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  1. #21
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    @Amargith, your response makes plenty of sense to me

    IDK if we are friendemies or what we are. I think if the geography wasn't a given, we'd be AT MOST friends that see each other only once in a while. Even our interests are drastically different. Have been forever. I had a Taiwanese friend back in middle school, and he and I bonded over our love of basketball. I remember this friend getting jealous because he saw me wanting to hang out with my Taiwanese friend more than I wanted to hang out with him.

    He moved away.

    Frankly, my INTJ friend's entire family is messed up. His twin sister is on drugs and she has the emotional and mental maturity of a 14 year old, the mom is a stressed out mess, and the dad is not what I'd call a man. I remember trying to unite my Taiwanese friend and my INTJ friend, so I brought him over to the INTJ friend's house. His mom warned him that "he isn't to be trusted, he'd steal from you if he had the chance." Nothing to do with him being Taiwanese, but I think it had more to do with him being my best friend.

    Now, fast forward to today. Like I said, I have a degree from a prestigious university, and actually turned down a few offers because they were corporate or I didn't trust the company's philosophy. I have been accepted into a medical program and deferred a year so I can check out the job market. In casual conversation with INTJ's mom, I told her how I wanted to find a proper job and hated the search. Her response? "Yeah right. You don't want a job. You want to sit at home where mom and dad feed you and pay your bills." She has equated me with her son who hasn't accomplished even a toenail of what I have accomplished. Even in my spare time, I do math problems, read, and write FOR FUN because I don't want my brain to go to waste. This is in addition to the 3-4 hours I spend daily looking for a career.

    With that being said, I think I've found the organization for me in Teach for America.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by freeeekyyy View Post
    He sounds like he may have ADD. INTJ are one of the more likely types to have it, and his drug use and inability to actually accomplish the goals he's set for himself, and clear guilt about that, make me think it's quite likely.
    He suffers from depression. I don't know how severe. It stemmed from a 5 month relationship that didn't really end right with him, took him 2 years to get over. He hated how the medication made him feel, so he stopped taking it and started self-medicating with marijuana. I actually SORT OF understand this. Marijuana is more natural than any of that prescription BS.

    HOWEVER, he claims that he lacks motivation when he's not high and can ONLY enjoy life and get things done WHEN high. I think this is a sad existence.

    My mom always brings up "The Furniture Story" in regards to my best friend. My mom, aunt, and little brother were helping his family move furniture out of his grandma's apartment. He was high as balls, and my mom, aunt, and even my little brother (who was also a heavy smoker and even a dealer at one point) couldn't believe how lazy and how 'in the way' he was. My brother told me "yeah, your friend was such a waste."

    Then, I heard my friend's side of the story. He tells it as "duh, I WAS high and I don't care that they knew." Fair enough. Then, he claims, that he knew what he was doing and he did ALL the work. He claims that no one wanted to listen to him, but his ideas for moving the furniture outside from the tiny doorframe were best.

    I believe the former story MUCH, MUCH more than the latter story.

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar View Post
    #1: called the actresses robotic.
    #2: it was an all-star cast filled with Golden Globe winners.

    #2 does not refute #1.



    Your entire post is throwing stones at your "best friend."



    Such hostility.
    I knew that I wasn't using the greatest form of argument, but I know I don't have to with him. He claims to have an IQ in the 140s BECAUSE I have an IQ in the 140s. I know, when arguing with him, I can take shortcuts because he doesn't really know how to defend an argument. Again, megalomaniacal.

    Call him Thrasymachus and call me Socrates. (If you read their argument, Thrasymachus could have actually defeated Socrates if he only knew how to argue. He made good points just didn't know how to back them up properly, or derail Socrates's method of derailment).

  4. #24
    Cheeseburgers freeeekyyy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by idkman24 View Post
    I knew that I wasn't using the greatest form of argument, but I know I don't have to with him. He claims to have an IQ in the 140s BECAUSE I have an IQ in the 140s. I know, when arguing with him, I can take shortcuts because he doesn't really know how to defend an argument. Again, megalomaniacal.

    Call him Thrasymachus and call me Socrates. (If you read their argument, Thrasymachus could have actually defeated Socrates if he only knew how to argue. He made good points just didn't know how to back them up properly, or derail Socrates's method of derailment).
    So he's always trying to one-up you, then? Sounds like a corrosive friendship...
    You lose.

