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  1. #1
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    Default Partner feeling intellectually inferior in comparison

    I want to know how common is that for you NTs, and how do you deal with that.

    Ime, the women I get along with romantically usually have superior people skills, writing skills, among others, but I believe my edge on logical/impersonal thinking makes them feel insecure about their abilities at times. Not bragging or anything; there are many types of intelligence and I don't see logical intelligence as superior to others.

    Experiences, thoughts, etc, welcome.

  2. #2
    Not Your Therapist Sinmara's Avatar
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    I was intimidated by my INTP at first and thought he out-classed me in just about every way. When I nervously told him this, he patiently took me into his office, brought up his music collection, and played me the song I have linked in my profile.

    The look of horror on my face must have been something because he laughed hysterically.

    I then proclaimed that I'd come to the realization that I was classier than he was and that he was a bad, bad, bad man.

    We both have strengths and we both have weaknesses and, thankfully, where one is weak the other is strong. I defer to his judgment on logical things and he defers to my judgment on subjective things. It works very nicely.
    Never wrestle with a pig. You will get dirty and the pig will enjoy it.



  3. #3
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Why are you dating these girls, Rasofy? Just try to find an intellectual equal.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  4. #4
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    From the other side:

    Yeah, Ive felt and still occasionally feel that way. Fact is that superior thinking skills are valued and praised in our society and no offence,but one of the delicious downsides of thinkers focusing on logic and not on people skills is that they have no qualms rubbing that 'superiority' into other peoples faces. While society certainly punishes people for lacking social skills - in particular women - it is considered a basic skill. If you're not rubbish at it, you'll do. Specialization in it seems to be taken for granted as 'being good enough not to be a bother to others' instead of considered worthy of praise the way logic skills are. You can see that in the way we push kids in schools non-stop to learn logic, and guide them as best we can, yet social graces are something you learn 'on the job' by being tossed together with other kids, in a swim or drown' situation. Plus humility is something that is valued - especially in women still- and taught as a social skill, so you do not invoke jealousy or envy from others to keep the communication going and flowing.

    Makes it hard to feel superior in any way, or for that matter show that you have superior skills since that would...well, prove the opposite. Interestingly, your confidence rises as you realise how much you can affect others - specialisation of a skill, aka mastery is naturally self-rewarding - but is exceedingly penalised by society and others, let alone praised, for obvious reasons so even when you build that confidence, it aint something you can actually display at full strength. Meanwhile, being ruthless with logic, and 'impersonal' in taking advantage of others due to circumstances instead of by influencing them directly is considered competitive and part of real life and how you become successful, somehow

    Lastly, it isn't something you can prove. I remember back in the day we had a ton of NFs rolling their eyes at the NTs proclaiming their awesomeness in their speciality on here - the thing is that you cannot go bragging back coz they don't...well, *see* it. It isn't a skill you can back up with facts, or make people recognise of value in some way. In fact, many of them seem to feel entitled to having the other in the convo do this for them, or worse, consider people who are socially good 'fools' for even attempting to have communication going with others as it opens them up to others - and possibly malicious people. Talk about a 'doormat' experience. Getting written off as a gullible idiot coz you're NF (or even worse around here, SF) by NTs was pretty common on here a while back. The only thing you could really do was grab the popcorn and watch them run circles around themselves and their ego, without them even realising it. That was kinda fun though.

    /soapbox


    ...you asked, sorry
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  5. #5
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Why are you dating these girls, Rasofy? Just try to find an intellectual equal.
    That's the thing bruhhh, it's about different intelligences. Amargith covered it well.

    I've actually dated an intellectual equal on logical thinking, but we only connected while discussing career prospects or game theory applications. Do not want.

    ---

    Great posts, ladies.

  6. #6
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Truth be told, Ras...most NTs don't know or cannot formulate what they like about you or why they date you. It usually comes down to 'it is fun to be around you' or 'you're so cute/pretty'. They have no idea that what they are responding to is social/emotional intelligence which generates the warmth,charisma, care and entertainment they are so fond of, because it isn't something that we talk about in society, or learn to identify.

    Which, ironically, is why manipulation and the evil side of that trait is persecuted for the same reason 'witchcraft' once was: for being something sinister, magical and utterly evil because most aren't educated in recognising it or knowing how it *exactly* works - unlike logic, which is taught in the age of 'enlightenment'. And nothing instills fear like unknown forces having power over us. It's why people still fear the dark, even after growing up, after all.


    Add to that the stigma these days that you 'cannot just be a pretty face' when that is all they recognise that skill set for and the always fun ' women can be rational and successful' to glorify the valuing of traditional intelligence even more and yeah...where the hell is my soap box again

    ...ahh there it is
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





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  7. #7
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rasofy View Post
    That's the thing bruhhh, it's about different intelligences. Amargith covered it well.
    I don't think that's true. There are girls who are very sociable and sensual, or very careful, nice and diplomatic, but can be really good at purely logical thinking when it's required.

    Yes, they may not enjoy talking about theoretical subjects, or they may be more insecure about their knowledge, but the technical skills (IQ or whatever) are there.

    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith
    They have no idea that what they are responding to is social/emotional intelligence which generates the warmth,charisma, care and entertainment they are so fond of, because it isn't something that we talk about in society, or learn to identify.
    Depends on the kind of society, too. Yeah, northern european countries are extremely logic-focussed (to the point that even I, an NT, can come across as "kind and gentle" sometimes). The US is somewhere inbetween, I guess.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  8. #8
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Perhaps. Still, though, to use us here as an example: this is an international forum, with the majority being from the US, and it was originally started to boot all the NFs off the INTP central island.

    And yet, over all the years Ive been here, the pedestalling of NTs and their abilities has been a routine practice that only lately really has eased up.

    Overall, in most of the world, IQ is still the thing that is measured and appreciated most and often the definition of intelligence. And that thing relates for the most part to NT strengths - which is not to say that other types cannot score high. It's like a white man's privilege, comparatively, in impact. Other kinds of intelligences are either ignored or instantly compared to and often found wanting and considered frivolous in the shadow of IQ.

    Also, average IQ is considered 'normal'. It isn't praised, it is expected and mocked when deemed wanting. That is my point. Social skills are penalised for specialisation, whereas average is considered good enough - there is more leniency there, to the point where we're frauds in the areas where specialisation is necessary to get the job done properly, whereas with IQ the opposite is true. The baseline is very different.

    And then Im not even taking into account the other areas of intelligence out there.
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  9. #9
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Ah, you mean on internet forums, then sure. IRL, it may depend on the career, but in my experience - if you go around being inadvertitedly tactless and pissing people off, you really need to pull off some awesome technical skills if you want to compensate for that.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  10. #10
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    If IQs are in some kind of reasonable range of each other, it shouldn't be a huge deal. Logic isn't exactly rocket science. My husband is smarter and more logical than I am, but I can follow his rationale just fine. I don't feel inferior to him. I feel lucky to have his brain at my disposal and wise to have chosen a partner so well at such a young age. He's usually happy to have someone that gets his jokes and is willing to do the talking for him.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

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