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  1. #1
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    Default How did you find friends that are similar to you?

    I'm just wondering, as I've always had acquaintances, but I've never really had more than one or two friends, period. Its a very rare thing for me to get around people that I can trust, and I've realized that I don't get along with most people; either I annoy them, or they annoy me.

    I'm just wondering if this is normal and if not, then what's the deal?

    I know INTP are quiet by nature, but do you get talkative and etc around friends? I noticed that I always feel pressure to be quiet and not to open up, because WHENEVER I do shit hits the fan, then splatters over my face.

    Being so repressed over the years is making me more and more caustic, grumpy, and rude. Also, its making me (physically) ill bottling myself up like I am.

    Is it a fear or something? Something cliche that is easy to fix?

    And back to the original question: how did you find friends that are similar to you.

    PS: I'm an INTP on a forum with alot of INTPs, and for some reason I feel like I have nothing in common with anyone. I don't get the sense that I fit in here at all, which is kinda weird. I'm more of a lurker, but I would've thought that on a forum with so many INTPs, my thoughts/reasoning would resonate, and that I would agree with atleast some of what gets talked about.

    Is this a WTF?

  2. #2
    Senior Member miked277's Avatar
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    as far as mbtic and intpc, the common theme for the most part is that we all enjoy the discussion that revolves around people and their types. there are further ways of categorizing the things we have in common but, that is it at it's most basic level. and from that common theme springs many friendships, relationships and the like.

    i can't say for sure how much you enjoy all this stuff but if you think it's pretty meh then i'd imagine your interest in the topics being discussed and through that, the people, won't be very strong.

    so to the main question, how to find people similar to you, the first step really is to figure out what interests you. if you like video games or hunting or biking or programming or art... whatever hobbies or other activities you like that can involve more than just you, those are the first and best places to start looking for friends.

    at least that's been my experience thus far.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Simplexity's Avatar
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    For some reason Ive always been friends with the really smart kids who dont achieve as well as they should have. which I guess makes sense since im sort of like that, but in general they're usually pretty funny in a cynical sort of way and at the same time intelligent enough where you can get a humorous serious discussion going.

  4. #4
    Junior Member Ander's Avatar
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    Well, I just found that certain people gravitated towards one another - the trick is learning how to be open to those gravitations. As someone who has always put people off with my quirkiness, a lot of it was just being out there and being relatively quiet, getting to know people, then showing them more of the quirky side. If they meet me and I'm quirky, then I'm the quirky kid. If we get to know one another and then I'm quirky, I'm their friend who is quirky.

    College was great because there are many NFs and NTs. Now that I'm running around in something closer to the real world, I'm realizing the struggle involved with getting along with people of all different types.

    But the trick is exposure. First strategic principle - break inertia. Go and talk to random people in random situations. Say hi. Be awkward. Who cares. You'll find that certain people will be weirded out and certain people will love it. I personally am moderately extroverted but love INTxs. It just pisses me off because its so hard to find them.

    I think to be good at anything, you need to be willing to be bad at it first. Perhaps that's the secret to excellence, because how else do you learn.

    At least that's my experience

  5. #5
    Senior Member Kristiana's Avatar
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    I found my husband, who is my best friend, on teh interweb. I also found several of my other close friends on it, too. One of them I met on an INTJ forum, the other on a Christian forum. So I think that seeking out others with similar beliefs and interests is a good idea. Also, you never know who you can meet through friends - my husband and I had a friend in common before we met.

    I don't connect with most people on a very deep level, either. I'm able to get along with most, but getting along and truly connecting are two completely different things.
    j'adore les chats

  6. #6
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    The way I do it, I don't think would work for you, because I just have a much higher trust level of humanity in general. I don't look for people who are similar to me, I just look for people and talk to and listen to anyone and everyone. The wider you cast your net, the more likely you are to find what you want. But I pretty much 'want' them all. There are some I click with better than others, and I consider it worth every minute of suffering the idiots to get to them.

    I don't consider meeting or knowing anyone to be a waste of time. Even if they're a total ass, they still come in handy for meeting other people through. And if I can get stuck with an ass occasionally, so can other brilliant, shiny people
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  7. #7
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    I find I tend to compartmentalize with people. There just aren't that many people that I form deep connections with. I really don't like that about myself, but I don't think there's much point in self-loathing. Part of the thing is that if there's not an apparent way to connect to someone, I just don't have a lot of extra energy to dig around until I find something. Being around tons of people saps my energy.

    The places where I've found the most connections are in online forums based on a common interest, in activities I like, like music and theatre, in my major department in college, etc. I find that outside of school, it's easiest to make online friends. I've met up with lots of folks I've met online.

    I don't think you should expect to have a feeling of "coming home" when you're around other INTPs. I don't. I click with a few. I feel like we're similar beings in the ways we think, but it doesn't mean we're all soul-mates.
    Something Witty

  8. #8
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    In your case, mysavior, I'd go to INTPc to answer your question.

  9. #9
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    At my school (grades 7 - 12) I got along with everyone in my grade (80something people in our year) but I always thought I was just more suited to male friendships, because all of my closest friends were male (but I did have a healthy amount of female friends mostly due to playing on the volleyball team).

    About a year after I was introduced to MBTI (probably right when I learned about this forum) it suddenly dawned on me that though generally, being an IxTx female, male friendships came more naturally to me than female friendships, the reason all my closest friends were male was because that's where the Ns were in my grade. (INTP, ENFP, INFP males that I still hang out with.) All of my volleyball friends who were female were ESxP types.

    Then, this past year in university, I met my best friend, an eNFJ female, through a Christian club on campus (we were both involved in different facets of running the club). I made everyone on the leadership team take the MBTI over the summer when we were e-mailing and organizing. She told me later she was fuming mad that she was forced into doing it but didn't want to cause ruffles with someone she hadn't met so she took the test and immediately ignored it.
    I told her I now feel badly because I wonder if I would've made the effort to get to know her had I not known she was an ENFJ. She regularly assures me now that it would've happened sooner or later due to or regularly seeing and working with each other, but I still feel guilty about forming my best friendship I've had in my entire life through personality profiling. Regardless of type, we clicked, have a lot in common, a lot that we can balance each other with, and are both extremely thankful that we found each other.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  10. #10
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    I went to an early college program at 15. There were 50 kids in the program. Most of them were similar to myself. I made a few life long friendships there. That has comprised my friend circle for the last 10 years.

    If I'm able to have new genuine friendships, it will mostly be with like-minded individuals from the internet.

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