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  5. #25
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by idkman24 View Post
    @Amargith, your response makes plenty of sense to me

    IDK if we are friendemies or what we are. I think if the geography wasn't a given, we'd be AT MOST friends that see each other only once in a while. Even our interests are drastically different. Have been forever. I had a Taiwanese friend back in middle school, and he and I bonded over our love of basketball. I remember this friend getting jealous because he saw me wanting to hang out with my Taiwanese friend more than I wanted to hang out with him.

    He moved away.

    Frankly, my INTJ friend's entire family is messed up. His twin sister is on drugs and she has the emotional and mental maturity of a 14 year old, the mom is a stressed out mess, and the dad is not what I'd call a man. I remember trying to unite my Taiwanese friend and my INTJ friend, so I brought him over to the INTJ friend's house. His mom warned him that "he isn't to be trusted, he'd steal from you if he had the chance." Nothing to do with him being Taiwanese, but I think it had more to do with him being my best friend.

    Now, fast forward to today. Like I said, I have a degree from a prestigious university, and actually turned down a few offers because they were corporate or I didn't trust the company's philosophy. I have been accepted into a medical program and deferred a year so I can check out the job market. In casual conversation with INTJ's mom, I told her how I wanted to find a proper job and hated the search. Her response? "Yeah right. You don't want a job. You want to sit at home where mom and dad feed you and pay your bills." She has equated me with her son who hasn't accomplished even a toenail of what I have accomplished. Even in my spare time, I do math problems, read, and write FOR FUN because I don't want my brain to go to waste. This is in addition to the 3-4 hours I spend daily looking for a career.

    With that being said, I think I've found the organization for me in Teach for America.
    That sounds like a perfect fit for you. You're a 3w2, I see, and I recognise that 3 drive ( I have one at home).

    Thank you for understanding my reply.

    I do relate to how you feel. It sounds like your INTJ friend has...some things to figure out before he can become what he says he wants to become. While it is certainly not your job to make him achieve anything in life, keep in mind that this 'dreaming' may be his only escape from the bleak reality you just shared he lives in. I'm not saying you should indulge him, but I know first hand that Fi doesn't respond well to being crushed like that.

    Ultimately, it is up to you to decide what you want to put up with from him, as it is your life as well, and it sounds like you have it figured out. He more than likely is probably...balking at that a bit, as much as he may be happy for you as well. It's..more than he has. From what little you've told us though, it would be a kindness to allow him his dreams, not rip them apart and let him work through what he needs to work through. To allow him his hope, as it is what keeps him going at this point. Yes, he needs someone to push him but I fear a different approach may be called for - again, this is not your job and I aint saying it should be - especially if you want to remain friends without frustrating the crap out of each other or worse - hampering each others growth.

    All in all, I wouldn't want to be in his shoes. Nor would I want to deal with the amount of frustration you unfortunately have to put up with in order to be his friend. The choice of maintaining the closeness, frequency and paying overal cost of this friendship is yours though
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  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by freeeekyyy View Post
    So he's always trying to one-up you, then? Sounds like a corrosive friendship...
    Exactly.

    I made a reference to him. There is an ENTP girl that I've been crushing on for almost a year, and that ended recently (she and I don't talk much anymore. I admitted I liked her and told her I refused to be her friend. We got in a pretty heated discussion a few days ago, but that's another story for another time. She was in an Si "low," so to speak, and she was telling me how, essentially, if she could control who she liked and get out of her 4 yr long love triangle, she'd probably consider dating me. I lost it). He told me he doesn't understand why I like her so much, and doesn't understand the fact that I like the super mental stimulation and mind stimulation (he calls his ISFJ girlfriend "smart," and I know better than to comment on it, but she's dumber than a rock). I told him during our argument yesterday that those were the types of arguments ENTP and I used to have, and she'd be able to take ALL his points and actually formulate an argument that I'd have trouble arguing against. THAT'S when he got hostile (I essentially calling her smarter than him -- heaven forbid. But she is. She even told me she was thinking about joining MENSA, but decided it was all pretentious. She has an IQ in 150s).

    Another point of argument. He likes to very subtly compare his ISFJ girlfriend to my ENTP "crush." When we aren't arguing, he'll say "whatever man, I have a cute girlfriend." She is VERY, VERY cute, but comes with a LOT of baggage and emotional issues. I know better not to say anything about it. He told me that I should "go for girls that actually like me." I told him the chase and challenge was half the fun. He said that was immature of ME. By his logic, I should settle for a girl that's cute regardless of whether I feel as if she isn't my equal.

