So I’ve been seeing this lovely ENTJ girl for about four months, though we’ve only officially been a couple since early December. I’m embarrassed to admit that I feel like I’ve fallen head-over-heels for her. We both took quite a liking to each other quickly, but she was reluctant to commit, and I was reluctant to open myself up, so it was a bit of an awkward courtship in the beginning. Definitely the kind of psychological game/power struggle that I’ve heard can be typical of an INTJ/ENTJ couple; neither of us wanted to be the first to make themselves vulnerable to the other (is my speculation).
Then, about a week ago, I decided to take an uncharacteristic risk. “I think I love you,” I told her. Apparently she’d thought the same thing about a week or two prior, but decided not to say anything. She told me, “I didn’t think you were ready yet.” But then, she began to say something along the lines of, “can we really love each other after only four months?” Shortly after though, she began hinting of a cheap promise ring that she pointed out to me wal-mart, be didn’t explicitly suggest a desire for it when she first saw it.
And finally, just the other night (which was the next time we saw each other), I decided to give her a casual, “love you,” saying goodbye to her. Perhaps I’m reading too much into this, but she hesitated before she said it back. She seemed to almost mumble a little bit, something like, “Yeah. *mumble,* love you too.”
So I’ve come up with a few possible ideas of what this might mean…
1) She was taken aback, because she simply wasn’t expecting me to say something like that.
2) She hesitated because she wasn’t sure if she meant it (neither of us explicitly said, “I love you,” the week before. Only, “I think I love you.”)
3) She hesitated because she didn’t want to be/isn’t used to being emotionally vulnerable.
4) Something else, that I don’t the ability to guess.
I’m thinking of getting her that promise ring for either Valentine’s Day, or her birthday (which is a week or two before V-day). I actually didn’t know what a promise ring represented until I asked her, and she explained that it’s more or less, a kind of pre-engagement ring – the ‘promise’ is to say that I’m committed to something long-term, and want to see where things will go.
At the same, however, her hesitation in saying that she loved me has brought up some lingering doubts, due to her initial aversion in wanting to actually be a couple. This takes me back to square one: I’m concerned about my level of emotional vulnerability in relation to her level of emotional investment. I don’t want to make any sort of promises to her (literal or figurative), if she isn’t emotionally invested enough to be receptive of them.
So for anyone that’s still reading, what I’m asking for here is guidance. I’m stereotypically incompetent when it comes to understanding these types of situations, so I’m hoping that some outside help will give me a little better perspective.
Do you think her hesitation in saying she loved me held any significance?
Do you think it might be too soon to give her something like a promise ring?
I should probably mention that despite being an ENTJ, she’s a relatively devout Catholic. She spoke of what promise rings represent, and the idea seems to be quite meaningful to her. She’s also said on multiple occasions in the past that she believes people too often say that they love each other without really meaning it (which I believe as well). I know these both may seem like small gestures from the outside looking in, but I ask that you at least humor me in the belief that they aren’t. I wouldn’t have typed all of this for nothing.
You have my genuine thanks if you've read all of this and decide to give your opinion.