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Thread: NT's and Love?

  1. #21
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mondo View Post
    One thing I seem to enjoy is 'falling in love'.
    I don't know why I enjoy it- I have done it often.
    However, in most ways, I relate much more to the T preference than F.

    I remembered reading somewhere that INTP's and ENTP's are prone to the obsessive sort of love in their younger years.
    Do other XNTP's here find that to be true?

    When I meet a person I really like, I will often be willing to do anything I can to make that person happy- my way of showing love- of being the 'nice guy'.
    When I was your age, I was the same. And my track record says that, whilst most people only SAY they'll do anything but are actually not capable of doing quite a lot, I really will and can do anything when there's something I want.

    But these days, with kids to consider and many life lessons under my belt that serve as counterbalances to that natural self-indulgence and lack of consideration of my actions' consequences on others, I tend to hold myself back more and evaluate things.

    There was, until very recently, also the deterrent of religious vows preventing me from doing anything stupid and impulsive at the cost of years of another person's life wasted. Now those vows are in question, it's a dangerous time for a person to be awesome in front of me.

    I suspect though, that if I had no freakish things wrong with my body and no responsibilities like people being dependent on me, I'd still be as uncautious as I ever was before those lessons.

    I feel it, oh hell do I ever feel it! But the T has set in pretty deeply on me in the last few years, and while my Fe has developed in leaps and bounds it usually manifests itself in better consideration for others (particularly the people who'd foot the cost of me leaping off to chase after a romance), while consideration of my own emotional needs (is that Fi?) has been pushed to the inferior position, according to my last indepth test. It'd take a helluva thing to get my heart out from under my head's heel.

    Now, when I see the title 'NT's and love', I laugh. The hollow, cynical, hysterical and slightly insane laugh of the deeply tormented. Ha!
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  2. #22
    Senior Member edel weiss's Avatar
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    I'm starting to feel slightly anxious about not being a 'lovey' kind. I'm not cynical about it. I'm not enthusiastic about it either. I'm just rather... passive.

    I thought that was perfectly normal.

  3. #23
    Junior Member Ada's Avatar
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    For the ENTPs in a relationship with an INTP out there, I have to add this tidbit...

    Sometimes when my ENTP dh does something of the "romantic" persuasion, I, being the INTP I am, don't always "get it".

    He's been known to make a late night snack for us to share, cuddle up on the couch next to me, and select a chick-flick from video-on-demand for us to watch together... my reflexive response may be "I'm not really in the mood for a movie tonight."

    Worse yet, I may even just get up and leave the room, perhaps to go get on the Internet to find the answer to some question I am mulling over in my mind.... totally oblivious to the fact he is trying to spend time with me, never mind the romantic part!

    Maybe it's a good thing INTP women are the rarest of all types for women!

    +++++++++

    When we were dating he picked me up from work one day with a dozen roses in the passenger's seat and the Depeche Mode Song "Somebody" playing on the stereo.

    I guess a typical woman's response would be to get all teary-eyed ...

    I was like "Huh? What's up with the roses? How much did they cost?"

    DH (boyfriend at the time): "Just listen to the song."

    I was like "Did you get a new tape?"

    DH: Just listen to the song! :steam:

    ***Listening***

    Finally I "got it" , he was trying to be romantic.

    +++++

    My dh ended up expending a lot of energy to track down the sheet music for this song (this was pre-Internet days, so it wasn't a matter of just googling for it) and lining up someone to sing it in our wedding ceremony.

    For any of you who may not be familiar with Depeche Mode, here are the lyrics:

    Can any ENTP guys tell me if these lyrics really speak to them?

    ++++
    Depeche Mode: Somebody

    I want somebody to share
    Share the rest of my life
    Share my innermost thoughts
    Know my intimate details
    Someone who'll stand by my side
    And give me support
    And in return
    She'll get my support
    She will listen to me
    When I want to speak
    About the world we live in
    And life in general
    Though my views may be wrong
    They may even be perverted
    She'll hear me out
    And wont easily be converted
    To my way of thinking
    In fact she'll often disagree
    But at the end of it all
    She will understand me
    Aaaahhhhh....

    I want somebody who cares
    For me passionately
    With every thought and
    With every breath
    Someone who'll help me see things
    In a different light
    All the things I detest
    I will almost like
    I don't want to be tied
    To anyones strings
    I'm carefully trying to steer clear of
    Those things
    But when I'm asleep
    I want somebody
    Who will put their arms around me
    And kiss me tenderly
    Though things like this
    Make me sick
    In a case like this
    Ill get away with it
    Aaaahhhhh....

    ++++++

    Epilogue: Recently I was rummaging through a box of cassette tapes and found the tape with this song on it, it was actually on a cassette tape full of 80s music an ex had mixed for my dh a couple of years before he and I met... that's right, dh wooed me using a recycled cassette tape from an ex!! We were down a car in our house, so I had to pick up dh from work. When I picked him up I had this song playing on the car stereo... he was so excited I had found the tape which he had thought was long-lost.
    Last edited by Ada; 07-19-2008 at 09:17 PM. Reason: tweaking

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    Lol, I would just like to take this moment to state the obvious, that being, that if this thread were to be posted in the NF forum, addressing NF's and Love?