    And then, there are the times when I call him and tell him about something that is bothering me. He is my best friend after all. Then, his ISFJ girlfriend will end up on the phone giving me her little 19 year old "advice." I told him off for this, and he didn't understand why it was such a big deal and even claimed that "she knows how to handle the situation even better than I (meaning me) do."

    With Teach for America, I'm moving to the other side of the country. Maybe that'll mark the end of this friendship. New people, new relationships, new experiences, new, new, new.

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    That sounds like a perfect fit for you. You're a 3w2, I see, and I recognise that 3 drive ( I have one at home).

    Thank you for understanding my reply.

    I do relate to how you feel. It sounds like your INTJ friend has...some things to figure out before he can become what he says he wants to become. While it is certainly not your job to make him achieve anything in life, keep in mind that this 'dreaming' may be his only escape from the bleak reality you just shared he lives in. I'm not saying you should indulge him, but I know first hand that Fi doesn't respond well to being crushed like that.

    Ultimately, it is up to you to decide what you want to put up with from him, as it is your life as well, and it sounds like you have it figured out. He more than likely is probably...balking at that a bit, as much as he may be happy for you as well. It's..more than he has. From what little you've told us though, it would be a kindness to allow him his dreams, not rip them apart and let him work through what he needs to work through. To allow him his hope, as it is what keeps him going at this point. Yes, he needs someone to push him but I fear a different approach may be called for - again, this is not your job and I aint saying it should be - especially if you want to remain friends without frustrating the crap out of each other or worse - hampering each others growth.

    All in all, I wouldn't want to be in his shoes. Nor would I want to deal with the amount of frustration you unfortunately have to put up with in order to be his friend. The choice of maintaining the closeness, frequency and paying overal cost of this friendship is yours though
    Yeah, I understand that all as well. I get that Fi doesn't like to be squashed like I did there.

    To be honest, Fi may be my least favorite of the functions. I think in more mature people it's more of a self-absorbed thing (which can be tolerated) but in younger people, it comes off as self-centered.

    I've lost a friend recently who was an aux-Fi user. I would talk about something to him, and he'd dismiss it based on his OWN feelings as if HIS feelings were the universal feeling. Also, my dad is an ISTJ, and (maybe this is a combo of TeFi) he likes to make decisions for me, and he HATES that I want to leave this side of the country because he feels as if I need to be coddled and protected. A LOT of Fi users in my life, I would just like to say "think of someone other than yourself. Try and walk in someone else's shoes." My dad also doesn't understand why I would want to live on a lower income, in a lower income area JUST to help other people. He knows I have the capacity to make 6-digits by the age of 27 or 28, and he doesn't understand why that doesn't interest me in the slightest.

    And I don't want to get started on my ISFP mother.....

    Of course, I'm not saying Fi users are BAD people. Not at all. I just think that, when isolated, Fi is very confined to oneself. People can't think outside of themselves. And I do think there are times that we DO "use" ONLY one function at a time.

    Thank goodness there are 3 other functions though.

    This is part of the reason that I tell people that I'm not going to seriously date til I'm in my late 20s. I love ENTPs, but not in their "lack of Fe" state in early 20s (which I'm dealing with now with a current love interest that I'm trying to get rid of. Gatdamn my INFJness.....it's taking way too long).

  8. #28
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    *slaps you on the shoulder*

    Oh my, do stick around. Read the Fe vs Fi archives on this forum. Learn. We'll have you reluctantly admitting Fi aint so bad after all, in no time

    Fwiw, I felt the same about Fe at your age. Vehemently so. And in my...lesser moments, I still fondly remember that feeling. And don't even get me started on Ti

    Still, all functions have their merit...and once you unlock their secrets, life will suddenly be a lot less frustrating, I promise

    Until that time, feel free to vent here. You clearly do need it and it might just help you sort out your head a bit so you can blow off steam and deal with life, head on
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  9. #29
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    tbh I would rather have him as friend than you after all this ranting
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  10. #30
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    That post seemed convoluted to be honest.

    The creator of Glee also created Nip/Tuck which seemed aimed a bit more towards a male audience.

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