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  1. #11
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by autumnandtherain View Post
    I have a feeling he's being sincere, but I was wondering if all INTJs go through this stage of "I like you but I must know everything about you before entering a serious relationship with you" type of thing.
    No - it doesn't need to include this phase. It depends on how sexually attractive the other person was to them when they first met. The INTJ won't be very demonstrative early though, so it is very hard to tell what they are thinking.

    Every relationship is different. Initial feelings of attraction are not aways the best indicator of things. People can grow you you.

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  2. #12
    I could do things Hard's Avatar
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    Slow? HA! Every time I begin dating someone I think in my head "GO FASTER PLEASE". I really don't like the song and dance that is dating (before it's "official" as a couple). I just want to cut to the chase, feel comfortable and do what feels right.
    MBTI: ExxJ tetramer
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  3. #13
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hard View Post
    Slow? HA! Every time I begin dating someone I think in my head "GO FASTER PLEASE". I really don't like the song and dance that is dating (before it's "official" as a couple). I just want to cut to the chase, feel comfortable and do what feels right.
    That is coz *YOU* have already decided you wanna be dating this person. The problem is getting INTJs to that stage. That can take forever. Of course, if yo udont tell the person that you're considering them for dating, they might be blind sighted and still need to do their own research when you've already made up your mind
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  4. #14
    Senior Member autumnandtherain's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by grey_beard View Post
    Given the pace of the relationship, I hope this two-weeks-later answer isn't amiss.
    You should feel *flattered*. Most INTJs who are interested in someone do all of the research-intensively-until-you-know-the-target-better-than-the-NSA stuff, *before* much substantive contact.
    If he is letting you *see* his investigating you, either he is *tremendously* interested, or feels unusually secure around you. And those are both very good signs.
    If he pulls back suddenly, either he needs time to recharge, or he is mulling it over prior to deciding, or he may have run into something...problematic. A potential deal-breaker.
    If he does that, and you ask him, he'll likely tell you which it is: unless he is leaning towards "Abort mission!" in which case he will attempt to deflect the question.
    No, this was actually very interesting and helpful!

    Apparently he has decided that he likes having me around, though. Yesterday he told me he was trying to keep it a secret because he was planning on asking me to be his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, but because of the day's events, I sort of figured it out. But hey, it's the thought that counts, right? I love watching INTJs try to be romantic.

  5. #15
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
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  6. #16
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    "I like you but I must know everything about you before entering a serious relationship with you" type of thing."
    As far as I can tell. I certainly do. But hey, they good news is once we decide to be in a serious relationship, we're usually all in.

  7. #17

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    I'm exactly like this. I'd want to make sure we're right for each other, and that it's what we both want, before I make a serious commitment. One thing I've read in a couple of INTJ descriptions, which I completely relate to, is that INTJs want to be able to put all their personal relationships into categories. So I want there to be a clear line between "we're a couple" and "we're not a couple", and I'd consider the getting to know each other so we can decide if we want to be together stage to be in the "not a couple" category; maybe it's somewhere between friendship and romantic relationship. Another thing to consider is that most INTJs are not going to be comfortable with sex/physical intimacy with anyone unless they know them very well.

  8. #18
    Junior Member Clementine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WhoCares View Post
    Personally I wouldnt bother with any guy as painful as this. Find someone willing to risk his precious heart without needing to know your every motivation and family tree before proceeding. Its a relationship not a binding contract or job interview. I would have lost interest the instant he said he didn't want to call us a couple...yet. Do you enjoy being interviewed for a position?
    LOL. He wouldn't be an INTJ if he didn't carefully analyse her with his INTJ lazer pointer!

    @autumnandtherain

    He must like you a hellofalot to be spending so much time trying to understand you, see you and be around you. I'd suggest that it seems that he is already in love with you, or at the very least, he knows that it is possible he could be (this is big for an INTJ, most people are not even contenders). Just be you. Be open. The rest will follow.

  9. #19
    Senior Member autumnandtherain's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clementine View Post
    LOL. He wouldn't be an INTJ if he didn't carefully analyse her with his INTJ lazer pointer!

    @autumnandtherain

    He must like you a hellofalot to be spending so much time trying to understand you, see you and be around you. I'd suggest that it seems that he is already in love with you, or at the very least, he knows that it is possible he could be (this is big for an INTJ, most people are not even contenders). Just be you. Be open. The rest will follow.

    Actually, we've sort of taken a step back and are re-evaluating things. But somehow I don't think this is a bad thing entirely. I feel that he is still just trying to be sure of things. So hopefully things will progress normally soon. I think a lot of it is that he thinks things over, then thinks it over again, and again... In some ways I think he overthinks, but I also do the same sometimes...

    Thanks for your feedback @Clementine! That is encouraging, at least.

  10. #20
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
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