjoy getting into those playful arguments without spazzing out because she 'thinks I'm always trying to out do her'...

    Ya need that person who's not all about the, "his eyes are cute" or "she's got the boobs" sure they can be pluses every once in a while if you are well...getting down with it, but honestly for me it about the intelligence, personality, and the kids, (yesh...if it wasn't for the fact that I want kids I'd probably not even bother with actual deep love marital relationships.)

  10. #40
    Junior Member Ada's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IF3157 View Post
    I think this guy said all there is to say re the NT views on love
    YouTube - Haddaway-What is Love?
    I dunno... "don't hurt me" is more or less a minimal requirement in a love relationship.

    Do NT's seek out a minimally-fulfilling relationship? I actually don't think so... I think NT's usually seek out a "mindmate" relationship, something which is DEEPLY fulfilling.


    +++++

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