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Thread: Need your quick advice

  1. #11
    mrs Array disregard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007


    I would say, "I cannot drive you around anymore."

    "Why not?"

    "Because gas is expensive.
    Because it is becoming very stressful for me.
    Because I need a lot more time alone.
    Because why should I?"

  2. #12
    .~ *aĉa virino* ~. Array Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    549 sx/sp
    LII Ni


    I'd call the mentor.

    If it was just about your personal boundaries and such, it seems pretty clear that you should draw some. It's nice to help people; it's not great when you get used and sucked into something with no recourse. If it was a general situation, you'd be within rights to draw hard lines (or not, depending on your personal feelings).

    But it's part of the Zen Buddhist co-op, and you want to honor both your faiths, therefore you need advice from someone with more experience with resolving issues as part of that faith. Anything we tell you that doesn't gel with that will necessarily be set aside, so... go to the source.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  3. #13
    unscannable Array Tigerlily's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007


    Tell him you moved into the center so that you could focus on becoming one with yourself and that you are unable to run errands with him because it's taking too much time away from your education and self discovery. He'll get over it and find someone else. Be FIRM!

  4. #14
    you are right Array mippus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008


    Hm, write it down, make a novel out of it, someone will read it, turn it into a script and have it filmed, starring Al Pacino as the old man.
    Oh, wait: rent "Scent of a Woman"...

    Sorry, disrespectful, but I couldn't resist. It seems so un-you to be so F'ish about it. Is it the Budhist context that blocks your assertiveness?
    Vanitas vanitatum omnia vanitas

  5. #15
    seor member Array colmena's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008


    Become a monk. Give up your possessions.

    Or sit down and talk it out with him. You're his roommate, there should be agreement and respect.

    But make sure your motives are clear in your own mind before you begin.

    Ti Ne Fi Ni

    -How beautiful, this pale Endymion hour.
    -What are you talking about?
    -Endymion, my dear. A beautiful youth possessed by the moon.
    -Well, forget about him and get to bed.
    -Yes, my dear.

  6. #16
    Senior Member Array ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007


    I told him I'd take him but not for more than 3 hours. Maybe I'll pretend like I have something to do then (or someone to meet) to reinforce the schedule. Thanks y'all.

  7. #17
    Scream down the boulevard Array LadyJaye's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    7w6 so/sx


    Look, it's a complicated situation dealing with someone who has both physical and mental illness. I think you've been very kind to him so far, and in order for you to not be run into the ground by him, you have to set boundaries that seem reasonable. You are there to learn and enlighten yourself, but perhaps this guy was put into your path for a significant reason. To learn something about yourself while you're required to be in the same space. I've been caretaking a family member with a mental illness for most of my life - I love her very much, but she also makes me crazy. I have to remind myself that frequently she can't help what she does, and I can control how I react, even if she can't. If this guy is contending with schizophrenia, then his mind has things screaming through it 24 hours a day. Imagine how awful and permanent that must be for him.

    The HOWEVER part is - you are a friend to him, but certainly not responsible for him all the time. I think it would be a very wise idea to speak to the director of the co-op, and also find out what other resources are available to this man. Most counties have some kind of transportational assistance for the disabled, and given all of his combined issues, he should have no problem qualifying for the service. Just remember to keep merciful thoughts in the front of your mind, and consider what kind of a life he's probably had. Most schizotypal patients don't have many friends because their illness affects their ability to interface with the world.

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