    The thread would be more robust in detail, and number of responses.

    Perhaps, you NT's do, in fact, suck at love?!?!?

    Official NT emoticon --------->


    <----------- Official NF emoticon
    Perhaps we just don't throw it around so casually.

    It burns like fire. It feels so good, but it can consume or harm you as well.

    Still worth it.

  5. #25
    Welcome to Sunnyside Mondo's Avatar
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    Depeche Mode: Somebody

    I want somebody to share
    Share the rest of my life
    Share my innermost thoughts
    Know my intimate details
    Someone who'll stand by my side
    And give me support
    And in return
    She'll get my support
    She will listen to me
    When I want to speak
    About the world we live in
    And life in general
    Though my views may be wrong
    They may even be perverted
    She'll hear me out
    And wont easily be converted
    To my way of thinking
    In fact she'll often disagree
    But at the end of it all
    She will understand me
    Aaaahhhhh....

    I want somebody who cares
    For me passionately
    With every thought and
    With every breath
    Someone who'll help me see things
    In a different light
    All the things I detest
    I will almost like
    I don't want to be tied
    To anyones strings
    I'm carefully trying to steer clear of
    Those things
    But when I'm asleep
    I want somebody
    Who will put their arms around me
    And kiss me tenderly
    Though things like this
    Make me sick
    In a case like this
    Ill get away with it
    Aaaahhhhh....
    Yea, I can.
    This is the kind of relationship I would want even if I don't tell people.. it takes a lot for me to share my innermost thoughts with anyone. The last lines in the first verse are important because it shows that my mate is being honest with me- a dishonest one that is simply looking to please would agree with everything I say and even worse- without thinking about what she actually thinks. I want a girl who knows how to think on her own.
    MBTI Type: iNTj
    Enneagram Type: 3w4 sp/sx

  6. #26
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    I was thinking I related most to the last few lines...
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  7. #27
    Junior Member Ada's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mondo View Post
    Yea, I can.
    This is the kind of relationship I would want even if I don't tell people.. it takes a lot for me to share my innermost thoughts with anyone. The last lines in the first verse are important because it shows that my mate is being honest with me- a dishonest one that is simply looking to please would agree with everything I say and even worse- without thinking about what she actually thinks. I want a girl who knows how to think on her own.
    Uh! Huh!

    I have to say, when I am standing my ground with my husband, he'll get ticked at me in the moment. But later, I've noticed, it's as if the fact I stood up to him, and held my ground, turned him on. In fact last summer we had a running argument going for several weeks when a woman friend of mine came over one day... dh came into the room and we talked for awhile, just about logistical stuff - nothing big. The entire time he and I were talking my friend just sat back and watched us - intently.

    After he left my friend says to me, "Damn, what's been going on between the two of you lately?"

    I was like, "Huh? I told you, we've been fighting about this financial decision."

    My friend says, "I don't know, you could have fooled me.... his body language was telling me he's all into you - - big time. Seriously!"

    I thought about it, and she was right... in the midst of this ongoing disagreement we'd been having for the past several weeks - our sex life had been great, and he was the one initiating it...

    I asked dh about this later that day and he admitted it's a turn-on to him when I'm standing up to him and holding my ground...

    Uhh, huh... I'll have to keep that in mind.

    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    I was thinking I related most to the last few lines...
    LOL! Very Q of you...

    +++++

    I'll give the imbedding google video feature a try... hmmm, can't quite get it to work, maybe I'm too much of a noob in this neck of the woods - here's the link...

    YouTube - Somebody - Depeche Mode

    Somebody - Depeche Mode (Google Link)
    Last edited by Ada; 07-20-2008 at 04:40 PM.

  8. #28
    Junior Member Ada's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by edel weiss View Post
    I'm starting to feel slightly anxious about not being a 'lovey' kind. I'm not cynical about it. I'm not enthusiastic about it either. I'm just rather... passive.

    I thought that was perfectly normal.
    I would say you probably have not been properly "inspired" as of yet... enthusiasm will be there once you have met and gotten to know, and trust, someone.

    My ENTP dh didn't serenade me with roses and Depeche Mode until after we had crossed the abyss and declared to one another that we were "in love"...

    I don't think an ENTP is going to take the "risk" of declaring love until he/she's reasonable sure the love is going to be reciprocated.

    I remember going around for at least a week thinking "I am in love with him, I think he's in love with me, but I am not going to be the first one to say it..."

    I am sure I gave off plenty of vibes to make him feel plenty safe to finally said "I love you" to me...

  9. #29
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    my longtime girlfriend always corrected me in our beginning for messaging her "I lov you" and not "I love you". There was surely some deep meaning behind that.

    Today after 4 years I like her boobs more than ever xDD
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  10. #30
    Member Jughead's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by edel weiss View Post
    I'm starting to feel slightly anxious about not being a 'lovey' kind. I'm not cynical about it. I'm not enthusiastic about it either. I'm just rather... passive.

    I thought that was perfectly normal.
    Yay, it's someone else from India!

    Anyway, I'm an INTP and if I like someone, I am pretty infatuated. If I don't have anyone in mind, I don't give a flip about romance. I've definitely never fallen in love, and I agree with the quote above (except I didn't think it was perfectly normal.)

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