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  1. #1
    Member James W's Avatar
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    Default INTJs and dating

    Starting a new thread because someone asked me too.

    It's my second date with an INTJ tonight and I need your advice so I can completely over analyze the situation.

    I met her at a bar. She's an illustrations student who's a few years younger than me. She seemed to have this assumption that I was some douche bag pick up artist until she realized how socially retarded I was. She seemed to enjoy this fact. I had a lot of fun last time chipping away at her cold, judging, cynical exterior and cracking open that warm, gooey Fi that she was reluctant to show. She's a lot more responsive and enthusiastic over text messages now.

    She seems to hate neediness so I know straight away we're on the same wavelength and probably shouldn't too concerned over not texting or phoning her for a day or two. (Last girlfriend was an ESFP, total, total, change in battle strategy here.)

    Would you say you're low maintenance partners?

    Am I right to not worry about being too aloof and taking things slow for the sake of building trust first?

  2. #2
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by James W View Post
    Starting a new thread because someone asked me too.

    It's my second date with an INTJ tonight and I need your advice so I can completely over analyze the situation.

    I met her at a bar. She's an illustrations student who's a few years younger than me. She seemed to have this assumption that I was some douche bag pick up artist until she realized how socially retarded I was. She seemed to enjoy this fact. I had a lot of fun last time chipping away at her cold, judging, cynical exterior and cracking open that warm, gooey Fi that she was reluctant to show. She's a lot more responsive and enthusiastic over text messages now.

    She seems to hate neediness so I know straight away we're on the same wavelength and probably shouldn't too concerned over not texting or phoning her for a day or two. (Last girlfriend was an ESFP, total, total, change in battle strategy here.)

    Would you say you're low maintenance partners?

    Am I right to not worry about being too aloof and taking things slow for the sake of building trust first?
    Difficult to say without knowing her personally, but I do know that INTJ women like their distance. I think you're probably doing fine. Just follow your instincts.
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  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by James W View Post
    Starting a new thread because someone asked me too.

    It's my second date with an INTJ tonight and I need your advice so I can completely over analyze the situation.



    Would you say you're low maintenance partners?

    Am I right to not worry about being too aloof and taking things slow for the sake of building trust first?
    Short answers....

    No. You will have to work at building trust, showing your constancy and developing common interests the same as any other relationship. Sure she wont need a barrage of texts daily but she will require your authenticity which a lot of people find harder to maintain than the other superficial stuff.

    Yes. She will want to spend some time with you then go away and think about it. She will extrapolate where the relationship is likely to end up based on these short bursts of companionship and you will either be deemed a long term propspect or not in that time. If she commits to you then you will be expected to display some form of future planning that includes her. If this is lacking the relationship may fail. You cannot tell an INTJ anything you can only demonstrate it in a way she clearly sees. Any kind of flakey behaviour (flippancy, fickleness, inability to make decisions or plan for the future) will be deemed quite an obstacle to the relationships future. Any kind of emotional game playing and I bet she will be out of there quicker than you can blink.

  4. #4
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    NO PRESSURE!
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  5. #5
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by James W View Post
    Would you say you're low maintenance partners?

    Am I right to not worry about being too aloof and taking things slow for the sake of building trust first?
    We don't look for the same things in a partner than many other types do. Our demands/expectations may be fewer, but the threshold for some of them probably much higher. Expect aloofness and distance, and even some measure of testing, whether intentional or reflexive. If she has lost interest or decided you are just not for her, you won't hear from her at all, so continued if intermittent contact is a good sign.
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  6. #6
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
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    Oh she will like him.

    So OP, any updates? Come now, keep us in the loop.

  7. #7
    Member James W's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chubber View Post
    Oh she will like him.

    So OP, any updates? Come now, keep us in the loop.
    Things are going pretty smooth brah.

    But right now I have to see a man about his dog, so I'll fill you in all the gory details later on.

  8. #8

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    I want an INTJ to date me. :'( I'm so alone

  9. #9
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rogue350 View Post
    I want an INTJ to date me. :'( I'm so alone
    liar!

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by chubber View Post
    liar!
    Liar? INTJs seem very interesting. They're often portrayed as evil which is really cool and everybody talks about them on this forum. Sounds like my dream girl

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