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  1. #1
    Member Elaine's Avatar
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    Default INTJs and compassion

    Like I said in my previous thread, as a kid, I liked helping people. It was to such a degree that my helpfullness seemed both weird and funny to others( like I said, I was rather naive and socially unaccustomed at that time, since I didn' t go to kindergarden because of weak health) , no one how can I be so introverted and quiet, yet so protective of others. Even then I wasn' t the feely and outgoing type, but compassion was one of the feelings I felt more often. My ultimate goal I was ready to fight for was to help people. I even wanted to become a doctor one time so I could materialise my wish. While other girls were dreaming of princes and romance, my main roles in child games were a benevolent doctor and an independent space traveller who helps everyone and does heroic stuff( I didn' t need a prince or a hero who would save me, I wanted to save everyone myself) . Yet, some events in my life occured that made me understand that not everyone deserves help, and most people are rather ungrateful for your help. I tried to destroy this " helper syndrome" inside me, yet it couldn' t go away completely. Feeling isn' t my primary function of world perception, I prefer logic, and most of time I feel nothing, things seem too minor to feel something about them. Yet when something triggers my feeling, it' s really intense, like a volcano. And though I managed to make the compassion grow weaker, and I don' t feel it as much as I used to, but it' s not something I could completely erase from my personality. And though like I said, I' m not the feely type, I rarely feel something, and I managed to partially weaken it, it still remains one of my most often felt and most intense feelings. I don' t feel other feelings much, just this one is stuck in my head since early chilhood! Like, when I see a movie, I start pitying someone terrible, I put on the stoic mask I use for such situations, but inside I want to say " C' mon let me heal you, cheer you up and give you some tea! " ( Yeah, i know it sounds lame. Maybe the reason I feel it towards the fictional characters more often is because they' re not as bitchy as real life humans. ) . What I' m asking is that can it happen to a T, if so, how common is it? And how to deal with it?

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaine View Post
    Yet, some events in my life occured that made me understand that not everyone deserves help, and most people are rather ungrateful for your help.
    The urge to assist is very strong in me also. Not so much from a gut feeling but because my drive for effectiveness and efficiency means I want to solve problems whenever I see it. What I learned in life though is that unless help is asked for it's often resented as interference. INTJs can come across as controlling and interfering if their help is not asked for. Not everyone thinks our solutions are the best ones (even if we think they are the most effective) and people do resent not being allowed to deal with their problems in their own ways. And they have every right to do so. I have to limit my urge to assist now to my own life and everyone around me is much happier for it.

    I have discovered that people often find me intimidating, which blows my mind, since I know myself to be one of the least intimidating people around. But there's something about my look or vibe which just makes them defensive. So I never help now unless it's asked for.
    My mother is an ENFP and she always feels under the gun when we are together. Even though I try not to even comment on anything and just congratulate her on her successes.

    I think T types often have the urge to meddle, we can't help it. Our mind is set up to solve problems and it doesn't matter who's problems they are. Strong T orientation can run roughshod over the human factors involved because we can only see the end result of our fixes and have trouble understanding that the end does not justify the means, always.

  3. #3
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    @uumlau had a thread on a similar topic awhile ago which might be of interest.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  4. #4
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    @uumlau had a thread on a similar topic awhile ago which might be of interest.
    That IS a good thread Thank you.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Ene's Avatar
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    This thread and the one that Coriolis linked to, make me doubt my INFJ-ness. The deciding factor for me between the two was that I identified with the compassion and therefore believed I couldn't possibly be an INTJ but now...I'm not so sure. You girls have caused me to doubt my type.

    This is me, too, I have discovered that people often find me intimidating, which blows my mind, since I know myself to be one of the least intimidating people around. But there's something about my look or vibe which just makes them defensive. Many people have told me that I am intimidating. I don't ever try to be or want to be. Yet, I get that from a lot of people.
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14

  6. #6
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    It doesn't seem like INTJs openly prioritize compassion all that often. If one feels it, I think they're more likely to express it in a very unorthodox way; I imagine resentment might build up more for them if those gestures are unrequited by a considerable number of people who don't see things the way they do.

  7. #7
    Cheeseburgers freeeekyyy's Avatar
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    People's well-being matters to me, but I don't always show it. People misunderstand INTJs in general in that way I think. It's not that they don't feel, it's just difficult to express it; it's repressed.
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  8. #8
    Senior Member danseen's Avatar
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    Even as an NT, I hate logic and largely act on whim.

    Even then, I think I'm quite compassionate and will always lend a helping hand/comfort when required.

    And yes, not everybody welcomes help or is grateful, but meh, people are of different temperaments or are self-serving, so it's just sometimes I understand about our grand species lol.

  9. #9
    Senior Member danseen's Avatar
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    Even as an NT, I hate logic and largely act on whim.

    Even then, I think I'm quite compassionate and will always lend a helping hand/comfort when required.

    And yes, not everybody welcomes help or is grateful, but meh, people are of different temperaments or are self-serving, so it's just sometimes I understand about our grand species lol.

  10. #10
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ginkgo View Post
    It doesn't seem like INTJs openly prioritize compassion all that often. If one feels it, I think they're more likely to express it in a very unorthodox way; I imagine resentment might build up more for them if those gestures are unrequited by a considerable number of people who don't see things the way they do.
    I think we tend to express our compassion through actions rather than words or emotional expression. Moreover, when I act out of compassion, it is with no expectation of thanks or other return. I do it because I see a need and realize I am able to meet it. I am disappointed only when the person somehow doesn't reap the benefit of my actions.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

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